@enemybird: Seriously, see a professional, join counseling with qualified individuals. Nobody on this site is qualified to help you through this. Those that are suggesting you seek out professional help, listen to them. There is public help available and there are people who care about you enough that will help you if you just ask. Do not simply accept and wallow in this, seek out help and grab hold of your life. Depression can be overcome, but the first step is to acknowledge this need for actual help then seeking it out.