WARNING. This bio is not for those who are easily offended.
When was the last time you read an issue of Batman? What about the Last Time you've seen a James Bond movie? What was the most recent time you've played a video game? Have you ever noticed how before the good guy has to mow down like, Twenty Unnamed dudes with crappy little pistols, Or Ninjas who are only there to be punched once by the hero and for some reason just gets knocked out in one hit? Ever wonder who the hell those guys are, What's there story? What happens to them after the villain loses? This is the story of one of those nameless Goons, A Henchman you might say.
Joe Krogan was a poor kid living the white suburbs of Montana. He had a bit of trouble, He scored HUGELY Low Test Scores, And often got beaten to tar at school, Never winning a fight in his whole life. Eventually he was released upon the world as an adult, Low on money he couldn't get a decent college education and lived on a Ramen noodle diet for about a year, Ironically the same one he might've been on if he had been in college. He needed money desperately, And so he had just watched a movie on John Dillinger, Who carved a gun out of wood and colored it black. He bluffed it was a gun until he escaped the prison he was in with it, Pretending to hold certain people hostage until he got freedom. He liked this idea, He could make a nice fortune by committing the world's greatest heist, After all, He didn't have the money for a gun or knife. So he took a piece of wood and bullied his twelve year old brother, A Member of the boy scouts to carve it into a rough shape of a pistol. He painted it black with a sharpie and walked into the local bank with it, Arrogantly assuming he'd come out a rich man.
He was wrong, As he approached the line, He grabbed an old woman by the neck, Punching and beating her for approximately ten seconds, Before a surprise attack happened. A Roaming Vigilante that was a young pizza delivery boy, Pulled a real gun out of his front pocket and shot Joe three times in his left buttock, Once in his right. Embarrassed he dropped the "Gun" And ran, Bloody mess pouring out of his anus. The Crowd couldn't let him leave, As they wanted Vigilante Justice, They tackled him down and held him as that same woman whom's nose he had broken, Tasered him repeatedly in the genitalia while the cops arrived. The Crowd cheered on the Pizza Boy Vigilante and the Beaten Grandmother, Both of them receiving medals for bravery in the face of domestic danger.
Joe meanwhile was laughed at throughout the criminal underworld and treated like a joke, Even the lowest of scummy drug dealers cracking jokes at him at his expense. During Police Custody, He had one of the shortest trials in U.S. History, The entire jury unanimously finding him guilty in exactly thirty seconds. He was sentenced to to Ten Years in prison, Ten Long years in prison where each and every day he picked fights with the inmates, Who constantly beat him, And raped him while he was unconscious at points. The Guards also didn't like him as well, Often saying his daily attacks were his fault. At one point they locked him up in a padded cell for a week, And every hour a guard with a bucket full of warm water would throw it at him, Then get out and lock the doors. Needless to say, He had absolutely no respect whatsoever. Though one day at lunch he found a like minded person, Simon Czolgcheck, A Man who had been locked in the prison for twenty years for multiple "White Collar." Crimes at age 18. He was of HUGE Intellect, And had been coming up with a plan to break free for his whole sentence, But he needed an accomplice, Someone who could aid him. Considering Joe being the only one to respect him in the entire system, They collaborated.
Simon had been training and teaching an army of rats for the past two decades, Even using the local chemicals he could smuggle to mutate them to slighter bigger size. The rats become his family, His soldiers, His Lovers. He had made his strong army of thirty rats and one deadbeat wannabe bank robber his best, And told the plan that was full of brilliance.
First thing that occurred was they needed tools, The Local Psychopath loved making makeshift weapons, But they came at a price. The two headed to his cell and they made a deal with him to commit an act in the shower room that is best left unrecorded. Now armed with makeshift tools, The two set their plans in motion. Simon ordered Joe to cut and saw and dig his way through the hard floor of their now shared prison cell, And leave it to dirt. Next the rats digged a small tunnel, Just big enough to let Simon fit through, The tunnel led to god knows where, But it was a path out. The plan was ready, It was going to be the most elaborate thing Simon and Joe could come up with.
At Lunch time in the jail, Joe went behind a passing guard and grabbed his shiv, Slashing it into the back of his neck he yelled "RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!" And snatched his gun, Firing the first magazine into the ceiling while screaming, The Prisoners began beating on each other senselessly, While Five of Simon's rats were killed in the fight. Next the two ran to the cell they had dug into, Getting shot at multiple times, But when they returned the fire, They always missed.
They jumped into the tiny hole, Simon barely fitting and Joe having to get a spoon from the cafeteria to squeeze it around him. They were soon under the prison, But realized the tunnel only had an end several miles from where they were. They would have to tunnel for several days, Dining on rats and worms for two days straight. Finally they got out, Knowing with there criminal record they couldn't blend back into society, Simon decided to become a super villain known as "Rat Man.", And He could not only use his new army of rats, But Rat Themed goons, Hired thugs and escaped criminals to do his bidding. Joe had no choice to accept, And within a year Joe was dressed in a ridiculous Rat Costume that was really a set of dirty adult pajamas and carried an assault rifle as a nameless goon working for the Rat Man, A Z-List villain. Nonetheless Simon eventually unraveled his plan of threatening to unleash an army of a million rats on the people of Baltimore if his ransom demands weren't met.
Then the hero Came, Radar, The Tortured protector of Baltimore attacked the compound. Joe's Henchman career came to an end as a red baton flew into his face, Knocking him unconscious once again. There it was, Simon being taken away by the police with a broken arm and two broken legs. He awoke to the sounds of his fellow goons fleeing. Most of them were going to begin lives as other villain's men. But Joe realized something. For once in his god cursed life, He didn't have to be a cronie. He could be independent. There was no more warrant for him, And most people didn't even remember him anymore. He set out to the streets and rented a cheap motel, So far so good.
Days passed as he used his leftover money to survive on a bad diet. He was in desperate need of work, That was until his final misfortune occurred.
A Strange fellow drifter, Some sort of intellectual like Simon Approached him one day. Joe took note of how he appeared to have an appetite for meth, And dressed like a child molester. The Man said he needed a test subject for some kind of experiment. He rambled on for an hour about how he had begun creating some strange substance that could "Revolutionize Warfare for the next hundred years, May Xenu help me." Joe realizing how this man may mean trouble, Resisted the offer. The strange man grew wilder and angrier with each refusal, Until eventually he punched out Joe, Knocking him half to death. He woke up without any clothes, Tied to a chair with the white haired Loner holding a syringe full of some black tarry substance, He Named "K-09". Joe struggled and screamed for help, But to no avail. The needle punctured through his skin as he felt his blood thicken. He Yelled and panicked until...Something strange happened. His body felt stronger then ever before as two long black tentacles erupted from his back, They slipped through the bonds and tore apart the chair. The Strange Addict yelled out "YES! FINALLY! I HAVE ACCOMPLI-" Within seconds his jaw dropped, Joe was being covered over by strange tissues of the black substance until it formed a shape around his entire body, Turning into some strange suit. In uncontrollable rage, The tentacles on Joe's back grabbed the doctor and brutally eviscerated him, Tearing and shredding him limb by limb.
He felt a calming feeling after the death of the doctor, The fibers that encased his body soon stretched back into his skin, The tentacles dissolving into him. He was back to normal as he breathed heavivly. He realized that the Doctor had given him superpowers of some sort. Rather then stay and wait for someone to arrive, Joe grabbed a nine millimeter pistol and a set of clothes from the shack, And headed out. Not a penny in his pocket he decided to travel the world in his new life as a homeless drifter, Willing to commit ANY Act for money.
K-09 Formula
The Doctor had injected Joe with a strange, Self Adaptive formula. It would only activate whenever he was in a near death situation, And go back as soon as he was in better health, Often not lasting long. The powers given to him during the influence of the K-09 Are not limited to, But so far known to.
- Grow large black appendages often clawed
- Shoot dark webs with the durability of adamantium out of his fingers (Known to disappear as soon as he goes back into normal form)
- Enhanced Strength, Speed, Reflexes, Agility and overall gives him peak human attributes
- A Powerful healing factor
- Resistance to explosives, gunfire, and any element.
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