They are a team of evil jugglers. JUGGLERS!
He's a teleporter named Telford Porter... seriously?
Just follow the link and check out the character profiles. They are downright unbelievable.
Why would Superman need a flying vehicle?
Big fan of Deadpool, but even I wonder about the sense behind this.
His name says it all.
He's like Marvel's Kenny.
Dentist Dr.Doom. Nuff said.
What happens when you wash Superman with too much bleach.
A character as awesome-looking as this should have a fitting name, in other words: something other than Seamus Mellencamp.
Just grab a spoon and some chocolate sauce and you've got him beat.
His power is having three faces. That's it.
An evil house-cat; oh wait, they generally are already evil.
Pretty awesome character but come on, he's a raccoon.
Donald Duck's distant cousin.
A vampire cow. Seriously.
DECIBELL! The cow superhero who diligently seeks to get people to eat more chicken and less beef!
A teleporting pet goat of a superhero. Also known as H.A.E.D.U.S - Heavily Armed Espionage Deadly Uber-Sheep.
Thor plus frog equals... oh please.
Able to make long-distance calls wherever he wants!
Originality mean anything, costume-wise?
One of his main powers is bashing himself in the head.
Why would you create a hairy robot?
Calendar-based crime spree...
Why a costume based on a chicken?
The name says it all.
Managed to become pretty awesome, but his original appearance and stories were ridiculous.
With the awesome ability to blot out the sun using only his head!
Why didn't he just call himself Stumpy the Tiger Man?
Beware his sack!
If you can't even think of a decent name for your team then you know it's bad.
Guess what? His powers come from a SPACE TURNIP!
Woman with monstrous transgender superpowers.
He's an elf. WITH A GUN!
-which apparently embodies some metaphor for chaos or something like that..
Losers they most certainly were.
First of all, his origin makes no sense, and secondly - why would you wear a bright-yellow costume and call yourself "the Whizzer?"
Interesting gadgets, but the theme just ruins it.
Do you suppose you could play twister on his suit?
His main weakness? ... Trees most likely.
Morbid obesity is a power?
Would a high-five be like poking him in the eye?
Squirrel powers, and yet she somehow managed to defeat Dr.Doom, MODOK, and Thanos? And it was canon?
A living hippie puppet.
A man who based his crimes on pennies.
If anything, his greatest accomplishment was allowing Batman to have a giant penny as a trophy.
Perhaps the evil twin of Humpty Dumpty?
An alphabet of agony!
And lets not forget his sidekick...
His name says enough.
He must've really hated those "you must be this tall to ride" signs at amusement parks as a kid.
And let's not forget...
The homage to Stilt-Man!
His power? A C.B. radio in his head.
Most notably, he incapacitated Spider-Man when he told him about his "powers of a walrus," causing Spider-Man to nearly pass out from laughing.
Considerably powerful, but has some of the most ridiculous powers you can imagine - like nuclear poop-vision.
Also, he was a genetically modified hill-billy, who was finally defeated by being turned into a group of chickens, which were promptly raped by his eight fathers.
Apparently someone who had the ability to attract dirt, which somehow made him think he qualified to be a superhero.
Able to grow extra eyes at will.
Has the power to sell any type of insurance policy to anyone. ANYONE.
Another character whose name says it all.
Possibly quite powerful, but the fact that he was simply a one-shot advertisement for the snackfood Combos kind of ruins him.
Changing colors without paint or markers? MADNESS!
Ain't he a doll?
Another living radio-receiver character?
A case where two heads are not better than one.
Is it any surprise that he only had one issue?
Then again, what do you expect from a Ren & Stimpy character?
Shouldn't they have just named him "Captain Split" or something?
So unbelievable that I must have one.
He can finish every game of Spaceopoly, EVERY game. But only Spaceopoly.
Fights crime with the awesome abilities of cross-dressing!
A highly-accomplished acrobat who somehow thought that his abilities would be better suited for robbing banks...
A team whose leader views the world as a "drooling idiot with no fashion sense." Not surprisingly, most of his team-members were fairly insane.
An irritating crime-fighter with the ability to "annoy the hell out of anyone."
Oh, the clashing of colors!
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE?!
I just don't see how his choice of animal is relevant to his abilities.
Words fail me.
Let his defeat serve as a reminder that you should always keep your eyes on the road.
Villians who certainly know how to get a-head in life!
How are moths killer?
She's like a Frosty the Snowman version of Mr. Freeze.
Not just a useless power, but also a mama's boy.
He probably should've just become a barber instead of trying to become a superhero.
Would lumberjacks, golfers, and Scots be immune to his powers?
The ability to innacurately estimate... Somehow I think he just made that power up.
Another team that blatantly, and accordingly, states what they are through their name.
Clearly a ridiculous character, RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME!
(As well as anything associated with him.)
A shapeshifting creature that for some reason decides to most often present itself as a large ball of plhegm, and let's not forget...
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
Better known as the Red Bee, he was a powerless superhero who fought evil along with a trained bumblebee... named Michael.
Sugar, vice, and nothing nice.
A being of considerable mystery, power, and ridiculousness.
And let's not forget...
The follow-up to Doop that raises even more pointless questions.
Is able to rule an entire dimension through the use of television... though that somehow doesn't seem so far-fetched. And let's not forget the fact that he is as disturbing as he is dangerous.
"He's the toughest S.O.B. to ever wear a tutu!"
A chicken-cow creature who is somehow strong enough to take on the incredible Hulk.
Never mind the theme and motivation, the fact that his name is literally Roy G. Bivolo just cannot go without mention.
Did Sherlock Holmes just get more awesome? Unbelievable for sure.
Definitely odd... but it does make sense if you think about it.
An opposite of Bizarro, with Bizarro being an opposite of Superman. Wait a minute...
"The World's Worst Detective," who utilizes a "futility belt" and repeats his inner thoughts aloud.
Has the ability to know just when to quit... And he also disquises himself as a French monkey.
Believed that a super-speedster like the Flash could be beaten with super-slowness.
Built a powerful suit of armor to destroy all mutants, but ended up building it too small and was ultimately electrocuted by it when he got caught in the rain with it. Cousin of...
A mutant with the ability to turn into a dinosaur creature who decided to destroy all mutants (saving himself for last), but was hit by a truck when he crossed a street without looking both ways. Cousin of...
Also sought to destroy all mutants and therefore had his hands replaced with giant fans, but then realized he couldn't open the door of his lab to leave and ended up decapitating himself when attempting a facepalm.
GASP! He used the power of disco for EVIL?!
"Aquaman may be able to stop a fish, but what about a FLYING fish?" That's most likely what he was thinking when he decided on his life of crime.
Mistake #1: becoming the sidekick of a guy called "Human Flying Fish".
Mistake #2: calling yourself "Sardine".
Mistake #3: taking pride in any of the other two mistakes!
Beware! He's sticky!
He was rejected from a superhero team? Why would they... Oh.
Is it just me, or are there way too many characters that have stickiness as their only power?
A living transvestite street...
The name is Fish... MISTER Fish.
Need I say more?
Gains incredible powers from lollipops... Seriously.
No. NO. NO! I MUST FORGET I SAW THIS BUT I CAN"T!
Somehow this series actually went for twelve full issues. Failure times twelve...
They are admittingly awesome, but there's no doubt that they are a very unbelievable idea. And then there's...
Unprecedented? Kind of.
Publisher of certain one-shots, including: The Death of Stupidman, Cable TV, Hewoes, and Infinity Charade - to name a few.
A largely hit-and-miss parody character from the Marvel series: Marville (which was also quite poorly received).
Comic book publisher that certainly had a thing for parodied women with "personality." Examples include: Swamp Thang, Wolverbroad, Superbabe, Batbabe, the Justice Broads, and you get the idea...
Gains actual superpowers from cocaine...
What's truly unbelievable is the fact that SEVERAL people were part of a group that dresses like this.
"A powerless white Caucasian, but when he screams 'Black Power!' he transforms into a stereotypical Afro American with superpowers similar to that of Captain Marvel."
Considerably powerful character who at some point created a new god for the world to worship: Religimon (think Buddha meets Pokemon). He was thankfully killed before his religion could start.
She can see where's she's going AND where's she's been! AT THE SAME TIME!
His costume would give even Crazy Quilt a run for his money. And it also doesn't seem to make much sense to give a desk-job to a weather-controller in my opinion.
I get the feeling a character as powerful as this would be a lot more popular if he had some fashion sense. Also, what reason did he have to be afraid of fire in the first place? As far as I know, he was invulnerable enough to be safe from it.
An evil genius from another dimension with world-conquering plans... who ended up getting mistaken for a talking toy.
If the image isn't enough, let me spell it out: HIS POWER IS FARTING!
See previous entry, but replace farting with belching.
"A man who can inflate himself and blast acidic pus." ... Yuck.
"A period can be a super-power too."... Must... Vomit.
Most likely the offspring of Popeye and a lobster.
Hitler's brain with a robotic gorilla body... God help us.
"Kill Cat is a wealthy executive who used money and power to create a super hero identity in order to get girls. In this regard he failed spectacularly. One thing is for certain; his ability to maim, kill, destroy and insult his team mates while blowing up planets is unparalleled, and apparently not his fault."
A villainess who's weapons are her umbilical-cord-connected triplets.
"Bitten by a radioactive frog, Megaton Man was the result of a military megasoldier program."
So unbelievable that it's down-right religulous.
I'm just gonna assume that the license plate said either "FAIL" or "SUX-AZ."
Not sure what to make of this, but I'm certain it belongs on this list.
The highly-trained pet octopus of Aquaman that was even taught archery by Green Arrow. I'm not trying to belittle a species here but come on, that's just ridiculous.
Otherwise known as the Beard Hunter. He kills people with beards apparently because he can't grow one - just in case you needed his motives clarified.
A Watchmen parody that includes characters such as Spottyman (Rorschach pretending to be Jewish), Krustofki (a mix of The Comedian and Krusty the Clown), and Ozzyosbourne (Ozymandias, with the appearance and speech pattern of singer Ozzy Osbourne).
Not just a Nazi, but a Nazi FRANKENSTEIN!
A... fat... man... who tried to fight crime... with a broom and a squirt gun.
A Nazi with a parrot head...
Basically what you'd get if Ebenezer Scrooge was a fully-fledged super-villian.
A manga about the Vietnam war, where Americans are rabbits, the British are rats, the Vietnamese are cats, and so on... I'm unsure of what to say at this point...
A comic series about a dystopian future in which a pirate radio station leads a resistance against a theocratic military dictatorship that controls America.
It was originally advertised as a story comprised of twelve issues, but poor sales led it to only going up to seven. The overall plot has yet to be concluded with even the writer stating that he considers it a "dud" and that he had no real end planned out for the series.
Had the ability to turn into an immmovable steel wall that apparently didn't offer himself much protection.
Basically the story of a slacker who gains amazing superpowers and attempts to remain a slacker - without much success. Just follow the link and you'll get a glimpse of the ridiculous hilarity that ensues, including my personal favorite...
A FRIGGEN NAZI DINOSAUR!
Is it any wonder that to this day he's only had one appearance?
"Superman Meets the Quik Bunny" = SUPER FAILURE.
Unless terminators are secretly powered by kryptonite, I'd imagine that this face-off would be very one-sided.
All you really need to know is that Spock uses the Vulcan nerve pinch on Wolverine. I'm sure that gave someone a nerd-gasm when they read it.
Apparently in this particular comic, Jesus fights several members of the Greek Pantheon, including Zeus. That's right. JESUS CHRIST FIGHTS ZEUS.
A great, big eyeball that goes by the name I the Great, as well as the Great I.
A big pink plastic robot made of Vibranium... named THROB... Am I the only one who feels that can be misinterpreted quite badly?
A Japanese cyborg scientist with a zeppelin body...
An evil genie-like character that was introduced eleven days before the September 11th attacks.
They sought to emulate that which makes Chuck Norris great through the form of a comic book. They didn't even come close.
He may have a reputation as a fairly competent villian, but it's just hard to take the old tele-tummy-face seriously.
I'm obviously being petty, but I CANNOT believe that this series was made into a graphic novel to top it off.
An orphaned child who learned how to fly from the condors that adopted him.
WWE wrestlers battle an evil, magical entity. Separately they might work, but together...
Killer tomatoes. 'Nuff said.
Just follow the link and you'll find more than enough reason for why this character belongs on this list. For example: "Wonder Wart-Hog’s only weaknesses are wood, steel and Portland cement, and he’s allergic to strawberry rhubarb, which nullifies his powers if immersed in it."
Fruitman! With the power to turn himself into any kind of FRUIT!
A living mathematical equation that can erase people's brains. He's also somehow a Green Lantern.
A sentient smallpox virus that was made into a Green Lantern.
A patient of a mental institute who was made a Green Lantern.
How is it that a being composed entirely of crystal can have a mohawk?
A cartoon-like squirrel that got run over by a truck...
Because everyone knows that zebras have diamagnetic powers, so it only makes sense for a guy to name himself Zebra Man when he gets such powers... not.
An Irish-American ninja doctor - who also happens to have ridden a velociraptor at one point - and that is only the start of his level of unbelievable awesomeness.
Through some complex time travel, the Turtles end up in WWII Berlin and end up tricking Hitler into committing suicide - and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Also known as MILF! Led by...
Just don't point out the issues of his own codename and that of his organization. The first guy to do so was swiftly decapitated.
Found this while searching for the previously-mentioned MILF organization.
A reality television show about people committing suicide. The unbelievable part would have to be that such an idea sadly doesn't seem so far-fetched in real life...
"Became a robot after receiving a mechanical sexually transmitted disease from an attractive fembot he met in a bar."
The biggest badass in the 'Empowered' comic universe. A hardcore vigilante who cross-dresses in a French maid outfit and heels.
You've got to love it when a name says all you need to know...
A spiked ball and chain headpiece... It at least has the potential for some serious Three-Stooges-esque mishaps...
Once turned into a bird-like dinosaur in order to save a world of dinosaurs from extinction... By basically raping a dinosaur...
The bottom note says,
"PARENTS BEWARE! This Comic-Book is exactly what you think it is! 32 pages of meaningless, overblown violence, mayhem and destruction! (Plus one Naughty Word)"
Sadly, there was only one issue of this series...
"After spending years washing radioactive fiesta ware, history teacher and comic fan Paul Mahler finds that he has the ability to teleport, clean, and place crockery and tableware in it’s proper place with just a wave of his hand."
I once came across a few pages of "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac." They involved him being in Heaven, causing people's heads to explode -repeatedly, and also what was stated as being "a professional flying baby." These images haunt and intrigue me to this day...
The band? Gods of rock.
The comics based on them? Unbelievably questionable...
A comic about judaism-themed super heroes such as Menorah Man, Dreidel Meidel(who got her powers from being trapped in a particle accelerator with a gyroscopic dreidel), Kipa Kid, MagenDavid, Minyan Man, and so on.
There's also an actual website that sells costumes and other merchandise...
A mutant groundhog that fights his own political war. The comic is full of unbelievably ridiculous concepts - such as communism coming from the red spot on Jupiter.
A character from a porno comic series done in the style of the "Archie" comics. Most likely made for (or by) people with some questionable Betty and Veronica fantasies.
"Steampunk Palin?" *Ahem* WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!
Why do I get the feeling he won't giggle if you poke him?
Too bad you won't see this on Sesame Street.
Somehow a cowboy gorilla strikes me as unbelievable in both a good way and a bad way.
A superhero made entirely of yarn... Weakness: probably knitting needles if I had to guess.
A villain who put a on a special suit to become a human-superball. Batman once actually defeated him simply by kicking him and causing him to ricochet around a room until he couldn't take it anymore.
A creature of unknown origin, impossible power, and no real sense.
Not surprisingly, it was retconned as possibly nothing more than a hallucination.
Patriotic hero who had a similar origin to Captain America, other than the fact that he was made using the bodies of three crippled WWI veterans and that he could only use his powers by whistling the Yankee Doodle Dandy tune.
"Sometimes, on a dark night, your shadow thrown by a streetlight will suddenly and startlingly overtake you. It is actually a Gengar running past you, pretending to be your shadow. To steal the life of its target, it slips into the prey's shadow and silently waits for an opportunity. On the night of the full moon, if shadows move on their own and laugh, it must be Gengar's doing." ... HOW is this part of a kid's game?
"It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away. It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing." ... A child-stealing balloon... And here I thought kids only had to look out for strangers with candy...
The AIDS vampire! He infects people... with AIDS! He died... of AIDS! ...AIDS!
"The Globe is a super villain obsessed with maps and plots crimes by latitude, longitude, time zones, and the shape of land-masses." ...Are they just starting to run out of themes for super-villains or what?
That's right. The title is in fact "Generic Comic Book." I just find that... unbelievably amazing. It gets even better with the "This Comic Contains" box in the middle of the cover.
Let me break it down: 1/4 Bizarro + 1/4 time-travel + 1/2 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and you get this guy... Furthermore, his defeat basically involved him being retconned out of existence. You know you suck when it only takes one issue for that to happen...
"Mona Virgin was a college student who was raped in a scientific laboratory. Just before she reached orgasm, however, she was bitten on her vagina by a radioactive spider. In addition to gaining superpowers, two serious side-effects also came from this event; Despite becoming sexually supercharged, she could no longer reach orgasm, and her insect instincts compel her to murder her partners during sex." ...Despite everything I've already come across for this list... I still manage to be... surprised by what I find sometimes.
He is the greatest man this planet has ever known, and yet no one knows his name. Also, don't you dare laugh at his hat...
"A nuclear powered vagrant who went on a rampage through Manhattan, looking for respect and a cup of coffee."
A board game developer who believed Superman was out to get him because of his latest idea. Oddly enough, he was one of the few people that hated Superman who did NOT get turned into a supervillain. Yet...
So they took two over-used elements and combined them into one story? Original perhaps on some level, but definitely unbelievable.
A tapdancing villain who made use of tapdancing robots that sang "We're In The Money." ...It must be hard to make a getaway if you're tapdancing the entire time...
Helen Keller as a vicious Daredevil-esque agent for the Secret Service. ..."Do the Helen Killer, and kill nondescript." ...I had to say it.
"Frustrated by society's failure to protect its most vulnerable citizens, Foreskin Man has taken up the fight against male genital mutilation. It is the dawn of a new era. Circumcisers beware!"
... There's even a website: www.foreskinman.com
My basic summary of the creation of this character as I have come to understand it:
"Hey, let's toss a hot chick into this fighting game!"
"But won't it be bad to show men beating up a woman?"
"Good point... How about we make her a transsexual?"
"The Mutant Murderizer," who swore to exterminate all mutants after a news bulletin about the X-Men cut off an episode of his favorite TV program. ...You know, most people would've just changed the channel.
A supervillain with SUCH a habit of being overly-dramatic and monologuing, that he even started a school to teach others in how to do so.
Th-th-th-that's it! I'm outta here... THAT's what's up, doc!
Mr. Nebula, the Interplanetary Designer! Bestows upon the universe his gift of appalling tackiness, gaudy designs, and clashing colors of fuscia, mauve, teal, and lavender; leaving behind in his wake, entire traumatized planets and near-suicidal populaces!
A mob boss who has a medical condition that requires him to constantly be on the toilet.
Street thug who claimed that Thor had left him in charge of Chicago. For the most part, he just dressed up like Thor and used a lot of hammers.
... At least with that many hands he can illustrate the amount of face-palms that are necessary right now.
A class-act kinda guy who would go for a woman's brains rather than her booty. ...See what I did there?
I don't see what the big deal is, why would he be so danger-ah! Papercut! ...That fiend!
"A woman who once a month turns into a hormone-driven superheroine."
The INCREDIBLE Condom-Man! ...I can warrant a guess why the issue is advertised as "Ultra Limited Edition."
Back in 2008, The Telegraph published an article titled "Barack Obama: The 50 Things You Might Not Know" that mentioned Obama's childhood love of Conan the Barbarian comics. A few months later, someone published an actual comic inspired by that idea. This is that comic.
A woman made up of puzzle pieces who somehow thought she could take on Superman.
Okay, he's from a future without a need for crime, but he wanted to be a criminal anyway. He was apprehended and given a uniform with P's all over to stand for "prisoner." He then travelled back in time to go on a crime spree using what looks like a fancy spatula. Did I forget to mention anything?
GAAASBAAAAAG! The human whoopee cushion!
Osama Bin Laden comes back from the dead as a giant, mutated monster. ...Really now?
No. It's not the dog from "All Dogs go to Heaven." THIS is a humanoid car that acts like a thug and whose catch-phrase is "Don't get up in my grill."
A nun who, as the story goes, ate some bad shrimp when she was sixteen, and has been able to shrink at will ever since.
Evil genius with a second brain in his butt. ...So he can almost literally pull an idea out of his ass!
"Batman will never defeat me if I send signals about the crimes I'm going to commit!" ... He should've just made a sign that says "I GIVE UP" to save himself some time.
What good is it being a criminal if you turn all your loot into coins and shoot it at people?
Let me guess. His catchphrase is: "Will that be paper, OR PLASTIC?"
It just doesn't seem like a good idea to hit people with your own head. Even if you do have a fancy helmet on.
"Halt villain! I shall -SQUISH! ... Oops, I stepped on him."
A villain who is quite literally FULL. OF. CRAP.
Has an 8-foot, indestructible shlong... And Long-Dong is the best name he could come up with? Why not Pornstar? Mega Member? Supenis? Or...
Thief who wears a Batman cowl and throws "brick-like death-dealing objects".
The ridiculousness of that hits me like...wait for it... a ton of BRICKS!
A team of mutant children with questionable members such as: Cabbage, Celery, Mustard, Peanut, Salt... I'm getting hungry...
His power? He never, ever, EVER stops talking.
The Premiere superhero team of Kansas! Members: Topeka, the team leader! Meadowlark, the bird guy who sings! Sunflower, the living sunflower! Grain Belt, the man made of grain who can't wear pants without a belt! And Pioneer, the prairie woman with "Power of the Prairie"!
The concept? See title. Sense? Not found. Hilarity? Endless.
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