Holly Cross

Holly smiled at how Slight had been taking charge lately. He started out as such an eager optimistic kid he worried Holly, those types always managed to get a limb hacked off when they got to cocky but she was slowly watching him mature into this brave man who knew how to keep the team safe at the right times.

"Okay, so how do we find this technopath? I mean there is no database with a list of them all, at least I'm pretty sure there's not."

Holly stared up at the ceiling an act she felt helped her concentrate more as Slight's pacing did the same for him.

"Here's the thing...I don't no much about technology unless you count my weapons but if she can track us via computer can't be do the same? This Princess Emerald or whatever her name is...she wasn't on the list and she hasn't been checked into any hospital that I know of"

Holly looked about at the three outsiders before her. Magick was still upset over Crysta and with good reason those two were like sisters. Powersurge leaned against the wall opposite her a menacing shadow ready to scare the crap out of any villians. Slight paced in an intense fury. Leah (now clothed) sat unsure of herself as she gripped her knees and there was Arach-Knight who reminded her of her predeccesor, Spiderboy-Prime who mysteriously vanished off the face of the earth. She half expected Arach-Knight to pump his fist into the air enthusiastically and tell the Outsiders to kick ass the way Spiderboy-Prime once had and there was this eerie empty space where Iron Ninjas should have been besider her, the ever vigilant guardian making sure she was safe from all harm. She missed him...except for that creepy way he always seem to walk into her room when she was changing or wrapped in a towel.

Holly blinked in Slight's direction her second in command had a point, "No...not telepath...but maybe a...technopath! that's it!" whoever it is must be a serious techno buff. Crysta's still in the game! he must be tracing every kid that logs on!"

Leah looked from one to the other confused. She motioned for her clothes that lay disgarded at one corner of the room. Holly mader her way there and handed Leah her clothes. Slight tactfully made his way out the room to let Leah get dressed and Holly followed suit.

Holly breathed a sigh of relief as the new-outsider, Leah's breathing steadied to a good pace. She moved the girl onto the couch and thanked Slight it was such a blessing to have a healer on the team.

She sat at the edge of the couch and ran her hands through her scalp.

"Five minutes of being an outsider and she gets the shit kicked out of her" she groaned.

"What the heck is going on?" Slight demanded

"What's going on is someone took our only poker chip in this ridiculous game. Someone if not become apparently obvious by the mythical monster in our basement is trying to kill us. The good news (which isn't as comforting) is that they'd only be trying to do that because we are in fact on to something. Slight, we're dealing with an Alterworld fan."

Holly watched the new comer carefully. Umbrae had kept the secret of the HQ safe by teleporting them all there so Arack-Knight wouldn't be able to find his way back should he have some ill intentions towards Holly or any on her team. She left the ogre's restraint in the capable hands of her team and went up to check on the Alterworld's creator.
A cold wind hit her when she reached the living room. The windows apparently had been flung open so violently the glass had shattered. The coffee table had caved in under the weight of a naked and bruised Leah.

"Leah!" Holly cried throwing her coat over the girl

Leah opened brown eyes to look at Holly. A trickle of blood slid down her chin.

"It...took...him..." Leah coughed before she succumed to her exhaustion.

"Slight! I need you!!" Holly screamed her voice carried by the cold wind.

Boys boys always so into the smashing

Hey, guys I was finally able to post, sorry if I haven't in so long but college is really kicking my behind. We should have an arch villian called "College" and have him stamp giant 0.0s on everyone's forehead. Arg! How can I save the world and choose a new major?!?! I want to be a superhero! do they have a class to teach you how to do that!?!?!

Ahem, sorry little meltdown.

I was thinking I want everyone to list down the comics we subcribe to to get to know each other better and what not. Also I wanted us to be the first team to actually post a review of comics in a team page just tell me if you think it's a stupid idea, I respect all your opinions.

Holly Cross likes...

1.) Runaways
2.) Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3.) Teen Titans
4;) Titans
5.) Gen13
6.) Fathom
7.) Iron and the Maiden
8.) Soulfire
9.) Shrugged
10.) Raven

Holly was breathing hard and her chest felt as if it was on fire her Outsiders had preformed beautifully without her and she eyed the young Slight hesitantly. When had he grown so capable? She had always known he had great potential to be a leader but how quickly it had happened!
The monster lay unconscious at her feet and she gave a small kick at it to ensure it was down for the count. Magick came running up to the group in a panic, "Crysta's dead!" Holly's heart just about stopped for an instant but returned to its normal pace as Magick added, "or...something like that...."
Holly wasn't sure whether to scold the girl for nearly giving her a heart attack or comfort her as her best friend lay in a near dead state, she chose the latter.
"Magick calm down. We know Crysta's been in the game, she probably just stayed in too long but we'll get her out like we did the others. She's a sting capable sorceress. We all know if anyone can break out of the Alterworld she can. For now let's get out of here before the cops come back. I am not in the mood for Detective Schock to question us. Slight, Umbrae and Powersurge, see if you can move this hunk of fiction back to the base without anyone following you. Magick, why don't you see to Crysta? We'll meet back at the base by nightfall for a meeting..."
Holly was suddenly very aware of the costume who was not part of her team but looked very much the outsider standing amist them.
"And you are?" she asked him with a suspicious glare. She had her fair share of encountering do gooder heroes and found though she was trying to become one they're sense or morality still had a tendency to knock heads with her own.

"C'mon guys he's big, he's ugly but it's the four of us against one of him. Outsiders, let's kick ass!" Holly yelled trying to straighten up despite her exposed flesh and opened wound.

She left the ogre to the boys and proceeded to lead the civilians safely out of the way. Most of them in their panic brushed up against her roughly making her wince and try to keep from slaughtering them herself. The Outsiders were on to something. This Esmerelda she played a role in this somehow and now she was trying to kill them all.

Holly turned around and pushed herself up. Her shoulder was dislocated in the fall. Slight appeared suddenly with a shield just as the ogre slammed down with its mace. A dull thunder echoes from within the dome. Holly grit her teeth and braced herself as she popped her shoulder back into place. She let loose a strangled cry and breathed hard to keep the tears from blearing her vision.

Power Surge came crashing down on the creatures head in a fury. Slight suggested Holly looked into the creatures mind and read its next move. Holly reached in and pulled out. The creatures thoughts were nothing but a bunch od ones and zeroes.

"'Binary code" Holly whispered

"It's in binary code. He isn't real...we got to..."

Magick arrived clearly drawn to the hospital by all the noise.

"Magick! crowd control. PowerSurge, Slight bring down ugly over there" Holly ordered jerking her head in the direction of the ogre who began jumping up and down creating an earthquake.

Proof read your work if you want to be considerate to those who are going to read it. “Today is was” which is it, are you speaking of a past event or a present one? You misspelled “expecting”. Keep an eye on your words. I wouldn’t recommending letting the readers know immediately that you were shot by your best friend unless you were venting because normally you’d still be incredibly hurt by the betrayal than angry. Think about your own personal reactions in the supposed “real world” and try to incorporate it to your character. You keep telling your story. Stop telling your story and start showing it. Don’t say you were in purgatory describe it and let your readers pick up on where you are. Describe purgatory in your mind’s eye. This line, “Suddenly I remember it, every second of it like movie flashing in my mind.” Is pretty good because you describe the experience rather just stating an event, try to do this more. Remember you’re telling a story not announcing the news. “Suddenly I start to feel my fingers then my hands then arms feel cold and numb like my soul was dying having no other option I let go of my body.”, again you did well here by describing how you were feeling. If you’re going to curse about a past event do well to put quotation marks like, “Shit”.  Look at you sentence here, “About that what happened I was teaching bible classes on sundays wheres god when you need him.” It’s very confusing and it took me a while to pick up on it because you didn’t put the correct punctuation marks or capitalized “Sundays”.

Okay, I’m just going to skip ahead and grade your work as whole because this is going to take forever if I really grade it the way I normally do (hard core grading style). You really should proof read and I recommend you read novels and actual books so you can learn from example. I like your story but it tend to jump and leave me going, “Wait. What just happened?” basically you have got a lot of holes to fill but it has potential and you created a very colorful character.