By feebadger 6 Comments
D: So what do you want to talk about today, Ant Man?
A: Well, Doc, I’ve been thinking of starting a new super team.
D: Really? Why’s that?
A: Mainly to get a group discount at the movies.
D: Aren’t super groups more traditionally associated with “helping people” and “doing good?” I mean, what about groups like the Avengers, or the X Men?
A: What world are you living in, Doc? The Avengers are a car pooling group! The Defenders only meet online and the X Men only stay together because they get a bigger disability cheque that way.
A: Yeah. They have a Canadian on their team..
D: Oh, right.
A: Anyway, you’ve got to have a super group these days. There’s a lot of villains out there, you know? It gets dangerous.
D: How so?
A: They are a violent and strange lot these super villains. All kinds of graphic atrocities can befall a hero out there. Chinese burns. Wet willies. Paper cuts. All kinds of horrible things.
D: So your super group would be to protect each other?
A: More like, give each other a lift to the doctors. Last thing I want to get involved in is a fight, Doc.
D: So, bravery wouldn’t be a part of your groups roster then?
A: Bravery is over rated, Doc. Every dead hero knows that.
D: So would your team have an arch villain?
A: I had an arch villain once.
D: Really? What was his name?
A: Das Boot. He was German, an ex cobbler who created a giant Doc Marten and used to ride it around on a pogo stick all the time trying to squash me. Ant Man is a hard moniker to live with sometimes.
D: So what happened to, The Boot.
A: Last I heard he was working for the government. Developing stealth boots or something like that. We get together once a month for a bowl of sugar.
D: Bowl of sugar?
A: I am an Ant Man, Doc.
D: Oh, right. So what will this super team of yours be called?
A: Well, I was going to call us, The Bastards! You know, try and get some of that lucrative Garth Ennis dollar but it didn’t really fit my image. So then I was going to call us The Metaphysical, Sexually Ambiguous, Camp Existentialists.
D: The Grant Morrison Dollar?
A: Exactly. But in the end I just settled for Ant Mans’ Super Team.
D: Very original.
A: Well, if it hasn’t got an X in the title, it’s not going to last anyway, I figure.
D: That’s a tad pessimistic, don’t you think?
A: Just realistic, Doc. I’m just an ant in a mans’ world.
D: That’s a bit sexist.
A: I’m an Ant Man, Doc. I’m always sexy.
D: Grooooan. You’re an idiot.
A: Well, as my mother always used to say, if you’re going to be an idiot, be the best damned idiot you can be.
D: Mission accomplished then.
A: Thanks, Doc.
D: Pleasure, Ant Man.
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