From 2021 to late 2022 I was the website manager for Gwandanaland Comics. There wasn't much to it really. The site was already set up on GoDaddy, and had the owner's logo set up on the main page.

The way GoDaddy works, that logo was seen on every page. I'll be honest: I've never liked that logo. It does the job, but it's plain and boring. So, I came up with something to jazz up the pages a little bit:

All I did here was retype the logo in MSP, adding the "TM," because that's very important. The pictures framing the logo I took from the covers of various Gwandanaland books. I tried to find pics of both characters that were popular in the Gwandanaland reprints, and pics that had them looking towards the logo. Except for Archie, who's looking at the Phantom Lady beside him, because he's like that. One mistake I made: I kept record of every book I pulled a pic from, except for the gorilla next to Captain Marvel, just above the "G" - I couldn't find that one again. This logo wasn't for the website. I used it on the fan page on Facebook.

I couldn't get rid of that main logo though, so it would look like this on the GoDaddy pages:

Not teriffic, but it's what I had to work with. At least it's not just the blue field logo by itself. "Gwandanland Comics (All Products)" was one of the categories. The way GoDaddy works, that category name was floating over the picture which I'll explain below.

"Just one more thing, Doctor," said Colombo.

"Let me guess," said Detective John Roche, who had accompanied the Lieutenant, "one of the Doombots squealed?"

"A-heh, no, no, the Doombot lookalikes did exactly as they were programmed to do, and after a thorough check of Victor's... uh, do you mind if I call you Victor? ...Thank you. As I was saying, after checking Victor's system in his fantastic laboratory, we can account for the whereabouts and actions of every Doombot he has for the time in question. Actually, we can account for everyone involved.

"Except... except for you, yourself, Victor. ...Oh, no. No, sir. I do not mean to presume anything. I don't presume at all. I just follow the facts, sir. And you see, sir, the fact is you are the only person we cannot account for during this entire battle. Oh, yes, yes, you were here in the room with us the entire time, but...

"You see, sir, you got me thinking. ...Yes, sir, I know more than a few people that might agree with you. It does tend to annoy people at times. But do you mind if I finish? I have always heard that you are one of the most brilliant minds of our time, and I'd like to see if you follow my line of thinking. ...Ah, thank you, sir.

"You see, sir, you were here in the room with us the entire time, but I'm uh... I'm wondering, sir... if you are actually the good Doctor Victor Von Doom. ...You're not responding, sir. I think I've surprised you. ...Are you surprised? It's hard to tell with your mask, sir. ...Ah, don't think me rude, Doctor! Don't think me rude at all. I'm a practical man, and it's just a practical statement. I make my living reading the faces of others, and with that mask it is very hard to read yours. And you see, sir, that's what got me thinking.

"You see, sir, what they say about you... and forgive me for repeating secondhand information, but it's all I have to go by as you and I have never had any personal conversations. But what they say about you is that you suffered a horrible lab accident in your college years that scarred your face with horrible burns. And then to add insult to injury the school expelled you for having endangered others, so you left the country. ...Uh, is that right so far, sir? ...Nothing, sir? Well then I'll continue.

"You travelled the world for a time until you found a monastery... a monastery, was it? ...uh, that's not important, it's not important. But while there, the monks forged you a suit of armor to your own exacting and demanding specifications, but in your impatience and hatred for your own scars, you attempted to put the mask on too soon... while it was molten hot... and this further burned and scarred your face. Is this...? You know, that's the public record about you, so we'll just assume it to be true, although I do not always recommend that as the wisest course of action, you understand.

"But this got me thinking: A man who has been horribly scarred, and terribly humiliated, leaves the country for parts unknown, but then returns to put himself out there so publicly? A man who hid from the world, and hid his very face, wants to be looked up to by everyone? To be revered as king? That's a very strange turn, sir. A very strange turn.

"You know what we found when we examined your system, and reviewed the events of today, Doctor? ...Yes, yes, the Doombots were all where they were supposed to be. But do you know who else was here? ...The Fantastic Four, sir. The World's Greatest Super Team... or so they say. I wouldn't know, sir. I hardly pay attention to those types of things. I'm too busy trying to solve things like murder, sir. Like the murder I was called here for today.

"I'm sorry, sir, you're correct. I have gotten sidetracked, and I am guilty of doing that perhaps more often than a man in my profession should. But as we were reviewing the events of today, I noticed that the Fantastic Four were here, sir.

"The Thing was punching, and lifting, and throwing with his super strength. The Human Torch was flying around, and shooting fire. And the Invisible Woman- when we could see her- was making invisible shields and throwing things around with invisible force... uh, well, forgive me, sir, you know how that works.

"Where was I? Oh, yes, the last of the Four- Mister Fantastic- he was out there too. Flying around in that curious Fantasti-Car, shouting orders, and leading the fight. But you know what he wasn't doing, sir? Or at least what I could find no evidence of him doing on any of the cameras with which you surveil this castle, sir? He wasn't stretching, sir. No stretching. Hm. And I find that very strange- very strange indeed- because it's stretching that Mister Fantastic is so famously known for.

"So, sir, you see, I had to think about that. And in the public record of your life sir, there's another curious detail that is so often overlooked when examining the fascinating story of your life. That is, sir, that your college roommate was one Reed Richards, known to us today as the leader of the Fantastic Four- the very team that has fought you time and time again. But in college, sir, he called you a friend. He tried to help you. He warned you that the lab experiment was too dangerous. He tried to help you after you were hurt, but you rejected that help, and went your own way.

"The thing I got to wondering about though, sir... Reed Richards is a brilliant, inventive mind, and if you'll forgive me for saying so, Doctor, it may even be on par with your own. But besides being brilliant, and able to stretch, sir, he's known for inventions that have helped other heroes, and people the world over.

"So, would he abandon the man he called a friend in his time of need? Would he leave him to the fate he brought on himself? Would he allow him to live with the scars that so clearly brought him shame and self-loathing? Or would he, sir, try to find a way to help his friend?

"Would he look for a way to say... make scars invisible? Or to harden skin so that it cannot be burned? ...Or to control the very burning itself? ...Or... or, sir, failing all of that, perhaps he would try to develop the most advanced type of plastic surgery application ever, so that skin itself could be stretched back into it's original shape?

"And once he had mastered that application, sir, perhaps that brilliant, inventive mind saw an opportunity, and gathered with him the friends that braved his reckless experiments, concocted a story of an ill-conceived rocket flight through a cosmic storm, and created the identity of a man so physically and mentally scarred that he should be broken, but who still wants to be a dictator. Not just of his own country, but of the very world... of everything he could find within his reach.

"And with your reach, that's quite a lot isn't it, Doctor... Richards? ...Oh, please, sir, don't deny it. You insult both of our intelligence if you do that. You see, sir, the man in the Fantasti-Car didn't stretch, and a man with that kind of power is going to use it when the situation calls for it. He'd use it to reach whatever he needs just as easily as you or I would reach for a lightswitch. But the man in the Fantasti-Car, sir. He did not. So the man in the Fantasti-Car must not be the man we call Mister Fantastic.

"And if the man in the Fantasti-Car isn't Mister Fantastic then he must be a stand-in. And being a stand-in, sir, that made me think of your Doombots. They're stand-ins for you at times, aren't they? And that is just too big of a coincidence for me to ignore, sir. With all of these Doombot stand-ins around, sir, if that Mister Fantastic is also a stand-in, then that Mister Fantastic must also be a Doombot.

"And if that Mister Fantastic is also a Doombot, sir, then he must have been put there by you. And even for someone as smart as you, sir, to put a Doombot in place of the leader of the Fantastic Four without his team noticing? They would have to know, sir. And if they know that can only mean one thing, sir. That they work for you. And if the Fantastic Four are working for you, sir, then that can only mean that Doctor Doom- the brilliant man behind the mask- is none other than Reed Richards- the brilliant man behind the Fantastic Four.

"And sir... if Doctor Doom and Reed Richards are the same person... if Mister Fantastic is indeed the armored man that stands before me, then we have not taken your power into consideration while trying to solve the murder that occurred here when the battle began. A battle that I can only now conclude must have been nothing more than a very violent distraction to keep me from noticing what was going on here.

"But I have noticed, sir. And now that I have noticed, I can conclude that while we were otherwise engaged, watching for the outcome of this battle, sir, you stretched your hand from here into the library, and killed Colonel Mustard with the candlestick. I would say that fingerprints would surely confirm my deduction, sir, but we both know that the stretching abilities you possess allow you to stretch any part of you, even your fingerprints. So, we'll never be able to prove that.

"Even if we could, sir, this is Latveria. Your word is law here. You cannot be held accountable, sir. Therefore, I must also conclude that you have engineered all of this to alleviate your own boredom. To match wits with me as Moriarty to Sherlock Holmes. I am no Holmes, sir, and you are no Moriarty. Your actions sicken me, sir. It would be bad enough if you actually were the tyrant, Doctor Victor Von Doom, and only him. But you are also Reed Richards- a man who is supposed to be a hero. And you've done all of this to amuse yourself like some spoiled child. I have had enough, sir.

"So, unless you are going to kill me, sir, I'd appreciate it if you would take me back to that fantastic laboratory, and use that amazing time platform that brought me here to return me to the time and place you found me. Preferably without memory of this visit, sir, because I would prefer to forget the entire business. Good day, sir."

Story, original characters and content are owned by Chris Bishop. Copyright Chris Bishop 2023

I have my own universe of characters that I have been slowly building stories for since I signed up on CV in 2010. Well, really it's way longer than that, but I didn't really start writing the stories until then. Mostly, I write them in relation to the Fan-Fic forum's Character Creation Contest (CCC)- something that Project_Worm started after the Artist Show-Off forum's CCC had been going for a bit. I've never given the universe an official name, because I haven't completely liked the names I've come up with, but the one I keep coming back to is "Heironyverse," so I think we'll go with that.

"Heironyverse," because the character that I started with on Comic Vine, and in fact was a brand new creation for CV, was Heironymous. He's a dragon in human form that has been with the U.S. Secret Service since the day Abraham Lincoln signed them into existence. I've quite enjoyed writing him, and though he's not there yet, I hope to get him published someday.

Within the Heironyverse stories, I've created a few story logos, and logos for some things within the universe. That's what this MS Painting is about, but let's start with Heironymous since the 'verse is named after him.

I haven't used a logo for every Heironymous story, but I made this one for "Heironymouse Vs. Leviathan" which in its current version isn't canon anymore. I need to tweak it to get rid of some early elements I don't care for anymore. The badge was found in a Google Image search, and was either the first Secret Service badge, or the earliest I could find. Something I've never revealed in a story is that Heironymous has one of every version of the Secret Service badge. Why? Because he's been there since the beginning, because he's a dragon, and dragon's like to hoard shiny metal things. The lettering was of course an MS Paint font, and the color was sampled from the badge.

This was seen in MS Painting #1, because it's part of the 5th Column Comics Library, but "Heironymous in Indigo" was my crossover story where Heironymous and his partner, Crystal Salt, go to to Indigo City on assignment. I of course used the badge again, but went with a different font for this story. The color was just as close to indigo as I could get. I went with a different font, because this is a crossover story. While it is official for Heironymous, like any good crossover, it should really have no lasting impact on the story when it's done.

More than likely though, if I get to the point of publishing it, I'll tweak the bits about Indigo to another city, and scrub 5CC from Heironymous' history. I don't really think the other writers of 5CC would care if I published my bit as is, but I didn't create Indigo City, so it's easier to re-create it as something all my own, than to try to reach people who mostly aren't on the site anymore to make sure I have everyone's permission.

I didn't do this pic. It's Heironymous fan art gifted to me by CV member kfhrfdu_89_76k. Drawn Feb 8, 2016. Actual fan art?! Fug yeah! He told me he wanted to draw it for me, and asked me to describe Heironmyous. I told him he was a dragon in human form, bald head with a handlebar mustache. I told him to think circus strongman look, but as an agent, he wears suits with a long coat. So, what I got was this picture with his clothing being a bit of a cross between suit and circus strongman spandex. I included the pic in The Hole in the 4th Wall Bar #6: Heironymous and the Wife, Part 2, and made it official story canon that at some point, Heironymous was indeed a circus strongman. If I ever get him published, this pic is definitely going to be included.

Rating: 5 STARS.

*SPOILERS* but c'mon, it's been over two years.

IMPORTANT NOTE: To put my review in context, I feel the need to put my feelings on LGBTQ programming in print here. It was a process for me- stick with me.

First: I haven't read the Batwoman series that spawned this show, so I can draw absolutely zero comparisons.

Second: I was not for this show.

I am all for inclusion and representation, but I really HATE the way DC does it. Or really, I hate the way CW does it. I have yet to ever see LGBTQ characters that didn't feel like an agenda of complete pandering to that audience. Every show has to have one gay character which becomes one gay couple, and their story becomes a third of the show. Personally, I just got really sick of that, and that's why as much as I liked seeing the costumed heroes and villains in live action, I stopped watching the CW shows somewhere around the start of Season 3.

Now- why "really sick of that," right? It's not because they're gay. Although I had actually come to the conclusion that maybe it was; not because I dislike gays, but because it's just not what I want to watch. To make a crude comparison to porn, if you're straight, you (probably) don't want to watch gay porn, and if you're gay, you (probably) don't want to watch straight porn. I think it's safe to say the same about regular old TV programming. For me with the CW shows it just got be, "Oh, for frick sake- again? I thought this was about Supergirl, not her gay sister. I really don't care about Mister Teriffic's marriage to a character that doesn't matter to the show. And Legends of Tomorrow is becoming White Canary's Big Gay Adventures Through Time."

In fairness to that analogy, that means that LGBTQ viewers have had decades of TV programming with relationships they probably didn't want to watch. Since straight TV was all they had, maybe they did, and maybe they liked it for the story... I don't know.

Getting past the analogy, please understand that LGBTQ characters have been a struggle for me. Growing up, I had a few bad experiences with gay men coming onto me. I completely sheltered myself from dealing with anything or anyone LGBTQ after that. I didn't realize just how much I had done that until I was in my late twenties, and a coworker had to explain to me what "flaming" meant. Yes, seriously.

It was then that I started thinking about whether or not I could write a good LGBTQ character. I created my first gay character that same week: Flambe, the Flaming Homosexual (Flambe was another new term I learned that week, and it just seemed natural to put them together). My thought for Flambe was to write him as "flaming," but to just write him as a hero, and not write his sex life (because what the frick do I know about being gay). The very little I've written about him so far, that's how I've written him. That's a really low bar character though. Truly. I get that. I'm hoping he becomes more- too soon to tell (he says about twenty years after coming up with the name).

You see though, that's the thing: I have struggled with how to write an LGBTQ character, and it's been a struggle, because of two things: 1) I don't know the LGBTQ life- the challenges and prejudices unique to them. I mean, I can get the surface stuff, but to really write the inner person of an LGBTQ? I feel it's beyond me. 2) I just feel like I haven't seen a good LGBTQ character yet. Meaning: the inclusion of LGBTQ characters in TV (and comics) has seemed like an agenda rather than something natural coming out of the story. Every time an LGBTQ character shows up, it feels like the company behind it is waving a flag yelling, "Look! LGBTQ audience! Over here! We have LGBTQ characters! Don't you want to watch everything we do now? Look! Oo, they're kissing! Cool, right? You love us, right? Huh? You do, don't you? Huh? Look! More LGBTQ action!" It just feels like pandering, and the writing around them is rubbish.

Now, there have been a few shows that I'm aware of that I feel made an honest attempt at LGBTQ characters, but they were a product of their time, and it was very much an agenda to wave the LGBTQ banner and scream, "We're here!" AND LOOK: US STRAIGHT FOLKS PROBABLY NEEDED THAT! But as a writer, I hated it. In fiction of any kind, I want a good story, not banner waving. That said, here's the ones I thought made great attempts:

Six Feet Under (HBO) June 3, 2001 - The main characters of this show were morticians, but there were at least three gay couples in this show, and it was an unflinching look at gay sex. It was very much about putting that onscreen for viewers to see, but the story was excellent. It might be the best balanced show for story and sex on non-network TV.

Brothers & Sisters (ABC) September 24, 2006 - For network television, I think this show pushed the boundaries, and was one of the ones to help throw the doors open for TV-inclusion. It's been a long time since I watched it, but there were two major gay characters that I remember: the younger guy that was a chef starting his own restaurant, and the older guy (uncle to the younger, I think) who was gay through the 80's, and it turned out had AIDS. This show was still in the midst of the "Hey, look! Gay characters" era, but this story was well done, and did a good job highlighting the differences between being gay in the 1980's, and being gay in 2006.

Will & Grace (NBC) September 21, 1998 - Both Six Feet Under and Brothers & Sisters probably couldn't have happened when they did if this show didn't exist. This show made the "bitter" pill of "dealing with homosexuality" a whole lot easier for us straights to handle. Personally, I'm sorry that we needed that "pill," but we did. It was funny, witty, smart, and showed various "levels" (for lack of a better word) of gay without turning from it. "Jack McFarland" was "flaming" out, maybe a bit crazy, and unbearably narcissistic. Will was out, but more reserved in his behavior. There were other characters throughout the series that were at varying levels between the two. Great show.

The CW shows (September 18, 2006) - The CW started just a few days before ABC's Brothers & Sisters. I've said what I thought of the CW shows, but it wasn't just the superhero shows. Everything on CW works like that. Everything has that same agenda of inclusion that makes for terrible writing. BUT LOOK: I say "agenda" like it's a bad thing, because I hate to see bad writing, and I feel like the LGBTQ characters on CW are badly written.

Did we as a society need LGBTQ inclusion in a bunch of shows (and comics) like this? YES! When LGBTQ teen suicide is at an alarmingly high level, and "It does get better" has to be a campaign? YES! YES! YES! We need shows that show LGBTQ adults who fricking made it to adulthood, and are kicking some ass to boot! YES! YES! YES! WE NEEDED THAT! Kids dealing with being LGBTQ need to know that life is ultimately not against them! ...I just personally hate the writing.

Because of that, I didn't want to see Batwoman. It came out after I had stopped watching the CW shows anyway (October 26, 2019), but a CW show that starred a lesbian character? Oh, gawd no, I didn't want to see that writing trainwreck! But... I've binge-watched my way through everything else I wanted to see (except Doom Patrol- just haven't wanted to start that yet). So, after finally burning through Stargirl, I was looking for something else to watch, and, "Oh, okay fine, it's here on HBO Max- might as well check it out." So, I watched the first episode.

I have to say: I was very pleased with it.

This is the first time I've seen an LGBTQ charaacter that felt like a whole person. That is: more than their sexuality. Of course that's there- she's the star of the show, and the star always has a love interest of some kind- whether it's an ongoing relationship, or a string of grateful "rescuees" (formerly "damsels in distress") each episode. It was present in this episode, but thank you, God, it didn't seem like contrived pandering. For once!

Kate Kane is a wonderful character! I don't know how much she's based on Greg Rucka's writing from the comic. The show has three writers, one of them being a lesbian, and I honestly think that's the main ingredient for writing an LGBTQ character- an actual LGBTQ person who knows the life inside-and-out.

That has been my conclusion anyway. I try to write Flambe as honestly as I can. His personality is based on two very out gay men I know (the owner of an LCS I used to live near, and that "flaming" coworker I met in my twenties). I try to make him as out and funny as I knew them to be, BUT that's only going to get me so far. Being a guy might get me a little further with the characterization, but at some point, my characterization for Flambe (or any LGBTQ character) is probably going to break down. Honestly, my personal conclusion is that the best way for me to write an LGBTQ character is to write them like I might react in a relationship, but remember that they're interested in the same sex. Again, I think that will only work up to a point.

The writing on Batwoman has started off strong. On top of handling Kate Kane in an excellent manner, they've introduced a new villain in Alice- named after Alice in Wonderland. That is such a great choice. It immediately brings to mind Batman villain The Mad Hatter, and makes this new character seem like she's got more history than she really does. At the same time, she's not a female Mad Hatter. She might be borrowing just the tiniest bit from Harley Quinn, but she is very much her own.

The Crows are an interesting choice too. Keeping with the Gotham bird theme, and being an army of highly trained security guys, it's somewhat reminiscent of the Talons from The Court of Owls- again giving a new group of characters a little bit of perceived depth- the feeling we might know what they're like even though we've only just been introduced. That's a fine balancing act to pull off, and I feel they did it here.

I know the lead actor gets replaced later, and I'm curious to see how that goes. I'll probably watch the rest of what's available on HBO Max (I don't think Season 3 is on there yet). The fight scenes were great, and I had to laugh that they used the trope of fighting with a cast iron skillet!

Straight up (no pun intended), I know this is only the first episode, but this show impressed me. I love the way they handled everything. Really loved the writing here. I hope it continues to be great. Score for this episode: the full five stars.

Here's an abbreviated version of what Wikipedia says about Spire Christian Comics (with a couple of links changed to CV links):

Christian book publisher Fleming H. Revell had approached Al Hartley about doing comic book [adaptations] of Christian-themed books that they were publishing. Hartley was working for Archie Comics at the time. In 1972, they launched Spire... Hartley's connection with Archie comics publisher John Goldwater helped Spire license the Archie characters in a Christian-themed series...

Other comics were based on true stories, Christian novels, or Christian movies. A line of comics for very young children featured young Barney Bear, who lived with his parents in a cave in Yellowstone National Park. The comics were created from 1972 [to] 1982 and kept in print for several years.

Personally, I remember the Spire one-shots fondly. In gradeschool, my first babysitter had an older daughter who gave me a few of the Spire issues which her church had provided to be given out, because she knew I loved comics. I didn't care that they were Christian comics- I was only five or six years old, and all I knew was I was getting free comics! Score! I remember getting God's Smuggler, My Brother's Keeper, and Paul. Over the years, I've picked up only a few of the others.

Partly due to Kid-Me's nostalgia, partly due to Adult-Me's curiosity over any attempts at Christian comics, I have always wanted to read the full collection of Spire titles. Having read Hansi: The Girl Who Loved The Swastika online, I'll be honest- it was a little cringe-y. I had to ask why though, and in researching it a little bit, I found that it was an adaptation of a biography by the same name.

So, the failings of the Spire adaptation were from having to try to hit all of the bullet points of the full book in only thirty-two pages of comic. It comes off weird. I think that's the problem of all of the Spire adaptations- there just weren't enough pages to tell the story. Personally, I am willing to overlook that to get to read the comics, and I'm one to track down the book if the story interests me enough.

The Trades

I fretted over how to split these trades up. I really did. There are 55 one-shots, and I tried really hard to make it four volumes as evenly split as possible. There were a few ways I could do that:

Way 1

• Trade 1 would be a 14-issue volume of all Archie one-shots.
• Trade 2 would be the last 5 Archie issues, and the 10 "Kiddies Christian Comics" titles (8 "Barney Bear," 1 "God Is...," and 1 "Noah's Ark").
• Trade 3 would be the 3 Adventure! With the Brothers one-shots, the 6 Bible story adaptations, and 4 of the biography and fiction adaptations.
• Trade 4 would be the last 13 adaptations.

Way 2

• Trade 1 would be 5 Archies, 2 Barney Bear, 2 Bible stories, the 3 Adventure! With the Brothers (I just couldn't see splitting those up) and 2 adaptations.
• Trade 2 would be 5 Archies, 2 Barney Bear, 2 Bible stories, and 5 adaptations.
• Trade 3 would be 5 Archies, 2 Barney Bear, 2 Bible stories, and 5 adaptations.
• Trade 4 would be 4 Archies, 2 Barney Bear, God Is..., Noah's Ark, and 5 adaptations.

There are pros and cons to both splits, but I didn't really like either Way.

In Way 1, you can get all of the Archie issues in the first two volumes, but the Barney Bear issues just seem kind of tacked on, which they are. The other two just become catchalls for the rest of the issues. I feel like the two Archie volumes would sell, but that Volume 2 would be bought begrudgingly, because more than half of it is the Barney Bear books that honestly I almost never hear of, and don't think anyone would want. I feel like with the Archies all grouped together, the two volumes of adaptations would not be bought by readers unless they're just curious about them like me.

In Way 2, I tried to make it even splits so you get a little of each in all four volumes. I think the Archie issues would be the draw for most buyers, so splitting them across all four volumes would hopefully mean more evened sales for all four books. It could also run the risk of ticking fans off that they have to buy four books when they could have had all the Archie issues in two. It depends on what they want, but if it's mainly the Archies, there's really no good way to please them with evenly split volumes.

So, that leaves...

Way 3

In trying to figure out the least volumes possible, I had to find out what the top page count has been in Marvel's Epic Collections. I queried to a Facebook group, and the number I got back was 544 pages. With the Spire books all being 32 pages long, that's exactly 17 issues. It makes for uneven splits, runs the risk of some volumes not selling, and it's still four books no matter how I split it. But this is how it breaks down... but wait! I forgot the covers! So, if covers are going to be reproduced here (and of course they have to be), then the split can't quite max out the page counts. Also, if I'm going to do that, I may as well make the first three volumes 15 issues each:

• Trade 1 is 15 Archie issues. (480 pages + 15 covers = 495 pages, and keep in mind that each volume will have title pages, contents pages, maybe an introduction, etc., so we probably creep back up towards the max page count, but not quite.)
• Trade 2 is the last 4 Archies, the 3 Adevnture! With the Brothers, the 6 Bible stories, and 2 of the adaptations. (480 pages + 15 covers = 495 pages, plus a few production pages.)
• Trade 3 is the last 15 Christian biography and Christian fiction adaptatiaons. (480 pages + 15 covers = 495 pages, plus a few production pages.)
• Trade 4 is the 10 Kiddies Christian Comic titles- Barney Bear, God Is..., and Noah's Ark (320 pages + 10 covers = 330 pages, plus some production pages.)

I really feel with this split that the Barney Bear collection goes unpurchased, and the biography/fiction volume undersells to the Archie volumes. The Kiddies comics just didn't seem to fit with the other issues in any way that I thought would please buyers. So, Way 3 is what I went with. Having to adjust the split to account for the cover reproductions, I'm not quite as in love with it as I was, but I still think it's the best split.

In fairness though, there is one other split to consider...

Way 4

Looking at Image's Invincible Compendiums, the first volume is 1,074 pages. The 55 Spire issues are 700+ pages over that, so it would still have to be two books, but they could be split like this:

• Trade 1 is the 19 Archies, 3 Adventure! With the Brothers, and 6 Bible stories (896 pages + 28 covers = 924 pages).
• Trade 2 is the 17 adaptations, and the 10 Kiddies comics (864 pages + 27 covers = 891 pages.).

The Compendiums prove that this is a doable split, but I think that again, the second volume goes largely unbought. Especially with that price point which is going to be somewhere between fifty and sixty dollars. Honestly, I think that less people buy the Archies volume because of the higher price point. The Epic-sized books aren't super cheap, but it's still less to spend in one go, and I know for me at least, that is often the consideration when buying books.

Volume 1

This one is all Archie issues, so I would imagine it would be the best-selling of the four books. I remember seeing Archie's Clean Slate as a kid, and the cover has always stood out to me, so I almost went with that for the front cover. I think Archie's Sonshine really pops though, and would be a better attention grabber for the first volume. Just imagine The Complete Spire Christian Comics, Volume 1 replacing Archie's Sonshine on that cover- it'd look good! I'd use Archie's Clean Slate as the back cover as it would be a simple matter to clear the slate area for that all-important back cover blurb.

Volume 2

This volume has the last four Archies, the three Adventure! With the Brothers, the six Bible stories, and two of the adaptations. Not a bad mix. I think most buying this volume would be getting it to complete the Archie issues, but I would want it for the Adventure! issues. I've just wanted to read them, and haven't been able to find all three yet.

I was really torn about the covers for this volume. I kind of feel like the best sales choice is take advantage of the last four Archie issues being in this book, and use those covers for the book. If Archie were to feel the same way, then I think they would use Christmas With Archie for the front cover, and Jughead's Soul Food for the back cover. Christmas... can easily be replaced with the TPB title, and the Jughead... cover with his head big in the center is consistent with the Archie cover used for the back of Volume 1 with Archie's head big in the center. I should probably pick those, but I'm not going to.

I also kind of feel like for a collection of Christian comics, the Jesus cover is a must, but... well, it reminds me of that Bible Stories collection you see in every doctor's office, and that kind of puts me off of it. I can't fully explain that, but... Sorry, Jesus.

Adventure! With the Brothers: The Cult Escape is just a beautiful cover to me. The water effects always grab my eyes when I see it, and it kind of reminds me of the Johnny Quest cartoon that I loved as a kid. Attack! is also a beautiful piece of wartime cover art, but that also makes it dated- even more dated than all the Seventies bellbottoms on these covers, so... no. Between those two, I'd go with Adventure!, but that gets juuuust edged out in favor of Alpha and Omega. That is just a great sci-fi cover, and it looks like it would be pretty easy to remove the issue's title, and put in the TPB's title.

For the back cover, I'd consider Attack! here too, but I think the war cover conflicts with the sci-fi cover a little too much. That leaves My Brother's Keeper and Paul- both of which have top halves that could easily be cleaned for the back cover blurb. My nostalgia and the fact that I have a brother named Joseph makes me want to go with My Brother's Keeper, but hey, I have cousin named Paul too, and that cover is just a little more dynamic, and a little less bellbottomed.

Volume 3

Volume 3 is nice and simple- the last fifteen adaptations. What wasn't simple was picking the covers. All of the covers in this volume have top halves that could easily be cleaned for the Volume 3 title and the back cover blurb. There are even a couple that I liked better than my final choices- I feel like God's Smuggler can be found easily, and is therefore probably pretty recognizable. For sure recognizable though is Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika. It was kind of all over the Internet for awhile (and might still be) as the ultimate representation of "what the frick" for this entire line.

Smuggler has the Communist Russian flag on it though, and Hansi of course has Nazi flags all over it. While I'm not one to ignore history, taken by themselves- especially if you're seeing them for the first time- they do come off as "what the frick," and also as kind of drab and oppressive. Actually, most of the covers in this volume kind of come off that way, depicting one scene of violence or threat after another. So, I eliminated those choices.

That left three books: In His Steps, The Gospel Blimp, and There's A New World Coming. As much as I sat here wondering if th guy on the cover of In His Steps inspired George Perez's original design for Jericho, I could practically hear the Sixties hippie-movie music when I looked at the page, so scratch that one.

I kind of wanted to use There's A New World Coming for the front cover, because I like the sci-fi look of it, but again with the bellbottoms dating the cover. So, I used that for the back cover, and picked The Gospel Blimp for the front cover. It's got nice colors, and some fireworks, and I think it would look good with the Volume 3 title at the top.

Volume 4

If it's not plain by now, I don't like this volume. The cover choice should be easy. Eight of the ten issues are Barney Bear, so Barney Bear should represent on the front cover. But...I just...don't...like...it. It looks like a cheap, kiddified, countrified version of The Berenstain Bears, or one of those cheap knockoffs of the Disney cartoons you love. It looks like the comic your kid would destroy before their free newsprint copy of The True Story of Smokey the Bear has a chance to fall apart on its own. It's just...ugh...awful. I really, really, really don't like it. ...Which means when I finally get to read them, they'll probably be completely cute and charming, and I'll have to eat my words. Okay, fine...

Honestly, I kind of like God Is... the best for the front cover, but I think the logo is too busy to be easily cleaned up for either front or back cover. I like Noah's Ark stuff in general, and the cover of this Noah's Ark has a nice, red background. But still, this is more Barney Bear than anything else, so...

The two I like best are Barney Bear in Toyland and Barney Bear Out of the Woods, but I feel like both those logos are too busy to be easily replaced by the TPB title. If I have to pick Barney Bear covers, then I'd go with Barney Bear Wakes Up! for the front, and Barney Bear The Swamp Gang for the back. They're cutesy-cuddly enough.

Really though, I think I'd do something completely different from my norm for this volume. I think I'd put God Is... and Noah's Ark side-by-side on the bottom two-thirds of the front cover, with the Volume 4 TPB title on the top third. Then I'd tile all eight Barney Bear covers on the bottom tow-thirds of the back cover, with the back cover blurb on the top third. It would look substantially different, but...I just kind of don't like any of the covers enough to really want to spotlight them by themselves.

***

These issues are some that I've just always wanted to read, and I know I've met plenty of people who also want to read them. It doesn't seem to be anyone's top priority, and that might be an indicator of how sales would go, but I'd still like to see them. But you tell me...

We all have trade paperback (TPB) collections we'd like to see. Here's one of mine:

The Trade Paperback

Of all the niches in comic sales, Christian comics have to be the most niche of all. As comics grow to include more genres than just the superhero, we have seen more Christian-themed comics come about, both serious and irreverent. In the 1980's and 1990's though, there were the Spire Christian Comics one-shots, and a handful of one-shots put out by Marvel Comics in conjunction with Thomas Nelson- an imprint that was known as Nelson Comics.

Nelson Comics was short-lived, and only produced eight issues: a three-issue superhero series called Illuminator, two Life of Christ one-shots, and one-shot adaptations of Christian classics In His Steps, The Pilgrim's Progress, and The Screwtape Letters.

Illuminator

I have to be honest- I don't think these are teriffic issues. It's not bad work- just not anyone's best. They tried hard. Illuminator- maligned as it often is- was an original character that truly tried to balance Christianity and superheroism, and it worked without the net of being propped up by guest-spots from established heroes like Spidey. This wasn't in the Marvel Univese.

At the time that the Nelson Comics titles were released, I worked in a Christian bookstore, and let me tell ya- Christan customers were hard on these books- especially Illuminator. Non-denominational Spirit-filled churches were becoming a thing, and "spiritual discernment" was being emphasized. While I do think that's important (I grew up in one of those churches) what unfortunately happens is that "baby Christians" dismiss things outright if they look even a little bit off. So, see a demon on the cover of a comic book? It gets passed over.

Understanding the typical customer's mindset in that regard, when asked for a recommendation, I would advise them to buy all three issues together. My reason for this was that taken individually, in the minds of watchdog parents, the issues might send "the wrong message." I say that, because in the first two issues, demons have the upper hand, and it's not resolved until the third issue.

Now, as fans, we understand the issue-by-issue, story-building nature of comics, but there were a lot of Christian parents who simply did not. They were already coming in with a dislike for the gaudy superhero power fantasies of comics, but were hoping to find something Christian to replace it with to placate their kids. Unfortunately, when advised to buy all three issues together, and they looked at the five-dollar-per-issue price tag, they turned the books down. So, it was an uphill battle all the way for Nelson Comics' Illuminator.

I always wished that Marvel would do one of those one-shot Giant-Size reprints so that people would maybe take a look at the title again. It really doesn't compete with flashier mutants, aliens, and radioactive heroes, but Illuminator isn't terrible. It falls a little flat if you're used to all of the other stuff, but judged on its own, it's... well, "not terrible" is the fairest description I can give it. It suffers from trying to present good-and-evil in a totally black-and-white viewpoint. I think the characterization comes in the shades of grey, and that wasn't present in these books.

The Life of Christ one-shots

The Life of Christ: The Christmas Story and The Life of Christ: The Easter Story are both presented as #1's. I don't honestly remember the stories, but my memory shouldn't be a barometer these days. But look... these included such recognizable talent as Louise Simonson, Colleen Doran, Scott McDaniel, Mary Wilshire, and Bill Anderson. That alone makes them worth a look. And really, these could be the best comics ever produced, and they'd still be divisive for some. People simply don't agree on everything about Jesus.

By way of explanation: I once got to see writer Steven Grant at a comic festival appearance in the conference room of a Las Vegas library (along with James Hudnall and Bill Willingham). He wrote Marvel's The Life of Pope John Paul II (see the TPXtras). He said that he was also asked to write a comic on Jesus, and he told them he wouldn't touch it with a ten foot cross! Why? He answered that Pope John Paul II is someone whose life is fully documented, and the facts about him cannot be disputed. For Jesus? People are divided on everything about him- from his skin color, to whether he performed the miracles stated in the Bible, to whether he even existed or not. No matter how well he wrote it; no matter how fair he presented it; it would be taken to task by many, and would follow him everywhere. So, he declined to write the Jesus comic.

The Adaptations

In His Steps, The Pilgrim's Progress, and The Screwtape Letters suffered from the same problem as the Spire Christian Comics titles did- trying to cram an entire book into a one-issue comic. As books, these three titles are considered at least "classics" of Christian reading, if not "seminal" and "essential." As comics? That's hard to say. I give them a ton of leeway for having to put an entire book into a single issue, and these Nelson adaptations at least did them as 96-100 page graphic novels, rather than Spire's 32-page one-shots. Many fans aren't going to do that- they're going to dismiss it as poorly-done trash.

Overall

Do I think these are great books? Not the best, but I do think that they are an important footnote in both the history of comics, and as one of the early attempts at Christian comics. For that reason alone, I'd like to have a trade paperback on my shelf of these titles.

For the cover, the superhero fan in me wants to go with Illuminator #1, but of all of the Nelson covers, I think The Pilgrim's Progress is a better choice. I'd use Illuminator #1 as the back cover though. Then again, Illuminator is the only Nelson title that had more than one issue, so maybe Illuminator should be the front cover. Either way, I imagine the title logo would be replaced by whatever the name of the collection is.

Regarding that, something like Illuminator and Other Stories, The Life of Jesus and Other Stories, etc., is possible, but I'd go with just The Complete Nelson Comics Collection. Or, if they include the three issues suggested in the TPXtras section, The Complete Marvel/ Nelson Comics Collection.

Page Counts: I don't normally check out the page counts, but I did for these. There are over 500 pages total for these issues- nearly 700 if the three Marvel one-shots are included. The thickest Epic Collection on my shelf is New Mutants Epic Collection: Curse of the Valkyries, and it is only (heh, "only," he says) 496 pages. So, for that reason, this collection may need to be two trades rather than one. As a hardcover omnibus (extremely unlikely here) it could easily be all one book.

The Three Issues From Marvel

Francis, Brother of the Universe, The Life of Pope John Paul II, and Mother Teresa of Calcutta were not part of the Nelson Comics imprint. In fact, they were produced by Marvel a full decade earlier. I don't clearly recall the contents, but I remember them being more documentary-style narratives, and while perhaps dry for that reason, they were well done. It's because they're not part of the Nelson imprint that I call these three issues "TPXtras," but I would include them in the collection.

If they were included, then I would even consider using the Pope John Paul II cover as the cover of the TPB. I don't know if there are any licensing issues with the Pope, but trying to think like a salesman, there's a large part of the religious audience that would buy the book just for his likeness being on the cover.

This is a curiosity collection to me. By no means the best comics on offer, but not the worst, and to me it'd be worth reading once just for the perspective of comic history. I would enjoy it, but that wouldn't be for everyone, I'm sure. But you tell me...

Unfortunately, the Horror Classics fan-fic group didn't last very long, but I enjoyed the stories. The Tomb of Horror Classics was the library, and it was a lot of fun to make. Why? Because I got to marry screenshots of the old movie title screens with the gorgeous art of Francesco Francavilla. When this group needed a library, Francavilla's classic movie monster art was going around. I snatched it up, chopped it in MS Paint, and used it for the library.

For the group logo though, I used the image that TommytheHitman used when he proposed the group. Of course, I put it in MSP, and added the text:

The only thing that would make that image better is if all of the characters shown had gotten stories in the group. As it turned out, there were only four titles: Invisible Man, Jekyll and Hyde, Creature From the Black Lagoon, and Roanoke. I only made logos for three of them, and I'll show those in the next few comment boxes.

Marvel Iron Age (MIA) is a grand project of a fan-fic group. the premise is that Stryfe took over, and is trying to rule pretty much everything. It's a dark future, and the badguy has won. I think this was thei one that someone actually asked me to do... I think. Doing a quick scan of some of their main posts, I discovered that Doctor Doom was Stryfe's main antagonist. So, my first take on the Marvel Iron Age Library was this:

Stryfe and Doom at the top of the library in a fac-off style image like they were going to battle it out in the boxing ring or something. No big mystery here- found the images on either Google Images or Comic Vine, put them in a black frame in MS Paint, and voila.

For the rest of the library, I found images of Stryfe and Doom facing the reader. There were these alphabetical tags for each letter needed...

...an "Also Visit" section for stuff related to the MIA writers...

...and "Who Wrote What?" for the concise listing of titles in the group.

But... then I found out that I had misread, and Doom wasn't as big a problem for Stryfe as I had believed. So, I wrote a note on the library thread as a librarian in the MIA universe, and said that Stryfe had demanded that all visages of Doom be removed, and only his face be seen in the library. I took that opportunity to create a logo too:

I took the Stryfe image from the Stryfe/Doom pic, flipped it horizontal in MS Paint, and bookended him on the logo.

"Marvel" came from the logo for the Modern Marvels TV show.

"Iron Age" came from this logo found in Google Image Search.

I had to resize them in MSP to make 'em work. It's not the prettiest logo in existence, but it works well enough.

"Attention Citizens" is the next image you see in the library, and I only just created it today. I ran into a problem though- this font isn't available on MSP anymore. So, I had to copy/paste the letters from the alphabetical pics. That's why the spacing is weird from the rest of these banners. There's basically a post-apocalyptic feel to the MIA universe though, so this breakdown in quality seems right for that world.

I added this "Contents" banner when I remade the library completely in Stryfe's image. It wasn't really necessary, but I wanted to really overdo it with Stryfe's face. The stories really make you feel how oppressive Stryfe's rule is, so I wanted that to come through in the library.

Added "Where to Start" for the new version too. Again, just overdoing it with Stryfe's face.

These two were in the old version. I just replaced Doom's face with Stryfe's on one end.

And of course the alphabetical banners. The library doesn't have one of these for every letter, because they're not all needed. However, I did make one for every letter, and that turned out to be a good thing since I had to copy/paste them for the "Attention Citizens" banner.

Thanks for checking it out.

Text content owned by Chris Bishop, copyright 2023.

I do not own the Stryfe or Doctor Doom pics, the Modern Marvels logo, or the Iron Age logo. They're just used for fan-fic fun, and no money is being made with them.

RANKED 3RD BY VOTERS IN CHARACTER CREATION CONTEST #128!

"Welcome back to Heroes Tonight," says the voice of Sawyer Picture. "This is The Calendar Girls Special! It's time for another segment of...

"The Calendar Girls Pop Quiz!"

Sawyer reads the questions as they appear on the screen for the viewer.

Question 6:

"Which Calendar Girl is daughter of the supervillain Doctor December? Is it:

• "A) Miss January?
• "B) Miss December? Or
• "C) Miss June?"

There is five seconds of music as the three heroines' pictures shuffle next to the question, and then Sawyer says, "We know that Miss December seems like the obvious choice, but afraid not! If you guessed A) Miss January, then you are correct!"

The scene switches to Lotta Questionnés in another studio, she and Miss January both sitting in director chairs, facing each other. They are laughing about something said off-camera when the sound cuts in, and then Lotta says, "You've been called the Blue Beauty, the Ice Queen, and even the Winter Woman Wonder. Do you like the nicknames the public has given you?"

"Sure," Miss January says cooly. "Especially 'Blue Beauty,' you know?" she laughs. "I can't say it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, because what does? But yeah, I don't mind the nicknames at all." Then she leans towards the camera, pointing her finger, and says, "As long as they're nice!"

"I've got to ask the obvious question here," says Lotta. "How did you get to be Miss January rather than Miss December?"

January tilts her head to one side and back, and says, "Well, Mary Christmas is actually from the North Pole, so her being Miss December was just kind of a no-brainer. And I didn't want to be in my father's shadow with that name. So, we put our heads together with marketing, and decided, 'Hey, I'm his daughter, right? I came after him. What comes after December?' "

"January!" both the heroine and Lotta say simultaneously, making them laugh again.

"Of course!" says Lotta.

"Yeah," shrugs the Blue Beauty. "So: Misss January."

Question 7:

"Miss January isn't the only daughter of a supervillain on the team. This next Calendar Girl is so embarrassed of her father, she would rather say she's the daughter of Satan! Is it:

• "A) Miss August?
• "B) Miss November? Or
• "C) Miss October?"

Another five seconds of music as the pictures shuffle next to the question, and Sawyer says, "If you chose C) Miss October, then you know that the Devilish Delight is daughter of the infamous Satan Khan."

The camera shifts back to the studio, with the red-skinned Miss October sitting across from Lotta. She says, "Would you want to tell people that your dad is a crazy terrorist trying to organize the world's monsters into an army? No, thanks."

"So, tell me about the trident," says Lotta. "Your press says it's your father's- meaning the devil's, according to the group's press release. Is it actually Satan Khan's? Is it a prop? Does it come from somewhere else?"

Holding the trident across her knees, October rolls it back and forth a little, and says, "I'd rather not say."

Question 8:

"Which of our Mighty Misses is the daughter of Victory 7 member the Star Spangled Witch? Is it:

• "A) Miss March?
• "B) Miss October? Or
• "C) Miss May?

After the music and pictures, Sawyer says, "If you guessed B) Miss October again, then you have the spell for success! And yes, it's true: the heroine Star Spangled Witch was really married to Satan Khan! That should terrify anyone!"

Back with Lotta again, she asks, "What's it like to be a daughter of one of Victory 7?"

Miss October shrugs her left shoulder, "It's growing up on camera... it has it's ups and downs. On the plus side, mom could always magic up a pizza for us on movie night."

Question 9:

"Those aren't the only legacies on the team though! Which Calendar Girl is the great granddaughter of World War II icon Rosie the Riveter? Is it:

• "A) Miss July?
• "B) Miss September? Or
• "C) Miss April?"

When the music and pictures finish, Sawyer says, "If you said B) Miss September, then you really know what you're saying!"

In the studio with Lotta, the reporter asks, "Is it true you're one of the top five smartest people on the planet?"

Miss September chuckles, and says, "Well, the PR guys tell me I am, but it's not something I really keep track of. I'm no Doctor Boom, but I'm up there, I suppose."

"What is your I.Q.?" asks Lotta.

"Pretty high," September says with a wink.

Question 10:

"If you think witches and supervillains are something, one of our Delightful Dozen is actually a demigod! Is it:

• "A) Miss February?
• "B) Miss December? Or
• "C) Miss June?"

The music and pictures go by, and Sawyer says, "We hope you answered A) Miss February, because that's the answer we love! Miss February is daughter of none other than the Archer of Love himself, Cupid!"

Back in the studio, Miss February is sitting across from Sawyer. "Lotta has a bit of a crush on your dad."

February giggles. "Yeah, I think everybody knows that."

"That's why I'm here. Lotta said she wouldn't be able to resist asking you for his number."

The heroine reaches behind her belt with two fingers, and comes out with a folded piece of paper between them. "Well, I mean, I have it."

There's a squeal from off-camera, and the loud, stuttering clops of high heels running across the studio. Lotta rushes in, clamps both hands around the paper and the girl's fingers, and yells, "Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" She snatches the paper open, glances at it, and quickly hides it in her hands again. "You're beautiful!" she says to February. Then she jumps up-and-down in excitement, stomps excitedly, and runs off-camera again. The camera turns to follow her as she runs with her arm outstretched to the production crew. "My phone! Who has my phone?!" An intern holds it out, and she snatches it as she runs by, continuing right out the studio door, yelling, "Cupid! I'm coming, papi!"

The camera turns back to Sawyer and February, and with a good-natured grimace, the interviewer says, "We might have to apologize to your father."

"Apologize?" the girl balks. "Why do you think I had his number with me? He remembered her from the S-Corp. Superhero Charity Gala."

Sawyer's jaw dropped in overexaggerated surprise. "He did?!" He looks over his shoulder off-camera, and says, "Does Lotta have any leave saved up? She might need it."

There's laughter from off-camera.

Looking back to Miss February, he asks, "Are you as good as your dad with a bow?"

She gives a self assured smile, and says, "Well, you know. He taught me everything he knows, but he didn't teach me everything I know."

"So giving dad a run for his money then," laughs Sawyer.

"And then some," she confirms.

"I've heard you have a particularly peculiar power," says Sawyer, leaning closer.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" February returns, matching his lean.

"I've heard that if you kiss someone, they fall under your love spell," he says with anticipation.

"Is that what you've heard?" she says, flirting hard.

"Yeah, I've heard that," he says, flirting back.

"You want to find out?"

"Yeah, I do."

February leans forward a little more, only a couple feet from Sawyer's face, and beckons him forward with her finger.

He leans in, and when he's only inches away from kissing her, she puts her index finger on his lips, and says, "Sorry, Sawyer. You wish."

He leans back quickly in his director's chair, saying, "Ooooooo! Rejected!"

"Maybe off camera," she says, still playing with him.

"Oh, please don't tease!" Sawyer laughs, fanning himself. "I don't think my heart can take it! Whoo!"

The camera fades out on their shared laughter, and the scene switches to Sawyer behind the main studio desk. With music playing towards the commercial, he says, "When we come back! We talk to Doctor December himself, and find out what he thinks of his daughter being a superhero! Here, on Heroes Tonight!"

Story and characters owned by Chris Bishop, copyright 2023

Welcome to the voting thread for CCC #129. In a twist, mrmonster gave us two paragraphs to start a story with, and we had to tell What Cassie Saw, making sure we created an Original Character (OC) in there somewhere.

I have to give him kudos for the contest, because we've had an excellent turnout. There has not been more than six entries since CCC #85!

Yes, it's true, we have seven entries this time around, so let's get to it!

.

The voting rules:

• READ the stories, PICK your favorite one, and CAST your VOTE!
• If you wrote, you should vote! (It's just sporting)
• No voting for yourself. (Also sporting)
• The voting deadline is Sunday, February 26, 2023 at 11:59pm New York Time (click the link if you're unsure), Feb 27, 2:59pm Sydney, Australia time, and Feb 27, 3:59am London, UK time. Then we can march into... um... well... March.
• Remember: All are welcome to vote - writer or reader, and the winner gets to pick the next contest.

The stories:

Something Crawled Out of The Lake

Hi, I’m Cassie. I’ve got a heck of a story to tell. A long time ago, some friends and I rented a house out on the lake. It was the spring break of senior year, and we wanted our last hangout to be one we’d remember forever.

The first night there, I found myself unable to sleep around midnight. Probably a result of drinking too much coffee and soda in the car. The moon was pretty bright that night, so I put my shoes on, and I went out to the lakeshore all by myself, looking for some peace and quiet by the water.

And then I saw something crawl out of the water. It was some kind of reptile, that’s for sure. This thing, whatever the Hell it was, was the weirdest creature I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The only way to describe it would be to imagine if a crocodile and a dolphin had an unholy abomination for a baby, and a massive one at that.

I just stood, there, frozen. Until it began running towards me; when it did, I ran back up towards the house as fast as I could. My only saving grace was that the beast couldn’t go inclines very fast; if the backyard were flat, I would have gotten eaten right then and there.

________

My friends Clay, Titus, and Sydney were all asleep. I woke them up by shouting “EVERYONE, GET OUT HERE!”

Sydney stumbled out first, and said “What’s wrong?”

“Did any of you guys bring a gun or something?” I asked.

“Are you okay?” My friend Titus asked. “Is someone out there?”

"There's something out there." I said, before there was a very loud thump at the door. I hoped the creature might have gone back to wherever it crawled out of, but no.

“Do any of you have a weapon?” I asked, more forcefully this time.

“I have a shotgun.” My friend Clay said. I knew he wanted to hunt ducks while we were out there, if anyone would've brought a gun, it would be him. “But I only brought birdshot. That won’t be big enough to kill…whatever that is.”

There was another, louder thump against the door. “Better than nothing. Go get it, now.” I said.

As we were waiting for Clay to load his gun, we tried to call for help, but none of us could get a signal that far out. And then, the monster pounded against the door one last time, finally breaking it down.

“Hide.” I said as we all ran to find places to hide.

_____

Clay hid in the pantry. Titus hid in the hallway half bath. Sydney and I hid in one of the bedroom closets.

“I have my car keys.” She said. “Maybe we can get out of here through the window, make it to my car and drive to get help.”

Moments later, we heard Clay’s shotgun going off. But he was right, birdshot wasn’t enough to kill this thing. He then started screaming in pain, but his screams then stopped.

The beast then started sniffing the air, and I could hear it coming closer.

“Damn.” I said, once I realized it must have been going towards Titus. And my fears were proven true once I heard the loud bang of a door being smashed open, followed by Titus’s screams.

“We have to go, now!” I shouted.

We unlocked and opened the window. Only problem is that there was an insect screen across it.

“Don’t just stand there, help me push this off.” I said as I desperately tried to get the screen out.

And we didn’t have much time, we could hear the monster coming towards us. When it smashed the door open with its snout, I thought we were goners.

We pushed the screen off, and then climbed out. As we did, I closed the window from the outside. I thought that would be enough to stop it; but then, the beast charged at the glass. It glass came close to shattering with a single burst; it then backed up to try again.

“Hurry!” Sydney said as we dashed to her car. As we were running towards her car, the beast smashed through the window, and was back to chasing us.

Right as we reached the car, the monster jumped and landed on Sydney. From there, it started tearing her apart.

Right before she did, she looked at me, and tossed me her keys. Once she did, I got in the car and turned it on. Then, the beast lunged, and hit so hard he made the car shake.

At that moment, I summoned all my courage, and decided that I wasn’t going down without putting up a fight. I put the car in reverse, backed up about twenty feet or so, put it back in drive, and then stepped on the gas pedal. I hit the monster, and I didn’t kill it, but I must have hurt it badly enough to wanna give up, because after I did, it started running away, in the direction of the lake.

______

I made it to the nearest town, and called the police. By the time they got to the scene, there weren't even any bodies; the monster must have gone back to claim them. The police questioned me, but of course, none believed me when I said it was some kind of lake monster; they thought that my friends were killed by a bear or a wolf or something. At one point, they even asked if I was willing to take a drug test. I did, hoping it would at least convince them that I wasn't crazy. It didn't.

A few days later, when I was recovering at my parent’s house, I was visited by two men in black suits. They claimed to work for the federal government, and that it was best I be quiet about what happened. Told me “bad things” could happen if I tried going to the press or anything, so I didn't. The local news ended up reporting "Tragedy on the Lake: Three College Students Killed by Unknown Animal While on Vacation", and we even got a two minute segment on NBC. But I never made an official comment, much to the dismay of two local reporters who really wanted me to tell the story.

While there was a short-term drop-in tourism on the lake that summer, eventually, what happened became old news, and tourists kept coming back, but thankfully, the monster didn't (unless the men in black simply got better at covering it up when it did).

All these years later, and I’ve stayed pretty quiet about what happened. Heck, I think you’re the first one I’ve even talked to about it since then.

Thank you, for coming to hear my story. It must have been difficult to find me, but I hope it was worth it.

Note: the inspiration for this story was the Bear Lake monster, an actual cryptid from the state of Utah. If it sounds familiar, you might have also seen the episode of Lost Tapes that featured it.

Cassandra Kit and the Last Spring Break

Hi, I’m Cassie. I’ve got a heck of a story to tell. A long time ago, some friends and I rented a house out on the lake. It was the spring break of senior year, and we wanted our last hangout to be one we’d remember forever.

The first night there, I found myself unable to sleep around midnight. Probably a result of drinking too much coffee and soda in the car. The moon was pretty bright that night, so I put my shoes on, and I went out to the lakeshore all by myself, looking for some peace and quiet by the water.

And then I saw the strangest thing in the lake- a rush of water being pushed by something large. The moon was bright, sure, but maybe I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. It looked like those pictures you see of the Loch Ness Monster, only the head was different, and there was a red glint of scales in the moonlight. Before it got close enough for me to really be sure, it submerged, and I scrambled away from the shoreline, because I didn't know what was happening.

I stood in the shadow of a tree about halfway between the house and the lake. When it came up again, it was definitely smaller. As it got closer, I could see that it was a horse. It waded through the lake from where the water was up to its neck all the way to the shore. Once onshore, it shook off the water, and nickered softly.

I moved behind the tree, because I didn't know how wild it was or wasn't. My feet shuffled some leaves as I moved though, and showing how smart horses are, it came to investigate the noise. There was nowhere to move to that the horse couldn't get to faster, so I put my back up against the tree, and hoped it gave up its curiosity.

That hope was dashed when I felt its nose nuzzle my shoulder, pushing me slightly. I stiffened up a bit, afraid because I didn't know its temperament. I turned to look at it, and its head was cocked slightly sideways, seeming to give me a good looking over with one eye. Cautiously, I put my hand up flat, and reached for its nose. It whuffed breath against my hand, and we both seemed to relax slightly. I went to pet it, but it jerked its head away, and I backed around the side of the tree. I figured if it reared up and kicked, I could try to keep the tree between me and its hooves.

I heard it paw the ground with its hoof, but then the sound changed- it got... softer. The nicker changed too. It became a guttural purr. The relaxation of moments before became terror, and I froze as a tiger's head came into view around the tree, still locking me in its gaze as the horse had. If you've never seen a tiger up close, they're just as beautiful as you've seen in pictures, but they're also huge, massive creatures. It's head was wider than my body. It's paws were at least as long as my feet, and as wide as both of them put together.

If I wasn't absolutely sure that it had been a horse just a few seconds ago, I'd have been screaming in terror, but years of fairy tales and spooky stories told by grandparents told me that something great was happening. Maybe it was that which gave me the courage to speak. "Well? What is it?"

The tiger cocked its head with curiosity.

"If you wanted to kill me, you could have done so as the horse, or even as what I think you were before the horse when you were coming across the lake."

The tiger actually smiled. Then it became an ox right before my eyes, and even more amazing than that, it spoke. "And what do you think I was before the horse, girl who doesn't think she should be afraid for her life?" I now knew that it was a she- a Chinese woman by the sound, but tinged with something else I couldn't identify.

Hesitant, I answered, "I don't know for certain, but... you looked like... a... dragon?"

It was odd to me that her voice continued to sound the same when the ox became a pig, and snorted, "Are you asking me, or telling me, girl?"

A little offended at being called 'girl,' I found some confidence. I stood up straight, pulled the bottom of my shirt down stiffly with both hands, nodded curtly, and said, "Telling you. You looked like a dragon."

Swiftly, the pig became goat, and headbutted me in the stomach, knocking me over backwards. It stood over me, and turned into a coiled cobra, towering above me as if about to strike. "Are you sure I wasn't a sssnake?" it said, flicking its tongue.

The only thing I was sure of was that I didn't want to be bitten, but it felt awfully important that I sound sure of my answers. Still on my back, I said, "Oh, no. You were much bigger in the water. That would have to be a dragon."

"Oh, would it?" she asked. Then she became a large black-and-white creature that I might have mistaken for a gorilla, but it couldn't be. She had a black face ringed by white fur, and long, white fur from her shoulder down her sides to the back of her thighs.

My curiosity overpowered my fear, and I asked, "What kind of monkey are you?"

Her head twitched backwards slightly, and with real surprise, she said, "Most assume I'm a gorilla. You are beginning to intrigue me, girl. I am called a mantled guereza." Offering a hand to help me to my feet, she said, "How did you know that I'm a monkey?"

Feeling the need to be not just sure of my answers, but absolutely honest, I said, "I'm majoring in ecology and ecosystem science, because I like plants and animals. Everything about them. Including mythology. You've become the animals of the Chinese Zodiac, and one of those is the monkey, not the gorilla."

She raised her chin, and squinted at me as she considered my answer. Then she reached out with loosely curled fingers, and pushed my shoulder lightly. "That's very good, girl."

I was getting really tired of her calling me, girl, but figured it would be best not to say so.

"And what animals have you not seen yet?" she challenged. I opened my mouth to speak, but she added, "In alphabetical order."

This time it was my head that twitched backwards. With a scowl of surprise at this weird demand, I thought for a second, and said, "The rabbit."

She became a rabbit, more white than black.

"Oo, a Rex rabbit," I said, delighted despite my fear.

She nodded her appreciation at my identification of her type. "Next?"

"The rat."

She became a black-and-white rat.

"A dumbo rat? Really?" I laughed.

"Did you just call me a 'dumbo,' girl?" she asked.

"Hey, be fair. You picked the type," I said.

The rat squinted, but said, "Continue."

"Rooster, but since you're a girl," I said with emphasis, "you might become a hen."

She became a black-and-white chicken.

"Dominique rooster," I observed with appreciation.

"I'm a shapechanger, girl. I can be whatever I want to, including different genders. What's the last one?"

"The dog," I answered, then added, "and you're about to become a dalmation."

She became a dalmation, and cocked her head sideways with curiosity.

"Oh, come on," I balked. "You made that easy. Six of your last eight forms have been black-and-white animals, and distinct ones. You weren't going to become some black-and-white mutt, and dalmations are the most distinctive black-and-white dogs. Plus, they're commonly thought of as 'fire dogs,' which brings you back to breathing fire as a dragon. Between the dalmation, 'dumbo,' and the black poof on top of your monkey head that looked almost like cartoon rat ears..." I trailed off, and then laughed. "Oh my gosh. You're a Quisney fan, aren't you?"

The dog laughed, and then finally became a Chinese woman in a red leather outfit. There was a white dragon design that went from around her leg, up her back, and over the left shoulder to her chest. The outfit had a mask that hung from the back of her neck. She had long, white hair, and was absolutely beautiful. She smiled at me, and honestly that scared me, but then she snickered, and said, "It's Malignant- I'm a fan. Marc modeled her somewhat after me."

"I don't see it," I said, still striving to be completely honest.

"Shapechanger," she reminded me.

"Right. Of course."

"You don't seem afraid of me, girl."

"Do you want me to be?" I asked, and then I shook my head. "I don't see the point. You could have killed me immediately, but instead you chose to talk to me. Even if you still intend to kill me, I can't outrun what you can become." I shrugged, and added, "If you're going to let me live, I shouldn't be afraid to speak my mind. If you're going to kill me, then I may as well speak my mind."

She smirked. "I think I like you, girl. What's your name?"

"Cassandra Kit," I said. "Usually 'Cass' or 'Cassie' though."

She nodded her head with the slightest bow, and said, "Sometimes I am called 'Shen,' but I prefer Shēngxiào."

I tried to wrap my tongue around the pronunciation, saying, "Shin-shaw."

She tilted her head to one side with pursed lips, and said, "That's close enough. You've seen everything else up close. Do you want to see the dragon?"

I gulped reflexively, blew out a long breath, and focused hard on not stepping backwards. "Kind of yes. Kind of no," I said weakly.

"Your honesty has been most appreciated," she said. Then she threw her arms into the air, and they extended into wings. In one fluid motion, she flapped them downwards, and her form sprang upwards into a huge red dragon that competed with the tree we stood beside for height. She roared long and loud, and breathed a spout of flame straight up into the air.

It took me a few seconds to find my words, but I finally admitted, "Now I see the resemblance."

Just then, I heard my friend Mark's frantic call of, "Cassie?!"

Instantly, one of Shēngxiào's rear claws swept back and stomped him to the ground, pinning him. My other friends that were trailing behind Mark turned as one to run back to the house, but the dragon's great tail slammed down on the ground, and curved around the whole group, blocking their way, and sweeping them back towards her.

"What do you want, Shēngxiào?" I pleaded desperately. "Why are you here?"

Her great, massive head lowered until she was directly over me, and she said, "I want to be queen of the dragons again, but I'm here because of something my king used to say when he was in his lighter moods."

"What's that?" I asked, truly dreading the answer.

I never really thought a dragon would be able to smile, but she did. There was a gleam in her eye as she quoted, "Dragon's gotta eat." That and the terrified screams of my friends were the last things I heard before her great maw swooped down, ending my life in the most violent way possible, and the lives of my friends shortly after.

Ever since, I've wandered the shores of this lake, doomed to be bound to this land until someone ends the supernatural menace that left me here. I don't know why it's just me, and not my friends too. Maybe because I was in her presence longer? Maybe it's some strange reward, because she liked me? Or maybe, if it's possible for a ghost to fight a dragon, I was the only one who would be willing to do so.

Seemingly floating on the air, there came a short giggle, followed by, "Is that so, little Ghostfighter?" I looked around for the source, and there was a pop as a man in blue and silver appeared from nowhere. "I might be able to make that happen," he said.

He heard my thoughts! You heard my thoughts? Finally, with much effort, my voice warbled, "You heard my thoughts?! Who are you? How can you make that happen?"

With a bow, the man said, "I am The Wishing Demon. As for the how, let's talk." Unbelievably, his smile scared me even more than Shēngxiào's, and I'm dead.

*****

Notes:

OC's are Cassie's friend Mark, Quisney, Malignant, unnamed "cartoon rat," unnamed "dalmation," unnamed "dumbo," and Cassie's name of Ghostfighter, given to her by The Wishing Demon. "Cassie" was required by mrmonster, but she's made an OC with the full name of Cassandra Kit (Cassie; Cass; Ghostfighter) OC's appearing again are Shēngxiào (Shen), unnamed king, and The Wishing Demon (TWD created by ImpurestCheese, inherited by me). OC Marc, creator of Quisney's Malignant, is named after Marc Davis, creator of Disney's Maleficent. All of the pics were found through Google Image Search, except for... ...The Wishing Demon was drawn by CV user payno, and was used as the inspiration for the OC's of CCC #32. Imp's OC was The Wishing Demon. Story and original characters owned by Chris Bishop, copyright 2023.

See you in thirteen days! If you have a significant other, don't forget Valentine's Day tomorrow! You're welcome! Cheers. ;^)