GS and DM's Swole Your Role: The Bro Edition!

Yo, yo, yo, bros. It's D-Midge and Gee-$ with another edition of Swole your Role. Where we turnin your YOLO into SWOLO. We got the answers to the hottest questions, so let's get right to it.

"How often should I do legs?"

GS: Bro. Bro. Bro. You don't need to do legs. You just need to focus on chest, biceps, and shoulders, bro. Girls don't care about overall appearance. Girls don't hang on ya legs and go "man, them thighs be sexy." They don't go "Them calves are hot." Bro, you be wearin' shorts anyway. It don't matter. You need to do bench press and curls every day. You wake up, first thing you do is bench and curl. You get that pump started early. When you feel that pump fadin, do more curls. Carry a bag with ya. Keep some a dem weights in the bag and curl til you get them veins poppin.

DM: Legs? Waitaminute, waitaminute, waitaminute... *gives look of distress* Bruh, you ever seen Hugh Jackedman or Superman work out their legs? Nah bruh and you know why? Because the ladies only check out that upper body man! They don't care for your legs! They want to be drooling all over your swole pecs and your tree-trunk biceps son!

But hold up... I only make one exception. Bodacious buttchecks. Yeah, that's right. I work them lunges and squats not for my legs but to get a rock hard behind you feeling me?

"How do I lift more in my workouts?"

GS: Yo, bro. I'll break it down step by step for ya.

  1. Wear a muscle shirt. It is scientifically proven by scientists or something that if you wear a muscle shirt, you can lift more. It's called a muscle shirt for a reason, bro. You don't wanna wear that T-shirt. You know what else starts with T? Tits, bro. You don't want them flabby man tits, you want pecs. You know what else starts with P? Pump. And as a meathead you want that pump. It's ya goal. A pec is a muscle, hence muscle shirt. See? Science, bro. I would know, I'm a masstrophysicist.
  2. Pace around the machine or weights you're usin'. You're an animal. You stalk that b*tch like it's a piece of meat and you're hungry. You're hungry for the pump.
  3. Slap your face. Get psyched. Growl. Let everyone know who is the king, you are. You lift the weight, bro, the weight don't lift you.
  4. Scream when you move the weight and make a face. When you scream, adrenaline gets goin' and by making a face, you be activatin more muscle fibers in ya body at once. Science, bro. More muscles recruited=more weight= bigger pump. Duh.

DM: Eh man, my bro over here pretty much covered the basics for all you gents (and ladies) who want to get swole. People like to tell you that it's about proper training and diet and all that fancy, schmancy nonsense. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Man, all you have to do is workout for HOURS ON END. You lift that weight until you tore every muscle in your body and then you keep lifting it! But as Gee-$ laid it out, you have to rep the proper attire! Ain't no walking in with some goofy shoes and special shirts. NAH! You rip off that shirt in the middle of your damn set! Look like an animal, work out like an animal. Bruh's be mirin the entire time, BELIEVE THAT!

"How much cardio should I do?"

GS: Pfft, cardio? Yo, D-Midge, ya see this question? Cardio. Hah. Only two kinds of people do cardio: chicks and uhh....well, marathon runners or some sh*t. But you ain't a chick or a marathon runner, you're a man, bro. Bros don't run, they lift.

DM: I see it bruh... I ain't never seen the nerve of someone bringing up this cardio in my business. Eh man, you like cardio? That's fine but if you want to make dem gains and get swoooollllleeeee, STOP HITTING THAT CARDIOOOOOO! Ain't nothing worse than a blood pumping pec bananza only to ruin it with some pathetic muscle burning sessions of cycling or stairmaster. Get up off my land son. Ain't nobody got time for that.

"When is the best time for protein?"

GS: Bro, when ISN'T the best time for protein, bro? Anytime is good for brotein. You got muscles that need feedin, you feed them that brotein. Start ya day after that bench with 20 raw eggs. Slam that sh*t down and you good. Lunch rolls around, whatcha gonna do? Eat brotein. Eat dat steak. Put it in ya pocket. You eat it on the go since you a On-The-Go-Bro. 2 PM rolls around, you hungry yet? You should be. You shoulda set that protein clock. Slam a shake. Hell, slam 3. Get them shakes. You a machine, son. Feed it that fuel ya need to be a hot rod.

DM: Eh man listen, you eat at every opportune moment and when- Oh the hell with these fancy, big words! Man, you eat that protein during your workout, before your workout, after your workout! When you're driving, sleeping, working! You don't eat that protein, dem gains be slipping away as we speak bruh!

"What should I eat to get big?"

GS: You need a steady diet of eggs, dead animals like ya cows, chickens, and pigs, and the nightly intake of beer and patr'on. Real bros drink patron. You don't seem them skinny kids and chubby dudes drinkin patron, bro. You only see bros.

DM: Anything bruh. Grab anything you find, it's all just protein, carbs and fats. Ain't no thing as food groups baby! Ain't no picky picky with this! You see some of that cheap Mcky Dee's? You buy seven of them big macs. Dem gains be coming faster than you believe bruh! You buying a pizza? Better make that two just for you! That's how you get big and swole.

And there you have, bros, and brodettes. You now have the necessary tools and knowledge to get big. Have a nice day, and remember, Swole your Role!!

80 Comments
81 Comments
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Edited by TheAcidSkull

i honestly cannot stop laughing right now.

Edited by Pyrogram

I forgot who it was. But there is a youtube exactly like this lol

Awesome job xD

Posted by DrunkVader

I find roofing a very effective workout less than pleasant though

Posted by BumpyBoo

Hehehe! So glad to see another installment XD

Moderator
Posted by God_Spawn

@pyrogram: There probably is, lol. But me and DM haven't done one of these things in awhile, and I thought it would have been funny to do one like this.

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Posted by Pyrogram

@god_spawn: I can relate to the leg day one. That cracked me up haha :P

Edited by God_Spawn

@pyrogram: Makin fun of stereotypes! That's what we do!

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Posted by Pyrogram

@god_spawn:

You stalk that b*tch like it's a piece of meat and you're hungry. You're hungry for the pump.

Rofl

Edited by lykopis

omg...

o.o

Edited by laflux

@theacidskull: @pyrogram: @lykopis:

Its obvious that this duo is like Christian and Edge. Spawn's holding you back @deranged_midget. He has no talent. Get rid of the dead weight and embrace true greatness and lead the deranged witnesses!!!!

Posted by Pyrogram
Edited by lykopis

@laflux:

(shhh -- that's the plan. He's deep, deep undercover...)

Posted by kgb725

The Bro manual right here

Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek

lmao I know nothing about workout but this was pretty funny.

Posted by laflux

@lykopis said:

@laflux:

(shhh -- that's the plan. He's deep, deep undercover...)

Posted by Deranged Midget
Moderator
Posted by Samimista

Hehe! xD I almost spit out my Fanta soda. You two balance out each other very well.

As for the upper body I'll I gotta say is this:

The pec pop of love! xD
Posted by Deranged Midget

@samimista: Don't forget the bodacious buttcheeks.

Moderator
Edited by SandMan_

Where you guys smoking when you did this?

Edited by DecoyElite

This...this sure is a thing right here.

.

.

.

Bro.

Posted by Samimista

@deranged_midget: Hehe! xD You too funny D-Midge. =D You guys should do more of these blogs. Could even see you both review Man of Steel together if you haven't. =O

Edited by dondave
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Posted by God_Spawn
@lykopis said:

omg...

o.o

It's how we roll...swole.

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Edited by Deranged Midget
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Posted by Deranged Midget

@deranged_midget: Hehe! xD You too funny D-Midge. =D You guys should do more of these blogs. Could even see you both review Man of Steel together if you haven't. =O

Be careful what you wish for ;)

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Posted by God_Spawn
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Posted by Samimista

@samimista said:

@deranged_midget: Hehe! xD You too funny D-Midge. =D You guys should do more of these blogs. Could even see you both review Man of Steel together if you haven't. =O

Be careful what you wish for ;)

=D *tries to hold in the squeals and gets pom poms ready*

Posted by Deranged Midget
Moderator
Posted by lykopis
Edited by God_Spawn
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Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek
Posted by TifaLockhart

… now I know how the non DBZ fans feel when they click on the "PREPARE TO DYEH GOKU" thread...

Posted by Deranged Midget
Moderator
Edited by laflux

@lykopis: YOLO!

YOU

ONLY

LIFT

ONCE!

I must admit I did chuckle when I saw this.

Edited by Backflip
Posted by Pyrogram
Posted by God_Spawn
Moderator Online
Posted by Pyrogram

@god_spawn: Them combined with the hodge twins make for hours of entertainment lol

Posted by God_Spawn

@pyrogram: I love the Hodge twins.

And I am slightly disturbed by the lack of mentions to Colossomania down at the bottom.

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Posted by Pyrogram

@god_spawn: The Hodge Twins are just the best. Their terminology cracks me up xP

Agreed!

Posted by God_Spawn
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Posted by Pyrogram

@god_spawn: That's good...that's reeealll gooood!

Edited by Deranged Midget

@god_spawn: Get that tip all swwwwwwooooolllllleeeee

Moderator
Edited by DecoyElite

I can't handle all this bromance.

Posted by laflux

I can't handle all this bromance.

I love how @lykopis likes to ship me with everybody round here, but manages to turn a blind eye to this.

Posted by DecoyElite

@laflux said:

@decoyelite said:

I can't handle all this bromance.

I love how @lykopis likes to ship me with everybody round here, but manages to turn a blind eye to this.

It's like they made their own shipping thread.

Posted by TheAcidSkull

@laflux said:

@decoyelite said:

I can't handle all this bromance.

I love how @lykopis likes to ship me with everybody round here, but manages to turn a blind eye to this.

you ship yourself with everyone man, blame yourself for that one :P

Edited by Pyrogram

@laflux said:

@decoyelite said:

I can't handle all this bromance.

I love how @lykopis likes to ship me with everybody round here, but manages to turn a blind eye to this.

you ship yourself with everyone man, blame yourself for that one :P

LOL

Posted by laflux

@theacidskull: The problem isn't me, the problem is everyone else!!!!

*Weeps silently while listening to Taylor Swift*

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