Justice League #1

Well, time for me to start up a new retrospective, and with the one year anniversary of the relaunch fast approaching, why not have it be the DC relaunches flagship title, Justice League. Let me tell you all something. Geoff Johns is a great writer who's written a lot of fine stories, Blackest Night, Flashpoint, the reboot of Aquaman to name a few. Jim Lee is an excellent artist who's art can bolster any story and was the artist on Batman: Hush, my favorite Batman story and with the exception of Watchmen, my favorite comic book story of all time. These are really talented people, so I must ask, what the hell happened here? This series, at least the six issues we'll be looking at are a complete mess, and this issue is wrought with problems. So let's waste no more time and dive right in as we see just what went wrong.

So we start with the GCPD hunting down Batman who is himself chasing down a hooded figure. Right away I got a real problem with this. I know you could make the argument that this is early in Batman's career but you'd think Jim Gordon would have a problem with the cops gunning down Batman. Also, this isn't just a small group in a few squad cars, these are three big ass helicopters with armed officers, meaning that they are actively hunting down this guy. This seems like a waste of resources and taxpayer's money. Also, the cops fighting Batman with art by Jim Lee is dragging up horrible memories of All-Star Batman and Robin. Also, we are on the first page and I've already had this much to complain about. This is going to be a long review.

So I guess our hooded figure is some kind of alien who breathes fire. The creature tries to attack Batman but gets hit by a flying green fire truck. This heralds the arrival of the Green Lantern who is easily the most insufferable character in this entire series. The bright Green light attracts the cops who just start shooting but GL says they'll be safe behind his force field. Uh... Hal, that's not a force field, that's a green S.W.A.T. team. Batman remarks that it's necessary for ordinary people to be afraid of them. Okay Bruce... Why? Criminals, sure but in what way does it benefit you to have the police be afraid of you?

Our Alien friend wakes up and blows up the Helicopters. Green Lantern does.. something, I don't know, best guess I'd say he's saving the cops from the exploding helicopters but I honestly can't tell. Oh and while doing it, he says "Green Lantern's Got This." Get used to that by the way, because for some ungodly reason, Geoff Johns is trying to turn that into GL's catch phrase.

And now we get what is in my opinion the stupidest moment of the issue and quite possibly the stupidest moment in this entire series. The Alien morphs into some sort of insectoid creature, prompting Hal to say:

"What is that? A Transformer? I just transformed into some kind of dog."

......Excuse me for a second, I have a sudden urge to smash my head against a wall for about three straight hours. I'll be back in a little while.

........

And I'm back. I've given myself a concussion, I can barely remember my high school education, and there is now a big hole in the wall of a house my family is currently trying to sell. I'm going to assume that you know why that line is stupid and move on. The two heroes follow the spider dog into the sewer and Hal starts asking what Batman's powers are, until he puts it together that he's just some guy in a Bat suit, which astounds him to no end. In the spirit of fairness I'll admit, GL's reaction is actually pretty funny. Then more stupid happens. Batman pulls off Hal's ring, without him noticing mind you, because "he wasn't concentrating" *cough* Bullsh*t *cough*. Let's just move on.

The Alien attaches a box to the wall and then blows itself up in an attempt to kill our heroes while shouting, "For Darkseid!" The two survive with thanks to GL. GL scans the box with his ring but comes up with squat. Um... the thing shouted out for Darkseid, I'm pretty sure the guardians know about Apokolips. But, because the box is alien, the two think Superman may know something about it, because he's an alien, and I guess all aliens hang out together. Why just last week Superman was playing Golf with Alf and Marvin the Martian.

Then we get a scene of Victor Stone, the future Cyborg showing off his Football prowess, getting attention from talent agents and lamenting the fact that his father didn't come to his game. It's a well done scene that establishes what needs to be established, nice job. Then it's ruined when a giant glowing green jet flies overhead. GL did this apparently, because Batman can't fly. Hey, genious, why don't you go to the batcave to pick up one of batman's many flying vehicles that are far less shiny, green and conspicuous. Or, failing that, how about you fly him there on your back or make him a jetpack or anything less noticeable with what you actually went with. We end with Superman attacking Green Lantern out of nowhere. I guess he thinks they're with the spider dogs.

What Works:

I like the moments with Victor Stone. I'll admit, when this series hit shelves I was excited to see Cyborg as a member of the Justice League and so far he's the character treated with the most respect in this series. Also, I really like Superman's new costume. It's different from the original in a good way. It feels more sleek and streamlined.

What Doesn't:

A lot doesn't. Weather it's the various failures for the art to match the dialogue or the stuff that's just plain vanilla stupid there's a lot of dumb in this issue.

Overall

1/5

Believe it or not, that score is generous. Stay tuned, I'll be doing the rest soon. For now, I'm going to go hunt down Geoff Johns and make him fix my wall.