Tenjin's Tip: Writing A Combat Scene

@My motivation here is for those newer Viners who would like to learn more about writing a combat scene and more so adopting a truly believable martial arts persona to the best of my ability as a teacher. Also maybe to the not-so new Viners who may consider and add a few things I write here to their repertoire. The more you know!

Disclaimer: I do not nor should anyone expect to read this and instantly become Karate Kid of the Vine, the most important thing to remember is practice makes perfect.

This will be written in a series of installments and other Viners are more than welcome to comment on what is written here. Especially expanding my own work which is apart of what being a RPG community is all about. Also, if you think this is basic knowledge, stating the obvious and/or seems redundant, which I understand it may be for some, then this installment isn't for you now is it champ? :p

Okay Ladies and Gentlemen, with that out of the way :D.....

BOW TO YOUR SENSEI! ヽ(#`Д´)ﾉ!!!!!!!!!

Number One: The Devil is in the Details-

Uchiha NeVann once told me that the key to success in RPGing is description, description, description. This is applicable to a combat scene for a multitude of reasons but the one I want to expand upon right now is Believability. Look at the following examples against NPCs:

Sentence A: "Tenjin throws a punch and knocks out the guard."

Sentence B: "Tenjin cocks his fist back then transfers the power from his legs and torso by twisting his entire body, while sending his fist rocketing into the jaw of the guard causing the man to topple over unconscious almost instantaneously."

Which one seemed to be from a martial artist? Its the same thing, right? I do not think so. The second sentence is more believable, it hints at the fighting skill of Tenjin. Remember this is a single sentence, imagine an entire fight scene written this way, which a short one will be provided momentarily.

That was a offensive sentence, now time for a defensive sentence. Which of the following is more believable?

Sentence A: "Then another guard threw a kick at Tenjin but he blocked it with his arm."

Sentence B: "Out of the corner of Tenjin's eye, he saw the incoming side kick of another guard flying towards his sternum but with his tiger like reflexes sent his arm upwards against his foe's ankle then to the outside causing the kick to be misguided and over Tenjin's shoulder."

Again what sentence seemed to be from a martial artist? Answer should be B. What it does here is lays the groundwork for a truly convincing counter attack and mentions what type of kick was thrown and where it was intended to hit, which gives little room for interpretation to what the position of the body the guard is in. This is important as the position of you and the NPC/opponent not only paints a better picture but is crucial for a tip I dub Retreating, which I will explain later.

As is before, read the following sentences and decide what is more convincing of a martial arts background?

Sentence A: "Tenjin saw an opportunity and grabbed the guard and slammed him on his head, killing him."

Sentence(s) B: "Tenjin's predatory instincts saw the guard's vulnerability and without warning grappled his foe around the waist with his massive arms only to hoist the man into the air with all his might. Tenjin then arched his spine and dropped backward with deadly speed powered by his legs, driving his enemy's skull into the concrete causing instant death as the sound of bones splintered."

By now, you should understand that description aids in not only your writing ability but also your believability as a fighter. Lets see these combined in a short paragraph form:

Paragraph A: "Tenjin throws a punch and knocks out the guard. Then another guard threw a kick at Tenjin but he blocked it with his arm. Tenjin saw an opportunity and grabbed the guard and slammed him on his head, killing him."

Paragraph B: "Tenjin cocks his fist back then transfers the power from his legs and torso by twisting his entire body, while sending his fist rocketing into the jaw of the guard causing the man to topple over unconscious almost instantaneously. Out of the corner of Tenjin's eye, he saw the incoming side kick of another guard flying towards his sternum but with his tiger like reflexes sent his arm upwards against his foe's ankle then to the outside causing the kick to be misguided and over Tenjin's shoulder. Tenjin's predatory instincts saw the guard's vulnerability and without warning grappled his foe around the waist with his massive arms only to hoist the man into the air with all his might. Tenjin then arched his spine and dropped backward with deadly speed powered by his legs, driving his enemy's skull into the concrete causing instant death as the sound of bones splintered."

Obviously, length of the post means little as far as how good it is and that same scenario could have been written shorter and more than likely better. However, I wished to place emphasis on description. Another quick tip is give yourself consist aliases to change things up as "Tenjin" is used frequently for familiarity but I often use his first name or one of the dozens of nicknames I have on my bio; Which I understand is excessive :P. Details are extremely important, simply describing a character going into his combat stance before the battle even begins adds believability. It doesn't necessarily follow that a martial artist can only be proven in an attack, little things such as the way he or she moves, stating the way they keep their hands up during the fight, the chin held down and the knees slightly bent adds believability.

My biggest and probably best suggestion in this entry is watch martial arts films or contact sports on television. Not just looking for new moves to do but instead try describing the technique to yourself as if you were writing your character performing that routine. Practice using this GIF:

(I am a fanatical Donnie Yen fan so forgive me)

This is how I learned and practiced description, I wanted to replicate the attacks I seen in movies and TV so I watched clips and did exactly as I mentioned above.

Now, without segwaying into a different discussion too much, pick movies and shows that utilize techniques you would like to perform. Let me expand with my character as an example: Tenjin (or me personally) prefers over the top and stylish techniques that you would expect to see in a Donnie Yen or Tony Jaa film. However if your character is more practical in his/her personality stay towards the MMA/ Vale Tudo side or even a classic Bruce Lee film. Not that there is anything wrong with either one of them, it is purely out of personal preference. At any rate, this helps tremendously with wrestling and grappling! Not to mention everything besides H2H such as swordsmanship ;p

Finally, for this installment anyhow, I had mentioned before something I call Retreating. Out of hard knocks in the many battles I have had, I have learned when it comes to description one of the worst things you can do is end a post without 'Retreating'. In simplest terms, never have the last sentence be an attack, in most cases, due to it exposing you to a whole world of potential figurative pain. (Selling is something I will delve deep into in a future installment but this is just wisdom I will pass along to you) Because, you have given your opponent free range of interpretation, you will almost always, if the person wants you KOed or dead anyway, be subjected to a counter attack and you have left yourself unguarded especially in a H2H encounter! At the end of every post, try to take a defensive position and give yourself some distance (retreating*) so your character is prepared whatever your opponent throws at you and remember to use description!

(Also description doesn't mean dictionary, if people have to stop to figure out the meaning of a word every sentence it can break the flow of your writing, actually causing damage to your prose)

☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

This should help a lot of people. Well done, mano.

@tenjin:

question, I do write fanfics but RPG is something different since I cant control the other people. I do want fights to br dragged out but how do you suggest powers of time effects on people. I haven't come across it, but I have this one character and I purposely made him to be a Batman/Joker/Mayuri/Aizen type of character. He deals with drugs and hypnotics so though his powers don't go Boom, how do you suggest a friendly impass between said character and Superman like characters since Joker and Batman have and always have been able to take on ore powerful characters. Keep in mind, I don't say, Oh, I splash you with my drug or gas and now you are under my version of Kyouga Suigetsu

Also, how do you suggest hits on opponent? Should I write a volley of shells came at Tenjin and just wait for your response? Im just trying to not impose too much on opponent but also I don't want to be a pushover and be the worse fighter around

Woah. Thanks, sensei. Not exactly new, but this is gold.

*bows*

@boschepg: The most important thing in RPGs is communication. With powers like that, you're going to have to do that a lot just to know what kind of things the person you're RPing with is willing to sell. Even the most powerful among us should sell your attacks/abilities to some degree. If someone no-sells everything you throw at them, then you really shouldn't be RPing with them.

As for your second question: You need to make your attacks/what they mean as clear as possible, all the while remembering to give your enemy a potential out from an attack. What I usually do is something like this:

The Last Guardian lunges toward Bosche with fury in his eyes. The young hero grips his green ligtsaber with his right hand and swings it powerfully towards Bosche's right shoulder. If the attack connects, the plasma blade's extreme heat should allow it to cut through Bosche's armor like a hot knife through butter and shear his arm off. The ensuing wound would at once be cauterized shut by the blade's heat, preventing any bleeding.

You need to be clear with your actions and you need to make it clear what selling your attack could potentially entail. Notice that I suggested to you what could happen but I never once just do it without giving you an opportunity to counter. Depending on how much you want to sell my attack you could do anything from completely dodging my attack to allowing me to cut your arm off. Does that make any sense?

@tenjin: Good stuff, man..all of it. The Ninja taught you really well. I love watching a good hand-to-hand display and I agree 100% that watching contact sports like MMA, boxing and even wrestling could help immensely with writing hand-to-hand encounters.

My best hand-to-hand RPG was chock full of MMA and wrestling terminology all learned from watching WWE..lol

@last_guardian:

that scenario with me and you helped alot

I didn't reply cuz that attack would have seriously crippled my character, lol

Though you only thought you had cut his arm off cuz you had entered into his misdirection gas as the real bosche slipped through the backdoor as your blade sliced through a mailbox, giving the impression that you actually struck something solid, which you believed to be me, mwahahahaha

@boschepg: Well you could certainly dodge it altogether. Just be sure to sell the fact that it was somewhat difficult to avoid and don't just say:

Bosche dodged the lighstaber DURRR

For example you could say something like:

As the Guardian mounted his quick offensive, Bosche had only milliseconds to react. To avoid the deadly weapon that would certainly spell death, Bosche swiftly rolled to the right, away from the Guardian. Once again getting to his feet, he readied himself to go on the offensive, knowing full well that the man standing inches away would be difficult to continually defend against

TWIST: That mailbox killed my father, I was aiming it for it THE ENTIRE TIME

will do that, but with less precision and more haymakers

@last_guardian:

I may have to spar with you one day. Im more of a fan of my Jon Black but I could do Chimera cuz Im trying to pump him up.

@tenjin: Very nice man, helps threads are never a bad thing to see. Martial artists have always been popular so its good to see a targeted thread for them.

This should be an interesting series. I'll be interested to compare and contrast it with experience and advice I've gotten/seen from other sources.

I do feel that it is important to note a thing or two, or elaborate. That last sentence is of the utmost importance. It's easy to lose yourself in trying to be descriptive and overdoing it.

LL is - and will be for as long as I can get her to stick with me - my mentor, and she's taught me a lot. One of the best things she ever did for me was to tell Mercy to get Stephen King's book On Writing - which helped me because I happened to see it and got the book. Lots of useful advice in that book (part of which I'll talk about). Also I've asked her for feedback at times. Both in my readings as well as personal mentorship, if there is one thing I've learned is that you want to avoid verbosity (funny enough, that originally said "unnecessary verbosity"). It's a principle that's been stressed to me lately. As Stevie said, "one of the really bad things you can do is to dress up the vocabulary, looking for long words because you're maybe a little bit ashamed of your short ones." The goal is evocative, colorful but appropriate language.

This all goes hand in hand with purple prose.

1. The excrement made physical contact with the electric-powered oscillating air current distribution device.
2. Shit hit the fan.

They say the same thing, but the former is dressed up inappropriately, to the point where a reader may not even know what I was trying to say. The latter is familiar (without being cliché), and also better. Sometimes brevity is preferable. I've actually seen this a bit in my time here. Depending on my mood, I've skipped posts, skimmed them, or I've sat through frustration reading and re-reading with Google handy trying to figure out what people were saying. Or if I'm in a really good mood I'll make a game of trying to figure it out. But basically, if the reader is skimming your posts because they're unnecessarily dressed up, you've got a problem. If, instead of experiencing the desired feeling you wish to give them, or communicating the message, your reader is more struck by the word you used (be it "oh, look at that beautiful word" or "what is that word?" and Googling it) to the point they're taken from the story/events happening, chances are you've got a problem as well.

I'm no expert, so I can't say definitively what counts. Usually I get a gut feeling and go with that.

Bringing it all back to the context of battles or whatever...

You don't have to describe every little motion your character is doing, so long as you can convey the message properly. If I may offer my thoughts on an example or two from above...(Not saying it's a law and you'll be Nazi'd for disagreeing, just my personal feelings....which is basically tantamount to absolute truth ^_^) [Also I'll be replacing "Tenjin" with "Alyssa." [Retroactive note: I also wrote it more as if I were writing against an actual writer, rather than an NPC who I can auto-hit as I please.]

I'd be inclined to agree that saying "Alyssa throws a punch and knocks out the guard" is a bit of a weak sentence. But I personally would try to avoid "Alyssa cocks her fist back then transfers the power from her legs and torso by twisting her entire body, while sending her fist rocketing into the jaw of the guard causing the man to topple over unconscious almost instantaneously."

For one, you probably won't catch her cocking her fist back unless she's returning to a stance from an attack she just threw, and/or if she's doing something else (i.e. another attack or a block) to set up that strike, but that's a personal thing because of my background. But also it's not really evocative or striking as a sentence. To me it feels like it's just kinda there. Instead, I might say something like:

Sensing the incoming strike Alyssa pressed forward with an in-stepping forearm high block in order to disrupt the clansman's distance and cadence, intercepting the punch prematurely. If successful, she'd strike the enemy's forearm with enough force to completely shatter that of an unconditioned human, the offensive block serving as an attack just as much as defence. All the while, her right arm held cocked at her rib. And as the other deflected the strike, sending her foe off balance, the coiled viper struck. Targeting the clansman's solar plexus, she aimed to end the fight immediately by completely depriving him of air and mobility, delivering a nigh-simultaneous straight punch to his solar plexus with all her might and a fierce "Hyaah!"

Then afterwards (probably after posting because I have bad proofreading habits) I might ask my Leading Lady for feedback and if anything needs changing. Kinda deviated from the original example, but it was still related so I think I should be fine. And, like all writers (even the ones conscious of the "rule"), I still couldn't bear to part with all of my adverbs (though I successfully cut them down).

Also, the way you write may depend on your writing partner, and/or your target reading audience (we all have an Ideal Reader, or should have one) and whatever the experience level of your target audience is (also what they have experience with). With an experienced martial artist I can talk about distance and cadence and be reasonably certain they know what's going on (they might even know she's fighting karate style). I should be able to expect this person to be able to fill in the gaps without me getting into every single detail, and as a writing partner, to respect me enough to assume my character has good form and mechanics working with her attack (because let's face it, we all want our characters to be great, and if we're going to have them mess up something, we will deliberately say where when and how they messed up).

With a less experienced person, I might have to take the second word that comes to mind, and instead simplify cadence into "rhythm," which hopefully even a novice or non-combatant can understand. But after I get it to the point I've gotten it to, I wouldn't necessarily change the content of the description to make it any more or less "descriptive." If I've done well enough, I should still be able to count on my reader understanding at least the basics of the attack. [Alyssa stepped in to block the attack prematurely and as it deflected with bone-shattering force, she threw a punch to the solar plexus (if I'm going to add any content to the strike, it'll be here - at the "effects" portion. When powers become involved, or with attacks that should have an effect besides "it hurt," you may need more because another person may not know the oft-effects of something like a hit to the solar plexus, but also it should be noted that everything won't always work exactly as you intend even if it connects).] As long as they get the basics, reasonably close to what I have pictured, cool. It's not perfect (never is), but all in all, I like think I conveyed the moveset and the force pretty well. The use of certain similes and metaphors may help - or hurt, depending on how you use it. Personally I like the way I used the snake thing. And as Stephen King says,

It's easy to become careless when making rough comparisons, but the alternative is a prissy attention to detail that takes all the fun out of writing.

If you're a great martial artist who knows how to talk about every aspect of every movement, great. But I've almost never agreed with Gambler more than when he said we all don't wanna sit around and read a manual all the time. [Especially if it's a manual of purple prose.]

Also personally I think the "always retreat" thing (also the "always give your opponent an out") is also a matter of personal choice. Fighters fight with different styles, and variables come into play. Some fighters are pressure fighters and don't retreat, or otherwise may be counting on a counter-strike so they can counter-time that strike. Some fighters throw attacks and there simply isn't an out. Not saying make a speedster and go around speed blitzing everyone at .99c because "I'm out to win! GRAAR!" No one will like you and you will die alone. But for example, Ivana wouldn't be the same scary (but alluring because of the challenge) bitch if she always threw attacks that had clear "outs" like cauterized wounds, or didn't set things up to trap you.

That's just (part of) my take on it, that's just my advice. You can do whatever (censorship) you wanna do.

[Huh. Reconstructing that attack post was actually pretty fun, and I think a good exercise for me.]

@boschepg: I just read both profiles and they're both awesome. Hit me up anytime you think of seomthing. I'm constantly thinking about new ideas too so I'll keep your characters in mind...

Great work! I'd say again people should take it a bit with a grain of salt but still great advice.

Individuality is the best part of the vine. There's been for example I think my X-23 and 3 others I've seen sense here. And that's fine and even great because we all sell different write different and fight different though we've all got some similarity.

If I had to give advice I'd say 'write what you know with a hint of what you don't'. You might not be great at describing that sword technique or whatever but trial is only way to improve. 'Be true to your design' don't take a beating to sell but don't be an ass either. If there's just say one attack that you think would totally fail in the situation don't hype it up, find a clever way to give praise, be respectful to self and player. I could probably go more on that but I won't. Similarly don't be afraid to sell if they've won let them. Don't need to spell out how they can win or stay alive leg them worry about them. It's better at least to me to just let characters be shown as clear as possible win or lose etc. And least for me the biggest thing is keep it fun. I don't care if it's one paragraph or fifteen, if it's the finest writing or sloppy, etc. what matters is if it was fun and what you wanted. Sometimes this might work better for others, usually though be it a expert or a noob however you can at least tell if there was an effort.

I might of gone a bit off topic >.> but then that's why I rarely try and help writing wise I just do the shit I want to do lol

@tenjin: Dig this ALOT. Bookmarked it for references

Good sh!t.

I've always enjoyed threads like these. Thanks for making it ^_^

Some good food for thought