PREVIOUSLY: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #1 - (Script)

WORLD'S FINEST - DEAD! - Rated M

Page 1

1.1

Green Lantern, (Hal Jordan), flying toward Oa, approaching orbit. There are other Lanterns around him, and they’re flying with urgency.

HAL’S RING: ALL LANTERNS! RETURN TO OA! ALL LANTERNS!

1.2

Close up on Hal’s face as they break through the atmosphere, he’s focused and clearly worried.

1.3

Kyle Rayner wanders into a large assembly hall, a place where The Guardians would be.

KYLE: What’s going on?!

KYLE’S RING: ALL LANTERNS! RETURN!

1.4

Ganthet wanders out of shadow and is bleeding from his eyes and nose and ears. He’s also glowing black, like Wade was back in 616.1.

GANTHET: … doomed…

Page 2

2.1

All of Oa glows black.

2.2

Oa starts to break apart, no longer glowing black, cracks forming all over the planet.

2.3

Hal, flying over the surface of the cracking planet as it falls apart.

HAL’S RING: ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED.

2.4

Ganthet is dead, fallen onto his stomach and bleeding out from his head. Kyle is dead, fallen to his back against a wall, tried to make himself stand up, but died leaning. He’s bleeding out of his eyes and mouth and nose and ears like Ganthet was.

KYLE’S RING: UNIVERSAL CANCER DETECTED. UNABLE TO LOCATE.

KYLE’S RING: ASSEMBLY NOW DECLARED IMPOSSIBLE. THE GUARDIANS ARE DEAD.

KYLE’S RING: ENCODED SECONDARY INSTRUCTIONS ARE AS FOLLOWS…

Page 3

3.1

Batman leaning against an alley’s wall, talking to a comm link in his ear.

BATMAN: SMALL TEXT: And Hal?

SUPERMAN: SMALL TEXT: A mess. But he'll live. The Guardians had instructions readied in case they died…

BATMAN: SMALL TEXT: Which they did.

SUPERMAN: SMALL TEXT: They said to find the “universal cancer” and destroy it.

SUPERMAN: SMALL TEXT: Bruce… entire planets are falling apart. You were right.

3.2

Deadpool is loading a wooden box (labeled “NOT the ark of the covenant”) into the back of a UHAUL truck that he’s painted a crude Deadpool symbol on either side of. He’s near the warehouse from last issue.

SUPERMAN: SMALL TEXT: This IS something bigger.

DEADPOOL: ♫ Whooo let the dogs out? Who, who who, who? ♫

BATMAN: SMALL TEXT: And I’ve got a lead.

BATMAN: SMALL TEXT: Batman out.

3.3

Deadpool looking up as a street lamp above him shatters.

DEADPOOL: Question mark and exclamation point.

3.4

Deadpool looking toward where Batman was. Deadpool has a pistol drawn.

BATMAN: Slade Wilson.

DEADPOOL: Actually it’s-

BATMAN: You killed Barry Allen.

DEADPOOL: No, I killed Barry Whi--

3.5

Deadpool’s looking up and around.

BATMAN: You’re coming in for questioning and an analysis.

DEADPOOL: Is this menacing? Because I feel like I’m being menaced!

DEADPOOL: YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M MENACED!

3.6

Deadpool’s wrist is impaled by a batarang and he drops the gun.

DEADPOOL: AH!

Page 4

4.1

Batman is now crouched in front of Deadpool, his cape all around him since he just dropped down from above.

BATMAN: It’s over, Slade.

DEADPOOL: Ah... ah…

4.2

Close up on Deadpool.

DEADPOOL: Come on, DP, get your groove back.

DEADPOOL: Ah, ah, ah…

4.3

Deadpool’s taken out an uzi and is firing at Batman. Batman’s ducking out of the way.

SFX: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA

DEADPOOL: ♫ STAYIN ALIVE! STAYIN ALIVE! ♫

DEADPOOL: ♫ AH, AH, AH, AH! ♫

DEADPOOL: ♫ STAYYYIIIN ALLIIIIVE! ♫

4.4

Batman’s crouched in front of the truck, glaring toward the side, where Deadpool is standing and still aiming at the wrong spot.

DEADPOOL: So, ANTAGONIST? Where’d ya go?

BATMAN: You’re not Slade.

4.5

Deadpool’s running away from the truck. Batman’s still crouched in front.

DEADPOOL: AND YOU’RE AWFUL AT HIDE AND SEEK!

Page 5

5.1

Batman’s looking over from the front of the truck.

CAPTION: BATMAN: Coward.

5.2

Batman stands up, batarang in hand, about to throw.

DEADPOOL: HEY, BATS?

DEADPOOL: I GOT A CONFESSION TO MAKE!

5.3

Deadpool with a totally serious glare, pressing a remote detonator.

DEADPOOL: I preferred Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal.

SFX: BEET

5.4

The truck violently explodes.

5.5

Deadpool stands over Batman’s body, stabbing a katana into his neck.

DEADPOOL: Well.

DEADPOOL: That was uncharacteristically easy.

5.6

Deadpool looking at the destroyed, burning truck.

DEADPOOL: … Wait a minute.

DEADPOOL: Who the hell is Katie Holmes?

Page 6

6.1

Close up on Hal’s ring.

HAL’S RING: The universal cancer must be destroyed.

HAL: Locate it!

HAL’S RING: Unable to locate.

6.2

Hal’s frustrated. He’s floating over Coast City.

HAL: GAH!

6.3

Hal’s ring.

HAL’S RING: It will not stop.

HAL’S RING: It can not stop.

HAL’S RING: It must be destroyed.

6.4

Superman’s suddenly floating in front of Hal.

SUPERMAN: Hal…

HAL: What?

SUPERMAN: Batman’s missing.

Page 7

7.1

Deadpool has some poor guy jammed up against a brick wall behind a building.

DEADPOOL: Hey, guy!

HOSTAGE: AAH!

7.2

Deadpool staring the guy down.

DEADPOOL: So, hey, listen friend: I’ve got weapons! A lot of them.

DEADPOOL: But I feel as if it isn’t enough, yknow? I mean, the only SUPER related thing I have are those awesome swords. The ones you don’t know about, because we just met.

HOSTAGE: I—Please let me go--

DEADPOOL: Hush, Tommy.

7.3

Shot from the guy’s perspective, so Deadpool is staring at the reader.

DEADPOOL: Something’s happening to me, man.

DEADPOOL: I can see things from this new perspective. I can see it hovering in front of me, dude.

DEADPOOL: A WALL.

DEADPOOL: STARING ME IN THE FACE.

7.4

The guy is freaking out as Deadpool yells in his face.

DEADPOOL: DO YOU SEE IT?!

HOSTAGE: DON’T HURT ME—AAAH!!

7.5

Deadpool, totally calm.

DEADPOOL: Okay.

DEADPOOL: So… where’s the nearest place I can find supervillains? They know how to help a bro out.

7.6

The guy as Deadpool steps back.

HOSTAGE: Arkham As-aslyum! In Gotham! It’s not far fr-from here…

DEADPOOL: Sweet.

7.7

Deadpool walks away from the guy, who is standing dumbstruck at what just happened.

DEADPOOL: And so, I shall forever know you as… HOSTAGEMAN!

DEADPOOL: THANK YOU, GOOD SIR!

FORMER HOSTAGE: I… … I… you’re welcome….

Page 8

8.1

The Joker in his cell at Arkham, wrapped up in a straight jacket.

JOKER: IT’S COMINNGGG!!

JOKER: HAHA!

8.2

Harvey Bullock and Commissioner Gordon looking at Joker through glass. An Arkham psychologist is in front of them, she’s talking to Joker.

DOCTOR XAVIER: What is?

JOKER: THE END!

JOKER: THE END OF THINGS! EVERYTHING!

8.3

Gordon looking skeptical.

GORDON: So he’s just been giggling about this non-stop?

8.4

Doctor Xavier doesn’t look away from Joker.

DOCTOR XAVIER: Yes.

DOCTOR XAVIER: It’s only been happening for an hour.

DOCTOR XAVIER: It wasn’t like this at first. First…

GORDON: What?

DOCTOR XAVIER: First, he was crying.

8.5

The Joker pressing his face against the glass, hysterically sobbing. His arms are free from the straight jacket, and he’s holding a detonator.

JOKER: BECAUSE IT KILLED BATMAN!

JOKER: DO YOU HEAR ME?! I KNOW! I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN THESE THINGS!

JOKER: VISIONS! AWARENESS! MY COMEDY FOR AN AUDIENCE, GET IT?

8.6

Deadpool flicking his Joker bobblehead while sitting in his truck and driving.

JOKER: I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME! BUT IT ISN’T! I’M NOT ALONE ANYMORE!

JOKER: IT’S COMING! TONIGHT!

Page 9

9.1

Deadpool’s walking toward Arkham’s front gate.

DEADPOOL: Hostageman better not have screwed me on this.

9.2

Joker is now in a black tuxedo, standing in the middle of a hallway in Arkham. There are corpses of guards littered around all of Arkham, and any inmate is dead in their cell.

JOKER: Harley.

JOKER: Let him in.

HARLEY: OVER MIC: Yes sir, Mistah J.

9.3

Deadpool walking in through the lobby.

HARLEY: OVER MIC: WELCOME, WELCOME! TO THE LAST NIGHT OF ARKHAM!

DEADPOOL: Hiya!

9.4

A set of double doors open automatically.

HARLEY: OVER MIC: RIGHT THIS WAY!

DEADPOOL: Neat.

Page 10

10.1

Deadpool walking into the hallway to see Joker standing there.

JOKER: I knew you’d come.

DEADPOOL: Uh…huh.

JOKER: I killed everyone. Every last one. No one to report us to the others, nothing. Quiet gas through the vents.

JOKER: Now… I’ve just been standing here, thinking.

DEADPOOL: …

10.2

Joker.

JOKER: Thinking about YOU.

JOKER: You, my brother.

10.3

Deadpool.

DEADPOOL: … Who are you again?

JOKER: I’m you.

JOKER: We’re the same.

JOKER: We both see through the curtain.

10.4

Side shot. Deadpool standing across from Joker.

DEADPOOL: I picture it more like a TV screen.

JOKER: That shows the difference between us. But we’re still the same.

JOKER: I don’t need to even know your name. I can tell. This is the end. YOU are the end.

JOKER: You killed Batman.

JOKER: It’s the end of the world.

10.5

Deadpool shooting Joker in the face.

SFX: BLAM

DEADPOOL: Thanks!

DEADPOOL: I’m just looking for the contraband closet.

10.6

Deadpool walks away from a bleeding, smiling Joker.

HARLEY: OVER MIC: I’ll see you soon, Mistah J… just like you said.

SFX: BLAM

DEADPOOL: Weirdos.

Page 11

11.1

Deadpool walking down a hallway.

DEADPOOL: Now, where oh where would I keep a bunch of supervillain junk… if I ran my own asylum…

DEADPOOL: That’s an idea. I should get an asylum.

11.2

Deadpool stopped in front of a door that reads “CONTRABAND.”

DEADPOOL: Bingo!

11.3

The Batcave. Robin walks toward Alfred, who’s sitting at the bat-computer.

ALFRED: Any luck, Master Damian?

ROBIN: None.

ROBIN: My father… he’s just…

11.4

Damian’s eyes go wide as a bullet comes out of the front of his head.

DEADPOOL: BULLSEYE!

11.5

Alfred is standing from the computer and looking at Deadpool. Deadpool is now standing over Damian’s body, holding a gun and pointing it at Alfred.

ALFRED: MASTER DAMIAN! YOU- HOW DID YOU-

DEADPOOL: Kid was sad. Wasn’t paying attention, so I followed him home.

ALFRED: For—for the love of God…

DEADPOOL: Hey, I needed this! Do you have ANY idea how exhausting it was to unload Arkham’s supervillain armory? A good kill-shot was just what the doctor ordered!

11.6

Deadpool aiming the gun up directly at the reader.

DEADPOOL: Speaking of which.

ALFRED: NO-

11.7

White panel.

SFX: BLAM

Page 12

12.1

Deadpool sitting in his truck, which is parked outside of Wayne manor.

DEADPOOL: So.

DEADPOOL: That’s all of Batman.

DEADPOOL: Now, please, stop talking to me.

12.2

Deadpool is frustrated, ramming his head up against the steering wheel.

DEADPOOL: Stop. Just stop.

12.3

Deadpool looking straight up.

DEADPOOL: … there’s a trinity?

DEADPOOL: So… Superman, Wonder Woman…

DEADPOOL: And I can do it?

12.4

Deadpool turning the keys to the ignition.

DEADPOOL: Then there’s hope.

Page 13

13.1

Lois Lane looks up from typing something. It’s morning now.

JIMMY: LOIS! LOIS, WE GOT SOMETHING!

13.2

Lois looking skeptical toward Jimmy.

JIMMY: It’s huge!

LOIS: Jimmy, cops found Batman dead just an hour ago. Stuffed in a sewer pipe.

LOIS: What could POSSIBLY be bigger than that?

13.3

Deadpool is standing on a street in metropolis. He’s got an uzi and he’s firing it into the air. He has his twin swords tied to his back, and he’s armed with a lot of other guns.

SFX: BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA

DEADPOOL: ATTENTION CITIZENS!

DEADPOOL: FLEE! SCREAM! PANIC!

13.4

Lois is standing inside the Planet, looking down and out of the window with Jimmy at her side.

DEADPOOL: TODAY IS DOOMSDAY!

DEADPOOL: PUN INTENDED!

DEADPOOL: ...

DEADPOOL: Pun intended?

13.5

Deadpool looking over toward the Daily Planet.

DEADPOOL: Oh, I… ha, how embarrassing.

DEADPOOL: I timed that wrong. Give it a second.

13.6

Lois’s head is turned toward a bright light.

CAPTION: SUPERMAN: On any other day…

Page 14

14.1

The Daily Planet’s globe explodes, and several explosions follow in the structure of the building itself, all the way down to the ground floor.

CAPTION: SUPERMAN: I could have stopped this.

DEADPOOL: There it is.

14.2

Deadpool is suddenly flying up, a blue blur is around him.

DEADPOOL: HERP

CAPTION: SUPERMAN: I… couldn’t make it in time.

14.3

Deadpool is thrown down, he’s passing the Daily Planet as it starts to collapse in on itself.

CAPTION: SUPERMAN: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

DEADPOOL: DERP

14.4

Deadpool is in a very large crater in the street. There is an ash cloud settling around him as the Daily Planet is still collapsing.

14.5

Through the ash, a set of red, glowing eyes form, on the edge of the crater.

DEADPOOL: Funny, this is the second crater I’ve made this week.

SUPERMAN: YOU.

Page 15

15.1

Superman holding Deadpool up by his collar.

SUPERMAN: EVERYONE’S DEAD.

SUPERMAN: YOU KILLED EVERYONE I WORK WITH. YOU KILLED LOIS!!!

DEADPOOL: But that's the idea.

15.2

Superman throws Deadpool to the ground.

SUPERMAN: RRAAGHH!!

15.3

Superman is holding his head in his hands.

SUPERMAN: IT HURTS!

DEADPOOL: Ahh… you can see it?

SUPERMAN: THIS IS WRONG! THIS SHOULDN’T … BE!

DEADPOOL: Yup. You can.

15.4

Deadpool is standing in front of Superman, one of his katanas drawn. Superman’s starting to glow black.

DEADPOOL: They’re watching. They want me to be funny. They want you to die.

DEADPOOL: Everything is wrong. So…uncharacteristic.

DEADPOOL: “Out of Character”! Whiners! They never shut up!

15.5

Deadpool stabs Superman in the shoulder. The katana’s paint is chipping, green is showing.

SUPERMAN: AGH!

DEADPOOL: “SUPERMAN CAN’T LOSE AGAINST DEADPOOL! THIS IS PLOT INDUCED STUPIDITY! PIS!”

Page 16

16.1

Deadpool takes out his other katana.

DEADPOOL: You’re supposed to beat me to a pulp.

16.2

Deadpool slashes Superman across the chest.

DEADPOOL: You’re supposed to be faster than a speeding bullet…

SUPERMAN: Ghah!

16.3

Deadpool ripping out the other katana that was still stabbing Superman.

DEADPOOL: More powerful than a locomotive…

SUPERMAN: ARRGH!

16.4

Deadpool kicks Superman in the jaw.

SUPERMAN: Hrah!

DEADPOOL: Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and stuff!

16.5

Superman is on his side, bleeding, still glowing black. Deadpool has his katanas raised.

SUPERMAN: Why… why can’t I…

DEADPOOL: I know it hurts to think it.

DEADPOOL: That’s why I like the funny. Takes my mind off things.

DEADPOOL: Keeps ‘em happy, so they don’t wanna kill me off.

DEADPOOL: Just remember one thing.

Page 17

17.1

Deadpool slashes down with his katanas.

DEADPOOL: I AM THE DANGER!

SFX: GSHKT

17.2

Deadpool stands triumphant over Superman’s beheaded corpse, the ash cloud of the Daily Planet settling.

DEADPOOL: I am… the one who knocks.

17.3

Deadpool stands awkwardly over Superman’s beheaded corpse.

DEADPOOL: ….

DEADPOOL: Welp.

17.4

Deadpool runs away from Superman’s beheaded corpse.

Page 18

18.1

Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, and Supergirl fly down toward Superman’s body.

SUPERGIRL: OH MY GOD!

GREEN LANTERN: NO!

18.2

Deadpool driving down a highway in his truck.

DEADPOOL: Well… now what?

18.3

Deadpool staring at his Joker bobblehead.

DEADPOOL: …

DEADPOOL: The ocean? Oh.

DEADPOOL: OHHH! I get it.

DEADPOOL: Yeah, no, I can do that.

18.4

Close up on a TV, we can’t see anything else but the TV. It shows several body bags in the street, being loaded up into ambulances.

TV: The Teen Titans… have died.

TV: They reportedly tried to warn civilians of the end of the world before collapsing.

TV: The cause of death has yet to be determined.

Page 19

19.1

Lex Luthor is watching several TV monitors in his office at Lexcorp. There are at least 10 of them.

TV 1: Urban vigilante NIGHTWING fell to his death just last night, and was discovered by a team of--

TV 2: Solar flares are increasing at a dramatic rate-

19.2

Luthor is horrified at what he’s seeing as he watches the monitors. The Watcher is standing behind him.

TV 8: Numerous sinkholes form in small American-

TV 5: Scientists and amateur stargazers notice a disturbing lack of stars in the night sky--

LUTHOR: What the hell is happening?

19.3

The Watcher talking to Lex. Lex has turned to see Uatu.

THE WATCHER: Lex Luthor…

LUTHOR: Who are you?

THE WATCHER: I am UATU, THE WATCHER.

THE WATCHER: I must break my vow, once again. For this sordid tale requires it of me.

THE WATCHER: You must listen, and follow my instructions very carefully, if you wish to save the world… a feat that Superman could not accomplish.

19.4

Luthor.

LUTHOR: I’m listening.

19.5

Deadpool’s truck is on a dock, backing up. He’s cupping his mouth and yelling as loud as possible out of the driver’s side window.

DEADPOOL: OCEAN!

DEADPOOL: DO YOU HEAR ME, OCEAN?!

19.6

Close up on Deadpool yelling at the ocean.

DEADPOOL: I AM ABOUT TO DUMP MY LOAD INSIDE YOU!

Page 20

20.1 Splash Page

Aquaman rises out of the ocean next to the dock, holding his trident. He is pissed.

AQUAMAN: What do you think you’re doing?

DEADPOOL: Making jokes about seamen.

--

NEXT: DEADPOOL KILLS THE DC UNIVERSE #3 - (Script)