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Off My Mind: Why Doesn't Hulk Ever Have a Mustache?

Have you ever seen him shave?

Why doesn't Hulk ever have a mustache? The same could be asked about Red Hulk. This idea came into my head at the Long Beach Comic Con when I was talking to Tom Pinchuk and Ray-Anthony Height (yes, there was talk about the Invincible comic as well).  
 
You might say that since Bruce Banner doesn't have a mustache, Hulk shouldn't either. I do recall a period of time when Bruce was on the run and started getting pretty scruffy (back when he was calling himself "Mr. Green" and was talking to "Mr. Blue" on his computer). When Bruce changed, Hulk was as clean shaven as our intern Lemon.  
 
Also, let's take Red Hulk into consideration. Hopefully this won't be a spoiler for you but Red Hulk's identity has been revealed. In Hulk #23, there was even a two-page spread showing the transformation. 
  

    
    
      
    
Where does Thunderbolt Ross' mustache go? You can't say that Hulks can't grow facial hair because in the future as the Maestro, Hulk has a pretty full beard going on. 
 
What makes Hulk grow facial hair. I've never seen Hulk shaving. Is his hair stronger than normal hair? Would he need a special razor in order to shave (maybe Wolverine could use his claws to help out). 
 
Since Hulk's transformation has a lot to do with his emotional state and psyche, there could be something there involved. Mustaches and facial hair are sometimes seen as representing an evil character. Could it be that Hulk and Red Hulk don't see themselves as "evil" and Maestro knows he's a mean son of a bitch?  
 
What are your thoughts on mustaches? Do you think Hulk should ever have one? Would you like to see other characters sporting them? 
 
(A special thanks to Joey and Tom Selleck for making that first image possible and for bringing tears of laughter to my eyes).
KRYPTON on Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:11 a.m.
Gamma Rays don't allow Hulk to grow a mustache. He would need a huge saw to shave his mustache, same goes for his hair. 
G-Man staff is online on Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:20 a.m.
@KRYPTON : But as Maestro, he has a full beard. In the recent Avengers, he has longer hair too.
countvontreyon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:22 a.m.
Rulk doesn't like mustaches, so he puts makeup over it like Cesar Romero.
dondaschon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:23 a.m.
The gamma radiation could be the culprit, unless the Hulk's facial hair recedes into his face upon transformation.  This could also contribute to him being more angry I would think.
KRYPTON on Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:23 a.m.
@G-Man:  
Your right. Hulk also had a mustache in the Old Man Wolverine story line 

DMCon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:26 a.m.
The fact that Rulk doesn't have a mustache has always bugged me.
I understand that Rulk having a mustache would have been a dead giveaway (pre issue #23), but some attention to detail would have been nice. Thunderbolt Ross should be clean shaven.
iLLituracyon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:30 a.m.
@DMC said:
" The fact that Rulk doesn't have a mustache has always bugged me.I understand that Rulk having a mustache would have been a dead giveaway (pre issue #23), but some attention to detail would have been nice. Thunderbolt Ross should be clean shaven. "
This.
countvontreyon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:36 a.m.
@DMC said:
" The fact that Rulk doesn't have a mustache has always bugged me.I understand that Rulk having a mustache would have been a dead giveaway (pre issue #23), but some attention to detail would have been nice. Thunderbolt Ross should be clean shaven. "
I think that would be a giveaway too. If T-bolt Ross suddenly showed up clean-shaven, people would be asking why. 
 
I suppose it's because the Hulk transformation isn't a direct biological transformation. As Tony said, it has to do more with emotional state and psyche. I haven't read all of this, but my guess is Ross' transformation has a lot to do with his years and years of hunting and despising the Hulk? If that is what's happening, the form of the Red Hulk would more resemble Banner's Hulk, rather than just a "hulked out" version of Ross.
Versasovantareon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:38 a.m.
Hulk has actually grown a beard before. I don't remember the specific issue numbers, but I think it was sometime before or after House of M.
 
Beardy Hulk
Beardy Hulk
G-Man staff is online on Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:41 a.m.
@KRYPTON : That actually wasn't Hulk, one of his offspring. 
 
@Versasovantare: I mentioned Maestro having facial hair (which is future Hulk). But you never see him shave so what's going on?
KRYPTON on Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:46 a.m.
@G-Man:  
Related to the Hulk. 
longbowhunteron Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:49 a.m.

I think Rulk should have a mustache, but paint over it like Ceasar Romero did as the Joker.
Krakoaon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:52 a.m.
Marvel has had a long tradition of pseudoscience by which they drop a term like "gamma radiation" or "cosmic rays" and then give it inconsistent magical properties.
Dr. Detfinkon Nov. 3, 2010 at 5:56 a.m.
As Hulk stops being Bruce Banner, the hair grows...because it's Bruce that shaves not Hulk. 
 
As for Rulk...never mind.
xerox_kitty moderator on Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:03 a.m.
The radiation stunted the hair growth in the chin...?
SupremoMaximoon Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:05 a.m.
...... and I've never seen Hulk go to the bathroom..
G-Man staff is online on Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:14 a.m.
@SupremoMaximo: Jack Bauer doesn't go to the bathroom either. Even says so on his page here.
Mainlineon Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:20 a.m.
John Byrne addressed this sort of tangentially when talking about his termination from She-Hulk [edited to be more on point...]
----
QUESTION:

I recently picked up Sensational She-Hulk #7, and I got to thinking.... Is this the basis of the disagreement with Bobbi Chase over the scene of Jen shaving her legs and breaking blades? (For the uninitiated, the story resolution in #7 has Shulkie undergoing an electrolysis treatment, which is specifically referred to as permanent, therefore there would be no leg hair to shave in the first place, let alone break razor blades against.)

ANSWER:
. . .
On top of this was the scene with She-Hulk shaving her legs. Now, let me state up front that I have an instant prejudice against this sort of scene. I just don't like 'em. Not sure why, just don't feel they are necessary to the development of the characters. However, in the context of this particular scene, the "development" was to show that Jen was an idiot. Sitting in the tub, shaving her leg, she immediately breaks the blade. So she grabs another razor, and breaks that on the first stroke. So she grabs another, and breaks that. And another. And another. The "punchline" is to see a huge pile of broken razors by the tub. My objection, of course, was that Jen would not do this (even if she needed to shave her legs, which arguably she did not). The first time she tried, the first time the razor broke, she'd get on the phone to her pal Reed Richards and say "Here's my problem..." Reed would have an Atomic Leg Shaving Apparatus (which, knowing Reed, would be big as a Volkswagen) delivered to her apartment within the hour! Problem solved.

. . .  
Source
---- 
The meta answer is "depends on the writer" (and the influence tradition may have on him or her). 
 
In-story, you have to address two questions: 1. How does Hulk default to a particular appearance?; 2. How does Hulk change that default appearance? 
 
With respect to the default, I tend to like the "RSI" (The Matrix) type logic, that psychic element that has accounted for the variable size, strength, savagery, smarts, & shade of the Hulk over the years.  You can argue that being clean shaven but with a mop of hair above is just what comes to Banner's subconscious mind and that Ross either thinks the same or- in years of hunting Hulk- has come to have the same image buried in his subconscious.  We know that whether Banner shaves his head, puts a bullet in himself, or Ross wears a mustache... when they transform they will revert to the default (I've not read enough Hulk to know, but has anyone ever lost a limb before transforming?).  So whatever hairstyle preference of Banner or Ross is just as irrelevant as any injury they might sustain. 
 
But to change that we're in more murky territory.  Our only data-points are the Maestro, Hulk off-spring in OMW, and She-Hulk shaving and infuriating Byrne.  RSI could account for all three- Maestro either thinks himself evil or aged, the spawn of Hulk having their own RSI, and Jenn's RSI matches her perception of what womanhood ought to entail?  But there are also other common factors.  In all three cases, the hulk-type has been in their form for an extended period of time.  Maestro doesn't revert back to Banner AFAIK, the spawn stays hulked up to survive the post-apocalyptic landscape, and Jenn was stuck as She-Hulk... so then the argument would be if you remain Hulk long enough, you can just grow hair and trim it.  A final common factor is the external variance on their mutation.  Maestro was dosed with radiation, the spawn was produced through reproduction, and Jenn through blood transfusion... these differences may account for their ability to grow hair.  Additionally, it could be a combination of all three. 
 
Honestly, though, I don't think the writers thought about it too much! ;-) 
 
Edit: Seeing Versa's post below gives us a fourth data-point and removes the third possibility if normal Hulk grows a bears without any extra effects acting on him... and I would tend to think he would not be able to adjust his RSI that much on a whim... so the most likely answer- if trying to stay more consistent than the writers- is time spent staying as Hulk with off-panel shaving.
tonison Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:23 a.m.
your thinking of growing a mustache aren't you G-Man :) 
 
I'm kind of surprised that in the marvel universe there wasn't more staches. Given it's a trademark of Stan Lee, you'd think they'd have used it more.
Eyzon Nov. 3, 2010 at 6:24 a.m.
I remember plenty o' times seeing Hulk, in the 90s/early2000s' run having some not-full grown beard, scruffy, some facial hair... And like the others said, in Old Man Logan, in the End, in many other stories we've already seen Hulk with some facial hair.
 
Hulk can.
 
Now, Rhulk, that's a whole other question, I call it "plothole" on Jeph Loeb's part, or why you shouldn't improvise the answer to a mystery like Red's real identity/Ross.
(come on! It was so improvised! There were clues to him being Ross, yeah, but also to him being any of the other characters from Samson to Shield agents to Rick who turned out to be the A-bomb.. I'm sure he left the field open enough to improvise who should have been Rhulk in the end...and used "fake" Ross-androids in his plot to ease that solution)

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