cbishop's forum posts

#1 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: Nice use of the Radioactive Man. This...

"Lu, Barnes deploy, it appears SHIELD's wonder team has failed, maybe we would have more success hiring some of those mutants in Westchester or maybe some killers like the Punisher or that Scourge character who's killing super villains.''

...I get that it's a shoutout to the other Mayhem titles, but it felt forced. This however...

''What did SHIELD tell you about your last medical exam?'' Chen asked as he walked outside.

''That I was fine.'' Melissa answered as Chen got into an armoured car marked with the SHIELD logo emblazoned on the side.

''Then they lied.'' Chen told her before the doors were closed.

...was awesome. Although if it's radiation that he was sensing, I don't see why he wouldn't have drawn it out of her to at least slow the problem. Added to my FF Long Box - Groups. :)

#2 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: It's cool to see that Orka- a guy who moves best in the water, has such fluid movements in a fight. Even though he's lumbering to a degree, he's aware of the battle enough to watch others' backs and throw opponents into the blasts of other opponents, saving a teammate. Really liking him. Added to my FF Long Box - Groups. :)

#3 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

''If we're voting.'' Melissa coughed, ''I am really against that.''

lol - no kidding.

@wildvine said:

@impurestcheese: I think my fave part was the hard sound baseball bat. That was cool.

@impurestcheese: Buzzsaw is armless! Let's give him a hand! And other puns! Bumped

@impurestcheese: ''It's Atlantean slang for Damsel.'' Orka explained, ''Anyway I was on my way to a job interview when I saw them and decided to lend a hand. Missed my interview mind you but I'm sure the position of bag-boy will come up at Walmart again.''

That doesn't sound right for some reason...damsel. Whole things very good just this tiny bit is ye olde and, well it doesn't really read right to me. Lady, girl, chick maybe but damsel, but then again I don't speak atlantean so :) Good job. I almsot want to see Orka in a What If story where he got the job at WalMart.

^^^All this. Great issue. And Orka's kind of a badass, just taking blades to the arm and stuff. Added to my FF Long Box - Groups. :)

#4 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: Added to my FF Long Box - Groups. :) See though? If superpowers were real, someone would have iced, sonic bubble asphyxiated, or otherwise missile roasted a smug beeotch like Victoria Hand. ...That's probably why we don't get super powers. Drag.

#5 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@impurestcheese: Added to my FF Long Box - Groups. :) I thought I had started on these before- so sorry! I'll be reading them in my downtime, so I may be a little slow going. Great start. Loved the "saucy wink" from Songbird. ;)

#6 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@The_Deathstroker: This needs some edits throughout. In one spot, you say TBI instead of TGI. Mostly though, it's the quotation marks. When your character is talking for paragraphs at a time, it should look like this:

"Paragraph 1 dialogue.

"Paragraph 2 dialogue.

"Paragraph 3 dialogue."

Leaving the quotes off at the end of paragraphs 1 & 2 shows your character is still talking, but it's very important that you put a quotation mark at the beginning of the next paragraph, so the reader can tell the character is still talking, and not just narrating. Especially since the 5CC stories are using first person narrative.

#7 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio
#8 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@The_Deathstroker: Oh, definitely intrigued. The first person narrative on these is dragging things out a little bit, but I'm enjoying it.

#9 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio
#10 Posted by cbishop (7422 posts) - - Show Bio

@dngn4774: Interesting addition of Stardust. The rest of the group should take note, if it hasn't been discussed in PM already.