Unbelievable
Things and characters that just seem too odd, silly, or ridiculous to believe.
List items
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A superhero made entirely of yarn... Weakness: probably knitting needles if I had to guess.
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A villain who put a on a special suit to become a human-superball. Batman once actually defeated him simply by kicking him and causing him to ricochet around a room until he couldn't take it anymore.
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A creature of unknown origin, impossible power, and no real sense.
Not surprisingly, it was retconned as possibly nothing more than a hallucination.
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Patriotic hero who had a similar origin to Captain America, other than the fact that he was made using the bodies of three crippled WWI veterans and that he could only use his powers by whistling the Yankee Doodle Dandy tune.
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"Sometimes, on a dark night, your shadow thrown by a streetlight will suddenly and startlingly overtake you. It is actually a Gengar running past you, pretending to be your shadow. To steal the life of its target, it slips into the prey's shadow and silently waits for an opportunity. On the night of the full moon, if shadows move on their own and laugh, it must be Gengar's doing." ... HOW is this part of a kid's game?
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"It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away. It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing." ... A child-stealing balloon... And here I thought kids only had to look out for strangers with candy...
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The AIDS vampire! He infects people... with AIDS! He died... of AIDS! ...AIDS!
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"The Globe is a super villain obsessed with maps and plots crimes by latitude, longitude, time zones, and the shape of land-masses." ...Are they just starting to run out of themes for super-villains or what?
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That's right. The title is in fact "Generic Comic Book." I just find that... unbelievably amazing. It gets even better with the "This Comic Contains" box in the middle of the cover.
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Let me break it down: 1/4 Bizarro + 1/4 time-travel + 1/2 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and you get this guy... Furthermore, his defeat basically involved him being retconned out of existence. You know you suck when it only takes one issue for that to happen...
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"Mona Virgin was a college student who was raped in a scientific laboratory. Just before she reached orgasm, however, she was bitten on her vagina by a radioactive spider. In addition to gaining superpowers, two serious side-effects also came from this event; Despite becoming sexually supercharged, she could no longer reach orgasm, and her insect instincts compel her to murder her partners during sex." ...Despite everything I've already come across for this list... I still manage to be... surprised by what I find sometimes.
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He is the greatest man this planet has ever known, and yet no one knows his name. Also, don't you dare laugh at his hat...
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"A nuclear powered vagrant who went on a rampage through Manhattan, looking for respect and a cup of coffee."
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A board game developer who believed Superman was out to get him because of his latest idea. Oddly enough, he was one of the few people that hated Superman who did NOT get turned into a supervillain. Yet...
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So they took two over-used elements and combined them into one story? Original perhaps on some level, but definitely unbelievable.
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A tapdancing villain who made use of tapdancing robots that sang "We're In The Money." ...It must be hard to make a getaway if you're tapdancing the entire time...
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Helen Keller as a vicious Daredevil-esque agent for the Secret Service. ..."Do the Helen Killer, and kill nondescript." ...I had to say it.
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"Frustrated by society's failure to protect its most vulnerable citizens, Foreskin Man has taken up the fight against male genital mutilation. It is the dawn of a new era. Circumcisers beware!"
... There's even a website: www.foreskinman.com
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My basic summary of the creation of this character as I have come to understand it:
"Hey, let's toss a hot chick into this fighting game!"
"But won't it be bad to show men beating up a woman?"
"Good point... How about we make her a transsexual?"
"... Brilliant!"
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Another TMNT parody...
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"The Mutant Murderizer," who swore to exterminate all mutants after a news bulletin about the X-Men cut off an episode of his favorite TV program. ...You know, most people would've just changed the channel.
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DECIBELL! The cow superhero who diligently seeks to get people to eat more chicken and less beef!
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A teleporting pet goat of a superhero. Also known as H.A.E.D.U.S - Heavily Armed Espionage Deadly Uber-Sheep.
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A supervillain with SUCH a habit of being overly-dramatic and monologuing, that he even started a school to teach others in how to do so.
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Th-th-th-that's it! I'm outta here... THAT's what's up, doc!
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Mr. Nebula, the Interplanetary Designer! Bestows upon the universe his gift of appalling tackiness, gaudy designs, and clashing colors of fuscia, mauve, teal, and lavender; leaving behind in his wake, entire traumatized planets and near-suicidal populaces!
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A mob boss who has a medical condition that requires him to constantly be on the toilet.
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Street thug who claimed that Thor had left him in charge of Chicago. For the most part, he just dressed up like Thor and used a lot of hammers.
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... At least with that many hands he can illustrate the amount of face-palms that are necessary right now.
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A class-act kinda guy who would go for a woman's brains rather than her booty. ...See what I did there?
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I don't see what the big deal is, why would he be so danger-ah! Papercut! ...That fiend!
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"A woman who once a month turns into a hormone-driven superheroine."
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The INCREDIBLE Condom-Man! ...I can warrant a guess why the issue is advertised as "Ultra Limited Edition."
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Back in 2008, The Telegraph published an article titled "Barack Obama: The 50 Things You Might Not Know" that mentioned Obama's childhood love of Conan the Barbarian comics. A few months later, someone published an actual comic inspired by that idea. This is that comic.
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Just to be clear, I'm referring to the woman made up of puzzle pieces who somehow thought she could take on Superman.
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Okay, he's from a future without a need for crime, but he wanted to be a criminal anyway. He was apprehended and given a uniform with P's all over to stand for "prisoner." He then travelled back in time to go on a crime spree using what looks like a fancy spatula. Did I forget to mention anything?
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GAAASBAAAAAG! The human whoopee cushion!
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The biggest badass in the 'Empowered' comic universe. A hardcore vigilante who cross-dresses in a French maid outfit and heels.
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Osama Bin Laden comes back from the dead as a giant, mutated monster. ...Really now?
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No. It's not the dog from "All Dogs go to Heaven." THIS is a humanoid car that acts like a thug and whose catch-phrase is "Don't get up in my grill."
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A nun who, as the story goes, ate some bad shrimp when she was sixteen, and has been able to shrink at will ever since.
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Evil genius with a second brain in his butt. ...So he can almost literally pull an idea out of his ass!
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His power? He never, ever, EVER stops talking.
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"Batman will never defeat me if I send signals about the crimes I'm going to commit!" ... He should've just made a sign that says "I GIVE UP" to save himself some time.
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What good is it being a criminal if you turn all your loot into coins and shoot it at people?
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Let me guess. His catchphrase is: "Will that be paper, OR PLASTIC?"
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It just doesn't seem like a good idea to hit people with your own head. Even if you do have a fancy helmet on.
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"Halt villain! I shall..." -SQUISH! ... "Oops, I stepped on him."
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A villain who is quite literally FULL. OF. CRAP.
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Has an 8-foot, indestructible shlong... And Long-Dong is the best name he could come up with? Why not Pornstar? Mega Member? Supenis?
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Bad title choice...
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Mistake #1: becoming the sidekick of a guy called "Human Flying Fish".
Mistake #2: calling yourself "Sardine".
Mistake #3: taking pride in any of the other two mistakes!
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Thief who wears a Batman cowl and throws "brick-like death-dealing objects".
The ridiculousness of that hits me like...wait for it... a ton of BRICKS!
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A team of mutant children with questionable members such as: Cabbage, Celery, Mustard, Peanut, Salt... I'm getting hungry...
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The Premiere superhero team of Kansas! Members: Topeka, the team leader! Meadowlark, the bird guy who sings! Sunflower, the living sunflower! Grain Belt, the man made of grain who can't wear pants without a belt! And Pioneer, the prairie woman with "Power of the Prairie"!
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The concept? See title. Sense? Not found. Hilarity? Endless.
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Batman must have this right next to his "Female Villain Repellent" spray cans. And no, I'm not making that part up. Read "Planetary."
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Two major appearances, two major screw-ups. The first one resulted in him causing untold property damage and blaming it on another hero to make himself look good, and the second one resulted in him killing another hero over differing opinions and after which he simply runs away. Thunderclap? More like... uh... Blunders-that? Yeah. Blunders-that.
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A strange lizard creature that is considered the most important thing in the universe and is the cause of countless religions, cults, and wars throughout the galaxy. Why? No one's really sure...
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It's a box. Named B'ox... I'm getting the impression that Green Lantern members are becoming as derivative and ridiculous as new Pokemon.
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BARACK OBAMA STARTS IN: A zombie-apocalypse story where there's practically a parody or pop-culture reference for each individual zombie. In other words: a lot.
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"Traveled back in time to take over the world. Invented a shrinking gas and an antidote for it, but when he used the gas on himself, he shrank too small and couldn't open the antidote bottle."
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Talking Nazi gorilla vampire.
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Has full control over movement of her hair, but not the hair on her head...
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The title is one thing, but the story features an alchemy machine that can turn dog poop into gold... No matter how fantastical alchemy might be, I'm pretty sure that is impossible...
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