By Eternus Comments
This is my book that im writing and i was wondering if i could get some sort of feedback. just PM me with any info or suggestions.
"The Rise Of ETERNUS
He walked into the hospital covered in blood. People backed out of his way as he walked up to the reception desk. The nurse just stared, there was blood dripping down his clothes, but it wasn’t his. How could it be he didn’t have a scratch on his body. “Doctor Reed…. I need to speak with Doctor Reed.”“P-p-please hold well I page him”Well the nurse paged the good doctor he continued on down the corridors. Patients jumped out of the way and nurses screamed. Everyone ran into the closest room they could find to hide from his grotesque figure. He doesn’t know why, but it pleases him to see people in fear, not in pain, only fear.When he reached the office the doctor was in there waiting for him, reading his clipboard intently.“ok Perennis, what do you need now?”“Revenge” with that he lunged across the table onto the doctor.
Chapter 1: How It Began
It started during my high school year as a freshman. I couldn’t have known things were about to change so drastically. I had been mildly afraid of the mutant uprisings, but I was a teenager and cared very little for what was going to happen. I had been walking home from my friend’s house with some friends of mine, all of us drunk out of our minds, and we spotted a mutant. It was easy to tell by the way he walked. His steps were large and unnatural; he was also hunched over like an old man, only he was too large to be an old man.( I never got a good look at him, it happened to quick and he was wearing a trench coat, but I did see what I died from). He obviously was trying to hide his malformed body. Mutants in our day and age were not like those that have super powers and still look human. All mutants had some sort of physical deformity that told the public who and what they are, it wasn’t until years after seeing the deformed bodies did we find out that they had abilities that no other human had. The first night any human witnessed the special abilities of mutants was the night I changed forever, the night I died.We followed the mutant in hopes of trouble to have a good time. It is so hard to remember anything else from my life before that night but I remember the names of my “friends”. Jimmy was a skinny, short, blond guy with a small acne problem. He was the first to start the fun.
“Hey mutant, where you going. Going to go get drunk and kill some innocent?”
Most of the crimes in America had been committed by mutants, or at least that’s what we were told by the government. I had tried to stop them, only I knew that this was going to go no where. The hate and discrimination had to end somewhere; my friends didn’t think this was the time. In recent times Humans had become more inpatient with the mutant problem. There was no problem, they were just racist
“C’mon guys, leave the old bastard alone” I said “it is getting late anyway we got to get home”
“No way man, the fun is just beginning” Said Mike. Mike had always been one troublemaker too many, he thought of most of the devious things we had done but had very little to do with it once we were caught. He barely even took part in what we did when we were just having fun; tonight it seemed he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. Bloody glory.
Jim ran and caught up with the mutant before any of us and started pushing him around.
“C’mon man why aren’t you talking to us? Are we not good enough for you freaks?”
Jim continued to push him well the rest of us harassed him, this was too much. He threw off the old dirty trench coat and faced us. He stretched to his full height. Larger than any human or animal I had ever seen. He simply glared at us with bright green glowing eyes that seemed as if they could melt metal into butter.
“What do you humans want?” He growled menacingly “If you’re looking to pick a fight you picked the right mutant to mess with”The others just laughed at his threat. I may have been stupid but I was not stupid enough to miss the truth in his voice. Up until that point I had been to afraid to even notice what the rest of him looked like, all I had been looking at were those green, glowering eyes.
He was at least eight feet tall, it also seemed the more afraid I became the larger he grew. With one hand that was the size of a large anvil. The other hand was like a tentacle, only the difference was it was not slimy or slippery. It had bone sticking out of it like a barb-wired fence.
The mutant let his arms hang down and just stood there well the rest of my friends noticed he wasn’t kidding. It didn’t take long for him to notice they were ready to run, but he was not about to let that happen. He was about to let us all get what we deserved. Except he brought the punishment too far. He brought it to the edge of death, and beyond.He screamed once. Only once before he fell. Jimmy hadn’t even had the chance to take a step when the long tentacle reached out and severed his head from his neck. The head flew well above our heads. Then fell into its hands, and he crushed as he growled a growl as if the devil had come himself for us. Someone shouted “RUN!” but it was too late. He was upon us in a flash and killing before we could move, I made it the farthest but got no farther then the small trash pile at the end of a driveway. All of my other friends were either dead or bleeding to death by then. He reached out that horribly bloody tentacle one last time to kill me. It shot right through my body, bursting my heart like a pin would a balloon. He walked over to my dying body and whispered in my ear.
“This is what you get for being what you are, and not being seen for who your really are”. With that he left me, lying there in the street. He put back on the trench coat and lumbered away, as I lie there dying I thought about what had just happened and how it could have been stopped.
It didn’t take long for anyone to find me. Someone knew walked among the carnage and he walked among the dead bodies checking to see who was alive, and who was dead. I was the only one alive and when he came around to me I noticed he was a mutant. I tried to scream for help or run, but only blood bubbled from my mouth.
“I will save you” he said “but you will no longer be who you are, you will be a mutant like me. You will have no recollection of who you were but you will be changed, and you will be our savior” After he had said these words he disappeared from my vision and I saw a purple light over my chest. The light reminded me of life and the pain subsided, even if only temporary. Glowing faintly and pulsing as if it were alive. My body convulsed and had a seizure well he continued whatever he did, then I blacked out and I now remember nothing of who or what I was, but I know who I am now. I am neither human nor mutant. I am Eternus.
Chapter 2: The Awakening
I awoke in a hospital. I could remember very little of what had happened last night, but I remembered the blood. I remember the old mutant, and I remember the barb-wired tentacle. Reaching out to kill me. I was not the same person I was before, I felt different. I looked down and could see there were no signs of physical deformities, and the hole in my chest was gone. But I looked at my hand and could tell that it was somehow different. I knew I had been changed into something new; I tried to wrestle the memories out of my mind. It hurt, but I got one thing out of my mind before I blacked out from the pain. It was the old man’s voice saying my name. Eternus.When I came to, I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. They were all looking down at me confused as to what had just happened. I looked at the tallest doctor, who had a rose pinned to his jacket. Apparently he had a secret lover from work, because the rose matched those from my own vase of flowers next to my bed. I concentrated on the flower and it grew darker. Slowly it withered and died. No one but the doctor noticed, but everyone noticed quickly when he was looking down at his chest. Where the flower had been: just over his heart and he was now having a heart attack. They soon rushed him to the emergency table and I heard nothing about him or what had happened until the next day. The doctor in charge of me told me when I asked that his heart had died. It was like that of an 80 year old man. I was confused and didn’t know what to say but the doctor soon provided an explanation.
“We had someone run some DNA tests to see if we could figure out who your were, you have been out for at least two weeks” he said, I was now wondering what had caused me to be in a comatose state for two weeks “your DNA matches no one else but a mutant, who we had difficulty treating because he refused medical attention from anyone but the doctor that just died.” This brought back some painful flash backs, but the doctor only watched.
“We matched 40% of your DNA to his, but we can find no physical deformities. We are running the test again to be sure, but we believe that you are a mutant”
I was scared. I knew humans hated mutants, but there had been recent stories of doctors poisoning them in their sleep at hospitals. I was scared out of my mind. What would happen in the middle of a lonely night at this hospital?
“Is there anything you can tell us before we run this scan and prove it correct Mr.… I’m sorry but we don’t have your name on record. The interns must be getting lazy. Could you please tell me your name?”“Eternus” I croaked, my voice had become like that of nails on a chalkboard. The doctor seemed to cringe at the sound of my terrifying voice. At least I would get that much out of him, his fear.
“Eternus? Is that it… just Eternus?” asked the doctor
“Yes” I had little energy and was trying to make my sentences as short as possible.
“Okay, well I’m going to need a last name from you to put into our database. Do you have any parents we could call? Any human parents?”“No” my answer was final and definite. The doctor had enough and was ready to make his rounds, leaving me alone in my bed to think things over.
Chapter 3: Learning, Coping… and Escaping
Over the next few weeks of my prolonged stay in the hospital I was confined to my bed. Every week a new vase of roses would appear. I had no idea how they got there, and I cared very little for how they got there or even who put them there. I only knew that no one else was receiving them in this manner. While I was in the hospital I learned a great many things about myself. Like I learned what had happened to the doctor. I had the ability to pull the life from people. I could only take small amounts it seemed, unless I was either dying or near dead. I didn’t want to know about dead. In my room there were no decorations except a small colorless TV. Besides the roses it was blander than a white sheet of paper. The only thing I could get any stimulation from was the roses. I practiced taking life from them. Somehow I knew there was more to this, but I had a feeling it would be a long time.For the next week the doctors ran test after test on me but they all came out with no results. Either the ink ran out of the printer or it became smeared and indistinct. My only explanation for this could be my powers. The doctor attempted to take my pulse once, but he had trouble finding the vain and said it was normal. I have my own doubts about that.After more weeks of being able to do very little but watch Oprah prance around on the TV screen about how rich she is and what she should do with all that money, I decided it was time to get out. My first attempt was a little stupid; I didn’t really expect to make it out anyway. I simply tried to walk out, but without parents to escort me, I wasn’t going anywhere. I was only 16 so I was not allowed to leave. My next attempt was a bit more devious and more thought out.I awoke in the middle of the night from a nightmare with my body covered in sweat. I had been having dreams of what had happened that one awful night, but still couldn’t remember exactly. I decided to see if I could get out of the hospital; it was starting to become a living hell. The doctor walked by my room so I called out to him. He didn’t hear me so I decided to go. I walked right past three nurses and a patient out of bed. I don’t know why no one paid attention to me, it was almost as though I was invisible. I looked back at the nurses wondering why they had paid me no attention, when I felt a sudden jerk as if my whole body had just been sucked into a drain under water. All of a sudden I was wearing a doctor’s cloak and holding a clipboard. I looked down but glasses fell of my face. I picked them up and walked back to my room. My body was lying there on the bed. I tried to see if there was any pulse or anything, but there was nothing not even the smallest spark of life. All of a sudden there was a sharp jab in my chest. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside and the next thing I knew I was looking up at the ceiling and my body was tired but my mind was alive. I looked to my side to see an astonished and very confused doctor standing next to me
“Yes?” I asked “is there anything I can help you with?”
“Um, no. Sorry to wake you” replied the doctor, who then walked out muttering.
“Now that’s something that doesn’t happen every day.”
After the small adventure in the hallway I decided it was time to actually walk out of this place. I changed into a pair of clothes that I had worn the night of the murders, and set out into the hallway walking towards the exit. When I was almost to the door things went horribly wrong, wrong for the humans.
“Where do you think you are going mister?” asked the nurse
“Out” I said “I have had enough of this place and I’m going home, wherever that is.”
“Oh no your not, I’m calling security” then the nurse reached down for the phone, but I had no intention of letting her. I reached deep within myself and found that calm as I had practiced with the roses. I found it struck out at her heart but there was no reaction. I was confused and had no idea why it had not worked, before when I had been recovering it had worked fine, but now the power would not heed my calling.
I didn’t know what to do so I stumbled and tried to run, I got as far as the corner making a sharp turn when I ran into a hazardous waste bin and fell in. I was stabbed and poked with syringes and scalpels until I thought the bin would be filled with blood. I reached for the edge and clambered out, but there was not as much blood as I thought there would be. I looked at my cut body but I wasn’t bleeding. The blood was just staying inside me like it had no plans of going anywhere. I continued running but ran into a guard. I knew I had no choice so I reached deep into my soul, into my calm center and tried again. It worked! I sucked the life from the man in seconds, killing him instantly. As I ran by him to get outside into the free world I grabbed his car keys and saw blood leaking from his body… from cuts and needle holes.
Chapter 4: Old to New
It had been two weeks since I had escaped from the hospital with no recognition of where I was. I was down in the dark and dank sewers that I know seemed to feel more at home in. I walked along the wet sewers for days without need of food and water. I became familiar with the sewers and could navigate them faster then any other thing in the city. After three weeks I was walking through them trying to figure out what my next step would be when I got a painful flashback. It was the face of the mutant who had brutally slain me in the street and left me to die. That instant I knew what I had to do, I had to have revenge. I returned to the street and traveled back to where I died to find some sort of clue as to where he had gone, and well I was searching the street of my death my eyes began to hurt as if they were being torn out with forks. When the pain had passed and I looked around on the ground there were five green glowing bodies lying on the ground. Someone who was passing looked at the ground and then looked at me and thought I was crazy. What I was seeing was the stench of death. I looked up the street where I could see I long line of the green light riding on the sidewalk. Leading the way the mutant had left.I followed the green light for god only knows how long till it began to lead into the woods. These woods were a freakish version of the real thing. Anyone who had gone in there had never come out. There were tales of plants grabbing people and dragging them into the earth to their eternal sleep, but I was not afraid. The only thing in my mind was anger and revenge which I needed as bad as a druggy needs his next high."
and thats all i have so far. any suggestions or ideas that i could add would be nice. also anything that should be changed.