darth_brendroid's forum posts

#1 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

I'd say 'Batman: Year One', 'Batman: The Long Halloween' and 'Batman: Dark Victory' should give a decent origin start. 'Year One' features the origins of Batman, 'Long Halloween' the rise of his rogues gallery, and 'Dark Victory' (sequel to Long Halloween) the origin of Robin.

I also liked 'Batman: Gothic' (very stand alone, but by Grant Morrison and with a very interesting plot line). If need be just do a quick Wikipedia search to verify details. I know I found a string of issues some years back with Black Mask that I loved because it felt like I was reading Batman up against a formidable new Big Bad (ha, I was new but I found it a brilliant introduction to Black Mask) that included some issues of 'Batman: Under the Hood', and 'Heart of Hush' is also good (I love Dustin Nguyen's art style). You could probably safely read any of these in any order.

#2 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

Anti-heroes are heroes that could be villains. Anti-villains are villains that could be heroes. *shrug*

#3 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

@xxxddd: You weren't being told to write a novel. You were being told to write in prose. There is a difference.

A novel is a book from anywhere above about 50, 000 words. The definition varies, but let's go with that, yeah?

Prose is a way of writing. It's not like poetry, which is lyrical and constructed (mostly) according to a metrical system. It isn't like a script either, which is what you seemed to be writing. Scripts tend to be about dialogue. There's action, sure, but everything hinges on how the characters talk to one another and how that talking reveals their motivations and personalities.

Prose is different. Prose is what you're writing now. Prose is, I suppose, the default method of writing and there's a reason for that. It allows you to explore things more introspectively. You can write with the lyrical style of poetry or you can write a piece with characters talking to one another, but what prose allows you to do is to explore sensations and to explore their inner-most thoughts woven around whatever it is that you're writing. Yes, prose is the format in which most novels are written. In fact recent replies in your thread explain it - "Remember how in grade school you had to write personal narratives and stuff like that".

They weren't telling you to write a novel. They were telling you to write prose; it just so happens that prose is the form in which most novels are written.

#4 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

A lot of pop culture is fanfiction. Only difference is that they're paid to produce it.

#5 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

The plot thickens. Interesting.

#6 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

Some of the dialogue reads as cliche ("What's your name?" *person stutters out name* * receives promotion after an incompetent officer is killed*) and I think you mean 'gods' rather than 'Gods' ('gods' denoting a collective group of things like 'tigers' or 'wolves', whereas Gods implies the singular and a name like Tiger or Wolf).

Also, how do you run through a flight of stairs? I'm picturing this character literally crashing through a flight of stairs and falling onto the ground, covered in dust and debris. Your phrasing is also redundant when you say "He finally reaches the roof when he bursts out"; bursts out of what? The stairs? The fire escape? The hallway? We would also assume he reaches the roof, but the final phrase "he bursts out" finishes itself (in my mind) with "and reaches the roof", forming the sentence "He finally reaches the roof when he bursts out and reaches the roof". Maybe "He finally bursts out onto the roof" would work better?

How does he 'exam' his leader? Do you mean 'examines'? I'm in agreement that the present is awkward. I've only seen it used brilliantly very rarely. Also show us that Yorkshhire (Yorkshire?) is yelling or threatening - don't tell us. Just have him say "Don't question me sergeant". Leave no threat, have no emphasis. Just have him say that, very suddenly and very sharply and have him standing there confidently. Maybe he does something with his hands - maybe they twitch. As it is, Yorkshire seems like a boss cut from the mold of Darth Vader and painted with the cliches of a no-nonsense drill sergeant. Maybe he could work well, but he comes across as this arrogant, sexist douche with a Napoleonic complex and little self control.

I link you to this and ask you if Yorkshire is a caricature of evil or a human being who loves things and can have a normal life if your story never happened but, because of something disgusting and evil that drives him, he's become this antagonistic figure. I don't want to laugh at Yorkshire for being so obviously evil. That's not scary. I want you to terrify me with Yorkshire because he's not evil. Because he can feel love and be kind and appreciate the same things everyone else does. Hitler was a vegetarian who loved animals, art, music, exercising and wanted to make things better for the common people of Germany (hence the Volkswagen - People's Car). He was also virulently racist and that disgusting aspect of Hitler came to drive his social and foreign policies to such an extent that he's seen as the paragon of evil. At the moment Yorkshire doesn't chill me. You can't empathise with him. Maybe that's the point of this exert. If he's like this for the entire book, make me empathise with him. Scare me because he's not evil - scare me because we find him sympathetic but so disgusting it terrifies me that I feel that sympathy.

I also really pity Sergeant Kimble. I want to hug her. Don't make her stutter though. I tried that in a story once and it just didn't work. It was laughable. Writing a stutter is hard and needs research.

#7 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

I've been trying to think of something. It's got to be something where he can feel like he's doing something for truth and justice. I've come at a blank. If he's not a reporter, I'm not sure what he could be. I thought detective, but Clark isn't so noir. He'd be investigating things and he'd have the right to do so and he'd be fighting for truth and justice, but it doesn't feel like Clark. Neither does a politician (who would be able to fight for truth and justice, but call me cynical Clark wouldn't lower himself to be a politician and he'd find himself working in different circles to the common people). Clark has these skills for writing though and I feel if he takes anything up he wouldn't want to sacrifice that cultivated talent. Maybe he'd become some kind of political writer, writing books on politics with a socialist bent or something like that. Fighting with words for the common person who can't fight for themselves.

#8 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

Is this a teaser? If not, I'm thinking it needs more detail. I get an idea of who our main character seems to be (Daisuke Kyuzera) but none of the conflict. I really want to feel the pressure of fighting against entire universes of superpowered characters, but I get none of this here. Maybe work in some dialogue and fight scenes. It's not bad, just seems very, very rushed and a little lacking with regards to actual plot.

#9 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

They look mostly fine, but Flash looks like he's walking.

#10 Posted by darth_brendroid (1717 posts) - - Show Bio

@VyseCarma: Kinda; it's still got much of the style of your original piece, but the figure looks more fleshed out. I think mostly the bent leg looks off.

@stambo42: Michelangelo preferred sculpting at any rate.