BumpyBoo

Safe as an island far off to sea I'd almost forgotten this side of me

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Grief

I should start with two quite contradictory points:

  • I am not the type of person to broadcast their personal problems all over the internet, in general.
  • This blog is the most personal thing I have ever posted.

On this day a number of years ago, I lost someone very close to me. It happened long enough ago that people have started to wonder when I will get over it, but also, long enough ago that I know I probably never will. There are some people who leave a huge hole in your heart that never ever closes. You never stop expecting a call from them; a hand on your shoulder in a place you once frequented; the soothing voice comforting you in the middle of the night.

When you get into that dark, lonely place, there is nothing anyone can say, because the only thing that could ever make you feel better is gone, and it is never coming back. Sometimes the only comfort is knowing that you aren't as alone as you feel. Sometimes all you want to find at the bottom of the great black pit is a name scrawled on the wall, next to yours.

Needless to say, many comics deal with bereavement, and often - most notably with characters like Spider-Man, Batman and Punisher to name but a few - these world shattering feelings of helplessness and loss are what drive the character on to greatness. Feelings of guilt and frustration lead these characters to search for personal atonement, as they dedicate their lives to righting this great inner wrong. Somewhere along the line, most comic book characters seem to come to the same conclusion: that while it is a wonderful thing to be inspired toward positive action by such negative experience, that raw, knotted feeling inside will never go away.

While comics are a great way to escape the day to day problems we all face, it can also be quite comforting to read about a character who is going through the same things you are. It can leave you feeling that somewhere out there, someone really knows how you feel.

The Crow

Eric surrounds himself with pictures of Shelly
Eric surrounds himself with pictures of Shelly

"There is a man playing the violin, and the strings are the nerves in his own arm." - James O'Barr, 'The Crow'

An obvious choice, but no less relevant for that. James O'Barr created The Crow as a way of dealing with his own grief, after his girlfriend was killed by a drunk driver. In this book, O'Barr pours his own heartbreak onto every page, and what results is a very raw, haunting and beautiful work. It tells the story of Eric Draven and Shelly Webster, a young couple whose lives are cut tragically short in a random encounter with a group of thugs. As he lies at the side of the road dying, Eric witnesses the gang beat Shelly to death, and then sexually assault her afterward. He is then resurrected by The Crow, an ancient spirit with a thirst for vengeance.

While deeply traumatized by the events of his fiancee's death, throughout the book it is clear that this is not what truly breaks his heart. Eric's darkest moments come when he is reliving the happier times, and remembering how wonderful his life with Shelly really was. Because, as is so often the case with bereavement, it is not the death itself that rends the soul, but rather the memory of what once was. Eric is tormented by powerful recollections of his love, visions of happiness that plunge him headlong into despair.

As an exploration of loneliness, grief and tragedy, there is no book I could recommend more highly than this one.

Tainted

George's attempt to move on is instrumental in his downfall
George's attempt to move on is instrumental in his downfall

"For a moment, the recollection is so complete that George imagines he can even hear the ponderous tick-tocking of the chiming clock that used to stand upon the mantelpiece." - Jamie Delano, 'Tainted'

Loss is a central theme of this Vertigo one-shot, in which an average white-collar worker is pushed to the very edge of his sanity by his own guilt and obsession.

The story follows a man named George Palmer as he attempts to confront his grief at the loss of his parents, and sister. He does this by renting out two of the rooms in his childhood home, as though doing so will enable to him to gain closure and move on. Unfortunately for George, the opposite happens, and the presence of other people in the house after so long triggers a wave of suppressed memories. He is suddenly forced to confront the truth about his past, and the subsequent feelings of loss and absolute helplessness are too much for him to bear. What truly drives George to the brink of madness is knowing that he cannot go back. What's done is done, and he can never change it.

15 Portraits Of Despair

Grief is a common theme in 15 Portraits
Grief is a common theme in 15 Portraits

"There is joy in there, of course, and love, and touching. The presence that makes the present absence unbearable. Without triumph, without love, without joy, her work would be for nothing." - Neil Gaiman, '15 Portraits Of Despair'

15 Portraits is a segment in the Sandman one-shot Endless Nights, in which each member of the Endless has a chapter dedicated to them which is illustrated by a different artist. This section deals with themes ranging from isolation, obsession, and bereavement, each portrait a snapshot of a tormented soul. To read it is to ache inside.

Though the portraits differ greatly from one another, there is a recurring theme here that the true source of anguish is happiness. There is a sense here that one cannot know the true depths of misery unless one has first tasted the heavenly sweetness of joy. True agony, then, is knowing what you are missing - not the pain of that which you have never had, but rather the pain of missing that which was once yours, and is now gone.

I don't know whether this will help anyone else. Certainly it has helped me to share it. But if ever you want a comic that really knows what it is to lose the ones who matter most to you, you could do a lot worse than reading one of these beautiful, if anguish-ridden, titles.

Rest easy, man, and know that you are sorely missed.

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Auralaria

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Edited By Auralaria

You know what? You're the awesomest.

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BumpyBoo

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@Auralaria said:

You know what? You're the awesomest.

*curtsies* Thank you, dear!

^_^

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ruckus24

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Edited By ruckus24

Zow... ya got chops kid. You need to write like this every time. It takes courage and fire and passion to put a piece of your soul on paper (even the electronic kind) and your blog piece here was a case study in how we do it. Nicely done and I hope to read a lot more from you. Harlan Ellison and I have had several discussions about writing and the one thing he tells me over and over again, ad infinitum, ad nauseum is this..."Writing is a holy chore. To write well is to have the courage to put a piece of your soul down on paper and use the ink to fire a laser shot into the hearts of everyone reading it."

Nice job. :)

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BumpyBoo

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@ruckus24: Wow, thank you very much. It wasn't easy to write - or rather, it was, but posting it was quite frightening. I'm planning to do a lot more writing here, and every ounce of encouragement is deeply appreciated. I must say, I worship Ellison a little :D That quote is brilliant. I actually shared a similar quote with a good friend earlier, from William S Burroughs:

"In my writing I am acting as a map maker, an explorer of psychic areas, a cosmonaut of inner space, and I see no point in exploring areas that have already been thoroughly surveyed."

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redbird3rdboywonder

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@BumpyBoo:

Even though this song is from Rugrats, I think its the perfect song when I feel deperessed so I wanted to share with you and Thank you for this beautiful blog. Even though the person may be gone physically from this world, they forever live in our hearts and our memories is what truely keeps them alive.

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BumpyBoo

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@redbird3rdboywonder: Ah, Rugrats.... <3

Thank you!

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SC

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Edited By SC  Moderator

Thank you for sharing both a piece of yourself and by doing so using the medium of comics as a structure device. It can be an incredibly bizarre feeling and experience, so its appreciated. Loss can be a great topic to discuss even though its like one of if not the hardest thing really to experience. I really love the examples you have used, especially the second, as I have not read that yet.   
 
Please let me know if you ever wish to randomly talk about loss. Now I also need to try and condense my favorite stories/characters that center on this theme too. Thank you for this blog as well.      

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redbird3rdboywonder

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@BumpyBoo: No problem ^^

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BumpyBoo

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@SC said:

Thank you for sharing both a piece of yourself and by doing so using the medium of comics as a structure device. It can be an incredibly bizarre feeling and experience, so its appreciated. Loss can be a great topic to discuss even though its like one of if not the hardest thing really to experience. I really love the examples you have used, especially the second, as I have not read that yet. Please let me know if you ever wish to randomly talk about loss. Now I also need to try and condense my favorite stories/characters that center on this theme too. Thank you for this blog as well.
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Lvenger

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Edited By Lvenger

Wow. Just wow. It wouldn't be right for me to say I understand having not lost anyone close to me yet but this is a beautiful blog post. Really shows why the people we care about in our lives leave a void in their absence.

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BumpyBoo

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@Lvenger said:

Wow. Just wow. It wouldn't be right for me to say I understand having not lost anyone close to me yet but this is a beautiful blog post. Really shows why the people we care about in our lives leave a void in their absence.

Thank you very much, really, thank you.

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Edited By superstay

@BumpyBoo:

dO.Ob......dWoWb

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d~_~b

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@superstay:

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@BumpyBoo:

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d~_~b

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@superstay:

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Strider1992

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Edited By Strider1992

Damn.....here's an internet hug:

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@Strider92 said:

Damn.....here's an internet hug:

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@BumpyBoo:

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d^L^b

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@BumpyBoo:

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@Pyrogram said:

@BumpyBoo:

Awww...always happy to see this one pop back up.

I got you some Thor lollipops as a thank you :P

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wildvine

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Edited By wildvine  Moderator

Thank you. This actually made me feel better. And Bumps? You are so strong for posting this.

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BumpyBoo

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@wildvine said:

Thank you. This actually made me feel better. And Bumps? You are so strong for posting this.

Thank you for reading it, it means an awful lot, WV :) I know I always thank you with cupcakes...but these ones are special <3

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Samimista

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Edited By Samimista

It feels just like yesterday when this was made. I've only experienced losing someone in a metaphorical way than actually losing someone from death's clutches so I cannot imagine how those who have truly lost someone they loved and never got to see that person again. It hurts a lot and sometimes we blame ourselves for it. Just please, keep all the fond memories close to heart and remember that someday you and that person will be reunited. I like to think that while we may lose a person physically that their spirit stays with us. I'm not just referring to the topic creator of this thread but to everyone who has lost someone who's passed on. It hurts a lot and sometimes the wound never truly heals but just know that the one you love will always be with you.

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BumpyBoo

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@Samimista: Thank you, Sam. That is such a beautiful thing to say and it just shows what a kind hearted and thoughtful girl you are, that you would come back to this and try to help. You're a great friend <3

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@BumpyBoo: Ah thank you. =D But you're the real wonderful friend here! For sharing your story with us on the first page and venting. Now that takes a lot of courage to do. I applaud you for opening up to us all about your experience. I say tomorrow we not only love the living but the dead as well.

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BumpyBoo

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@Samimista said:

@BumpyBoo: Ah thank you. =D But you're the real wonderful friend here! For sharing your story with us on the first page and venting. Now that takes a lot of courage to do. I applaud you for opening up to us all about your experience. I say tomorrow we not only love the living but the dead as well.

What a lovely idea ^_^

And thanks again. I remember being in two minds about posting this, but I am awfully glad I did :)

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Edited By Pyrogram

@BumpyBoo said:

@Samimista said:

@BumpyBoo: Ah thank you. =D But you're the real wonderful friend here! For sharing your story with us on the first page and venting. Now that takes a lot of courage to do. I applaud you for opening up to us all about your experience. I say tomorrow we not only love the living but the dead as well.

What a lovely idea ^_^

And thanks again. I remember being in two minds about posting this, but I am awfully glad I did :)

So are we!

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Samimista

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Edited By Samimista

@Pyrogram said:

@BumpyBoo said:

@Samimista said:

@BumpyBoo: Ah thank you. =D But you're the real wonderful friend here! For sharing your story with us on the first page and venting. Now that takes a lot of courage to do. I applaud you for opening up to us all about your experience. I say tomorrow we not only love the living but the dead as well.

What a lovely idea ^_^

And thanks again. I remember being in two minds about posting this, but I am awfully glad I did :)

So are we!

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@Pyrogram:

No Caption Provided

@Samimista: OH MY GOD!! A hug AND a bear?? That is just too much awesome!! **faints** <3

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@BumpyBoo: I know this is kinda late, but I give you all the props in the world for sharing this. I wish you the very best.

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@BumpyBoo: It's Tedward's animated self! =D

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@Samimista: @BumpyBoo:

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@Pyrogram: Kitty! =D Cats always make everything better.

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@0n1zuka said:

@BumpyBoo: I know this is kinda late, but I give you all the props in the world for sharing this. I wish you the very best.

Wow, thank you very much - and thanks for taking time out to read it, it is very much appreciated :)

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@Samimista said:

@BumpyBoo: It's Tedward's animated self! =D

It is!! Snot Bear himself!! Now it is officially the best cyber hug. EVER :D

@Pyrogram: Awwww that is too adorable :)

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Edited By 0n1zuka

@BumpyBoo: It hits very close to home for me, so it was worth taking that time... and you are very welcome. :)

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@0n1zuka: I am sorry to hear that :( It is such a horrible place to be in, with so many difficult feelings. The comments here really help - I am finding that it is well worth the embarrassment of telling everyone my business, because it is so comforting whenever another user comments to say that they know what it is like too. It has been quite a moving experience :)

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Edited By laflux

@BumpyBoo said:

Will a Cupcake make you feel better?

Replace the Union Jack flag with the Welsh flag if you wish........

Don't worry we won't tell about it :P

Oh and is that Deviant Art for Nemi?

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@laflux said:

@BumpyBoo said:

Will a Cupcake make you feel better?

Replace the Union Jack flag with the Welsh flag if you wish........

Don't worry we won't tell about it :P

Oh and is that Deviant Art for Nemi?

*whispers* Can I have a cupcake too? I promise I won't tell this Samimista girl about it. =D

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Edited By laflux

@Samimista said:

@laflux said:

@BumpyBoo said:

Will a Cupcake make you feel better?

Replace the Union Jack flag with the Welsh flag if you wish........

Don't worry we won't tell about it :P

Oh and is that Deviant Art for Nemi?

*whispers* Can I have a cupcake too? I promise I won't tell this Samimista girl about it. =D

Ah go on then :D. I heard that Samimista girl treats her Jensen Ackles clones really badly D: , so doesn't one anyways :P

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@laflux said:

@BumpyBoo said:

Will a Cupcake make you feel better?

Replace the Union Jack flag with the Welsh flag if you wish........

Don't worry we won't tell about it :P

Oh and is that Deviant Art for Nemi?

Awww thank you, I feel much better :)

And yes, it is DA for Nemi. I stumbled across it and just fell madly in love ^_^

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Edited By BumpyBoo  Moderator

@Samimista: Aw, I only just saw this!! Of course you can have a cake ^_^

I found this one for you....

No Caption Provided

(It occurs to me that this has escalated into a random dessert thread :P)

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Edited By 0n1zuka

@BumpyBoo: I know that's for Samimista, but I have a strong urge to swipe a piece of that Moogle cake. Looks tasty.

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@0n1zuka said:

@BumpyBoo: I know that's for Samimista, but I have a strong urge to swipe a piece of that Moogle cake. Looks tasty.

Hehe! I am sure she won't mind, Samimista is a sweet girl, and that's an awfully big cake ;)

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Edited By 0n1zuka

@BumpyBoo: I don't doubt that she is but I could at least let her see the cake as it was intended, instead of her receiving it with parts of the moogle missing.

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@0n1zuka: Hehe! Good point - we'll wait for her. For now..... :P

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Edited By Crom-Cruach

@BumpyBoo: I don't remember where I heard that but:

"The pain of lost never goes away, but neither do the memories of joy and love that come because of those that were lost. Therefore we should treasure every memory, for in them lies treasures"

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@Crom-Cruach said:

@BumpyBoo: I don't remember where I heard that but:

"The pain of lost never goes away, but neither do the memories of joy and love that come because of those that were lost. Therefore we should treasure every memory, for in them lies treasures"

That is so beautiful, and so true. Thank you for sharing that :)

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mrdecepticonleader

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A simply wonderful blog.

I can relate to feeling frustrated,that you want to do something to bring them back,and that you do feel frustrated and angry because you cant.Its a bit of an odd feeling to when you loose someone.

Loosing people who are close to you is the worst thing in the world,but there are memories you had with them that will always be alive as long as you are.

:)

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Edited By BumpyBoo  Moderator

@mrdecepticonleader: Well thanks for taking the time to check it out mate. Very true, that, and well said :)