Unscripted Review: Jonah Hex, The Movie

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#1 Posted by Sexy Merc (42076 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice.

#2 Posted by The Cyan Lantern (240 posts) - - Show Bio

Hahaha,Southern Voice

#3 Posted by ballsnbayonets (42 posts) - - Show Bio

i like the accent =O

#4 Edited by Arkham Lunatic (111 posts) - - Show Bio

 
  Those gatling guns were probably too heavy for the horse to run away. lol

#5 Posted by CylonDorado (1867 posts) - - Show Bio

I'll probably get it from the Red Box.
#6 Posted by thebeegle88 (19 posts) - - Show Bio

jump on the hate train

#7 Posted by ImperiousRix (1069 posts) - - Show Bio

TARNATIONS!  This movie is horse puckey! 
That's unfortunate.

#8 Posted by daken_2513 (416 posts) - - Show Bio

Was it really that bad?
#9 Posted by InnerVenom123 (29509 posts) - - Show Bio

Good accent Babs =)
 
I'm so glad I wasn't thinking of seeing this.

#10 Posted by ComicCrazy (1537 posts) - - Show Bio

Oh man this is funny. I just read the screened review and I was like well that's just their opinion and then I watch this and it's exactly the same. When I saw the trailer I was already ready to hate it just because of the whole talking to the dead thing............ oh man it sux that this movie sux but I still might see it just for the sake of it.
#11 Posted by Agent Buttons (13479 posts) - - Show Bio
Yea i wasn't too thrilled about this movie.
#12 Edited by The_MVPs (84696 posts) - - Show Bio

Been waiting for this "unscripted." You both touched on alot of the major flaws in this movie. I've never read the comics( except the Blackest Night) but I really went into this expecting a western. I was hoping for Tombstone and got Wild Wild West pt.2. Soooo many freakin explosions, seriously...Also, where was the gun handling? Every wild west gun fighter twirls his guns or has some stylish way of handling a six shot. But apparently no one told the director of this movie that. Where was the quick draw? Not one single person in this movie performed a quick draw(unless you count the whole Gatling Gun scene). 3:10 to Yuma both Wade and Charlie Prince were not only regarded as fast but displayed it. Doc Holiday in Tombstone, Billy the Kid in Young Guns, Josey Whales or Preacher from Pale Rider, the list goes on and on. Its a fundamental part of being a gunslinger.
 
You guys talked about how QT's motives were never really discussed, which is accurate and funny. Its funny because they spent more time explaining how Hex may have ridden for the South, but he wasn't a racist and was against Slavery. He only rode with the Confederacy because he didnt like being told what to do. Now I'm not suggesting they should have made him a racist but they really didn't need to force this piece of information into the movie. Seemed like a blatant attempt to keep the hero PC. 
 
Gimmicks. Way to many gimmicks. The crows ( one coming out of his mouth? wtf was that?) The Gatling Guns, the Dynamite Guns, the Super World Destroyer Cannon with mysterious glowing orbs, and the explosions. Everything got blown up or burned down in this movie. Bullets were a non factor apparently.
 
I agree that Josh Brolin played a good Jonah Hex from an acting standpoint. Its a shame the plot, directing, casting, and everything else was garbage.
 
I knew going in John Malkovich was going to be as horrible as ever. And Megan Fox was, Megan Fox. I dont hate her, but I dont understand how or why she landed this role. Sorry but she doesn't make a believable badass prostitute that can hold her own.
 
And can someone please tell me how in the World does Jonah Hex get a live action movie before Wonder Woman? Seriously...

Moderator
#13 Posted by T.M.O.E. (241 posts) - - Show Bio

you guys should review more comic themed movies

#14 Posted by MrMazz (1290 posts) - - Show Bio

....wow I don't think ive seen G-Man or Babs give anything a 1.5 i had hopes but once i saw the trailer i new to move on o well i shall save my money for toy Story 3 and Last Airbender (they better not screw that up)
#15 Posted by danhimself (22623 posts) - - Show Bio

you could pretty much tell that this movie was going to suck after watching the trailer....I'm not going to bother with seeing this...maybe when it comes out on dvd but probably not then either

#16 Posted by Bloodstonefreak (138 posts) - - Show Bio

You know, earlier in the week I was planning to see this film over the weekend.  Then I saw (at the time I looked) it had a 00% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and I decided it was a maybe.  Now I watch this Unscripted Review of the film and I just don't know anymore.  I think I'll leave it to a coin toss...  :-\

#17 Posted by Sparda (15795 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler said:
"I knew going in John Malkovich was going to be as horrible as ever. "
I take it you never saw Burn After Reading, good sir.
 
@Gambler said:
"And can someone please tell me how in the World does Jonah Hex get a live action movie before Wonder Woman? Seriously... "
Because she's a woman and Hollywood is sexist as hell, would be my guess.
#18 Posted by The_MVPs (84696 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sparda said:
" @Gambler said:
"I knew going in John Malkovich was going to be as horrible as ever. "
I take it you never saw Burn After Reading, good sir. "
I have actually. I know, and understand, that lots of people think John M is an amazing actor. But I dont, especially as a villain.
 
@Sparda said:
" Because she's a woman and Hollywood is sexist as hell, would be my guess. "
I cant believe that would be the reason. There are to many female centered movies for that to be true but ya never know.
Moderator
#19 Edited by Sparda (15795 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler said:

" @Sparda said:

" @Gambler said:
"I knew going in John Malkovich was going to be as horrible as ever. "
I take it you never saw Burn After Reading, good sir. "
I have actually. I know, and understand, that lots of people think John M is an amazing actor. But I dont, especially as a villain."
Oh, you're just crazy, I can accept that :P
 
@Gambler said:

"@Sparda said:

" Because she's a woman and Hollywood is sexist as hell, would be my guess. "
I cant believe that would be the reason. There are to many female centered movies for that to be true but ya never know. "
Well, in addition to the sexist equation, there's also the fact that the recent comic films that had women main protagonists were horrible and/or bombed/underperformed (Catwoman, Elektra).
 
EDIT: Back on Malkovitch (*insert "Sparda's gay" joke here*), have you ever seen In The Line of Fire, with Clint Eastwood? Malkovitch plays the villain in that and I thought he was really great. Apparently it's considered one of his best roles (got him an Academy Award nomination). Maybe you've just watched films with him in them that have rubbed you the wrong way?
#20 Edited by The_MVPs (84696 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sparda said:

" Oh, you're just crazy, I can accept that :P
 
Well, in addition to the sexist equation, there's also the fact that the recent comic films that had women main protagonists were horrible and/or bombed/underperformed (Catwoman, Elektra). "

:)
 
That makes sense. But at the same time its not like there haven't been comic films with a male lead that havent bombed/underperformed/flopped/etc, as well. (Superman Returns, Daredevil, the first Hulk)
 
Edit: LMAO yeah I've seen that to. Its not the "films" that I have a problem with, its John Malkovitch. I don't care for him (I'm sure he's losing sleep over it :P)
Moderator
#21 Posted by longbowhunter (7282 posts) - - Show Bio

I keep hoping to stumble upon a good review for this movie. Hasnt happened yet. Its a damn shame the movie has to be so awful while the comics are so great.
#22 Posted by Sparda (15795 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler:  True. I guess it goes hand in hand with the sexist thing. It's less risky to have a male lead character because it's much easier (I imagine, but I have no real experience in the film industry so what the hell do I know) to cast one (for action movies, mainly. How many actresses are there around that are easy to get and willing to perform in an action movie? There's tons of males around that are fairly recognizable that jump at the opportunity every day, no matter how terrible the movie looks).
 
This part might be kinda retarded but female characters in the comics often wear damn skimpy costumes, and I'm not complaining, but to transfer that over to film either has people bitching that it's sexist or something or results in people bitching that you've changed the damn costume.
 
Unless she gets a really big spike in popularity, I don't think Wonder Woman is gonna get a live-action film for a while. Or unless an actress takes a large interest in her personally (IE: John Travolta with Battlefield Earth, but we all know how that ended up).
#23 Posted by The_MVPs (84696 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sparda:  That all makes sense. Its just beyond me how all these comic properties (marvel as well as dc) keep putting out film after film, yet one of the World's most recognizable characters is still on the shelf.
Moderator
#24 Posted by Decept-O (7279 posts) - - Show Bio

The look on your face when you began this review, G-Man, was priceless.   I am pleasantly surprised Babs_Sara Lima likes Westerns!  Eastwood RULEZ.  So does John Wayne.  I MUST see these "new" Korean Westerns like she mentioned.  Love different takes on genre films.  
 
Man I am disappointed.  I had high hopes given the fact Malkovich and Brolin were involved.  G-Man's impersonations were funny.  Thanks for the review guys.   
 
Let's hope this trend does NOT continue with comic book based movies, but somehow--I think it may happen.  :(
#25 Posted by Sparda (15795 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler:  It's wack as hell and not fair. At least there was a pretty good WW animated film released. I'm not a big WW fan by any means, but I feel bad for her fans because outside of comics she's kinda getting the shaft a lot.
 
Anyways, back on topic-this movie looks really terrible and completely serious with itself and I feel really bad for Will Arnett, who's a phenomenal actor who apparently is in this for whatever reason. Sorry to hear it, dude. Get in a great movie quick. Seriously. It's called Arrested Development.
#26 Posted by Roninidas (383 posts) - - Show Bio

I kind of figured as mmuch from the Trailer and lack of Publicity this movie got.  Megan Fox is still hot though.

#27 Edited by Arkham Lunatic (111 posts) - - Show Bio

John Malkovich did a good job playing Lennie Small in Of Mice and Men. 
But playing a villain isn't his thing. 
  

  
#28 Posted by pentagram (312 posts) - - Show Bio
@MrMazz said:
" ....wow I don't think ive seen G-Man or Babs give anything a 1.5 i had hopes but once i saw the trailer i new to move on o well i shall save my money for toy Story 3 and Last Airbender (they better not screw that up) "
agreed, i hope they dont mess avatar up either.
#29 Posted by Preacherl2k (460 posts) - - Show Bio
WOW oh WOW oh WOW oh WOW- I am absolutely AMAZED that the two of you are THIS dedicated to this site that you TORTURED yourself with going to see that movie!  I hope you guys had free passes or went on discount day or SOMETHING!
As much as I love westerns ( I love Clint Eastwood too!) and comics- I would NEVER EVEN consider actually PAYING to see this movie. I'd rather organize my comic collection than go see that movie !
 
Anyway, thanks for reviewing it on the other hand sorry you actually went to see it-- LOL. maybe you can get a refund?
#30 Edited by FoxxFireArt (3558 posts) - - Show Bio

Okay, I'm going to take a gamble on this. I haven't seen this movie. I haven't watched the review yet, but I'm predicting both G-Man and Babs have this movie a 2.5 out of 5.
 
Now, I'm watching the review.
Roy's review reminds me of what I thought about Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. I utterly despised that movie.
 
Jonah Hex also made an appearance in Batman: The Animated series, or was it the Superman & Batman animated series, pre-Justice League??? I just remember an episode of Batman hunting down some guy and episode kept going into the past of Hex hunting down this guy who by the end turned out to be the brother or child of Ra's Al Ghul. That was my first introduction to Jonah Hex.
 
I'm a man from Kentucky. No horse is just going to sit there while you are shooting guns that close to their face.
How would blowing up the White House destroy the Union? It's a building. Even if you kill the president, there are people who are positioned to take his place. You kill Lincoln and Johnson took his place. It was a national tragedy, but it didn't destroy the Union. If anything people banded together, and Lincoln became more like Obi Wan. He was a more powerful influence to history.
 
This raises an interesting question that could be explored. If a good comic movie can help sell more comic, does a bad comic movie hurt a comic series?
 
While I agree with G-Man about not being able to dodge a bullet. Those period guns were a lot slower in muzzle speed then say a modern 9mm or rifle. Not slow enough to dodge like that, but I made my point.
 
Damn, my prediction was off on the review. 
Poor G-Man, he looks a little dead inside now after seeing that movie. Someone give that man a hug.

#31 Posted by EisforExtinction (1909 posts) - - Show Bio

Favorite part of the review: "I'm sad..." - Tony

#32 Edited by jakob187 (998 posts) - - Show Bio

Babs, NEVER stop talking like that!  Southern women are AWESOME!  However, you were getting a little catty about Megan Fox. 
 
Didn't have high hopes at all for this flick once I saw that horrible lip makeup on Josh Brolin.

#33 Edited by ArtisticNeedham (2269 posts) - - Show Bio

Old Jonah Hex
I liked this Jonah Hex.  It was more of a regular Western and it was done on the Batman animated series for kids on Fox Saturday morning or something like that.
I sort of could tell based on the first scene in the commercial, the machine guns on his horse, that it would be bad.  Then the amount the TV commercials spent showing Megan Fox.  I will skip it.
Also thank you for seeing it so that others don't have to.
#34 Posted by aztek_the_lost (28224 posts) - - Show Bio

The ending of this review makes me wonder if Tony will ever be able to recover from such an atrocious film, maybe G-Man will have to take over from his weakened nemesis! 
 
I on the other hand suspected as much from this basically since the news started coming out. I sort of want to see it just to say I did but ugh, I don't want to waste 80 minutes of my life.

Moderator
#35 Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir (19714 posts) - - Show Bio
@Gambler said:
" Been waiting for this "unscripted." You both touched on alot of the major flaws in this movie. I've never read the comics( except the Blackest Night) but I really went into this expecting a western. I was hoping for Tombstone and got Wild Wild West pt.2. Soooo many freakin explosions, seriously...Also, where was the gun handling? Every wild west gun fighter twirls his guns or has some stylish way of handling a six shot. But apparently no one told the director of this movie that. Where was the quick draw? Not one single person in this movie performed a quick draw(unless you count the whole Gatling Gun scene). 3:10 to Yuma both Wade and Charlie Prince were not only regarded as fast but displayed it. Doc Holiday in Tombstone, Billy the Kid in Young Guns, Josey Whales or Preacher from Pale Rider, the list goes on and on. Its a fundamental part of being a gunslinger.  You guys talked about how QT's motives were never really discussed, which is accurate and funny. Its funny because they spent more time explaining how Hex may have ridden for the South, but he wasn't a racist and was against Slavery. He only rode with the Confederacy because he didnt like being told what to do. Now I'm not suggesting they should have made him a racist but they really didn't need to force this piece of information into the movie. Seemed like a blatant attempt to keep the hero PC.   Gimmicks. Way to many gimmicks. The crows ( one coming out of his mouth? wtf was that?) The Gatling Guns, the Dynamite Guns, the Super World Destroyer Cannon with mysterious glowing orbs, and the explosions. Everything got blown up or burned down in this movie. Bullets were a non factor apparently.  I agree that Josh Brolin played a good Jonah Hex from an acting standpoint. Its a shame the plot, directing, casting, and everything else was garbage.  I knew going in John Malkovich was going to be as horrible as ever. And Megan Fox was, Megan Fox. I dont hate her, but I dont understand how or why she landed this role. Sorry but she doesn't make a believable badass prostitute that can hold her own.  And can someone please tell me how in the World does Jonah Hex get a live action movie before Wonder Woman? Seriously... "
..... honestly , I couldn't have put this better, not even by a syllable
#36 Posted by doordoor123 (3721 posts) - - Show Bio

oy veh. not seeing this. :/
I have a really big problem seeing movies with bad reviews.

#37 Posted by Lucky Arrow (18 posts) - - Show Bio

Thank God I didn't waste my money see this movie!
#38 Edited by NightFang (10125 posts) - - Show Bio

Nice southern voice, Babs.

#39 Posted by couzinit99 (169 posts) - - Show Bio

Babs i love your impression of Megan Fox mummbling lmao. GREAT reveiw! really can't stand why people make these sad mistakes. . .
#40 Posted by inferiorego (26682 posts) - - Show Bio

...I'm still seeing it on Sunday... And I feel like I may have to do a video review, which may turn into a scene from a Western film.

Staff
#41 Posted by MrDirector786 (43606 posts) - - Show Bio

Not sure I want to see it anymore after seeing this review.

#42 Posted by bob agent of agency x (207 posts) - - Show Bio
@MrDirector786 said:
"Not sure I want to see it anymore after seeing this review. "

Im questing it to buddy, the really sucky thing is that this was probably the only chance for Jonah Hex having a movie, and they F'ed up. Now im hoping that the animated short in Batman:Under the Red hood (is it just me, or do all cartoon versions of Hex have someting to do with Batman) is awesome, accurate, and doesn't star megan fox.
 
Im a Micheal J Fox fan, not a megan one.
#43 Edited by mistrx75 (207 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm sure if Babs chose to talk like that, few of us would mind at all.
 
Can't say I'm too surprised the movie isn't that good, though I am disappointed by it.  Hex seemed like an interesting character and DC needs some good non-Batman movies.

#44 Posted by Moomin123 (2205 posts) - - Show Bio

I've not seen this in the UK yet, but I might as well check it out, despite the bad reviews it's getting. 
Josh Brolin looked good in the trailer but obviously, like Babs said, the script must've been poor.
#45 Edited by Silver2467 (16527 posts) - - Show Bio

Excellent review. I haven't seen it, but I tend to agree with your guys's reviews. I was able to follow the points you made well. I haven't read too much of Jonah Hex in comics myself (although I have been interested); so maybe the movie wouldn't be so bad for me if I haven't read it. But even still, based on your review, it doesn't seem to hold all that well even if it's not considered to be connected with comics. Good review. I have been liking the unscripted vids for comic movies. Great review. 

#46 Posted by Gregomasta (333 posts) - - Show Bio

Good, i'm glad this movie sucked balls.

#47 Posted by Scooper (9 posts) - - Show Bio

I like that southern accent, Babs.

#48 Posted by Gylan Thomas (2727 posts) - - Show Bio

I'm not gonna jump the Meghan Fox hate train either but problem is she's not an actress. Maybe she should just try modeling or something.
 
Jonah can talk to the dead?
That'sjust stoopid!!!

#49 Posted by logan48227 (298 posts) - - Show Bio

Babs Southern accent is far better than Megan Fox's!

#50 Posted by Joeybagad0nutz (1378 posts) - - Show Bio

HAHAHAHA!!! The guys at screened said you went to see the movie and I just knew you were going to hate it.

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