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"Dynamite" (by Taio Cruz) Spoof - "The Dark Knight"

After that whole "Harvey Dent Day" song incident, I decided to come up with my own song. I didn't realize how serious that was, so I deleted it because, well, it wasn't my song. This one is. Well, its a spoof of somebody else's song, but you get the idea.

I have devious plans, plans, plans, plans

I shot Jim Gordon

Part of my plans to kill Batman, man, man, man

I even barbecued Harvey Dent, Dent, Dent, Dent

Wanna know how I got these scars, scars, scars, scars?

Ha, ha

'Cause I'm scarred, and scarred, and scarred

And I'm scarred, and scarred, and scarred, yeah!

I set money on fire sometimes

Laughing hee-hee

I am crazy

I wanna ruin and take some lives

Saying hee-hee

I'm so crazy

'Cause we gonna destroy Gotham

It's all right

I'm gonna blow up

The dark knight

'Cause I was in a movie once

Now I've been in a movie twice

I'm gonna kill the

Fricking dark knight

I came to kill, kill, kill, kill

Rob some banks with my crew, crew, crew, crew

I'm in Gotham so I'm gonna murder, murder, murder, murder

Ha, ha

So I'll rob, and rob, and rob

And I'll just rob, and rob, and rob, yeah

I barbecue Harvey Dent sometimes

Laughing ha-ha

Banks are what I rob, rob

'Cause we gonna destroy Gotham

Kill the dark knight

We gonna blow it up

With some dynamite

'Cause Batman's so dumb

This movie's called The Dark Knight

We'll blow up Gotham

With some dynamite

I blew up that

Sweaty fat guy

But that time

I didn't use dynamite

'Cause I blew stuff up

Fought the dark knight

We gonna blow up stuff

With some dynamite!

I'm gonna steal it all

I'll be the last man breathing

Blow it all up

I'll be the last man standing

'Cause I, I, I'm so evil

And I, I, I, I just stole it all

I just stole it all

I have green hair

Gree-Green hair

I have green hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, ha-ha-hair

I blow up important people sometimes

Laughing ha-ha

Blah-blah-blah

I dress up like a nurse sometimes

Talking to Harvey Dent

'Cause I'm just like that

'Cause we'll blow up Gotham

And the dark knight

We gonna blow it up

With some dynamite

'Cause I told you once

Now I tell you twice

We gonna blow it up

With some dynamite

Once again, I'm really sorry about the whole "Harvey Dent Day song" thing. I didn't realize how serious it was when I made the song. Or, well, copied the song. But I came up with this song myself this time.

1 Comments

Iron Man 3 Info Leaked? (POTENTIAL SPOILERS)

Heres a possible trailer description:

"Opens with a voice over of Tony Stark talking about how the events of New York (I’m assuming the Avenger movie) changed him, and how he’s just not “into it” anymore.

First scene is Iron Man with battle damage, laying down amid rubble and taking off his faceplate to show a bleeding Stark. Scenes of him arguing with Pepper Potts in the armory. (Cool shots of alternative Iron Man suits including the red white and blue one we’ve seen on your site already), press conferences, Tony looking solemn, Tony talking with someone who looks like a psychiatrist, and a short shot of Don Cheadle in military uniform (no War Machine in the preview). Also one scene of who I presume is the Mandarin, forcefully landing and cracking the ground. However, it looked like a silver Iron Man. I was unable to tell in the brief view who it was (maybe due to unfinished CGI).

We then get a voice over from Ben Kingsley, talking about how there are no heroes and how he will teach everyone, especially Stark, a lesson. This is over scenes of the alternative Suits getting blown up, Stark going into surgery, and a fleet of helicopters launching missiles which blow Stark’s home up and apart. (The CGI looked nearly finished) and sending Stark and Pepper into the sea below. Then a close up of Kingsley with no helmet in the Mandarin armor.

It ends with Iron Man underwater swimming towards what looks like his ‘heart reactor thing.’ Then the logo, then Stark walking in the snow dragging a large bag, then the logo again."

I found this on a news site. From this, I think I figured out a couple of things from the movie:

  • Mandarin will have some tricked out armor (I hope its tricked out, anyway)
  • Apparently Stark wants to quit being a hero (reminds me of The Dark Knight Rises)
  • Some serious stuff's going down

How does it sound? You excited for it?

5 Comments

Ultimate DC - Batman

Part of my ongoing Ultimate DC thingy I came up with. I'm sure this has been done before but this is just MY take on Batman.

Story Arcs

I Am The Night

Bruce Wayne, a former cop, discovers his parents were just killed in crime alley. He gets his old partners to help him solve the mystery. When Joe Chill, an ex-convict, tells Bruce about a big crime-lord named Joker, he is found dead the next day. Bruce and his team decide to use code-names to protect there identities and loved ones. Jason becomes Red Hood, Dick becomes Nightwing, and Bruce, remembering a bat that flew into his house the other night, calls himself Batman. They find Joker, who killed Bruce's parents. They have an epic battle and Joker is accidentally killed.

First Appearances: Batman, Red Hood, Nightwing, Comissioner Gordon, Harvey Dent, Joe Chill (dies), Thomas Wayne (dies), Martha Wayne (dies), Joker (seemingly dies)

The Rise and Fall of Tony Zucco

Tony Zucco, a crime-lord, heres of the death of his old ally, Joker, and swears to kill Batman for Joker. Tony hires an assassin named Firefly to get the attention of Batman. Firefly battles Batman, and is easily defeated. He tells Batman to "prepare for death". Next, a group of thugs working for Zucco, The Terrible Trio, attack Batman, with the help of a Greek mercenary named Maxie Zeus. The battle almost destroys downtown Gotham, and Batman now has the GCPD after him. Later, Batman finds Zucco's lair with the help of Nightwing, and the two confront Zucco himself. They get the upper hand until Firefly and Maxie Zeus ambush them. Firefly's back is broken and Maxie Zeus is knocked unconscious. They defeat Zucco together, and leave him, Firefly, and Maxie Zeus lying unconscious in front of the Gotham City Police Station.

First Appearances: Maxie Zeus, Tony Zucco, Firefly, The Terrile Trio (Fox, Shark, Vulture), Chief Bullock

Ultimate Bane

No Caption Provided

Bruce Wayne enhereits Wayne Enterprises, his fathers old company, and uses his free-time to create gadgets for his Batman persona. Lucius Fox, a Wayne Enterprises employee, becomes suspicious of Batman and believes Bruce Wayne is the Batman. To get Fox off his trail, Bruce fakes a broken arm that he claims he got in a fight with Jason Todd. Meanwhile, Victor Fries, owner of Wayne Enterprises' rival company, Freeze Industries, hires a mysterious mexica assassin named Bane to kill Bruce Wayne. However, when Bane infiltrates Wayne Manor, he finds Batman. The two battle and Bane gives Batman a real broken arm. When the cops arrive to check out whats going on, Bane and Batman escape in the nick of time. Later, a new employee at Wayne Enterprises named Vicki Vale starts dating Bruce Wayne. However, she is crippled when Bane attacks Wayne Enterprises. Bruce flees the scene and comes back as Batman, and manages to defeat Bane desptie his broken arm. Fries decides to kill Bruce Wayne himself, and starts working on a new project...

First appearances: Bane, Vicki Vale, Lucius Fox, Alfred Pennyworth, Victor Fries

Mad Love

Joker returns from the dead and kidnaps three billionaires: Selina Kyle, Bruce Wayne, and Victor Fries. He tortures them with his laughing gas, and enjoys it. He tells Bruce that, technically, the Batman is part of Joker's family now because Joker really killed Bruce's father for revenge. It then cuts to a flashback of Joker without his clown make-up. Joker apparently married Thomas's sister, but Thomas didn't like him. When Thomas discovered his sister had married a heartless murderer, he revealed it to the entire family. They called the cops whoa rrived and took Joker to Arkham Asylum. Joker then escaped, seeking revenge on Thomas for taking away the one woman he had ever loved. Joker later confronted Thomas and Martha in an alley, and shot them down. Bruce, crying, swears he will avenge his parents even if it means he has to kill Joker. Suddenly, Chief Bullock and the Red Hood arrive and attack Joker. They have a battle, and Chief Bullock is injured. However, Red Hood manages to knock out Joker and set the three millionaires free.

First Appearances: Selina Kyle, Gwen Wayne (Thomas's sister)

Tick Tock

Bruce is with Alfred at the hospital visiting a hospitalized Vicki Vale, still recovering from the events of the Ultimate Bane story arc. Suddenly, they are atatcked by a man named Waylon Jones. Waylon wipes out several doctors and kidnaps Alfred. Bruce goes to investigate, and discovers Waylon Jones was a young child born with Harlequin-type ichthyosis, a skin disease that gives him scale-like skin and eyes grown inward. Waylon ran away from home one night and was found by a heavy metal band called the Killer Crocz. They took him in and accepted him, and even nick-named him "Li'l Croc". Li'l Croc grew up in a bad enviroment. No young child should live with a heavy metal band. He was rude and often got into trouble. One day, without the band there to keep him out of trouble anymore, he was arrested. He was put in prison and was constantly humiliated, injured, and made fun of by the other inmates. One day he snapped, ate three inmates, and escaped. He was later hired by a mysterious man to kill Alfred Pennyworth. Bruce gets his costume and goes to track down Waylon. He confronts Waylon in the sewers and defeats him. Batman grabs the unconscious Alfred and returns to Wayne Manor.

First appearances: Waylon Jones, The Killer Crocz

Face The Face

Bruce discovers a tape in the basement of Wayne Enterprises. It is an old documentary about his grandfather, Richard Wayne, founder of Wayne Enterprises, and Anthony Dent, Harvey Dent's grandfather. Bruce goes to show it to his old friend, former police officer Harvey Dent. He finds ever since the incident with Tony Zucco, Harvey has locked hismelf away in his bedroom, refusing to come out or let anyone, not even his wife Rachel, in. Bruce kicks down the door, and finds half of Harvey Dent's face has been burnt and scarred during Batman's fight with Firefly. Havey tells Bruce that he wants to kill Batman now. Bruce just silently leaves, purposely leaving behind the tape. Later, Harvey has climbed out his bedroom window, and gone to find Batman. He gets his old guns he used when he was in the GCPD, and attacks a bank, killing several people, screaming "IT'S BATMAN'S FAULT! NOT MINE!" Finally, when Batman, arrives, Harvey detonates a hidden bomb, blowing up the bank with several hostages in it. The explosion injures Batman, giving Harvey the chance to attack. As Harvey attacks, Batman pulls out a taser and tases Harvey. He picks up the unconscious Harvey and brings him to Rachel, who tells Batman to leave. As Batman lies Harvey down on the porch, Rachel throws a shoe at him, and yells at him, telling him to leave before she calls the cops.

First appearances: Rachel Dent, Detective Renee Montoya, Richard Wayne, Anthony Dent

Return of Tony Zucco

Bruce breaks up with Vicki Vale to focus more on his work, and Vicki leaves town. Later, Tony Zucco escapes prison, and swears revenge on Batman. Tony hires an assassin named The Batgirl to find and kill Batman. Meanwhile, a new cat burglar name Selina Kyle has her sights set on Wayne Manor, so she asks Bruce on a date. Bruce decides to go, and Selina starts to fall in love with Bruce. Bruce has to leave early when Batgirl attacks downtown Gotham. As Batman, he fights and defeats Batgirl, but only after Nightwing arrives to help. Batgirl returns to Zucco, who has just been robbed by the cat burglar. He sends Batgirl to kill the cat burglar, and Batgirl tracks her down to Wayne Manor. There, she sees Selina Kyle having dinner with Bruce Wayne, and attacks. She knocks out and kidnaps Selina. Bruce, as Batman, gets Nightwing to help him find where Batgirl is bringing Selina. They find Batgirl at Tony Zucco's hide-out, and attack. Several thugs attack, and almost kill Nightwing, but Batgirl decides to help Nightwing as she has developed sort of a crush on him. She finishes off the thugs and they go after Tony, who has the unconscious Selina. They defeat Zucco and wake up Selina, then leave.

First Appearances: Catwoman

Frost-Bite

Victor Fries finally finishes his new project. A suit that can survive through extreme heat and extreme cold. It has built-in freeze-rays and more. Victor attacks Wayne Enterprises and freezes half of the staff. Batman arrives and attacks Mr. Fries, only to get frozen. Several days later, he is finally defrosted by Alfred. Bruce goes to investigate the attack, and discovers that Fries was the one that hired Bane. As Batman, he infiltrates Freeze Industries to find Fries talking with Bane. Fries sees Batman and flees, and Bane attacks. Batman defeats Bane and goes to catch Mr. Fries. Batman finds him in a walk-in freezer, full of corpses. Fries blasts at Batman, who dodges, then punches Fries in the face, breaking through his helmet and knocking out his tooth. Batman brings the unconscious Fries to the GCPD.

Ventriloquists

Batman defeats a villain named Stallion and is confronted by Chief Bullock, who says that Harvey Dent escaped Arkham Asylum, and still wants to kill Batman. Meanwhile, Dr. Arnold Wesker, who used to work with Bruce's father, has a psychotic breakdown right outside his apartment. Bruce goes to see if Arnold's okay. When Bruce enters Arnold's apartment, he sees a ventriloquist dummy sitting on the table. Arnold comes in and introduces Bruce to his old dummy, Scarface. Arnold claims to be fine, and that he just needs to be alone. That night, Arnold has a nightmare involving his dummy, Scarface. Arnold grabs a gun and dresses up like his dummy, Scarface, and develops a split-personality, believing he actually IS Scarface. Though he doesn't actually call himself Scarface, he instead calls himself The Ventriloquist. The Ventriloquist robs several banks, destroys several buildings, and more. One night, he is about to blow up the Gotham bridge, with several people trapped on it, when Two-Face confronts him. They have an argument over "who's town it is", and then it leads to a huge fight. Two-Face kills The Ventriloquist, however Batman arrives and defeats Two-Face.

First Appearances: The Ventriloquist (dies), Stallion, Jeremiah Arkham

Legends of the Dark Knight

A showcasing of three different stories. In the first story, Batman is hunting down a villan named Zsasz, but Wildcat gets in the way, and Zsasz gets away. The next day, Batman and Wildcat wake up in each other's bodies. They capture Zsasz, who admits he didn't do it, but that his boss, Spellbinder, did. The two defeat Zsasz and find, fight, and defeat Spellbinder. After defeating Spellbinder, the "spell" wears off. In the second story, Negative Man of the Doom Patrol hunts down a fugitive named Jonah Hex in Gotham City. Batman helps Negative Man, and the two discover Jonah Hex was falsely accused. In the final story, Adam Strange calls upon Batman to help him fight a villain named Lady Styx.

First Appearances: Zsasz, Spellbinder, Jonah Hex, Lady Styx

Ultimate Harley Quinn

Joker escapes Arkham and kidnaps a doctor named Harleen Quinzel. He threatens to turn her crazy by injecting some of Joker toxin into her, unless they let him go. Batman arrives but unfortunately Joker injects the toxin into Harleen, turning her crazy. Joker escapes, kidnapping Harleen. Batman hunts down Joker and confronts him at Ace Chemicals. Joker, as soon as he sees Batman, tosses a crazy, laughing Harleen into a vat of chemicals. Batman and Joker fight each other, and suddenly, Harleen emerges from the chemicals, with completely white skin, burn marks on her clothes, and extremely red lips. Harleen attacks Batman and Joker, and attempts to through Joker into the vat of chemicals. Batman saves Joker and defeats Harleen. However, Joker punches Batman and sends him flying across the room. Harleen gets up and punches Joker. The two have a brutal battle, and Batman tries to stop it. However, Harleen is pushed backwards into a vat of acid. Before she falls in she grabs Joker and drags him into the acid with him, and the two seemingly die. Later, at Harleen's funeral, Bruce is asked to speak, and Bruce claims that he hates Batman.

First appearances: Harley Quinn (dies)

Outsiders

Black Mask is in a gang-war with Tony Zucco. Nightwing gets attention from several vigilantes: Batman, Red Hood, Karate Kid, Firestorm, and The Creeper. Nightwing, with there help, finds Catwoman. She gives them info on Black Mask, then leaves. Later, Batgirl infiltrates Black Mask's house and attacks him. She manages to steal his laptop, which has some inportant info, and leave. She gets back to Zucco's hideout, only to get attacked by Catwoman. Catwoman gets away with the laptop, but is attacked by Red Hood and Batman, who want the laptop. They have a battle and the laptop is accidentally smashed. She escapes, and the two vigilantes are attacked by cops. Later, Red Hood is sitting on a roof-top by himself, wondering why Catwoman wanted the laptop so badly. Suddenly, Catwoman confronts him and apologizes for accidentally destroying the laptop. Red Hood doesn't forgive her, so she unmasks him and kisses him. The next day, Firestorm, Nightwing, Creeper, and Karate Kid find Batgirl, who tells them that she was hired by Tony Zucco to steal Black Mask's laptop. She tells them Catwoman took it and got away. She tells them where Zucco's hideout is, and runs off. At Zucco's hideout, Batman and Red Hood have been captured. The others arrive and fight off Zucco's thugs, then save there fellow vigilantes. All of the sudden, Black Mask's thugs invade the hideout, and its all out war. Batgirl arrives and frees Batman and Red Hood, he join in on the battle. Firestorm starts a fire, and the vigilantes escape. As the building burns to the ground, Nightwing talks to Batgirl about helping out. Batgirl claims she just hated both Black Mask and Zucco, but it is still obvious she is attracted to Nightwing.

First appearances: Creeper, Firestorm, Black Mask

Annual #1

Waylon Jones attacks Wayne Manor, and Batman has a brutal battle with him. Meanwhile, Red Hood talks to Catwoman about their kiss the other night.

Ultimate Manhunter

No Caption Provided

Jacob B. Ace, C.E.O. of Ace Chemicals, has the mysterious "Manhunter" track down Batman, who is thought of as a menace. With her detective skills, Manhunter discovers that Batman works at Wayne Enterprises. She suspects Gillian Loeb, a worker at Wayne Enterprises. Meanwhile, a criminal named Penguin meets up with Jacob Ace. Apparently, Jacob made a deal with the mobster, Penguin. As long as Jacob pays Penguin from time to time, Penguin will keep bumping off the competition. All of the sudden, Batman attacks. Penguin and Batman have a battle, and, in the chaos, Jacob gets away. Penguin is defeated and arrested by the GCPD. Batman tries to track down Jacob, but is attacked by Manhunter. The two have an epic battle, and Manhunter gets away. The next day, Wayne Enterprises is flooded with reporters searching for the true Batman. Gillian Loeb, hoping to get things back to normal, tells them he's Batman, thinking they'll leave Wayne alone. However, he is shot by an unidentified sniper. He survives the shooting, but is in the hospital for a few weeks. Sick of the misfortune that has came to Wayne Enterprises because of him, Batman confronts Jacob Ace the next day and knocks him unconscious, then brings him to the GCPD, and tells Comissioner Gordon about Jacob'sdeal with Penguin. Back at Wayne Enterprises, Alfred looks up Ace Chemicals, but is attacked by an assassin named Fiddler. Fiddler kidnaps Alfred and leaves a clue for Batman to find Alfred. At Ace Chemicals, Batman confronts Fiddler, who threatens to throw Alfred into a vat of chemicals unless Batmkan backs off. Suddenly, Manhunter crashes through the ceiling and kicks Fiddler in the back of the head, sending him flying into a vat of chemicals. Manhunter helps up Alfred and brings him back to Wayne Manor, leaving Batman. Batman wonders who hired Fiddler, and his major suspects are Penguin or Jacob Ace. He returns to Wayne Manor, and goes to bed.

First appearances: Manhunter, Jacob B. Ace, Penguin, Fiddler, Gillian B. Loeb

Assassins

The Teen Titans are in Gotham investigating several killings. Batman arrives to help them, but they soon discover they have walked right into a trap when Deathstroke, a genetically altered assassin, and the mercenary group known as The Hangmen attack them at Arkham Asylum. Locked into the asylum, Batman and the Teen Titans fight the Hangmen. After defeating them, they are attacked by Deathstroke, who uses death-traps and gadgets to gain the upper hand. After trapping Batman in a gas chamber, Deathstroke seemingly kills the Bat. However, Batman was wearing a gas-mask. While Deathstroke was battling the Teen Titans, Batman snuck out of the gas chamber and attacked Deathstroke, knocking him out. Wildcat and Dr. Fate arrive in a helicopter and bring the Titans and Batman back to Gotham, leaving Deathstroke behind. Back in Gotham, Batman searches for the man who hired Deathstroke, and goes to the Titans for help, only to see Deathstroke and the Hangmen have invaded Dr. Fate's academy. Batman finds and frees the Teen Titans, then they attack Deathstroke and his Hangmen. Batman defeats, unmasks, then interrogates Deathstroke, who finally gives up and tells Batman that a crime-lord named Ding-Dong Daddy hired him. The Titans and Batman use Deathstroke to find Ding-Dong Daddy, and when they find him, they easily defeat his thugs and knock him out.

First appearances: Deathstroke, The Hangmen

More story arcs coming soon...

3 Comments

Prelude To I.O.

THE NORTH POLE, MIDNIGHT...

2 DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS

"Mr. Quincy" said General Brand

Robert J. Quincy of the "Secret Protectors" agency nodded.

"Mr. Hamster" said General Brand

Santa Hamster of the North Pole nodded.

"I came here to tell YOU, Santa Hamster, that our world is in danger"

"Squeak" replied the furry little holiday-rat

"Our heroes have been captured" said Robert "Well, the good ones at least"

"Exactly" said General Brand "And all we have left is, well..."

Santa Hamster stared at General Brand, angry. There was a moment of silence...

"All the good ones BESIDE you" butted in Robert

"We need your help, Santa Hamster" said General Brand

Robert gave Santa Hamster a folder. The hamster opened it up and read what was in it.

"Are you in?" asked General Brand

Santa Hamster nodded his head, and got on the helicopter with the two.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

FIND OUT IN INTERNATIONAL ODDBALLS #1, COMING SOON!

1 Comments

Sudden Marvel NOW! Ideas

Reading the CheeseStabber's ideas I thought of one thing: Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions. Maybe this Marvel NOW thing is gonna have an effect ont eh ENITRE Marvel multiverse? And the Punisher-War thing could actually be something bigger, like an interdimensional crisis that changes the Marvel Multiverse for ever. Maybe all Punishers through out the multiverse would be collided into one crazy Punisher who thinks everyones a villain and wants to kill the entire multiverse of heroes? If so it would take everybody in the multiverse to stop the Ultra-Punisher. But then theres the whole thing going on with Ultron, so I'll ask one currently unanswered question: What does Ultron have to do with it? If its a multiverse-wide crisis wouldn't Kang make more sense? And then theres the whole thing with Nick Fury Jr. or whatever, the exact copy of Ultimate Nick Fury. Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D has only one hope to help with this all... ULTRON! And then theres Spidey's new partner, Alpha. And Minimum Carnage! Could it all be one event instead of several separate ones?

1 Comments

The Rising of Santa Hamster #2

COMICVINE'S CRIMSON-HAT LITTLE RAT!

No Caption Provided

Merry Kittenmas! Part 2: A Midnight Above Paris

"No christmas? The frick you talkin' 'bout, Dasher? Have you been chuggin' too much 'nog lately?" Prancer, hearing the news of this year.

"No, I haven't drank! Well, not enough too go crazy, at least. Santa said it himself, Dasher, trust me!"

"No, man, this is Christmas, we need Christmas!"

"Well, its true." Rudolph entered the Chug-a-Chug-Hug-a-Hug Bar.

"Cant someone substitute? It cant be any of you, I'm only here as a designated flyer! It should be me to substitute for Santa. Obviously the woman in the house has to do all the hard work" Dancer interrupted.

"YOUR A GIRL?!" Amazed, Dasher was.

"Well, men... and Dancer, this foggy christmas eve, some dark little rodent will change everything" Rudolph thought of one man for the job.

Jim The Elf's Gym and Storage

Rudolph entered. Fear was strucken into the very souls of every elf in the room as he walked to the only one who wasn't crying in fear...

"Santa Hamster" Rudolph started talking "With the blood you've spilt so bright, wont you substitute for Santa tonight?"

"Uuum, hmmm, hard decision... NO" Santa Hamster talked to Rudolph using his cross-species translator.

"Santa Hamster, come on."

"No."

"Yes."

Yes."

"No."

"You Win!" Santa Hamster laughed.

"Rrrrrg..." Rudolph growled, grabbing Santa Hamster by the neck, and breaking his translator. "Will you do it or not, you furry, red-hatted parasite?!"

The room was silent for a second or three, and Santa Hamster looked at Rudolph with a stubborn look on his face

"Squeak"

Rudolph, not understanding Santa Hamster, just gave him his razor-sharp candy-canes and put him in Santas sleigh.

"Now, to say the magic words... Go, sleigh, just fluffing go away... today" said Rudolph.

The sleigh took off, Santa Hamster driving, and went off into the foggy night sky.

"Wheres the Hellicats?" asked Dasher.

"Shut up, lets hope they dont interfere" replied Comet.

Santa Hamster looked forward, and saw a huge swarm of them coming.

"Squeak!" Santa Hamster held his two razor-sharp candy-canes, then growled.

They sleigh went straight through the swarm, and Santa Hamster took out the Hellicats.

"Any more?" asked Cupid.

"Not yet" answered Prancer "But we are entering Paris."

"So..." said Comet "Do THEY celebrate Christmas?"

"Maybe" said Cupid.

Santa Hamster looked around, then just pointed at a house. They landed and Santa Hamster dumped half of the sack down there chimney.

The sleigh took off.

"But Santa Hamster..." said Prancer "Thats not how it works..."

Santa Hamster stared at Prancer, lifting up his candy-canes.

"I mean... that IS how it works!"

The sleigh took off, as they were attacked by Hellicats.

"AAAAH!" The reindeer screamed.

Santa Hamster jumped into the air, slicing and dicing several Hellicats until it starting raining cat blood. Santa Hamster landed back in the sleigh, and they took off.

TO BE CONTINUED...

2 Comments

The Rising of Santa Hamster #1

COMICVINE'S JOLLY-CRAWLY LITTLE... FOLLY?!

No Caption Provided

Merry Kittenmas! Part 1: Rise of the Hellicats

"Its Christmas, Santa Hamster" Santa's associate Rudolph talked to his trainee "The storm is coming."

Santa Hamster nodded his head and grabbed two Candy-Canes, jumping into the air fighting off the Hellicats, an evil race of vicious monsters, each assembled by Jack Frost. Santa Hamster, with fury, stabbed and decapitated several Hellicats, all flying forwards. Whats gonna come falling down your chimney this year, kids? Hellicat guts.

"Santa Hamster zoomed into the sky with rage, and attacked the Hellicat general, Twister.

"Hellicats, retreat!" screamed Twister, trying to escape the feared Santa Hamster. S.H. was about to kill Twister, but fell out of the sky.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Santa Hamster came falling out of the sky, landing back on Candy Cane Mountain with his trainer, Rudolph.

"Not bad, young one" Rudolph both warned and congratulated Santa Hamster "But next time dont be as violent, or your getting on the notty list, as in NOT good."

"squeak squeak" Santa Hamster tried to apologize but of course, Hamsters dont talk. That would just be silly.

SANTANICUS BANANICUS HOTEL, CHRISTMAS EVE

"Look, Nature, I'm going broke. First The Elves want FREE hot chocolate, Santa Paws has this new expensive doggy diet, and now Mrs. Claus gets us Dish Network, and Frost knows how much THAT costs" Santa talked to Mother Nature

"Get to the point, Santa, Christmas is at stake, and I'm the one in charge of holidays. Are you in or not?"

"Look, Nature, I'm not made of candy canes, its like I'm on the financial naughty list."

"Come on, is Christmas happening or not? Geez, next I gotta check on Sandman and that takes forever, even though he isn't even a holiday guy! I'm gonna get fired, Santa, and I have bushes to feed!"

Santa sighed as a worried look suddenly came across his face

"Christmas is not going to be happening this year."

IS CHRISTMAS OVER? WILL THE HELLICATS INVADE? WHATS UP WITH SANDMANS ISSUES AND STUFF? THAT AND MORE IN... A MIDNIGHT ABOVE PARIS!

11 Comments
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