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PREVIOUSLY: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #3 - (Script)
THE UNIVERSE - DEAD! - Rated M
DEATH: That’s right, baby.
Close up on the TV monitor. Deadpool and Deathstroke caught in a swordfight, swords clashing together. They’re in the middle of a formerly crowded city street.
Death, close up on her eye socket.
DEADPOOL: So, question.
Pull back. The blackness is the tumor on the sun, from Earth’s perspective. It’s gotten that much bigger.
Close up on Deadpool and Deathstroke caught at the sword with each other.
DEADPOOL: You know I’m gonna win, right?
DEATHSTROKE: Excuse me?
DEADPOOL: I’m. Gonna. Win.
DEADPOOL: This is my story, pal. How do you think any of the heroes lost to me?
DEADPOOL: How do you think I killed them?
DEATHSTROKE: Dumb luck.
DEADPOOL: Wrong. I got the forces of nature on my side. It’s fate. Love. Death. Mostly Death. She’s guiding me, Stroke. So I can see her again.
DEADPOOL: She wants the D, dude.
DEATHSTROKE: Whatever excuse for dumb luck makes you feel better, Pool.
Deathstroke pulls out a pistol and shoots Deadpool in the gut.
Deadpool falls to one knee, katana in hand, his wound in the other.
DEADPOOL: New question.
Deathstroke, standing triumphant, sword raised over his head with two hands.
Side shot of the two of them. Deadpool looking up at Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: Do you hear that beeping sound?
Deathstroke looks up at his sword. There’s a tiny bomb attached to the hilt.
A small explosion covers where Deathstroke is. Deadpool is walking away.
DEADPOOL: Trick question.
DEADPOOL: Beeps are cliché, Stroke.
Deathstroke’s hand holding a pistol comes out of the smoke cloud.
DEATHSTROKE: Never turn your back to me.
Deadpool ducks to the left, behind a parked car, avoiding the gunshot.
Deathstroke sheathes his sword, and with his other hand, sheathes his pistol.
DEATHSTROKE: You’re pathetic.
Deadpool tosses a grenade from the back of the car.
DEADPOOL: Well, you’re a jerkface!
Deathstroke walks through the grenade’s explosion.
DEATHSTROKE: Is that all?
From Deathstroke’s point of view. Deadpool has popped open the trunk of the car.
DEADPOOL: Yeah! I also got…
Deadpool’s slammed the trunk shut. He’s holding a rifle.
DEADPOOL: The handy-dandy NRA car! The one NRA car in a huge blue-state city!
DEADPOOL: See? Fate, man!
Deadpool holds up a remote.
DEADPOOL: Oh, and my remote controlled Deadpool-Mobile-Truck.
Deadpool’s finger on a button.
DEADPOOL: AUTOPILOT MODE: COME TO PAPA!
Deathstroke looks around. Deadpool stands there, focused on Deathstroke.
DEADPOOL: Give it a second.
Deathstroke looking over at Deadpool.
DEATHSTROKE: Is this a joke?
DEADPOOL: Just a second more.
Deathstroke, still standing there.
DEATHSTROKE: You know what your problem is?
DEATHSTROKE: You never take anything seriously.
The Deadpool-mobile-truck slams into Deathstroke at full speed.
Deadpool walking toward the front of the Deadpool-mobile-truck. He’s at the back in this shot. He’s dropped the rifle.
DEADPOOL: Yeah, well, you’re roadkill.
Deadpool kneeling down next to a toppled Deathstroke. The armor is barely affected, but it’s slightly noticeable.
DEADPOOL: About what you said.
Deadpool rips off Deathstroke’s mask.
DEADPOOL: You were right, Stroke.
Deadpool ripping off his mask.
DEADPOOL: I’m a nothing.
Wade, unmasked, his mutilated face on full display, holding a pistol to Slade’s head.
WADE: Guess what? I may be a nothing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass.
SLADE: I’m still better.
WADE: What a funny coincidence!
WADE: I don’t give a f**k.
Slade grabs Wade’s wrist, holding the pistol. The pistol fires up instead of in Slade’s face.
The entire front of the Deadpool-mobile-truck starts to lift up, Slade in his armor supporting it, holding Wade by the wrist.
SLADE: I’m… better… than you…
Slade stands, the entire Deadpool-mobile-truck falls to the side.
Wade holds up a hunting knife with his free hand.
WADE: You’re not stronger, jerkface.
WADE: The suit did the work.
Wade tries to jam the hunting knife in Slade’s throat, but Slade catches his other wrist with his free hand.
WADE: Me, I’ve just got SPANDEX!
WADE: Going commando, too, if that’s any extra points.
Slade headbutts Wade.
Wade falls onto his back. Slade once again stands triumphant.
Slade pulls out a pistol.
SLADE: I won’t let you kill me, Wade.
SLADE: I don’t have fate or Death on my side. Just me.
SLADE: And it’s all I need.
Wade rolls to the side when Slade fires.
WADE: Yo, cyclops, ya missed!
Slade aims his pistol again.
SLADE: Stay still!
Slade’s gun is cut in half by Wade’s kryptonite katana.
WADE: COME ON!
Slade blocks the next strike with his sword.
WADE: You know me better than that!
Slade and Wade are caught by the sword again.
WADE: We have simply GOT to stop meeting like—GR—this!
Wade glaring at Slade.
WADE: Dude, come on! GIVE UP!
Slade glaring at Wade.
SLADE: BITE ME.
Wade looks down.
Wade shoots Slade in the mouth with his other hand. It doesn’t go through his head, but we don’t see clearly through the blood and the shot.
Slade backs away from Wade, holding his face.
WADE: Never chew with your mouth full. It’s bad manners.
Slade has a hole in his cheeks, the bullet went through his mouth.
SLADE: You… missed…
Wade looks annoyed.
WADE: Okay, this is just getting silly.
Slade runs at Wade.
12.1 Splash Page
Wade shoots Slade in the head.
WADE: Told you I’d win.
The sun starts to slowly grow darker and darker, as the tumor expands, veins of darkness forming.
Wade looking up at the sun, shadows start to form over the city street.
WADE: So… is it done?
Wade looks at the empty street.
WADE: … hello?
WADE: Where are you?
Wade stands alone in the street, darkness begins to fall.
WADE: … darling?
Wade looks down at his pistol.
WADE: Don’t tell me… I did all of this… all of these horrible things, for nothing, darling…
WADE: Please don’t.
Wade looks up, happy.
DEATH: Of course not.
Death stands in the street, her arms open.
DEATH: Come on.
DEATH: Give us a kiss.
Wade runs toward Death.
DEATH: You’ve earned it.
15.1 Splash Page
Wade kissing Death.
Wade stands alone, against a background of pure darkness.
WADE: … Babe?
WADE: Where’d you go?
DEATH: I’m here, darling. I’m here.
WADE: I thought you abandoned me.
DEATH: Of course not. Of course not.
Wade looking around in the void.
WADE: Then what’s up?
WADE: Why did you send me there? Why not… just, I dunno--
DEATH: I’ve figured out a solution to our problem, darling.
DEATH: You’ll just love it.
DEATH: Our relationship cannot be.
DEATH: On a personal level.
DEATH: We must be professional!
DEATH: Forces of reality, working together.
Wade looking toward the black.
WADE: What’s that supposed to mean?
DEATH: You are now so much more than just a man.
DEATH: So much more than Wade Wilson, than Deadpool.
Wade is suddenly thrown to the “ground” in the black.
DEATH: You are the OMNIVERSAL CANCER.
DEATH: DEADPOOL, THE UNIVERSE KILLER!
WADE: But… I didn’t…
DEATH: Isn’t it great?
DEATH: Find your mirror, take them out, the universe collapses! We get hanky panky time, rinse and repeat!
WADE: I wanted… more than that…
DEATH: Oh, you silly man.
DEATH: Now, get ready.
Wade isn’t in the void anymore. He’s in a forest, in the night.
DEATH: You’re in a new universe.
DEATH: You must kill it, darling.
DEATH: Then we can be together once more.
Wade stands up, looking around.
DEATH: Good luck.
Wade looks down at the forest floor. His Deadpool mask is there.
DEATH: And don’t forget your mask.
Wade puts on his Deadpool mask.
Deadpool wanders through the forest. Angry and alone.
Deadpool continues to wander through the forest.
DEATH: And so, the killer’s journey began anew.
DEATH: He would consider it a punishment, for his own awful actions.
DEATH: I would consider it a gift.
Death watches over Deadpool, looking in on him through a patch of blackness in the void that has opened up, to show him. Like a crystal ball.
DEATH: The universe he resides in now is similar to the last.
DEATH: Although, far more prosperous. It belongs to a section of universes that may or may not be entirely lost, soon enough.
Death looks closely at Deadpool.
DEATH: This is merely a scouting mission, a chance to see if the universe will reject him like the last, as is the order of things, or bow to destruction.
Focus in on Deadpool in the forest. He’s opening up a bush with his hands, to see what’s on the other side.
DEATH: Only time will tell.
20.1 Splash Page
Deadpool peers in on a tribe of Ewoks eating dinner around a campfire.
CAPTION: STAR WARS “EXTENDED UNIVERSE.”
SUB-CAPTION: FOREST MOON OF ENDOR.
DEADPOOL: GODDAMMIT, WALT.