The Prank-Call Wars, Episode One: Justice League/Secret Society
It all began one night in the hidden HQ of the Secret Society of Supervillains. They were holding their annual 'casino night', a night where any super-crook could get their chance at a big score, without resorting to the usual tactics. It was also the only time of year where they didn't even resort to cheating! Every year, a random drawing gave a group of random villains odd jobs running the 'casino'. This year's group was a bit of an 'eclectic' bunch. Deadshot was put in charge of the blackjack tables; Roulette ran, what else, the roulette wheel, where a fortune's won and lost on ever-y deal; Blue Moon wound up being the lounge singer, but lucky for her, she had a decent singing voice; Atomic Skull was assigned to supervise the slots, making sure there weren't any 'defects'; and finally, Harley Quinn ended up being made the bartender, having picked up a few things from the times she, Poison Ivy and Catwoman lived under the same roof together. But for once, instead of causing people's miseries, she'd been tasked with numbing them.
Meanwhile, on the JLA Watchtower, monitor duty was assigned this time to Plastic Man, who was starting to get nearly bored out of his skull. Even with Jade and Wally West keeping him company, there wasn't a whole lot to amuse himself. He'd seen every rerun, all the disasters on Earth had been accounted for, the works. It seemed like nothing interesting would happen...until a light bulb suddenly went off in Plas's head--and formed atop his head as well. "Hey guys, I just got an idea: a 'good' source o' mine tells me the SSV's having their casino thing going on tonight." "So?" asked Wally. "So, I was just thinkin'--the Watchtower's got a voice modulator in its communicator, right? One that can't be traced? Well, why don't we pull a couple a crank calls on the bad guys for a few laughs." "Seriously?" asked Jade, "REAL mature, Eel." "Actually, I could use a giggle myself" said Wally. "That's the spirit, Flashy ole-boy, come on! And look Jen, the bad guys on the other line'll get some gags outta this too. You in?" After a minute, Jade finally said "All right, what the hey, at least they're all the way down there."
A few minutes later, at the bar in the SSV HQ, the phone rang. "Y'ello?" answered Harley. Plas responded in an impression of Thurston Howell III, "Yes, I'm looking for a chum of mine. First name Whosyad, last name Addy." "Hol donna minute" said Harley as she held the phone on her shoulder and turned to the super-villains present in the bar. "Is there a Whosyad Addy here?...Hello? Hey everybody! WhosyadAddy!" The only response came from Axel Walker, the current Trickster, which was "Well it ain't you, that's for sure!", causing a sea of guffaws and giggles to erupt from those at the bar. Harley's cheeks, even with all that makeup on, turned a light red. "Wait-a-min-ute! Listen you, when I get my mitts on you I'll make sure you DIE laughin'!" she threatened as she spoke into the reciever and then hung up. On the other end of the line, Wally let out a small laugh as Plas snickered like Muttley. Even Jade chuckled a bit after hearing the reception Harley got from the barflies. "Okay okay, let me do one" Wally said as Plas handed him the mike. A minute later, the phone at the bar rang again, and Harley picked it up. "Y'ello? Who's this?" Wally responded while doing an imitation of John Travolta, "Yeah, I'm lookin' for a lady. Is Miz Pitstinx there?" "Who?" "Pitstinx. First name Maya, middle name Aum, last name Pitstinx." "I'll check, gimme a minute", said Harley as she turned and called out to the bar. "Maya Aum Pitstinx? Maya Aum Pitstinx? Anyone here know MayaAumPitstinx?" "Yeah, and boy do they reek, lady!" replied Clayface, sending the bar into an uproar of laughter. Harley's whole face, even under all that white makeup, started to turn a deeper red than before. Turning back to the reciever, her threat this time was "Buster, if I ever get you, I'm gonna dunk you in burger meat and drop you in a cage with a rabid wolverine! Got it?!?!?" She then hung up. On the other line, the trio of Justic League members were laughing like hyenas. "Okay, my turn, this one's gonna be a riot" said Jade as she took the mike this time. A few minutes later, the phone at the bar rang and once again Harley answered. "Y'ello, Harley speaking." Jade, in a Southern drawl, then replied "Why yeas, ah'm lookin' fer my boyfriend. First name Heywood, middle initial U, last name Cuddlemee. Can ya see if he's there?" "Just a sec, holdon," replied Harley as she called out to the bar. "Phone call for Heywood U Cuddlemee!..Heywood U Cuddlemee? Big guy in the back, Heywood U Cuddlemee?" Metallo, the guy she was calling out to, replied "Lady, if the Joker wouldn't do it to ya, I sure won't!" The whole bar exploded with laughter as villains and villainesses alike nearly fell over, some clutching their sides. This time Harley turned bright red, and it showed through the makeup. "Oh, for the luva--that little--!"she paused before turning back to the reciever, "if this was 1871 and I got my hands on you, I'd drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific!" Harley then slammed the phone back on the cradle, cracking it in the process. Back up at the Watchtower, Plas, Jade and Wally were howling with laughter. "You were right, Eel--that was a hoot!" said Jade before she let out another chuckle. "I told ya it'd be worth it! And look on the bright side--our shift's up!" said Plas as he pointed to the clock. The three then said their goodbyes and headed home via the teleporter.
Back at the SSV HQ, the night was wrapping up. Lex Luthor was supervising the clean-up in the center of the building when Harley approached him. "Lex, next year's shindig needs something, and I really think we could use it." "What would that be, Quinn?" asked Luthor. Harley simply answered "caller ID".
End of episode one.
Next episode: The Young Avengers prank the denizens of the Bar with No Name.
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