Transformers Generations Toy Review: Whirl

Had to run to the store today and grab a few commodities so I decided to poke my head down the toy isle and see what's new. Nothing really caught my eye until I saw...

Where have you been all my life?

I've never really been into Transformers or any sort giant robot stuff but this figure really struck me.

After taking it out of the package and messing with it for a bit I pulled out the instructions to make sure I was transforming it properly. Really easy to transform but the figure feels delicate and I had to double check the instructions a couple times because I seriously thought I was going to break it a couple times. It has three transformations: Robot, Helicopter, and Heloped. The Heloped falls some where in between the other two transformations. There were quite a few stickers to add on to the figure, the majority of which were so small I had to find a pair of tweezers to apply them. It took about thirty minutes for me to apply all the stickers. While they were aggravating to put on they really do add to the look of the figure overall.

There is a lot of articulation to this figure so you can definitely get it into whatever kind of action pose you like. The only thing I struggled with is getting it to stand on it's on. I found I had to subtly hunch him forward from the waist to keep him from falling backwards. The four weapons included can snap on in a multitude of locations and the Null-Ray cannon can snap on to the end of an arm if you fold the claws back. Another neat little feature is when light shines in through the top of his head it simulates his eye lighting up.

Awesomeness aside I felt this figure was a little expensive at $23.99. I had a little extra cash to spare and I was really drawn to it so I didn't mind paying a little more than I thought it was worth but I can see where this price point might push someone away. Although the box says it's suitable for ages 5+ I don't think a five-year-old could transform this figure, or simply not break it.

This figure has also made me curious about Transformers comics so I think might try to find a good starting point. Any recommendations?

Start the Conversation

Raiding the Toy Box 3.

I'll admit I'm not the biggest Batman fan in the world. While I've seen quite a few of the movies and most likely the entirety of Batman: The Animated Series, I've never followed one his comics regularly. I've always been a little intimidated of the vast history and seemingly infinite number of back issues to catch up on. I've tended to stick with mini-series or stand alone graphic novels. That being said, Batman was to some degree my introduction to DC as a kid. So I've collected the few Batman figures I had and thrown them up here to "ooh and awe" over/poke fun at. Enjoy!

Giant Batman - O.K. as a kid maybe I didn't understand the concept of different size action figures. So in my mind this was Giant Batman, and he was a power house, he often fought regular Batman. Ratio and Proportion still escape me to this day.
Batman - This was my go to Batman. The belt would pull about two feet out and stay connected to a string. Simulated the Bathook I assume.
Joker - One of my favorites, there was a pump you could hook-up to his back and shoot piss, I mean water out of the flower.
Robin - I can't believe Bruce let him leave the Batcave dressed like that. Check out those elf shoes. Notice that right hand permanently ready for a karate-chop, well there is a lever on the back so you can unleash them constantly.
Robin - The Animated Series version, pretty cool figure despite having next to no articulation, I believe he came with a glider of sorts. This was the Robin I used as Batman's sidekick.
Catwoman- Michelle Pfeiffer version. Nothing special here.
Penguin - Poor Penguin, your button down is showing wear of all the beatings Batman has given you. In all actuality this was a pretty cool figure in my mind. His legs bend awkwardly backwards, pronouncing his belly even more. Umbrella top shoots off.
Batman - Apparently I missed the comic or movie where Batman goes crazy and decides he needs a suit with the functionality of a pterodactyl , look at the claws on this glider thing. They can only be used for evil. The kind of evil where you snatch of Joker and drop him in Gotham Volcano.
Batman - If you observant you will notice the jaw-line and realize, this isn't Batman, this is Val Kilmer dressed as Batman...IMPOSTER!
Batman - Like a boss.
Batman - I think this one was marketed as like "Artic Exploration" Batman, or "Anti-Mr. Freeze" Batman. Personally, this was always space Batman to me. When duty called for Batman to stop crime on my top bunk (aka. the moon) and stop evil aliens(aka. hand-me-down stuffed animals) this was the Batman for the job. The hand cannon shoots water, because aliens hate water.
Bruce Wayne - Always trying to make sure his secret identity is safe, Bruce Wayne fulls millions by subtly stretching the bat symbol until it is completely unrecognizable.
Batman - "Mom, can I go out and play Dark Knight?"
Chris O'Donnell - You might say hey this is a Robin action figure after the Batman Forever movie, you would be mistaken. This is in fact a Chris O'Donnell action figure.
Batman - Has a switch on the back so he can chop down foes with blade of gold! This Batman came with an awesome steed for him to ride, this steed was in fact so awesome I think every action figure I had probably took it out for at least one trot around the carpet. The horse had no articulation sadly...or loyalty.
Batman - If I recall correctly this batman was designed for cruising the sewer, despite that his little get up here shoots missiles it's pretty much the equivalent of an inner-tube, you know for lazing down the Gotham Sewer to meet Killer Croc.
Batman - O.K. If I'm down in the sewer HiLiter yellow wouldn't be my first color choice.
Two-Face - I have to admit I actually like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face. Next to no articulation and the gun is part of the hand, lame...That suit though, well, have that suit though.
Riddler - By far my least favorite depiction of Riddler, only a notch beneath ol' staple face Riddler. In case you don't see all the question marks on his suit, he has that giant staff, which is also a question mark. I think he had a giant backpack of some sort, which served no purpose other than playing Jim Carrey's lines from the movie.
BONUS BatCase - If only I had a job that required use of a briefcase...

6 Comments

Raiding the Toy Box 3.

I'll admit I'm not the biggest Batman fan in the world. While I've seen quite a few of the movies and most likely the entirety of Batman: The Animated Series, I've never followed one his comics regularly. I've always been a little intimidated of the vast history and seemingly infinite number of back issues to catch up on. I've tended to stick with mini-series or stand alone graphic novels. That being said, Batman was to some degree my introduction to DC as a kid. So I've collected the few Batman figures I had and thrown them up here to "ooh and awe" over/poke fun at. Enjoy!

Giant Batman - O.K. as a kid maybe I didn't understand the concept of different size action figures. So in my mind this was Giant Batman, and he was a power house, he often fought regular Batman. Ratio and Proportion still escape me to this day.
Batman - This was my go to Batman. The belt would pull about two feet out and stay connected to a string. Simulated the Bathook I assume.
Joker - One of my favorites, there was a pump you could hook-up to his back and shoot piss, I mean water out of the flower.
Robin - I can't believe Bruce let him leave the Batcave dressed like that. Check out those elf shoes. Notice that right hand permanently ready for a karate-chop, well there is a lever on the back so you can unleash them constantly.
Robin - The Animated Series version, pretty cool figure despite having next to no articulation, I believe he came with a glider of sorts. This was the Robin I used as Batman's sidekick.
Catwoman- Michelle Pfeiffer version. Nothing special here.
Penguin - Poor Penguin, your button down is showing wear of all the beatings Batman has given you. In all actuality this was a pretty cool figure in my mind. His legs bend awkwardly backwards, pronouncing his belly even more. Umbrella top shoots off.
Batman - Apparently I missed the comic or movie where Batman goes crazy and decides he needs a suit with the functionality of a pterodactyl , look at the claws on this glider thing. They can only be used for evil. The kind of evil where you snatch of Joker and drop him in Gotham Volcano.
Batman - If you observant you will notice the jaw-line and realize, this isn't Batman, this is Val Kilmer dressed as Batman...IMPOSTER!
Batman - Like a boss.
Batman - I think this one was marketed as like "Artic Exploration" Batman, or "Anti-Mr. Freeze" Batman. Personally, this was always space Batman to me. When duty called for Batman to stop crime on my top bunk (aka. the moon) and stop evil aliens(aka. hand-me-down stuffed animals) this was the Batman for the job. The hand cannon shoots water, because aliens hate water.
Bruce Wayne - Always trying to make sure his secret identity is safe, Bruce Wayne fulls millions by subtly stretching the bat symbol until it is completely unrecognizable.
Batman - "Mom, can I go out and play Dark Knight?"
Chris O'Donnell - You might say hey this is a Robin action figure after the Batman Forever movie, you would be mistaken. This is in fact a Chris O'Donnell action figure.
Batman - Has a switch on the back so he can chop down foes with blade of gold! This Batman came with an awesome steed for him to ride, this steed was in fact so awesome I think every action figure I had probably took it out for at least one trot around the carpet. The horse had no articulation sadly...or loyalty.
Batman - If I recall correctly this batman was designed for cruising the sewer, despite that his little get up here shoots missiles it's pretty much the equivalent of an inner-tube, you know for lazing down the Gotham Sewer to meet Killer Croc.
Batman - O.K. If I'm down in the sewer HiLiter yellow wouldn't be my first color choice.
Two-Face - I have to admit I actually like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face. Next to no articulation and the gun is part of the hand, lame...That suit though, well, have that suit though.
Riddler - By far my least favorite depiction of Riddler, only a notch beneath ol' staple face Riddler. In case you don't see all the question marks on his suit, he has that giant staff, which is also a question mark. I think he had a giant backpack of some sort, which served no purpose other than playing Jim Carrey's lines from the movie.
BONUS BatCase - If only I had a job that required use of a briefcase...

Start the Conversation

Scribblenauts Umasked 3DS Review

The Scribblenauts series has been on my radar ever since Super Scribblenauts came out in 2010. Yet somehow I just never got around to picking up one of the games. Eventually my girlfriend downloaded a version of it on her phone and in the time spent watching her play over her shoulder I found the game fairly endearing (I'm a sucker for cutesy stuff). A couple weeks later I found out Scribblenauts Unmasked was coming out so I held off a bit longer to give it a shot. I ended up picking up a copy for the 3DS a couple days after it was released.

For those not familiar with the Scribblenauts series it centers around the adventures of Maxwell who can summon anything he can write down in his little notebook. Maxwell's sister Lilly, who can travel anywhere she points out on her globe, is also along for the ride in this game. The main goal of the game is to recover the Starite fragments which were released from Lilly's globe when her and Maxwell crash landed in Gotham. The Starite are powerful magic items which villains are after as well.

Firstly, the amount of DC related characters included is impressive. It's just the popular characters everyone knows, I mean jeez you can summon the Ghost Patrol. In many instances your also given several iterations of a character to choose from. Typing in Superman gives you the options of: Red Son Superman, Kingdom Come Superman, Superman Beyond and quite a few others. I've only typed in one character to find they weren't included (Wesley Dodds, but oh well they give you Sandy Hawkins). However, a lot of the DC characters within the game are only visually distinguishable from each other, and tend to act the same without much depth. There is also quite a few DC related items and vehicles you can summon to.

Levels are divided into three categories for the most part. Locations mainly associated with Batman, Superman, and then the Justice League. Gotham, Metropolis, and Oa are accessible within the first hour or so of game-play while other locations can be unlocked with enough reputation which is earned after preforming good deeds(solving puzzles) for random(ly generated) citizens or heroes in each location. Helping James Gordon fix his patrol car and citizen get around toxic waste in Gotham may net you enough reputation to unlock Arkham Asylum. While find thing right ingredients for a witch or helping Green Lantern Salaak score a goal in soccer can lead to unlocking Atlantis or Themyscira. While no level can truly be "beaten", due to randomly generated puzzles upon entering said level, each level does have a sort of boss battle which evolves you(Maxwell) teaming up with a hero to stop a villain and Doppelganger(who posses powers similar to Maxwell).

Game-play wise Scribblenauts Unmasked is relatively simple with fairly basic controls and level layouts. In the time I've played it I've never scratched my head and had to figure out what I was supposed to do next. While simple I still found it fun and relaxing. It's the perfect game to kill some time and unwind with, which compared to the majority of games I'm used to playing is a nice change of pace.

Visually, for most people, this game probably isn't much to look at. However I really enjoy seeing DC characters depicted in the simplified 2D cartoon style that somewhat defines Scribblenaut's look.

Audio-wise the game is nothing to write home about. Fairly generic background music and very little speaking leads to me playing with the sound off a majority of the time.

I do have two gripes/complaints however. Occasionally, there will be so much going on in a level that the game will lag, stutter and slow down to the point where the only feasible option is exiting the level and coming back hoping there's not so much activity. Also, the hero editor/creator is not included within the 3DS version of the game. I understand it's my fault for not knowing this before purchasing it but since I was expecting it I was a little disappointed once I found out.

Overall Scribblenauts Unmasked is just a fun little game. I don't foresee myself logging a million hours in it(like Skyrim) or becoming obsessed with it in general(like Castlevania) but it's very rewarding to play. If you have vision and thumbs I would recommend it. If you have vision, thumbs, and like DC comics I would highly recommend it.

Start the Conversation

Raiding the Toy Box 2.

I had a lot of fun doing this the first time so I wanted to do it again. I was digging around and came across a collection of Star Wars toys I had completely forgotten about. I like the three original Star Wars movies but I don't go ape$#!t over them like some people. That being said, bare with me because I'm not really knowledgeable about the Star Wars universe so If I've miss named anyone or just flat didn't know their name let me know. Also, which guns went with which figure I was a little hazy on. So without further delay...

Storm Trooper(s) - Imperial cannon fodder.
Obi Wan Kenobi(?) - This one is from the newer movies and was given to me as a present.
Luke Skywalker - Looking like a bad@$$ in some Imperial Garb. Does anyone know if this is taken from a scene in the movie? My brother-in-law and I both racked our brains trying to figure out where this comes into play within the movies.
Keep the mask on Luke, keep the mask on.
Darth Vader - Vader was the personification of everything evil to me as a kid. So much so that when I would play with Marvel action figures most likely Vader was the villain.
(?) - I don't know who this is, If memory serves me correctly though he is a bounty hunter and tied to Boba Fett some how.
(?) - I don't know this guys name either. One of my least favorites simply because he can hold next to nothing in his hands.
Chewbacca - I think he is supposedly disguised as a bounty hunter here. This was one of my favorites, he just looks awesome.
Tusken Raider(Sand People) - As a kid these guys scared me in the movies. Figure looks cool but eh.
(?) - I don't know this guys name either, but when I don't know there name I just assume they are a bounty hunter...so he's probably a bounty hunter.
(?) - A droid from the newer movie. I like the figure but his limbs are so thin that they have warped over time.
Boba Fett - One of my favorites, I dig the battle harden look with all the scrapes and dings in his armor. Rocket pack on his back is cool too.
r2d2 & c3po - My two favorite figures. Now that I've found these two again I'm actually going to sit them out on my mantel...girlfriend willing I mean.
Jawa(s) - I think I have the name correct for these two. Little pieces on there hoods let light shin in and light up their eyes, always thought that was cool.
Chewbacca - This was actually given to me when I was little by my sister who had it when she was a kid. My brother-in-law flipped when he saw it and said he thinks it's the original Chewie action figure. I don't have any accessories with it and to be honest I have no idea if it came with any originally.

4 Comments

Raiding the Toy Box.

I'm sure quite a few of us had a least one or two action figures growing up. If not as a kid maybe you picked up a couple a little later in life. I've always liked action figures and I somewhat credit them with my introduction to the characters of the Marvel universe. As a kid anytime I got five dollars for cutting the neighbors grass or ten dollars in a card from a distant family member for my birthday it went to action figures. Needless to say I amassed quite a bit of them over the years. I thought it would be cool to dig through my three gallon Rubbermaid containers(of which there are six) and pull out some figures to take pictures of and share.

So this is my collection of Marvel action figures I have. Keep in mind I was kid and most of these figures saw heavy use and were destroyed so about a third of them I didn't even take pictures of because they are missing large identifying pieces or just completely broken. Also, I tried to find most of the accessories to go with each figure but I'm sure I'm missing some of them.

If you read through and enjoy this let me know, I actually enjoyed doing this and have tons of other toys I could post up like this. Anyways, hope you enjoy the nostalgia. (also sorry for the shoddy pictures, I don't have a camera so I had to use my phone.)

Let's begin!

Cable - One of the first action figures I remember buying, one of my favorites as well.
The left side of Cable's face and his left bicep pop off .
Maestro - So we've got this version of Hulk wearing Dr. Strange's cape, dragging Mjolnir, using Captain American's shield, with Wolverine's adamantium skeleton and claws around his wrist. Oh don't forget the helmets of Juggernaut, Ultron, Iron Man, Dr. Doom, and Nova, wrapped around his chest.
Holocaust - Can barely make it out in my crappy picture but you have the red skull and spinal cord suspended in the suit.
Silver Surfer - I have no idea why he's blue. By pulling the flame you could launch a disk of some sort out of the front of the board.
Silver Surfer II - This another of my favorites growing up. He has this odd angular protrusions in some places that make him look even more alien.
Brood alien - If you press the button on his back his mouth opens up and his wings flap.
Spider-man - Since he was one of my favorites as a kid I had quite a few versions of him. The one in the top left corner actually came with headgear and a belt with Dr. Ocks arms on it. Middle top, had some sort of wings IIRC. Metal suit, shot a disk out of his right arm. I'm not remember anything specific about the left and middle bottom figures. Bottom right figure had a button on the side, when pressed he did a odd flailing motion that the packaging informed you was wall crawling. Far right, to be 100% honest I'm not sure if this is Spider-Man but he had some weird boots and a back pack with a fan on it.
Wolverine - Ultra-ripped up clothes
RAR.
Cyclops - Is it just me or does Scott Summers have the worse facial expressions of any action figure ever.
Cool pop on costume though, that makes him a literal cyclops.
Rhino - there was a little lever on the back, when pressed made him kinda ram his head upwards. He came with a chest plate and wrist and ankle guards. He also had a prehistoric looking hammer and axe which I couldn't find.
Wolverine - My assumption is this taken from Weapon-X. If you squeezed his legs together his arms popped off.
So you could pop these awesome suckers on!
Daredevil- This was one of my favorites. He's fairly simple but he had quite a bit of articulation. He came with this tank-esque thing that you could break apart...
And gear him up with. I always thought Daredevil needed a pair of tank-tread roller skates.
Cyclops & Jean Gray - Two of my least favorite action figures. Note Scott's horrid face.
Lizard - Another favorite. This one had been glued back together multiple times I'm sure. He came with some odd backpack trashcan steam roller rig, couldn't find it though.
Halloween Jack - Just looks cool, and for some reason...
He could transform into a odd were-lion.
Iron Man - Another favorite.
The pop on armor was good touch.
Adam Warlock - He had this skull with snakes coming out of it you could mount him on and pull backwards and it would zoom forward. Needless to say, I couldn't find it.
AOA Sabertooth & Wildchild(?) - Always thought this was a cool one, toting around a miniature version of yourself on a chain is always awesome.
Zzzax(I think) - Next to no articulation, little wind up on the back made him vibrate, I mean wiggle like a flame or something.
Hydroman - I know, what action figure collection is complete without Hydroman. Although the the water base with wheels is kinda awesome.
HydroVenomMan(?) - I have no idea.
Venom - Another favorite, I liked the purplish/redish tint the symbiot has as opposed to its more common solid black depiction...
he also came with this cool little spider car. When you push it forward the legs move. Also, a pin on the back can be pulled to fire the discs with the purple spider on them.
Carnage - The blade fingers are cool but there is next to no articulation which isn't cool. This guy had some accessories but I can't recall what they were.
Genesis(Tyler Dayspring) - Yeah, he has an action figure...
When you take his mask off he is still lame.
Swarm - Always liked this one in this form...
Better than this one.
X-man - eh.
(?) - I'm not really sure who this guy is, I feel like he is associated with the Savage land though.
Jack O'Lantern - The flames behind his head are pretty cool. He had some accessories but I couldn't remember what they were. I feel like he had a vehicle of some sort actually.
Dr. Strange - Another favorite. The cape has some sort of rigidness at the bottom so when you sit him up right the cape supports him without his feet touching the ground to give the appearance of levitation, thought it was pretty cool.
Outcast - Another one I'm not sure of. I feel like he is a Ghost Rider villain but I'm not certain.
Ronan - Didn't really care for this one as a kid. He had a little alien he stood on that would zoom forward when you pulled it back. Similar to the one I described Adam Warlock having.
Morbius - Another favorite of mine as a kid (hey, I had a thing for vampires). When you squeezed his legs together his head rotated to human.
Hulk 2099 - Sadly at some point in my childhood I decided to cut the hair from the top of his head. He had a chainsaw that attached to his wrist. I have no idea why Hulk needs a chainsaw but OK.
Ultron - Always liked this one. Had a button on the back that when you pressed it lit up his face. He came with some kind of detainment gear. A mask and handcuff sort of things.
Wendigo - Again, I made the poor choice of cutting all of his hair off at some point. I didn't like hair on my action figures as a kid I guess.
(?) - Not quite sure, Hulk related.
(?) - Again, not sure but hulk related.
Apocalypse - Missing some sort of cables that slotted into his forearms.
Various - These figures are only an inch and a half tall and their metal. They came in packs of 8. That's all I remember. Paint is chipped off a good bit of them.
Various - Same as above.
Various - Same as above. No idea who the person in the top row in the middle is.
Abomination - I bought this one a little later in life as a teenager. Lot's of articulation, I think it came from the Marvel Select line IIRC.
Blackheart - Another teenage purchase, again I think it's from the Marvel Select line.
(?) - I have no idea who this is, he is missing the top half of his skull. If you have any idea post it, I would love to know.

16 Comments

Bleeding Superheroes

I found this collection of images perusing the web and took quite a liking to them so I figured I would post them for everyone else to check out. The artist is the Boneface. I think my favorite of the lot is Robin. If you dig them, what other superheroes would you like to see in this style?

10 Comments

Let's Discuss Conspiracies

A couple of things right off, I don't want this to be a place where we condemn conspiracies and just pass them off as crazy...there is already a thread for that HERE. Nor do I want this to be a place where we simply promote conspiracies and fervently give into the hype that surrounds most of them...I don't think there is a thread for that.

My goal: Provide a place where we can discuss conspiracies rationally and draw on facts and the multitude of resources on the web to maybe come to conclusions or to just simply educate ourselves. Hey, if we prove or disprove something that's cool too.

Alright, now that I've gotten that out of the way it's time to put on your tinfoil hat, loosen up, and for (insert deity)'s sake have fun.

"Civilization is a conspiracy. Modern life is the silent compact of comfortable folk to keep up pretenses." - John Buchan

73 Comments

Pointless Dribble From My Mind...

-FOR THE MATURE-

Out of nowhere, or more likely in from somewhere, comes a thought rushing. So pure and brittle to the bent egos of the world that it can’t be of ours. I was writing with a right hand but something told me to use the left and out it slipped when I obeyed, a spiritual geyser of love and harmony in staunch drift-less pursuit of purpose. Purpose comes from purpose with no prime mover or director pulling pale strings.

“You’re here because you wanted to be here “she said with a voice so soft I could hear everything.

This put me at ease.

“Your safe here” her daughter said with those eyes so deep I could see the reflection of everything.

This too put me at ease.

Ease is a funny word, but then again all words are funny.

In an unmistakable ease I now wear my pointy ears proudly and carry a bow in defense of nature. Just the bow, no arrows are needed when protecting something so innocent and pristine. For a right-handed person this is coming out in a very left-hand manner.

What is this, but simply what it is. When your head has been against the wall your entire life it’s easy to forget. Wait, I’m losing track of purpose.

This thought I was speaking of though, the one of pure origin which is too good for digital paper and ink, came to me like lightning comes to dead trees, and surely as they go up in flames so does the mind. So with a head full of fire I took to a pen. Jotted what I could and meditated on the rest.

Blew my nose and tried to light a cigarette against the winds desire. I know what you’re thinking how a self-proclaimed protector cannot protect the nature of himself or herself (I prefer to write with an androgynous state of mind). The wind disagrees with my self-deprecating choice again and wins this time, throwing the smoldering cherry onto my shoe and eventually out.

Here calls my wo/man (there’s that androgynous mind set peaking out again, it’s okay little one). With the shamelessness of a cat I slink in my chair and light another cigarette under my shirt out of the winds reach. I burn my chest. My chest burns. My mind burns. The latter I care for the former only feels good for a moment. Now here’s the question of how to end things. If things end is their importance in beginnings? I hope so. I know so. My mind’s a twisted place with many chasms, subject to spasms, and a similar wish-wash of an automobiles wipers against a…Here comes my wo/man.

I sit on the porch of all porches, watching cyclist, listening to alarms that blanket the air with notes of impending accidents to come, talking to a friend from my drug years. Pushing away the pusherman was never that hard until he was on the lawn begging to be let in. My fix now: caffeine. All wide eyed like one who sniffed too much glue? With hornets around my ankles and horns around my head I drift with one eye closed to the world, one eye open to the sound.

What is it to make love? Maybe this little death I feel is that. When he/she’s not here I feel nothing but the wind. Of the four elements I would be wind, or more likely air, never truly contained by its container, never falsely imprisoned in the lungs for longer than a moment.

Out of coffee and longing for more I hesitate for my hands already shake with each new day. Shaking hands with one is bitter especially when your palm contains more taste buds than your tongue.

“I’ve missed your tongue” she said as I gave it to her generously.

“I’ve missed giving you my tongue” I thought as I spell my name on her clitoris, marking it forever mine

This is my land as much as yours but I feel I carry the weight of the dumb earth heavier than any boulder Sisyphus ever pushed or watched tumble down.

Two hours stand between us, an even number, evenly numb as the shadows ache forth and grip their surroundings with leisure and penance. Where there was two riders only one remains, but I see the laggard coming now, slow and softly the physically weaker of the sexes but the mentally and emotionally stronger.

Every word I know I attempt to use wrongly simply to know its purpose truer, and here we come back to purpose. Is it there without deciding for one’s self? A van passes and ages before me, from the first decade I knew until the present one. Does purpose come with age? Does age come with purpose? The van passes again and this time there is no change in it.

Today I have nothing but questions. Tomorrow I’ll have nothing but answers.

“Check” we told each other.

“Checkmate” I imagine we both thought

That golden ball we pine after, that luminous sphere, which pushes us and pulls us, is nowhere to be seen. I know this story. I know this song. I’ll write both another day though for they will be important later in this. What is this you make ask? This is everything, and everything is nothing. It took a cat to teach me that. It’s amazing what you can learn without words and its amazing words can learn without you.

I love the reversal but as surely as a coin has two sides we forget the edge and slowly the edge will forget us.

I asked my grandpa how he made love stay. It was interesting that a man of few words who prefers solitude to verboseness rambled on incoherently until he came to say “Don’t expect too much, don’t expect too little, find a happy fulcrum and cherish it”.

I asked my grandma how she made love stay. It was interesting that a woman of so many words whose inner monologues must resemble something of Finnegan’s Wake had only one word to say “respect”.

She sits across from me, fixing her makeup, rearranging her freckles, dotting her eyes. I don’t know the terminology behind beautification so, mascara this and rogue that and I imagine it’s all done. It doesn’t take long but I figure when you’re that beautiful and perfect nothing does. She asks to hear my favorite jazz song, Wagon Wheels by Sonny Rollins, I oblige. The sax relaxes and the drums skip, we say nothing. Nothing can be said after one makes such true love to another. I imagine the rest of my life with her in this moment.

“I like this” she says in reference to the music

“I love this” I think in reference to the moment.

The spray of an aerosol hair care product fills the air and replaces the smell of a connection made. What is it about her that makes me write?

Merlot stained teeth gnaw the end of a spent cigarette. There is no connection at the present moment. No phone lines, no Ethernet, no ghost in my machine. All there is now, a chilling wind, a broken pretzel, and a lonely man. Still I’m happy; I take a razor to my wrist and rather than blood, out come kittens and puppies. I play with them till I pass out.

Suddenly I’m awake again and have an inclination towards dropping the androgynous bit for now; I may come back to it later though. Yes, I possess a penis, and intend to use it well. As of lately I’ve used it less to fuck and more to make love, or my version of it, which still has a pinch of fucking dashed in at the end. This woman, this lady, this tall glass of water with a sunflower dropped in, has impregnated me with hope, with reason.

My pinky rests on the backspace key although I’m not sure when or how to use it. Even a misspelled word slips by here and then. I coddle them with my mind; these little bastardized expressions are mine truly. Highlighted by jagged red lines they have a tinge of honesty about them. I still know what I mean but for your sake I correct them (whomever the hell might be reading). I know I’m reading. If I write poorly who will understand and will they think less of me. Will you think less of me? I write wrongs to right wrongs.

Feeling heavy with a meal under my belt, literally, I feel it right beneath the buckle; I sway in a rocker and ease smoke into my lungs. The cat sleeps near my feet as I think of the mistakes I’ve made in my life. What are mistakes that you have yet to make? What happens when you’ve deemed something a mistake and realize this event you’ve addressed as a mishap since its inception into the time line (which is a circle by the way) had its purpose?

Onwards we go, forth back and fro. Can you tell yet I hate rhymes? I was told once if you were going to rhyme; do it throughout a piece (this might be a piece). I would hate to bore everyone with my failing grasp of the English language, meter, syntax and the sort so I refrain. Let’s just forget that first sentence. Let us start anew.

The phone rings. It’s her. I light up like god’s birthday cake with its infinite candles.

Changing gears so hard I drop my mental transmission and realize, the only reason your teeth are still in your mouth is because I’m a good man. You’ve hurt someone I love and now I intend on hurting you.

I’m sweating now; I’m sweating out the impurities of my existence. The heat is almost unbearable. The bitter apple in my mouth taste ever sweeter. I’ve got to stop letting my mind roam as I write, I should be more concrete…Fuck that, this is how I write and I won’t help you understand. Pinkeye tulips turned in the wind, read backwards as love. There is nothing but me here, fingers flying, and a mind on fire.

I’m not the traditional cowboy but I like to still consider myself one. A cowboy in that I roam. Wait, maybe that’s an outlaw, an outlaw in that I roam.

Let me know how you feel about this. questions? answers?

22 Comments
  • 22 results
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3