By Icarusflies 55 Comments
Okay, I've been putting this off for a long time now, but I think it's finally time to call it quits.
It's been an incredible few years. Originally, I RPGed to escape the misery my life had become. Before you all cry 'melodramatic', let me just specify that I was stuck at home, desperately sick, basically unable to leave, for a YEAR. Having just started high school, I had no friends, and no energy to spend time with them even if I had them. While comic books had consumed my world, they weren't enough. Comic Vine was a saving grace since I could interact with people who shared similar interests without leaving my home or exhausting myself. It took a while, but eventually I found the RPG section. A whole new world opened. I learned how to write. I created worlds. It was freeing, it was exhilarating. I looked forward to getting up each day to write.
Gradually I got better, my illness became manageable. I went back to school, and made friends. I still spent all my free time writing. I decided I wanted to be a writer professionally. I finally began to make my mark on the RPG world. People knew who I was. I won the best writer award one year. I was relevant.
My posts became longer and more intricate. It took more time, more energy to craft each one. I became unsatisfied by the short posts I used to make, the posts devoid of intricacies and tangents.
I advanced to the semi-finals of the KOV. I was devastated when I lost.
I did some fan-fic writing, just to see if I could.
Time passed. I was not as active. I had a real life now, and it exhausted me. I did not have the focus or the time for the kind of all-consuming writing I had been able to put forth. I felt myself a failure for being unable to produce as much. People still remembered me, but not as anyone who mattered.
I started working on independent projects, largely in outline form.
I advanced to the finals of the KOV. I became interested in expanding my own mythos. I began to have difficulty working other people into my stories. I knew what I wanted to happen. But once I structured the story for myself, I lost interest. Real life kept knocking me down. I had recurrent illness.
I took creative writing in school. I loved it, of course. Having the structured deadlines, the prompts, inspired me.
I tried to show my teacher some of my comic writing, but he complained. He said he wished I would turn my attention to short stories and poetry, and abandon my work with others. I ignored him.
That summer, I took a creative writing program at a college. I discovered rigidly structured poems, which delighted me, and wrote several short stories that I consider among my best work.
The writer Ransom Riggs came in for a workshop. He gave us all a prompt, in groups. The best story from each group would be voted on by another, and read out loud. Mine was chosen. Ransom Riggs GUSHED over it, said how wonderful it was. When I introduced myself, he was extremely kind. He told me to keep writing.
Over the years, I met my idols. They were more than I imagined them to be.
My writing dropped off sharply. I still loved it, but school had become demanding. I was tired all the time, and struggling against illness. There was so much to do. I made more friends and spent time with them.
I managed to write for the first few days of NaNoWriMo, but real life circumstances (including the desperate need to deal with my college applications and the death of my beloved guinea pig, Tater Tot) forced me to stop.
I fell into a severe bout of illness after the college application process. I began to suffer from migraines on a regular basis.
Eventually my doctor told me I needed to get more sleep, and I HAD to be offline by 10:00. I did for a while, though I wanted to stay online and write. Isn't that how it always works?
I managed to get elected as President of the United States here, with Premonition. I was ecstatic.
The CVnU was put into place just as I was about to start doing things. Angry, I basically stopped writing. Luckily, a writer I care about very much here ended my hissy fit and got me to actually get elected. Again.
I love the CVnU.
Worked for me! Premonition became president of the nU, and I got more writing done than I had in months. This bothered me.
A new crop of RPGers showed up. They did not know my name.
I set up the KOV. I was eliminated in the first round, which made me sad, but I was actually okay. I really enjoyed setting up the stages.
Pyrogram managed to pull me out of my writer's block, and I wrote more, and was more excited to write, than I had been in too long.
Even that activity fizzled out. I haven't posted in our latest RP in a month.
I leave for college in a week, so this seems like a good stopping point. It's time to walk away and find new horizons. I want to focus on my independent work. I want to build my characters into their own world.
I cannot thank you all enough.
Maybe at some point I'll return. I might jump into some small RPGs in the future. I don't really know. I'm going to try to finish up the stuff with Pyrogram, and the Vine Villains. I WILL make sure the KOV concludes. But after that...
Well, I don't know.
I'm not leaving the site, I love moderating and chatting. But I will bid RPGs adieu.
I'm just not relevant anymore. I just don't have the drive to write.
Good luck to you all, and thanks for a great few years.