Today my Girlfriend of the last 8 1/2 years and I broke up. Whay I am writing about his here I am not really sure, but I need to get this of my chest. This seems like as good a place as any. We have had many ups and downs. Good and Bad done with each other and to each other. Throughout my life I battled alcohol and drug abuse, it has created an untold number of problems in my life and for the last 3 years I am trying to put it behind me. My ex at times was supportive and just as often a catalyst for such self destructive behavior. As anyone who has dealt with these problems can tell you loved ones can be both a productive, and counter productive influence in the battle with addiction. My girlfriend has made my road to recovery a much harde one than is necessary, when we are areound people we are supposed to be friends with she would go out of her way to make ms feel small and ashamed. It had gotten to the point where lasr halloween we were at a costume party and the things she was saying to me actually caused some one else to berate her for being nasty and outright cruel. Through all of this I tried to make this relationship work, I have put forth great effort, since I stopped drinking and drugging to make myself the best person I could be. It's funny ten years in the service I drank and got high and never cared about the consequences I could sufer if found out. Because I would never have lasted ten years in the army without it. Never. It numbed me enough to do my job. But when i got back to the world it started getting me in trouble finally coming to a head when I was incarcerated in 2005. This is when I almost lost everything I worked so hard for including my relationship. Upon my rlease I worked very hard at being a better person. Rehab, NA meetings, went back to work and started to climb out of debt, about 1/2 years ago I lost my job due to the economy, and things have gone down hill since while my recovery from my addictions has been strong my ex never let up and only started treating me worse and worse. I just got to the point today that I almost picked up again. This made me realize that inspite of my feelings for her(Noone means more to me), I had to get out. While I know that this is best for me if I plan to keep moving forward and live a happy and productive life. I am utterly and totally depressed. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to take her back and beg her forgiveness even though I didn't do anything to her. Eve though I have been the one getting treated likd sh!t for the last 4 years I want to crawl back. I feel utterly and totally lost. I am not posting this for sympathy so dont feel like I am asking for it. Like I said I just needed to get it out. To anyone who might actually read this, thanks for listening.