I was hoping for feedback on this rough draft of a 5 page script for a comic book submission, thanks for any opinions given.
Page 1
The first four panels should be all on the top row, being just over one fifth the length of the page and a third of the page's width each (except 2 and 3 being half those measurements and put together to fill the same space as the other two panels).In all of these panels there should be a lot of natural light and a warm feel. The panels should also all be tight with a focus on Daedalus and Icarus over the setting and even to an extent the wings and their use.
Panel 1: Daedalus fitting the wings to Icarus, having already put on his own, telling Icarus what to do when flying like not to close to the ocean or to close to the sun, trying to hide his fear. There are text boxes giving a brief explanation as to where they are and why.
Panel 2/3: the two the size of a regular panel together but split down the middle, each being a side, 3 shows Daedalus readying to leap out the window (side-glancing to the young Icarus nervously), 4 shows him out the window and flying but having flown to face the window and calling to Icarus to fly out, still scared but trying to hide it, though Icarus picks up on it.
Panel 4: shows Icarus getting ready to fly, he's scared because he's never left the labyrinth tower but there is an under-lying excitement.
Panels' 5, 6 and 7 are in a row, each panel being of a similar width to the ones above but all about a third of the length of the remaining space of the page. In these panels there is a greater focus on the setting and the act of flight, though the central focus is Icarus with Daedalus being on the edge of the panel's view, in the panels that he is in. Though Daedalus' fear is clearly apparent, his being on the edge showing his helplessness.
Panel 5: he's leapt out and has started flying along side his father, forgetting fears and being filled with excitement, though this contrasts with the father's terror. Icarus is looking up with his flight path in a gradual upward direction.
Panel 6: He starts flying higher and higher, despite his father's protests, a glint of wonder and excitement in his face, the wax beginning to melt even now.
Panel 7: the wax in the wings melts to the point that the wings start to fall apart, his and his father's screams of terror.
The remaining space is a sea colour blue, panel 8 is larger than panel 9, 8 is in the centre of the page's width and is right up close to the panels above but at least half an inch from the bottom of the page. Panel 8 should take up the middle 4-5 ninths of the width of the page. Panel 9 is in the bottom right corner, its 2 fifths the length of the page and is right next to panel 8 and the gap below it.
Panel 8: his wings, now falling apart, have become useless and he begins plummeting to the sea, the panel's view comes from a bird's eye view close to Icarus. There should be specific detail to his face and his terror.
Panel 9: This panel should be in the bottom far right corner and small, but not so small that it feels tight.The panel shows unknown women from behind watching what is happening but from a distance, they are submerged in the water except for their shoulders up. They are close enough to hear Daedalus scream out his son's name.
Page 2
The first three panels take up the top two thirds of the page, panel 1 is long with its width being half the page's and its length being the top two thirds. Panel 2 and three are of the same width as panel 1 but half the length with panel 2 on the top half and panel 3 on the bottom half.
Panel 1: This one shows Icarus having fallen into the sea quite a long way (like 10-20 feet down), he's still alive though the wind is knocked out of him.
Panel 2: He is sinking into the ocean as he fades out of consciousness, gasping for breath and limply trying to reach the surface, from an under sea perspective the horrified Daedalus can be seen flying above. Perhaps far in the distance the nymphs can be seen swimming towards Icarus.
Panel 3: In this panel Icarus is dead in the water and sinking. Below him is a rocky hill though about 10 feet below. The nymphs are arriving around his body too late, the reader can see their strange slightly inhuman eyes giving looks at Icarus (they could also have slick skin). Icarus' body is in the middle of the panel's length, below his body Icarus' soul has separated from his body, looking like his body except it being a light grey. It is being pulled down into the darkness.
Panel 4 and 5 take up the remaining space of the page with 4 being one third of the width and 5 being the rest.
Panel 4: This panel shows Icarus waking up as if from a sleep in a large crowd of other souls standing by the river styx, a dark river of dark liquid smoke, in the distance from one direction a skinny old man standing on a boat and pushing it alone with a long ferryman's pole. Icarus looks lost, alone, confused and scared.
Panel 5: The nymphs (in the top left corner of the panel in the same colour of text box as the initial narration it says 'Nymphs') are standing either side of Icarus (holding his body gently to stop it sinking) and speak to each other in a strange fish-like language, translated into English for readers but the speech bubbles' are light blue and in a wavy font to show they aren't speaking normally. The nymphs are sad about Icarus but are also tense and rushed as one says they should bring him back (in the talk it's mentioned about the rules set by the gods, specifically from Hades though backed by all, also mentioning Poseidon in particular given his dominion over the sea thus being their king essentially), they are talking about it, being rushed because, as they mention, once he leaves the side of the river styx he'll be gone and irretrievable. The way they speak seems immature like teens or maybe children despite appearing like adults. In the end they agree to bring him back.
Page 3
The top two thirds of the page has a dark blue background, panel 2 is the middle half of the page's width and a third of the overall page's length, panel 1 is in the top left corner, a quarter of the page's width and half the length of panel 1.
Panel 1: This panel shows Icarus at the river styx, he's looking up to a bright white light, confused.
Panel 2: He wakes and immediately goes upright (being on the rocky hill), looking around, looking shocked (small part from seeing beautiful women for the first time) and scared. As he is waking his eyes have a grey haze which is quickly receding into the pupils which have a receding red flash. They try to calm him down and in ancient greek (as thats the local language, having been able to recognise when reaching him that he is human) explain to him what happened. We could also learn in the conversation that he has lost his memory in the process. (Learns he can live underwater and the various adaptations).
Panel 3 is the same size as panel 2 and is right below it, in the centre of the page.
Panel 3: Icarus begins to calm down but realises the position he is in, being alone in a world he didn't have any clue about, he then sees the nymphs, looking panicked and as confused as him. They are the ones who brought him into this situation, and he wonders if they should have brought him back in the first place. He gets angry and basically tells them to fuck off, and he begins to leave (running/swimming along the rocky hill as he gets his bearings on his new abilities). The nymphs seem like they want to stop him but are unsure what to say or do even if he did listen.
Panel 4 and 5 are on the same row and are the same size, being one sixth of the page's length and being right below panel 3.
Panel 4: He swims into the nearest cave/dark place, sitting in the foetal position. He then gets a flash of a memory of being trapped in the tower, though only a vague memory, remembering more the feeling of being trapped and refused to feel that way about his situation.
Panel 5: He decides to escape, fleeing the cave like he did the labyrinth tower.
Panel 6 is on its own row and takes up the remaining space.
Panel 6: So in this panel he is swimming (slightly haphazardly) through the ocean he is drawn to the sight of a seemingly bottomless chasm by an unexplained curiosity, though he also feels a sense of worry and fear at the prospect of this chasm, though he decides to approach anyway.
Page 4
Top fifth of the page is panel 1 which is all black with Icarus swimming/hovering on top as if overlapping the black rather than being part of it entirely.
Panel 1: He swims at the mouth of the chasm looking in. He is scared (having a sense of foreboding stemming from flying to close to the sun though he doesn't remember specifically where the sense of foreboding from over reaching into potentially dangerous territory comes from) and intellectually he knows not to go in as it could be dangerous, especially as he is not such a competent swimmer. However he feels compelled to enter.
Panel 2 is in its own row and the same size as panel 1.
Panel 2: He is entering the chasm and is being engulfed by the darkness, with feelings of worry and dread increasing.
Panel 3 and 4 are on the same row and take equal halves of the page's width.The length of this row is half of the remaining space.
Panel 3: Some distance in he stops when he gets the impression of things moving fast around him, though he can't really see in the darkness he can hear them move through the water and feel the moving water. He doesn't know what they are and feels scared.
Panel 4: He then is attacked, Icarus feelings hands grabbing him and trying to pull him down.
Panel 5 takes up the remaining space on its own row.
Panel 5: He doesn't intend to go out without a fight and tries to fight them off though he seems to have little impact. Icarus is terrified and thinks he's going to die.
Page 5
The top third of the page has a black background with panel 1 being a thin panel starting from the top and and ending at the bottom of this black background.
Panel 1: In this he is overpowered and pulled hard and fast into the chasm's depths, this panel has large length to help convey the idea of Icarus being pulled fast a long way.
Panel 2 is slightly wider than panel 1 and is right below it, leading on from it. 2 is one sixth of the page's length. Panel 3 is one sixth of the page's length but with the same width as the page.
Panel 2: Icarus soon sees a spot of light below him that quickly expanded as they approach.
Panel 3: He is taken through the spot of light (a swirling pool of glowing light blue energy resembling a swirling pool of water), finding himself in a massive cavern somehow well lit with no apparent light source. Before him he sees a spectacular palace made of an almost luminous marble-like stone, it towers over Icarus and what he discovers to be three other nymphs, albeit ones that give a more mature impression, conveying a certain presence. They at this point are letting him go.
Panel 4 fills the length of the remaining space and two thirds of the page's width, starting from the left side of the page. Panel 5 takes up the remaining space.
Panel 4: From the palace comes a tall strong man dressed like an ancient Greek king wielding a trident and a positive, humorous expression. He talks to the flabbergasted Icarus, introducing himself as Poseidon and telling him that little happens in the seas without his knowledge (he brought Icarus to him in this way to make sure he came and for a little theatrical flare/Poseidon being dramatic and/or his own ego to show power, as if he is this great and powerful being who decides to help the little guy, a hint in this that Poseidon isn't a true god). He knows his story and is willing to help. He gestures and a portal appears in thin air similar to the one Icarus passed through before. Poseidon says he will grant Icarus the ability to return to land along with his memories so that he can return to his father (who perhaps would lose his memory of his son's death to keep the possibility of resurrection secret as humans would start questing for and disrupt the balance of life and death). However if he does he would lose his new abilities as they don't need him causing a ruckus about nymphs handing out magical powers and resurrecting the dead. Or he can return to land with his powers but hide his origins and can't return to his father and reveal he has resurrected, though he travel the world. (This panel would be the largest on the page and dominate focus).
Panel 5: Icarus steps through the doorway, thinking he will go to see his father, though their is a look on his face that says he isn't sure what he will do.
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