J2 # 1 - Call the Kid...J2

I'm back, against my own free will. The terrible comics won't let me go, and this series I'm reviewing today is a stinker. I present to you, the M2U masterpiece, "J2". He's the son of Juggernaut! In fact, every hero or villain in the M2U is the son or daughter of someone super-powered, it's annoying. Marvel splits this issue into three parts, I'll sum up all three for you in sections, with just enough detail to not make you want to punch 90s Marvel in the face.

• Part I:

Zane Yama is the son of Juggernaut, he knows he is too. They make sure to tell you that his mother changed her last name back to her maiden name and that's why he's not Zane Marko. thanks for the tidbit Marvel, I couldn't have figured that one out on my own. Zane is a high schooler and gets picked on by all the bullies, a lot like EVERY Marvel character right before they discover/accidentally get their powers... Oh wait, now Zane is a naked Juggernaut, running through the school.... Ok.... Now, he smashes the bullies motorcycle... all right... Now he's Zane again, but fully clothed.... That's it?

• Part II:

Zane has powers now, so he better have a stupid costume to go with it. He finds his dad's old costume and paints it silver, then ties a flannel around his waste... It's 98' at this point, Marvel missed out on the whole grunge thing by two years, that's a little embarrassing. Then he calls himself J2.... Awful.

• Part III:

Zane is at the local fair with a pretty lady, hey... the bully is there too! Wait, now there is a guy in purple with rollerblades threatening people? J2 comes along, punches him, turns back into Zane and then the bully says they're best friends.... J2, not Zane.... What a giant piece of sh!t.

Spider-Girl was the only half-way decent thing to come out of the M2U, so don't bother with this book, just read my reviews and feel bad for me.