The 9 Stupidest Lanterns

Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

For the longest time, there was only one kind of Lantern in the DC Universe, green. Then, they added an evil one, the Sinestro Corps. Then they added a Blue one. Then a Red one. Then basically they decided to just go nuts with the colors. But when you’re recruiting police from across the universe for ONE huge organization, forget seven of them, you’re going to have a few losers in the bunch. Here are our favorites, and notice we didn’t even get into the other colors; all of these are the HEROES
 

1. Mogo

Mogo started off as a joke written by Alan Moore, who had a heck of a lot of fun at the Green Lantern Corps’ expense (half this list is by said crazy Englishman), introduced in a story called “Mogo Doesn’t Socialize.” You see, Mogo’s a planet. 

Yes, a planet. Mogo’s sentient, and has a power ring.

 
Forget the power ring, though. Think about physics here. If Mogo shows up anywhere, he’s going to throw the entire solar system out of whack. He’d send planets tumbling into the sun, steal moons, ruin orbits…this guy can’t go anywhere. That’s probably why the Guardians, who apparently really don’t like to take back rings once they hand them out, no matter how stupid the recipient is, just have him sending Rings to new Lanterns. He’s basically a cosmic switchboard. 
 

   

2. Rot Lop Fan

You might be wondering what this guy’s deal is, seeing that he doesn’t seem to have any eyes or ability to see. Well, that’s because he’s from the Obsidian Deeps, a region of space where there’s no light whatsoever and thus no perception of sight. Or color. The problem becomes immediately obvious, as does the hand of cackling madman Alan Moore. 

It turns out they solved it by turning the ring into a bell and making it something that works with sound instead of light. This seems like an awesome idea because it immediately gives the Green Lantern Corps a huge advantage in their fights, creating constructs out of sound instead of light. So, smart guys that they are, they leave Captain All Ears to it and we never see the guy, or hear about turning rings into bells, again. 

3. Ch’p     
 

That’s Ch’p. No, he isn’t from a Disney cross over, or an Elseworlds, or some other really obvious excuse for a bad idea aimed squarely at small children. He’s a giant talking chipmunk with one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. No, we have no idea why DC didn’t realize this was not, in fact, cute but instead pure nightmare fuel. Rats with power rings is just not something we want to think about without a large bottle of vodka handy. 

And in case the idea of a sentient squirrel who could run you over isn’t bad enough, he was brought back as a zombie. You know, because cute talking animals portrayed as zombies will totally make us take this crossover seriously, instead of being the dumbest idea this side of zombified Power Pack.     
 

4. Chaselon

There are a lot of things that can make a superhero intimidating. Huge muscles. Energy powers. Having a Green Lantern ring. Tentacles. Chaselon has two of those going for him, namely the last two. And then there are things that make him less intimidating, like being a gigantic hunk of glass. 

Chaselon is a crystal being, which, yeah, could theoretically exist, but come on. He’s a big hunk of glass. Fighting this guy is like being attacked by a bedazzler bead. He probably only wins because his opponents are too busy laughing to take him seriously.     
 

5. Bzzd

Hey, speaking of “less than intimidating”, how about a creature that only has the Green Lantern ring going for him, and without it, you could kill him with a piece of plastic costing a buck ninety-five? Say hi to Bzzd, everybody, the only Green Lantern you can squish. 

Bzzd is apparently a pretty seriously tough guy, having taken out space pirates and captured DC’s premiere annoying jerk, Guy Gardner. None of which makes up for the fact that he’s an insect that can be defeated by Raid.     
 

6. G’Nort

There’s a dog everybody knows. He’s dumb. He’s clumsy. He’s irritating. He follows you around everywhere. And yet, you never yell at him or anything because you just feel bad about it? That’s G’Nort. 

DC heroes pretty much hate G’Nort because, well, he’s a big dumb dog who could accidentally destroy the planet. G’Nort got his job because of a relative who was a popular Green Lantern, proving that defending the universe can easily be done by just hiring everybody’s brother. Nice to know nepotism gets you a nuke on your finger. 

On the other hand, G’Nort has all the traits one likes in a dog: he’s loyal, honest, and forthright. He’s also a huge idiot who’s biggest success was defeating a gang of bank-robbing cats. No, seriously.

 
7. Dkrtsy RRR

 
We don’t have a picture of Dkrtsy on here, because he’s never had an adventure that we know about. Why? Because he’s math.

 
Yes, they hand those rings out to anything that has so much as a semi-sentient pulse, and Dkrtsy is no exception: he’s a “bio-sentient mathematical equation” that gets into your head and erases your brain.

 
We find ourselves asking a lot of questions, like, how does he wear the ring, isn’t brain erasing kind of unethical, and how can comic books make us hate math?

 
8. Flodo Span

So far we’ve had a bug, a piece of glass, a squirrel, and an abstraction on here, and you might be wondering how it could get less threatening than that.

Well, meet Flodo Span. He’s gas. 

Yes, this is a gaseous lifeform. You take away his ring, and he disperses, unable to collect himself until he gets his ring back. In the meantime, he has to avoid being…well…inhaled, we guess. What happens when you huff this guy? 

It gets better, though: he’s one of several gaseous Green Lanterns. What is it with the Guardians?! 

9. Leezle Pon

No, pictured above is not, in fact, one of Hal Jordan’s boogers. That’s Leezle Pon, the sentient smallpox virus. 

You might be saying “Wait, the what that’s the what now?” Yes, apparently, in the DCU, not only can smallpox, one of the deadliest diseases known to man, because senitent, it can even be noble enough to merit getting a Green Lantern ring. But it can’t attend any meetings, because it might infect the Lanterns. 

So, just to recap, the Guardians of the Universe (yes, that’s their actual job title) gave one of the most dangerous and powerful weapons in existence to one of the most fatal diseases known to human history. 

Somehow, we think they’re not quite doing their jobs.

Written by Dan Seitz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com    

#1 Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

please move this to the green lantern forums. i couldnt figure out how do to it myself. thank you
#2 Posted by joshmightbe (24443 posts) - - Show Bio

how dare you disparage the good name of G'nort..............just kidding I just like saying G'nort

#3 Posted by velle37 (6041 posts) - - Show Bio
@umbrafeline said:
"please move this to the green lantern forums. i couldnt figure out how do to it myself. thank you "

 
I think a mod has to do that.
#4 Posted by Zoom (14668 posts) - - Show Bio

You lose all credibility for including Mogo and Rot Lop Fan on this list.
#5 Posted by Donovan Montgomery (5408 posts) - - Show Bio

Hey, I like the chipmunk and talking dog lanterns ;p 
Soft and cuddly is in. 
Nice list btw, I'm glad to say I've never heard of a couple of these guys(?).

Online
#6 Posted by DEGRAAF (7868 posts) - - Show Bio

Except for Mogo i would agree. Mogo has been shown able to change it's gravity so if it doesnt want to disrupt a solar system it is flying thru then it can change its gravitational pull and not have a problem
#7 Posted by Icarusflies (12403 posts) - - Show Bio

I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST.

Moderator Online
#8 Posted by Darkchild (40624 posts) - - Show Bio
@Icarusflies said:
" I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST. "
#9 Posted by Video_Martian (5631 posts) - - Show Bio
@Icarusflies said:
" I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST. "
lol
#10 Posted by Zoom (14668 posts) - - Show Bio

He's got a point, though. 
 
This is pretty much a list of awesome Green Lanterns who are in good stories.
#11 Posted by Silkcuts (5272 posts) - - Show Bio
@Zoom said:
" You lose all credibility for including Mogo and Rot Lop Fan on this list. "
Moore hate, right?  And on top of that Mogo #1?  Rot Lop Fan is really not a "green lantern" I believe he is the only "green bell", so this list is voided with that entry.
 
@joshmightbe said:
" how dare you disparage the good name of G'nort..............just kidding I just like saying G'nort "

Whoever wrote this list likely hasn't read anything GL before Johns took over.
 
 
@Icarusflies said:
" I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST. "

^_^ agreed!
#12 Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir (19714 posts) - - Show Bio
@Icarusflies said:
" I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST. "
Yeah, what she said!
#13 Posted by inferiorego (21104 posts) - - Show Bio

Why are people copying and pasting whole article from other sites?

Staff
#14 Posted by Emperor Gonzo Noir (19714 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego said:
" Why are people copying and pasting whole article from other sites? "
Another very good question
#15 Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

i didnt create the list. i just merely copied it for everyones enjoyment and bikering ^_^ so if you disagree with any of these characters contact dan seitz at weirdworm.com
#16 Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego said:
"Why are people copying and pasting whole article from other sites? "

because the comicvine community needs to know. and its not plagarism if i am giving the article writer credit by having their name and etc in the blog
#17 Posted by entropy_aegis (14116 posts) - - Show Bio

And this is why i much prefer the sinestro corps,they dont have flies or germs.
#18 Posted by Vance Astro (91064 posts) - - Show Bio
@Zoom said:
" You lose all credibility for including Mogo and Rot Lop Fan on this list. "
Both of those characters are horrible and you know it. 
Moderator Online
#19 Posted by Supreme Marvel (11264 posts) - - Show Bio

Stupid Green Lanterns...Hal Jordan and...I can't think of no more.

#20 Posted by JesterKing (55 posts) - - Show Bio
#21 Posted by entropy_aegis (14116 posts) - - Show Bio
@JesterKing said:
" @entropy_aegis said:

" And this is why i much prefer the sinestro corps,they dont have flies or germs. "

http://www.comicvine.com/despotellis/29-45573/   
  http://www.comicvine.com/parallax/29-41293/ Thats a germ and a bug from sinestro corp. Technically Parallax is different, but I included him anyways because he was at on point. "

SMACKS myself,how could i forget that annoying parallax or the disease which almost killed gardener ,but still they're cooler.
#22 Posted by thedarkknight0224 (131 posts) - - Show Bio


Who ever wrote this article is clearly a hater, or has no imagination. Christ, who are we to say what type of creature has the most willpower. Especially since we are an arrogant race who kill each other cause we think one race is superior to the other.  
Not hating on you umbrafeline.

On Earth we would be lucky if a human got a ring and not a cockroach, those little buggers can take a lot..
   

#23 Posted by thedarkknight0224 (131 posts) - - Show Bio
@Supreme Marvel:
Wow and look another stunning intelligent comment from a Marvel hater..
#24 Posted by TheThe (1729 posts) - - Show Bio

Dont forget  Hal Jordan in your list.

#25 Posted by TheThe (1729 posts) - - Show Bio
@thedarkknight0224 said:
"


Who ever wrote this article is clearly a hater, or has no imagination. Christ, who are we to say what type of creature has the most willpower. Especially since we are an arrogant race who kill each other cause we think one race is superior to the other.  
Not hating on you umbrafeline.

On Earth we would be lucky if a human got a ring and not a cockroach, those little buggers can take a lot..
   

"
Agree.
#26 Posted by Kairan1979 (16701 posts) - - Show Bio

You forgot Duck Dodgers.
  

#27 Posted by Sydpart2 (1092 posts) - - Show Bio
@Icarusflies said:
I DISAGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE ITEM ON THIS LIST.
yep, this is why I enjoy the GL books, the writers can have fun with some of the weirder stuff that biology says is feasible. 
@entropy_aegis said:
And this is why i much prefer the sinestro corps,they dont have flies or germs.

pretty sure the GL virus took out the Sinestro Corps virus...just sayin...
#28 Posted by velle37 (6041 posts) - - Show Bio
@Zoom said:
You lose all credibility for including Mogo and Rot Lop Fan on this list.

Those are two of the most epic GLs of all time.......
#29 Posted by fodigg (6130 posts) - - Show Bio

These were the characters that made the GL books actual "science fiction" instead of just usual superhero books. They were the most interesting.

#30 Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

you know people, there are other blogs on my account to comment on than just the 9 lanterns
#31 Posted by GreenLantern555 (2218 posts) - - Show Bio

There are so many things wrong with this...

#32 Posted by umbrafeline (5300 posts) - - Show Bio

theres no pleasing yinz on this blog is there?
#33 Posted by GreenLantern555 (2218 posts) - - Show Bio
@umbrafeline said:
theres no pleasing yinz on this blog is there?
Well, when you make blogs like this, basically showing you aren't a reader of the Green Lantern Universe, yes there is no pleasing us. It's like me making a blog on the worst X-Men. I would have no idea what I'd be talking about. 

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