I Hate This Day.

I hate this day, if I am truly capable of hate anymore. It is a reminder of how I have wasted another year, dragging myself through a fiery hell of my own creation. Too many wasted dreams and visions; moreover, am I deserving of them if they are to be wasted? This day comes every year, reminding me I have wasted a new one among those collected from my life. I am reminded of my unpopularity and how I am so generic. A recurring vision of a destiny flashes before my eyes; indeed, it is the one I dread the most. Whatever remains of hope and beauty in me is lost. I see a future where I am nothing and have benefited none. There is only disappointment from what is left screaming in me and those who misplaced their trust in an unworthy person such as I. What mistake have those fools committed How could I let myself make such mistakes, leading to their ultimate loss? Nothing good or extraordinary happens on this day. If only it would never begin.

Consumed by my darkness, this day has reminded me of who I am. It is said, in Buddhism, that you should accept your fate. I am forced to accept it everyday, but this day simply reminds me of how futile my rebellious hope is in the face of my abyss. Many do not know what this day's connection to me is, and the few who have such knowledge tell me to celebrate it. But none have knowledge of what is in my mind, or what feelings I hide. Pain, regret, guilt, envy, and many others; this is what I hide from all. Broken pieces, no cleavage, just uneven and dull. Whatever I have, someone should have gotten. They would have known how to play their crappy cards wisely. Such a thing is impossible for me.

Maybe this day is innocent, and I am the offender with no right. Next year, this day will occur once more, as it is annual. My only knowledge is that these feelings will keep on growing as time grows with them. There is no escape, not for me. Live a happy life, I am sure that you deserve it.

February 26, a curse branded deep in my soul. But it is who I am, and that will never change.

38 Comments
38 Comments
Posted by InnerVenom123

ok

Posted by KnightRise

Once you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. It gets better, honestly.

Posted by TotalBalance

Get the wrong flavor of birthday cake?

Posted by redbird3rdboywonder

......... Uhhh welll I don't know

Online
Posted by Nelomaxwell

 
If you sleep on the floor, you can't fall off t the bed, bruh.

Edited by INLIFE

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

Posted by TheJester

I can honestly say I don't know how to respond to this. You leave us no idea of why you hate this day, therefore we can't offer any helpful advice or real encouraging comments whatsoever. Is today your birthday? Is today a day that somehting simply happened that made you depressed? Do you want to be helped through this, or do you merely want pity? I really would like to offer advice or help you out some way, but that's impossible without information my friend.

Posted by cameron83

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

......you're making me depressed.I really can't tell if you're lying or telling the truth,but I'm betting more on the latter.

Posted by TotalBalance

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

You don't need to be celebrating to eat cake, cake is tasty regardless of your mood (unless the cake is the wrong flavor).

Edited by INLIFE

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

You don't need to be celebrating to eat cake, cake is tasty regardless of your mood (unless the cake is the wrong flavor).

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

@TheJester:

I think the first paragraph explained very well what I have against this day.

I am not looking to be helped through this, or to acquire pity. There is some enjoyment in writing my thoughts out, it gives me hope that I can write good literature without losing all of my mind flow. I would use Microsoft Word, but my computer writes from right to left. It is a big mess. The most interesting prospect is seeing how people respond to what I write. It helps me better understand the people on the Vine. There are good people here and it is good knowing that.

To be honest, I don't expect any responses since I rarely get any on here or the real world. Most of what I write goes down the drain, like my recently written Random thoughts-0.

Again, I just like writing these blog things. Only website where I do it.

Posted by TotalBalance

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

You don't need to be celebrating to eat cake, cake is tasty regardless of your mood (unless the cake is the wrong flavor).

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

Similar to how you keep staring at your life passing you by with no desire to change it?

Posted by cameron83

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

You don't need to be celebrating to eat cake, cake is tasty regardless of your mood (unless the cake is the wrong flavor).

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

Similar to how you keep staring at your life passing you by with no desire to change it?

Edited by INLIFE

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance:

Didn't eat it or want it. Nothing to celebrate. Predictably, my father and mother were arguing and insulting each other when they were making it. My father is not a team player.

You don't need to be celebrating to eat cake, cake is tasty regardless of your mood (unless the cake is the wrong flavor).

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

Similar to how you keep staring at your life passing you by with no desire to change it?

Oh, I have desire, trust me on that. Just not a strong enough will. Main reason why I can't become a good Green Lantern. Next to the fact that I am still not an American citizen, yet.

I am starting some projects at a slow pace, but better than the prior, which is none.

@cameron83 said:

I respect this.

Posted by TotalBalance

@INLIFE: If you want something enough desire is no different than will, both will push you to your destination. In all honesty I think you are doing something I did a lot. You say you desire it but you really don't, similar to me in classes I didn't like, I would always say I wanted to do better and that I would work harder, then 5 hours later I would turn on the TV and forget about it. True desire manifests itself constantly and is ever pushing you towards your goal. My guess is you just haven't found something you truly love and can fully devote yourself to, (your favorite flavor of cake to say it more metaphorically).

Posted by InnerVenom123

@INLIFE said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

did you sell your soul to the devil

Posted by cameron83

@InnerVenom123 said:

@INLIFE said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

did you sell your soul to the devil

I did!

Posted by InnerSuperman

@INLIFE:

i once jacked off on a park bench outside a little league baseball game.

hope i cheered you up a bit.

Posted by InnerVenom123

@InnerSuperman said:

i once jacked off on a park bench outside a little league baseball game.

Posted by AllStarSuperman

@InnerVenom123 said:

@InnerSuperman said:

i once jacked off on a park bench outside a little league baseball game.

hahahaha gross but funny!

Online
Edited by sesquipedalophobe

Something tells me you're having a bad day, so I offer only these tips:

  • Scrapbooking
  • Crocheting hats
  • Alterations to inferior-brand clothing
  • Jogging/running
  • Listening to H.I.M.'s Razorblade Romance album
  • Awkward hugs, ignoring high fives
  • Puppy breath
  • Outgaying everyone
  • Tell a Walmart cashier, "I don't want to save money and live better. I just want to live."
  • Crying alone in a corner
Posted by danhimself

uhhhhhh....Happy Birthday?

Online
Posted by danhimself
Online
Posted by FalconPuuunch

@INLIFE: This will cheer you up! :)

Happy birthday btw! (if it is your birthday) Mine was the 24th.

Posted by sesquipedalophobe

I want to live in this thread forever.

Posted by Violens
Edited by PrinceAragorn1

@INLIFE said:

@TotalBalance said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

...You definitely need help.

Posted by ARMIV2

Oh, this is a scene I am actually familiar with for such is the case with me and the coming of summer. It began and lasted most of 2003, died for a bit, then came to life again during my early teens. Tragedy and personal weakness triggered my defeat, and I still struggle with it. I don't know the catalyst of your disdain for the 26th, but try not to let the ghosts of whatever may be keep you from achieving greater than you are. Please.

Posted by INLIFE

Thanks guys!! Like seriously, I thought this would go down the drain.....Like everything else I write.

@InnerVenom123 said:

@INLIFE said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

did you sell your soul to the devil

No, I tried though. The dude just doesn't exist. Another probability is that it/he/she dislikes or hates me.

Posted by King Saturn
I hate this day too... it's a reminder that Black History Month is almost over... and most n!ggas will forget about African American History until Feb 2014... 
Edited by TotalBalance

@INLIFE said:

Thanks guys!! Like seriously, I thought this would go down the drain.....Like everything else I write.

@InnerVenom123 said:

@INLIFE said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

did you sell your soul to the devil

No, I tried though. The dude just doesn't exist. Another probability is that it/he/she dislikes or hates me.

All you have to work on is that part of your attitude, with that out of he way I am sure things will start working better. If I may ask you said earlier in the thread you were slowly working on a project, if it is not too personal, what does said project involve?

Posted by Dark_Vengeance_

The irony of this thread being bumped at the same time as the THIS, this made my day trhead.

Posted by cameron83

@King Saturn said:

I hate this day too... it's a reminder that Black History Month is almost over... and most n!ggas will forget about African American History until Feb 2014...

damn...that's actually true.But those are just the people with the dumb ghetto mentality that don't see that black history is the celebration of heritage,something all can celebrate.I guess many of them completely forgot....god damn is it the 27th already?

Well anyway,when is spanish heritage month?

@INLIFE: Glad to hear,dude! :)

Edited by Blood1991

@INLIFE: Damn that was depressing....,

Look man I can't say I know you or what you've been through, but I don't think you should give up on yourself. We don't get to quit until we're dead. No ifs ands or buts. So maybe try to reflect on things you can do to better your self in your eyes or explore your options abit. We're never truly stuck, there are always choices..

Posted by INLIFE

@TotalBalance said:

@INLIFE said:

Thanks guys!! Like seriously, I thought this would go down the drain.....Like everything else I write.

@InnerVenom123 said:

@INLIFE said:

Cake has never appealed to me in any way. I can keep on staring at it without desire.

did you sell your soul to the devil

No, I tried though. The dude just doesn't exist. Another probability is that it/he/she dislikes or hates me.

All you have to work on is that part of your attitude, with that out of he way I am sure things will start working better. If I may ask you said earlier in the thread you were slowly working on a project, if it is not too personal, what does said project involve?

Making an indie video game Youtube channel, against all odds.......

Here is what you need to get started:

  • A good gaming PC. (Check)
  • Download UDK -Unreal Development Kit- on PC. (Still...)
  • Download Blender- Completely free for modeling, animation- (Still...)
  • Get knowledge of programming, modeling, animation, texturing, and much more (Not happening anytime soon, but I have taken a start up simple JAVA programming course. I am sure I can use tutorials online and documentation.)
  • Unleash my creativity, what I constantly imprison within my mind, and feel happy because of that. (That's the actual goal :).... I have been trying for a while to find an outlet for the things I think about. Videogames, ingame engine movies, and books are the best options.

I see games and their features now days, leaving me only with disappointment. Do I just see the world differently? I now that I can revolutinze things, like the video game industry, if I just have the opportunity.

But see, that is what I realized.........I will not get a chance by waiting, but by doing something. Hence, Youtube channel for development.

To be honest, I had this really cool idea to honor and represent the people here on Comicvine. But I can not share it until I know that I am prepared and skilled enough.....

Posted by TotalBalance

@INLIFE: I have always been told my imagination was "too" active, as I typically like simply retreating into my mind and imagining alternate histories and far-fetched futures. I have always found my best outlet for creativity to be one of two things, the first is drawing which I do a lot. I would not consider myself a very good artist but since I draw so much I would say that I am decent. The second outlet is literally just laying down and thinking for an hour, wondering about all the many interesting things in the world. I must admit designing games and in particular programming is something I have never had talent for, If a game isn't working and I need to edit some code I need to be told where it is and what needs to be written. Beyond that I am useless, if you told me to try and create a game I would not even know where to start. Best of luck with your project.

Posted by King Saturn
@cameron83 said:

@King Saturn said:

I hate this day too... it's a reminder that Black History Month is almost over... and most n!ggas will forget about African American History until Feb 2014...

damn...that's actually true.But those are just the people with the dumb ghetto mentality that don't see that black history is the celebration of heritage,something all can celebrate.I guess many of them completely forgot....god damn is it the 27th already?

Well anyway,when is spanish heritage month?

@INLIFE: Glad to hear,dude! :)

it's more than just dumb ghetto mentality black folks... even some of your average african americans will do the same thing... it's sad, but hey that's life.
Posted by cameron83

@King Saturn said:

@cameron83 said:

@King Saturn said:

I hate this day too... it's a reminder that Black History Month is almost over... and most n!ggas will forget about African American History until Feb 2014...

damn...that's actually true.But those are just the people with the dumb ghetto mentality that don't see that black history is the celebration of heritage,something all can celebrate.I guess many of them completely forgot....god damn is it the 27th already?

Well anyway,when is spanish heritage month?

@INLIFE: Glad to hear,dude! :)

it's more than just dumb ghetto mentality black folks... even some of your average african americans will do the same thing... it's sad, but hey that's life.

I know...it's just one of those things you gotta accept.But some other people of some other races do it on their important days,with birthdays,anniversaries,etc.

It's just how humans are.Some things are just more of a priority to us than others.

Posted by INLIFE

@TotalBalance:

Thank you for your encouragement. I still lack a great deal of knowledge about who I am and what I am capable of when it comes to endeavors. As a matter of fact, I have considered what you have said about developing video games. The same has been going through my mind, but I am sure that I will not face any problems. If I do, I will overcome them using my nature and strategic planning (Yes, I am using that.) I have learned to fix old photos simply by teaching myself at random. There is hope in me that the same will apply to my goals.

I presume that you are a fan of the Hitman series from your photo.....I have a been a fan since I held in my hands Codename: 47 years ago. Absolution was even better than what I expected, but I was still disappointed. They currently believe that the Hitman games need to be small to attract more gamer and simply have a better product.

I am a nice person and quite sure that they are good developers, but I must disrespectfully disagree and curse their idiocy.

Here are ideas for the next game (probably won't happen):

  • A reputation system. Depending on what happens in the mission, the player will have his own identity in the world. This will allow him to extract information, increase people's fear, or get himself killed because he is too well known.
  • An engaging, and badass story outside of the U.S. After the agency's extreme loses, newer organizations are piling up to fill the gap. Also, powerful international criminal forces possess influence among the agencies. You are 47, attempting to navigate and prosper through this dangerous world. The world is open to you as you meet and assassinate the most dangerous and powerful people on the planet in this ruthless.
  • Customization of load outs. With the more money you make, you can buy and upgrade weapons as well as tools, armor, and other supplies. There are rare things in the world to collect; they will grant you rewards for your efforts.
  • Side- Missions. There should be one or two side missions in every single main mission. Maybe you have to recover something, or kill an additional targets like in Contracts.
  • Info purchase. You can buy info if you do not fully trust your abilities.
  • Large, open missions. Yes, bring back the large missions. Info and faction renown will help you if any assistance is required.
  • New Disguise System. Unless you do suspicious activity, you can do whatever what you want. However, when you are near an area that you are not allowed in, they will become suspicious. If you were a disguise with a mask, the same applies since your duty and position will determine where you will be least suspicious. There should areas with different suspicion levels. I Am Sick Of Rolling From Cover To Cover So Somebody Ahead Of Me Won't Be Suspicious. I Want To Walk Like An Ordinary Man.

I have so much more in my mind, this is less than 2% and is not even that detailed.