Tags: char: hal jordan/green lantern, char: hawkman, char: aquaman, char: firestorm, char: j'onn j'onzz, char: hawkgirl, title: brightest day, creator: david finch

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... God dammit, Hal.

So the lantern includes a vibrating function eh?

We always knew power lanterns were multifunctional.

Hawkman: Urgh...he's going to expect me to clean it up, isn't he?
Aquaman and Hawkgirl: He's seriously doing that in public?
J'onn: I'm not entirely sure what I'm watching, but I like it!
Firestorm: *Pretend you're not seeing anything...look cool. Look cool.* Dammit, man, I was in the JLA before you were, I know how to handle Hal's... peccadilloes.

Hawkgirl: Can't you just go back to your little motto/rap thing you say?

wow. I can't unsee that now.

And all I can hear is Hal, grunting at the Lantern, "Take it bitch."

"I have to go spank the lantern"

and all I can hear is cheesy 70s porn music now. thanks for that.

Is there such a thing as TASTEFUL 70s porn music?...

Luckily I was distracted by Hal's freakishly elongated chin.

I... uh... wow.

It ain't quite Liefeld, but lord, it ain't good.

Heeheehee... and this is why I love scans_daily <3

Not a hoax, not an imaginary story, Hal Jordan is fucking his power battery.

BUT WHY!?!

No, it's worse. That's the white battery, not Hal's green one. Hal is fucking someone else's battery. Boning your own battery is wierd, but doing someone elses is just plain rude.

Well, except that since the only White Lantern currently is Sinestro.

Sinestro: Oh, real mature Hal.
Hal: Heh, heh, I thought it could use a bit more white.
Carol: Lucky battery.
Larfleeze: Damn, I thought I was the only one who did that.
Atrocitus: Dammit Larfleeze, why is it every time you open your mouth you say something I CAN NEVER FUCKING UNHEAR!?!

Yeah, but the only one who still has the White Ring is Boston Brand...

So he's going back to the whiteface look, then?

Turns out that's not a ring.

It's a ring alright....a cock ring.

... the phrase "White ring" caused my brain to rush to a very unhappy place :(.

But thankfully not worse ones.

That's

aahah. I love the idea of Atrocitus going "LARFLEEZE FOR THE LOVE OF BURNING BLOOD STOP TALKING"

What, you think that when the Lantern has been recharging Hal all these years there wouldn't be the odd occasiobal where Hal had to recharge the Lantern?

And by "recharge" I mean... bonk the wick out of it...

I don't know, I think the Guardians may frown upon their green lanterns fucking their own power batteries,

THE SIXTH LAW OF THE BOOK OF GREEN LANTERN LAW IS NOW ENACTED: FUCKING YOUR LANTERN IS FORBIDDEN IN THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS

wait no

DO NOT FUCK THE OPERATIONAL END OF THE DEVICE

yeah that's good

side effects from sexually interfacing with your lantern may include: nausea, dizziness, skin rash, buboes, the uncontrollable urge to giggle inappropriately in public spaces...

possesion by emotional spectrum entites has occured in some severe cases. do not sexually interface with your lantern while under the effects of alchohol, do not attempt to operate heavy machinery after inferface, should your interface last longer than five hours immediately cease interfaces and contact your nearest guardian, they could use a laugh.

Aquaman is totally like "I'm next!"

He has to peel the giant hunks of Play-Doh off the front of his thighs, first, though...

You know you've been at the computer too much when the first thing you think of is sex-related...

I thought that was how you knew you were at S_D for 10 minutes?

Awwwww, yeeeeah.

WTF are you doing Hal?!!!

... And take a look at J'onn's expression. That would be creepy even without the delightful context which you've provided.

The lantern in the stone!

If only we had a King named Arthur whose underwater kingdom has all but been destroyed, including family and all that!

We told him he shouldnt have made it out of pineapples!

Pass the brain bleach, please! I know we keep an industrial-sized vat of it around here for just these types of occasions...

Over there in the cabinet marked "In case of Liefeld, break glass" *

* In severe cases swallow the glass

the sporks are in the cupboard. I'm off to go check the supply...

I've actually seen stuff Finch did before that was better--AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED, the first issues of NEW AVENGERS. But now that I think about it, one big thing about those I recall was how much black he used. He's best, it would seem, when he can cover as much as possible in shading. But when we see his characters in the full light of day, we start to see, well, yeah, things like Liefeldisms all over the place.

Just look at Aquaman. For this to work, there would have to be a hollow in his neck or his chin/jaw would have to be utterly flat on the bottom. Or more exactly, Aquaman would have to lack both a trachea and an esophagus. I started noticing a lot of this during ULTIMATUM, but it's really bad here.

Finch's finish is great and hides a lot of his flaws. He needs to learn to draw more kinds of noses. I also think he could also just forget realism altogether and pursue these exaggerations in a more cartoony way. But this as it stands is starting to seem a bit grotesque. I just know there was a time it was harder for me to notice the flaws in his work, that somehow the stylization made up for it.

And yes, I know, how dare I, my anatomy is no great shakes, where do I get off giving so many other pros shit for bad anatomy. Well, point taken. But I'm overtly cartoony and try more for proportion than accuracy, so it's not the same standard I'm following. These guys are trying to create a convincing illusion of reality, so that's a different thing. (and they're sure paid more than I am to do it...;))

Fun Fact:

Hal WAS fucking the GREEN battery.

Ew ew ew ew EW.

Well, fisting it.

With all the isolation the Guardians had in force at various times, weeeeeell...

"Goddamn it, can't ask that rookie out now thanks to that damn law. Friday night. What am I supposed to do..."

(Drinks for an hour, sees battery)

"Hey good-lookin'..."

Oh what Superdictionary could have done with THIS one....

Geez, this icon's getting used way too often lately...

oh my gosh, can i steal that icon? It's so perfect.

Sure, so long as you credit me if anyone asks!

"Hey there...."

~Hal's hand traces across the top of the Lantern"

"Heh heh, what's YOUR sign baby? Mine? Oh, Willpower. You know, cause I Will give you some Power alright."

~cheesy grin, patting the lantern~

"Aw yeah...let's go back to my place...What? What's that you say?"

~silence~

"Here? Aw you a dirty one huh? Aw yeah let's do it~

~J'onn walks over~

"....the fire...need it in eyes NEED FIRE"

boom-chukka-boom-bow-wowwww

"in brightest UNF in blackest UNF no evil shall escape my AWW YEAH"

Well..power is often orgasmic..

It doesn't help that seems to be Hal's 'o' face and that the people around him are varying states of horrified and disgusted (lookin at you Carter). And oh HAL, you WHOAR!