The Life of Callum Lingerman
Born in 1971 in Cleveland, Ohio to father Fallon Christopherson and mother Christa who died minutes after Callum’s birth. A troubled child, Callum often wondered why he was robbed of having a loving Mother and instead granted a hateful Father that would often beat on Callum for no apparent reason. At age 9 and 3 months Callum left school to pursue his dream of becoming the world’s first child to bench press 110lbs, but fell short dramatically due to his small physique and age. Weighing just 23kg at 10 years and 1 month Callum decided to abandon his dreams for world weightlifting domination and pursue a new dream to rid the world of bad fathers.
Callum, now aged 11 years and 4 months hitchhiked from Cleveland to L.A. where he swam to Hawaii to meet a local witchdoctor by the name of Stonkald Stefostin. The Hawaiian witch doctor heard his story and through pure sorrow casted a spell on Callum, which would give him the ability to laugh exceedingly loud.Given this new power, Callum immediately went to the Honolulu news agency and bought a copy of Mad Magazine. He began reading on the beach to test his powers, he soon found he could laugh so loud, the ocean and sand around him would begin to vibrate and shake as bystanders buckled to the ground groping their ears.After living in Honolulu for 3 years Callum had finally mastered his power of intensely loud omni-direction laughter and was able to concentrate his laughter waves enough to make a clear walkway straight through the Pacific Ocean to North Korea.
After 8 months walking through what Callum now called the “Pacific Walkway” he finally reached where he thought was North Korea, only everyone was Caucasian with what sounded to him like a mix between British and American accents. After witnessing countless pub brawls, cricket games and fantastic weather, it had struck Callum that he was not in North Korea, but yet Australia. He soon realized he took a wrong turn some ship wreckage about 2 miles off Hawaii’s shore.To fit, Callum realized he would have to hide his power, so he rented the movie “Vanilla Sky” and watched it 512,921 times, making it almost humanly impossible to laugh for the rest of your life... almost… For 14 years Callum lived in Australia, living the Australian way and presiding with the Australian people. Aged 30 Callum now needed a true calling for his life. 14 years of stocking supermarket shelves and still not being able to speak the local language was enough for him, he decided to move on.
One night whilst Callum was sitting on his laptop planning his new getaway habitat a bright light shone upon him. The light was blinding, and the only sign of brail to help Callum read the blinding situation was to laugh, separating the dark light from the bright light. He then used all of his humorous power and managed a chuckle, which was enough to reveal the predecessor… Callum’s real father Jordan. After sitting down and having a cold cup of tea with his father, all was explained. His real father’s name is Jor-El or Jordan Lingerman and he revealed that Callum’s real name is in fact Cal-El, and that he is in fact from a small planet just outside Earth’s solar system called Orcwood. His father explained that planet Orcwood had been destroyed and that he was sent to Earth through a beam of light to replace the soul of another fetus.
Empathetic for Callum’s harsh and pivotal life, but proclaimed there was no other way for his survival Jor-El then decided it was time to unlock Callum’s true potential as an Orcwoodian and a Lingerman. Having not known about Callum’s already powerful ability in his laughing, Jor-El beseeched the ultimate power and knowledge of the Orcwoodians upon Callum making him glow a bright black and orange. His new found powers enabled him to be able to sense anyone laughing anywhere in the galaxy, control the emotion triggering the laughter and also make people laugh uncontrollably, until if necessary, they die.
He also now had the ability to laugh so loud he could vibrate the planet into a quintillion pieces, however he had trained his abilities so well that he could vibrate them back in place as if nothing had happened. He had literally become an orphaned – alien - child abused – grade school dropout - ocean parting – shelf stocking – American/Korean/Hawaiian/Australian.
His seed of life was truly planted in the soil of the depths of hell.
Log in to comment