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For the script go to this link: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/limbo-short-story-script-1536062/#0
The story starts with the protagonist, Daniel, dying in a car accident. He is driving home and unhappy about being late but it is unclear what he is late for. When he wakes up he is in a grassy field and looked down on by a strange young man, sitting on a boulder, smiling. His name is Jackson and he tells Daniel he has died and is now in Limbo. He explains Limbo is the place souls go when they are not ready to move on, although it is home to native inhabitants who aren’t dead like himself.
Immediately Daniel becomes desperate in finding a way back to the living world but Jackson says he can’t, he’s dead. However he mentions the existence of doors that can take a soul back but as a ghost and only temporarily. Daniel demands to know where he could find one. Jackson haplessly points him in the right direction and Daniel is gone in that moment, before Jackson could warn him of the dangers along the way.
Daniel soon spots the door, edged into the top of a rocky hill twice the height of a small forest of trees, with blue bark and white leaves spattered with black, surrounding its base. With no thought he runs into the forest, which is when he notices the faces in the bark (common even in the trees of the living world) appear to be watching him. But he is determined to keep his fear under control and continue in his goal.
The next moment the tree faces begin reaching out of their cold blue homes, forming bodies of wood and wielding weapons of the same, which gleam as if steel. In seconds they’re attacking Daniel from different sides. He dodges these initial attacks and, thinking fast, grabs a two-handed axe from one of the forest men. He fights his way through the growing crowd, forcing his way through, despite injuries suffered in the attempt, reaching an opening between the forest and hill. He is lucky. He quickly discovers those wooden people cannot leave the confines of their forest home. With a single calming breath he moves on, beginning to scale the mountain.
As he climbs he discovers a cave. Except he was certain it wasn’t there last he looked. With little time to think a harpy bursts from the cave mouth, ready to bring the second attempt on Daniel’s afterlife. But he’s quick. Axe still in hand, he swings it at the beast, delivering one fatal blow. He gives little thought to the creature he has killed, continuing in his task he needs to complete.
He reaches the top of the hill, the door within reach, when he is stopped by Jackson. Jackson reveals his true intentions that wanted to reach the door but didn’t want to risk his life doing it. So instead he began finding wayward souls and sending them after the door so they could kill the monsters, or offer a decent distraction so Jackson could sneak around. And, to Jackson’s pleasure Daniel succeeded in giving Jackson a path to the door. The first to do so, the others died and when you die in Limbo there is nowhere else to go except oblivion. Daniel is getting angry, even more so when we find out Jackson wishes to go to the living world, where he can stay permanently as he is alive, to do whatever he wants as a magic-user in a world of humans (which he implies what he would do wouldn't be pleasant). However Daniel wouldn't allow this. With little thought he rams into Jackson, knocking him down the hill, possibly to his death, suffering burns from Jackson’s last magical attacks. But Daniel has little time to reflect on any of that as he has something he needs to do. So he goes through the door.
The door opens into a house in the living world, in place of the front door. It is night and the lights are all off. He walks up the stairs. At the head of the stairs is a little girl’s room. He is a ghost so he is able to walk through the door into the room. Inside there is a little girl of about eight or so, sleeping in her bed. He walks over to her, leans down and kisses her forehead, tears in his eyes. He says goodbye and that he loves her. At that moment the little girl wakes up. She sits up in her bed, “Dad?” but no one is there.
For the synopsis go to this link: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/fan-fic-8/limbo-short-story-synopsis-1536065/
Daniel: Mid-thirties. Light, slightly faded, ginger-brown hair. Quite well built, tall and broad. Clean shaven but thin jaw.
Jackson: Quite tall but an inch or two shorter than the main. Thin. Thin jaw. Short chestnut brown hair. Seemingly early twenties but his eyes look like those of someone with decades of life experience. Small ears.
The first three panels are all small, with them taking one sixth of the page’s length and fit together in a row along the top of the page.
Panel 1: Over the shoulder view of Daniel driving down a road in the evening as it is getting dark, he glances at the time on his watch. Daniel thinks “shit, I’m going to be late getting home.” There is a driver in front and to the left that is driving as if drunk.
Panel 2: The drunk driver swerves in front of Daniel, he thinks “What the hell-”
Panel 3: The panel is filled with a white light
The fourth panel is in its own row, it has a greater length than the previous row but not by too much, it should take up a sixth of the page’s length.
Panel 4: Comes from the point of view of Daniel, his vision is blurry around the edges and he is on his hands and knees as if waking up after being knocked unconscious. He is in a field and there is a person sitting on a boulder wearing a pleasant grin. He says (lowering his head closer to the main’s level) “look whose finally woken up! Hi, my name is Jackson.” He is giving a little wave.
Panels 5 is in its own row and its length is one third of the page.
Panel 5: No longer from the Daniel’s point of view, he has stood up and is looking at the man on the boulder (who is still smiling) with surprise and fear on his face. Daniel asks “Where am I?!” The person, wearing a big happy grin, responds with “Limbo of course. ‘Land of wayward souls’, (as in those not ready to move on yet) and the few who were actually born her like my good self.”
The final panels takes up the last of the space in their own row.
Panel 6: Daniel, having calmed down a bit but still scared, but showing focus and determination for something not yet known. He says “I need to get back.” Jackson responds “you can’t, your dead. I mean maybe if you found a door…then you could return temporarily as a ghost to solve whatever unfinished business you may have…” Daniel responds with “Where do I find a door!?” Jackson points to his own left saying “well there is one in that direction but…”
Panel 7: Daniel starts running as fast as he can in that direction indicated. Jackson says “…be mindful of the dangers…never mind then…”
This page is landscape. The first panel in its own row, large enough to show the hill at a stone’s throw distance from where Daniel has run to, nestled in a valley sloping down all around. The second panel is thin with focus more about the faces in the trees all around than Daniel, also the foliage of the trees covers the border between itself and the panel above it so it effectively acts as the borderline instead. The same is true of all the panels with trees, covering the above borderline in the same way. There is no borderlines between panels, they are stacked right next to each other along with the last panel right below the panel above it (the final panel isn’t entirely in the forest).
Panel 1: He stops, he sees the door, seemingly built into the top side of a large, pointed rocky hill. Twice the height of the small forest surrounding its base, the trees having a dark, cold blue bark and white leaves with the odd speck of black.
Panel 2: He runs into the forest, the trees all have faces in their bark which seem to be moving, and watching Daniel who notices and is scared and surprised and panicked but suppresses it so his feelings don’t overwhelm him as he is so focused on his goal.
The third and fourth panels are in there own row, taking just over half the remaining length of space
Panel 3: He is running through the forest but is stopped in a small clearing (with a gap between the trees and the hill visible and not far away ahead) as the faces in the surrounding trees begin to reach out of the trees, forming bodies of the same wood as the trees, brandishing wooden swords, axes, maces etc. that gleam like metal. Daniel again doesn’t allow his fear to overwhelm him as before but his fear is greater (as you’d expect).
Panel 4: The forest men begin to attack, Daniel managing to dodge the initial blows shown in the panel. (One of the weapons is a two handed axe).
The final three panels are in their own row, the seventh panel continues on from the sixth panel. This row takes up the rest of the space on the page.
Panel 5: (small panel) he grabs a two handed axe from one and rips it from its hands.
Panel 6: He swings the axe around, forcing the forest men back.
Panel 7: He leaps through the hoard of wood people (intact though with some minor injuries from surrounding attacks), axe still in hand, into the opening past the trees and before the hill.
Still in landscape. The first two panels are in there own row which takes up just over a sixth of the page’s length.
Panel 1: He ran into the clearing between the forest and the hill but he stopped, turned and sees the forest men are stopping at the border of the forest, physically unable to reach past. Daniel is breathing heavily but takes a sigh of relief.
Panel 2: He begins to climb the mountain, keeping the axe with him, just in case.
The third panel is in its own row (which takes up just a bit more than a sixth of the page’s length) but only appears in the middle third of the row, the space either side of it is stone grey.
Panel 3: Part way up the large hill, just level with the leaves of the trees, there is a cave, Daniel thinks “ok that defiantly wasn’t there before.”
The fourth panel is in its own row and takes up over two sixth’s of the page’s length, enough to draw focus and make the harpy seem scary but not enough to overpower the final panels.
Panel 4: At high speed a large harpy (which takes up a lot of the panel while Daniel is still shown) flies out of the cave (coming from the ground within the darkness of the cave, the launching off point being as close to the light, without being seen, as possible. Looks almost like its flying up to attack the reader, while still having focus on attacking Daniel), with a shrieking mouth of fangs and exposed talons aimed at Daniel.
The final two panels are in their own row and take up the rest of the space of the page
Panel 5: Immediately Daniel swings his axe, delivering a fatal blow to the very surprised harpy, splattering its blood sparsely on Daniel including drops on his face.
Panel 6: he continues up the hill with a single minded determination to reach the door, while continuing on, he wipes most of the blood of his face with his forearm.
Back to portrait. The first two panels are in there own row and take up less than 2/6ths of the page’s length.
Panel 1: He reaches the door at the top of the hill and his body shrugs with relief, then someone off panel says “I’ll be taking that door.”
Panel 2: Daniel turns to see Jackson, standing there (a few feet from the edge leading to a long fall) with a sinister yet mischievous grin. Daniel, looking surprised and confused says “What?” “That door. I’ll be using it. See these doors only work once and I’d rather like to use this one, these doors are very rare you know.”
The third and fourth panels are in there own row and take up about a third of the page’s length
Panel 3: Daniel is looking very angry, he says “Is that why you sent me after the door, just so I’d fight off those tree people and the bird lady while you sneaked around to the door!!?” Jackson replies “Well, yes, actually. And it’s good that you did, I’ve sent so many souls after doors its nice one actually made it without dying.” The main is still angry but now a little confused, he says “wait I thought this was ‘the land of wayward souls’, how can someone die here?” Jackson replies in an off-hand way, “well not technically dead, if a soul takes a mortal blow here their soul is just destroyed and they fade away to nowhere.”
Panel 4: Daniel is furious now, Jackson doesn’t seem to care, he raises his hands and they begin to glow red as does Jackson’s irises, he is wearing a large frightening (and psychotic) grin. He says (as a veiled death threat) “Enough talk now, you have to be gone, can’t be having you trying to stop me getting through that door and having my fun in a world of mortals! Now can we!?”
The final two panels take up the remaining space with the fifth panel taking up two thirds of the width of the page and the sixth panel taking up the rest.
Panel 5: Holding the axe in two hands level with his chest he tackles Jackson, knocking on his chest so he in the panel is about to fall over the edge. Jackson’s magic meanwhile is burning Daniel like intense fire but it doesn’t visibly slow down his attack.
Panel 6: As Jackson falls down the hill, possibly to his death, Daniel has walked over to the door and is opening it, what can be partially seen past the door is distorted by a veil of sparkling blue mystical energy. The focus in the panel is on Daniel walking through the door.
The page is landscape. The first two panels are in their own row and takes up one third of the length of the page.
Panel 1: The panel view shows Daniel from his left side. The door opens in place of the front door of a house, its night and all the lights are off. Daniel is walking through, looking nervous and tense, and he has lost all his previous anger as his focus is all on the matter at hand.
Panel 2: Opposite the door is a staircase and Daniel walks up, the panel view shows him from behind.
The third and fourth panel are in there own row, taking up one third of the page’s length.
Panel 3: He walks through the door (right next to the top of the stairs) of a room clearly for a little girl (given the door’s decoration) in the manner of a ghost.
Panel 4: Inside is a little girl of about eight sleeping in bed.
The final three panels are in there own row (taking up the remaining space on the page), the fifth panel takes 2/5ths of the width of the row, the sixth panel takes up 1/5ths of the row’s width and the final panel takes up the rest.
Panel 5: Daniel bends down, tears in his eyes, and kisses her forehead, he says “Goodbye my baby girl, I love you, so much.”
Panel 6: The girl wakes up, the panel view only shows her eyes opening as if suddenly woken, while she is still lying down.
Panel 7: It is a wide shot of her sitting up in bed looking sad, confused and a little hopeful, staring in the direction her father was in. She says “Dad?” But he isn’t there as with his unfinished business done, he has moved on.
READ THIS FIRST: As the title suggests this is a submission for a comic book publisher and I was hoping to get feed back. I posted a previous version of this but have since made improvements. I know it is quite long but I'd appreciate the effort and any feedback. Thank you.
The new, old hero
Mark Greer aka Talos
He is a cyborg, approximately 15 feet tall and proportionately human (albeit of a well-built person though not quite professional strongman). His mechanical body is smooth, metallic and the metal of his body is a dark bronze.
His head is more or less human so it is human sized but surrounded by a ridge that produces a basically invisible force field except for a faint electric blue sheen. As well as if hit the targeted area turns electric blue on impact as it funnels in energy to hold up that spot (all assuming it is a significant impact like an attack from the hero).
His head from the nose up is the metal of his suit, his left eye is mechanical with a lens, is other eye and the space around it is human but has a mechanical eye similar to the other that fits over it. His neck is human and reaches down into the mechanical body, how far he is human beyond that isn’t clear. He isn’t wrinkled but how old or young he is ambiguous.
Daniel Wright aka Paragon
Daniel has sandy blonde hair and green eyes. He’s quite tall with a moderate build, detail of which is partially hidden by the suit he wears, he’s quite broad with a slightly thin jaw. The alternate reality version of him appears in his early to mid-thirties, the younger real world version is in his very early twenties.
The suit is white and covers his whole body (the shape of his nose is largely visible) though the parts over his eyes and mouth are of a light blue and are lens like, although the part over is mouth looks flexible. It’s tight over his mouth but is designed to allow him to breathe through it without problem.
His hands, down to his wrists, are a slightly dark electric blue and appear to be made from a different material from the rest of the suit, similar to an electrical glass conductor but with properties like a fabric in terms of flexibility and smoothness.
A light blue band around his waist and down the middle of his chest, on the left side of his chest is a light blue circle (hollow except for an eight point star symbol at the centre) so the pattern on his chest almost resembles a ‘P’. The parts covering his feet are dark electric blue, are slightly bulkier than the rest of the suit and resemble boots in size, ending half way up his calves.
The mobile version of the suit (MVS) is a white orb encased in a dome of darker electric blue energy with a light electric blue circle working seemingly like an eye.
Panel 1: Shows just the black hole generator (A large silver sphere with a small black dome on its left side and another on its right with a third glass like one on the front with swirling white energy inside) in the sky with just a darkening sky as background, clouds, light etc. being drawn into a tiny black dot at the centre of the black hole generator in the middle of the front dome, it looks like the white energy is coming from the black hole dot (it is a white hole). This panel is a thin strip along the top.
Panel 2: A large panel, the setting is that of a city square, but in a futuristic city in keeping with the level of technology possessed by Daniel and Talos, surrounded by many tall buildings. The panel shows Daniel Wright and Mark Greer fighting in a stalemate (both flying, in close combat), with the partially activated black hole generator in the sky (albeit high in the sky). Around Daniel is his name, alias and location (Conlis city, universe 1A) the same for Talos. In this panel the hero is confronting the villain on what he is doing, he says “What are you doing?! You’re going to destroy the planet!? Why!?” The villain answers “Ha, ha. Because of you! You’ve been such a nuisance in my endeavours that I’ve had enough, I’m going to throw my biggest weapon at you and be done with it! What’s better is your final moments will be filled with the knowledge that your actions led to your home’s destruction, while I will have teleported back to my world, with full view of the festivities!” The villain is acting cocky but he has a sense of desperation and fear, like if he doesn’t know if he’ll even survive let alone win the battle.
Panels’ 3, 4 and 5 are in a row and take up just short of a third the remaining space. These panels are right next to each other, no border lines.
Panel 3: Daniel, looking scared and frustrated, thinks “I don’t have time for this-” he fired a massive (electric blue) energy blast at the villain in the chest, blasting him back a few steps.
Panel 4: While Talos collects himself Daniel is flying up off-panel, to the generator.
Panel 5: The panel view is looking up at Daniel flying at the generator, Talos, looking at him, has started flying after him.
The sixth panel is a strip that takes up half the remaining space, the seventh panel takes up the rest
Panel 6: Talos is off panel, Daniel has reached the generator, clearly feeling the device’s pull, and he is striking the machine with a large energy blast
Panel 7: The panel only shows a flash of light overlapping out of the panel
The first panel is a strip along the top just large enough to show a mid-shot of Daniel.
Panel 1: The panel view just shows Daniel Wright from the front getting off a bus. He is wearing jeans and a black shirt with a symbol at the centre resembling a symbol for a large flash like in the previous panel in the same style a typical five point star symbol. He is a university student so he has a plain brown bag over his shoulder. To the left of him his text displaying his name and location (Conlis city, universe 1B).
The second panel is quite large but not so big it overpowers the next three panels. The next three panels are all in separate rows, the fourth panel being slightly larger than the one above and below it.
Panel 2: The panel shows a wide shot of the part of the city he is in, a real world version of the one in the other dimension, the main can be seen walking (although not focused on), towards the nearby city square (which has more plant life than the previous version, a few trees mostly) the previous fight was happening in, it is the middle of a summer day.
Panel 3: There is a flash shown to appear in the location of the previous battle, right in front of Daniel, covering the whole city square. The panel view comes at an upward angle, showing Daniel from behind, the flash takes up a lot of the panel.
Panel 4: The panel is the same except in the place of the flash is Talos, legs bent as if landed from a short fall. He clearly looks angry but dazed, with severe mental damage and strain in his expression. He is also physically damaged, particularly his head, showing the damage to the human part of his brain (his metal head has concaved, showing the horribly damaged human-machine brain, the lens over his human eye is badly damaged and hides his mutilated eye). The visible human parts of his body are badly scared beyond recognition. The ridge producing the force field around his head is broken. A text box shows his thoughts as “find…Paragon…kill him…” Also a small object is flying of far in the sky, too far and fast to be made out as more than a white dot with a motion trail behind it.
Panel 5: The panel views comes from the perspective of Talos, (the sight of a malfunctioning robot, his vision glitching). It locks on to Daniel with a sort of targeting system with a reading alongside saying ‘DNA: 100% MATCH’. There is a small circle panel showing a magnification of a spot of Daniel’s skin, showing his DNA, in it with genes lit up in his vision as if identifying them. The hero is standing there, frozen in shock and fear, tensed to run. Talos is raising his left arm with the back wrist opening up like water and a gun barrel revealed. The space in it is lighting up as if about to fire an electric blue energy blast. This weapon on Talos’s arm can be seen at the corner of his vision.
The first two panels appear in a row on the top of the page with the second panel being a continuation of the first panel. The row takes up about a quarter of the length of the page.
Panel 1: Daniel runs like a madman while Talos has fired his weapon that is just short of hitting him, the panel is a small wide shot of the scene with Daniel running roughly in the direction of the right side of the panel towards the unseen right side of the city square.
Panel 2: The panel view shows the right side of the square, showing Daniel (showing him from behind) escaping into the cluster of tall buildings surrounding the square on that side. He is thinking “Ok, run, hide. Don’t you dare look back!”
The 3rd and 4th panels are also in a row together and take up another quarter of the length of the page.
Panel 3: Shows a mid-shot of Daniel hiding in an alley, leaning against a wall, huffing and puffing, scared but with lessening panic as he seems safe.
Panel 4: The panel view turns to the left of the alley showing the MVS hovering there to Daniel’s shock, in the background there is a rumbling of Talos lashing out at things around him in its search for him, hindered by its mental damage. There is also death screams of those caught in the rampage.
The fifth panel is a row on its own and is quite large to accommodate the speech, the sixth panel takes up the rest of the space.
Panel 5: In a robotic voice the MVS says “Daniel do you wish to wear your suit?” Daniel is clearly so shocked and terrified he at first can’t speak “…um…What, what do you mean, what are you, what is happening?” The MSU replies “I was asking if you wished to wear the PEF-3 suit, as for what I am, I am the suit, albeit in a mobile form, a function added so I might return to you in case you signal or I am forcibly removed. What is happening is you were fighting Talos in an attempt to stop his black hole generator destroying the Earth, you attempted to destroy it which resulted in an anomalous event that took you both here. It also seemed to remove you from me, forcing me to gain significant altitude to perform a sufficiently large scan to find you.” Daniel thinks “shit, his owner is soooo dead. Fuck.” Daniel then says “So, um, what would happen if I put you on?” “You would take on the appearance of your alias Paragon and gain an assortment of abilities, namely enhanced strength, endurance and senses, resistance to injury, flight, and the projection of Vril energy from the parts of the suit covering your hands. It is also all thought controlled.” “And putting on, you, would mean fighting the ‘Talos’?” “Yes.”
Panel 6: The panel view doesn't change but there is another rumble of Talos causing trouble accompanied by screams. The main says ‘fuuuuuck…all right’ to putting on the suit, clearly not wanting to risk his life against Talos but feeling he has to. Really show how torn he is between his fear/not wanting to die and his sense of right and wrong.
The first two panels are in a row, the first takes up a third of the width of the page and the second takes up two thirds. Both are large enough to show a mid-shot of Daniel but not much more.
Panel 1: The panel view is a mid-shot of Daniel with the suit spreading across his body, taking him a bit into the air as it does, he looks surprised but also in awe at the wonder of it.
Panel 2: The suit is on (so he resembles the superhero from the first page albeit younger and with less inner strength and confidence), his left fist is glowing the colour of Vril energy (electric blue) and he is holding it up and looking at it as it were very cool. He is also levitating slightly. He’s getting excited. He simply says, “Cool.” He seems momentarily distracted by the idea that he now has actual superpowers, a concept he didn’t consider when deciding whether or not to put the suit on.
The 3rd and 4th panel are also in a row except the 3rd panel takes up about three quarters of the width of the page and the 4th panel takes up the rest.
Panel 3: The panel view is the same. He hears another, larger, rumble and screams which rips him out of his thoughts and reminds him what he has to do, he is looking in the direction of the noise, looking very guilty and much panicked, and he thinks “SHIT, RIGHT!” His glowing fist has all but dimmed and it is half way fallen to his side.
Panel 4: The panel view is the same. He disappears in a literal blur of motion, around the corner he had come with a white motion stream left behind.
The last two panels are in a row and take up the rest of the page in equal parts.
Panel 5: He stops in mid-air around Talos who is starting to turn towards him though the main has his back to him. Daniel’s stop is shown to be shaky with motion lines, he also puts his hands out as if to steady himself. The surrounding area has been damaged by Talos’ attacks, focused on the right side of the square where Daniel had run off to.
Panel 6: The same panel view, this time though Talos deals him one massive strike down off panel (although his arm, including his shoulder joint, is clearly damaged in a way that may hinder the force of Talos’ attack a bit)
The first two panels are in the top row. The third panel is in a row of its own.
Panel 1: The panel view comes at a downward angle, showing that Talos’ strike has brought Daniel down to the ground but he is in a strong standing stance, holding back further force although at a strain to his person. He thinks “Fuck, this is an impressive suit!”
Panel 2: Daniel manages to fly up fast, pushing away Talos’ strike, moving into the air opposite Talos, a bit tired and tense but somewhat ready
Panel 3: He fly charges at Talos square in the chest, thinking “Shit, too fast, too fast, too fast!!!” knocking him to the ground on his back.
The 4th and 5th panel are in a row together although the 4th panel takes up a bit less than third of the width of the page and the fifth panel takes up the rest.
Panel 4: Talos strikes with a faltering force laser emerging from its chest as with the arm barrel from before, knocking Daniel back a few steps towards the upper right side of the panel
Panel 5: This panel shows literally the next second after the finished attack. Daniel thinks “fuck it”. He, looking scared and nervous, tries a blast of his own, full power, aiming at a spot already damaged by the similar attack inflicted by the version of him from the first page, the blast goes right through, seemingly killing Talos. Talos is on one side of the panel, Daniel on the other with the blast taking up more of the width of the panel than anything else.
The final two panels are both in their own rows but the last panel is larger, taking more of the focus.
Panel 6: The panel view is a small wide shot in a small panel. Daniel is floating to the ground, relieved, relaxing with Talos’ body at the edge of the panel. He thinks “Yes. I’m not going to die…I really hope ‘Talos wasn’t some kind of person under the metal though, I mean it was self-defence but still…”
Panel 7: The panel view comes from above with Daniel at the foot of the panel, he is on his knees, tired. Meanwhile survivors of the assault are coming around towards him in a timid/scared manner around the edges of the panel, all silent, and police and ambulance sirens can be heard from off panel. He thinks “so what’s going to happen now?”