Gambit Goes to the Movies- Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Movie titles can make or break the way a film’s marketed and perceived to the public’s eye. With a title as ridiculous as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, you should know exactly what you’re getting into. Let’s get this review started.

The film starts out with a young Abe Lincoln who witnesses his mother getting killed by a vampire. As he grows up, he finds a mentor who teaches him in the art of vampire killing. Eventually, Abe becomes president, and it’s all history from there on in. The premise is really good, and it sounds like a hell of a fun ride, but it just sort of… fell short. Where did it go wrong?

Well, let’s start off with the title: "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". With a name like that, you have to know what you’re getting into: an over-the-top crazy action movie about a badass president killing blood-sucking demons. Did we get that? Yes and no. Don’t get me wrong, the premise was awesome, and you do get some major kick-ass action scenes with Abe Lincoln swinging around his trusty axe and driving it through the skulls of vampires, but the overuse of CGI and slow-motion kind of ruined the mood. Some slow motion is alright, but whenever something was going down, a good two-thirds of it was in slow motion, and that’s distracting. Abe’s weapon of choice is an axe, but there’s only so much axe-swinging you can do before it gets repetitive. Furthermore, there’s a scene later on in the movie that involves Abe Lincoln literally jumping from horse to horse, and it just looks like some terrible video game with the bad CGI.

As bad as the overuse of those effects were, I’d be willing to let it slide if it weren’t for this little point. The movie’s about Abe Lincoln: the guy on the $5 bill with a beard and a top hat and the whole “Four score and seven years ago” thing, but he doesn’t become that Abe Lincoln until the last 20 minutes of the movie. The majority of the movie is about the young Abe Lincoln, who has no beard, no top hat, and looks a lot like a young Liam Neeson. I’m not saying that it’s a terrible thing, but the trailers and posters sold this movie as the Abe Lincoln we know and love slaying vampires. What we got was alright, but it may as well have been about some ordinary guy killing vampires. You don’t really feel that it’s Abe until the finale.

While the performances were great for what they were, and with what the actors had to work with, I can’t give this film a good rating. Overall, I felt that this movie was just badly written. The pacing was all over the place, as there’s a point in this movie where literally nothing happens for a good twenty-five minutes, yet his training felt ultra rushed. The tone was taken much too seriously, as there were little to no laughs at all. With a title like this, you’d expect this movie to be a little more self-aware into how ridiculous it is, but ultimately it tried to be something that it’s not, and that’s where the whole thing falls apart. I’d recommend this movie to someone who’s into some decent fight scenes, as they were well choreographed, but as I said before, they weren’t that spectacular, and the use of slow-motion was much better used in a film such as Zack Snyder’s 300. I give this movie 4 out of 10 because not only it was disappointing, and could have been so much better than it was, given the premise.

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14 Comments
14 Comments
Posted by Lvenger

The mere title Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter doesn't exactly make the film sound good. But great review by the way. I love your justifications as to why this film is both good and yet very bad as well. Though I doubt this film would have been much better if it had embraced its ridiculousness. Abraham Lincoln is a difficult historical figure to play for laughs in a film with him in it.

Posted by Inverno

Awesome review Gambit. I think the reason why the movie felt badly written is because the original book author was also the screenwriter and had little to no experience in movies besides Dark Shadows. And we all know how that turned out.

Posted by Gambit1024

@CaioTrubat: Admittedly, I've only read the first half of the book, so I can't really compare. Was the book anything like this?

Posted by Inverno

@Gambit1024: The book is awesome for the first half but when we get into the Civil War, your suspension of disbelief is throw out the window when every Confederate turns out to be a card-carrying villain and vampire sellout. The author tries to portray the conflict as black and white as possible, showing us why the vampires are evil and we shouldn't side with them. There isn't a main villain like Rufus Sewell and his sister, they were specifically created for the movie. Also the ending differs greatly from the movie, but its a good think because the original book ending pissed me off like crazy.

Posted by Gambit1024

@CaioTrubat: That's actually why I stopped midway. After a certain point, things slowed down to a stop, and it got extremely boring. I was actually upset by the movie's ending. From what I understand, John Wilkes Booth played a much bigger role in the book, and he was nowhere to be seen in the movie. Oh, and the Edgar Allen Poe cameo wasn't in the movie either, and that made me upset as well.

Posted by _Zombie_

I haven't seen it yet, but I think the movie's biggest downfall was taking itself so seriously, judging by reviews. It probably would of benefited greatly from a less serious approach.

Posted by ReVamp

I'm going to watch this movie and I'm going to love it.

Posted by Nefarious

At least it is better than Twilight.

Posted by InnerVenom123

@Nefarious said:

At least it is better than Twilight.

I could film myself raping a litter of kittens and it would be better than Twilight.

Posted by Nefarious
@InnerVenom123: LOL and that speaks volumes.
Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale

Awesome review good sir.

Posted by Gambit1024

@Fuchsia_Nightingale: Why thank you ^_^

Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale

@Gambit1024: Welcomes

Posted by Gambit1024

I'll be posting a review of Ted either tonight or tomorrow morning if anyone's interested :)