@wolfrazer: It's pretty good. One way to improve the formatting is to use a few asterisks as breaks in time. Without the breaks it feels like this guy is just typing while he's fighting, which would be pretty weird. My favorite part is when you mentioned Dejarik, little easter eggs like that are awesome for fans of the series and shows that you are familiar with the theme of your story. It could be longer, and more could happen but that's mostly nitpicking. What the story needs is more characterization, he starts of saying he's bored then things happen and he reacts. There needs to be more of a reason for readers to care about your character. If he's hurt we should feel pain in your descriptions, if he's sad we should feel tragedy when we read. Don't shift to a new idea if you have an opportunity to expand on a thought. Try to milk every idea to the fullest effect and you might have something.
@joshmightbe: Don't want to commit to anything if I don't know the rules or the subject. Since this is your idea why don't you just set up an OP for the official contest, then those who are interested will be given a deadline, just like CCC.