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#1 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

This is the place where we do shows about relationships, paternity tests, and settle other disputes here on the vine.

audience applauds

#2 Posted by Nighthunter (28561 posts) - - Show Bio

hmm I remember when I did that same joke months ago...

#3 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio

YAY

#4 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
Ah Dr. Phil, I've got a problem........sob sob. My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. -Nealda in Rhode Island
#5 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
Hawk said:
"Ah Dr. Phil, I've got a problem........sob sob. My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. -Nealda in Rhode Island
"
Alright Nealda....

Crew, can we get a picture of Nealda put up on the screen please?
#6 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
caption
#7 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"Hawk said:
"Ah Dr. Phil, I've got a problem........sob sob. My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. -Nealda in Rhode Island
"
Alright Nealda....

Crew, can we get a picture of Nealda put up on the screen please?"
#8 Posted by Feral Nova (45896 posts) - - Show Bio

O_O LMFAO XD

#9 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

almost throws up a little in his mouth

Alright Nealda, I'm gonna be real straight with you for a minute..... You are an UGLY person.  But don't worry, there's hope for you yet.... Plastic Surgery.  After you get some lypo and a whole lot more, your husband might not want to throw up whenever you're intimate.  It's all in my new book ....holds up book.... called I NEED Plastic Surgery.  Tell you what I'll do for ya darlin', I will send you a copy of this book....  All you have to do is pay shipping and handling.

#10 Posted by Shanana (52685 posts) - - Show Bio

.......

#11 Posted by Nighthunter (28561 posts) - - Show Bio

LMAO

#12 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
Thank you Dr. Phil.....click. Thank god we got her off the phone. Next caller.
#13 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
sob sob....
                            

Doctor Phil, I have a problem, I can't stop looking at Elephant Porn. - Doug from Wyoming
#14 Posted by Obi Wan Kenobi! (27638 posts) - - Show Bio

Dr. Phil..I got a problem..

#15 Posted by King Saturn (222808 posts) - - Show Bio
What The Hell ?
#16 Posted by Dr. Victor von Doom (3118 posts) - - Show Bio

Next up, "The Flowers & The Bee's" Brought To You By Doctor Doom!

#17 Posted by ZOHAN! (21 posts) - - Show Bio
TheDrifter said:
"Dr. Phil said:
"Hawk said:
"Ah Dr. Phil, I've got a problem........sob sob. My husband doesn't want to have sex with me. -Nealda in Rhode Island
"
Alright Nealda....

Crew, can we get a picture of Nealda put up on the screen please?"
"
Now therre is a sexy woman, If Igrh see hergh on the drive way I would pull over and tell her I would like to sticky with her lick those sexy thighs all smother in hummus, sexy woman!

Then take her to disco
#18 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
TheDrifter said:
"sob sob....
                            

Doctor Phil, I have a problem, I can't stop looking at Elephant Porn. - Doug from Wyoming"
Hello Doug....

There's a saying where I come from..... Guys who look at that stuff are FREAKS.  Get some help before some normal people catch you and beats the (beep) out of you.

CLICK

Alright, let's move on from phone calls for now and onto some of our guests.
#19 Posted by Obi Wan Kenobi! (27638 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Victor von Doom said:
"Next up, "The Flowers & The Bee's" Brought To You By Doctor Doom!"

I thought it was the birds and the bees...
#20 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
Obi Wan Kenobi! said:
"Dr. Phil..I got a problem.."
Meet my next guest.... Obi.

Hello Obi.  How can I help you today?
#21 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
This is Michelle she thinks that King Saturn is her baby's daddy. Michelle walks on stag.
#22 Posted by Dr. Victor von Doom (3118 posts) - - Show Bio

Not in Dooms book

#23 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio

A Picture of Doug

#24 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
TheDrifter said:
"A Picture of Doug

"
LMFAO!
#25 Posted by Obi Wan Kenobi! (27638 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"Obi Wan Kenobi! said:
"Dr. Phil..I got a problem.."
Meet my next guest.... Obi.

Hello Obi.  How can I help you today?"
Yeaah..I have this...fear.  It's a fear of obese lesbian women..

actually...one obese lesbian woman in particular..looks around nervoulsy
#26 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

That's alright Obi.....

You know, as MEN, we often fear things that are much bigger and more powerful than us.  In this case, that thing that much bigger and more powerful is ALSO a man-hater.  Now son, have you ever come into contact with this horrible, monstrous thing?

#27 Posted by Obi Wan Kenobi! (27638 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"That's alright Obi.....

You know, as MEN, we often fear things that are much bigger and more powerful than us.  In this case, that thing that much bigger and more powerful is ALSO a man-hater.  Now son, have you ever come into contact with this horrible, monstrous thing?"
shakes his head uhh..no, docotr..but I've seen this horrible monster on TV..
#28 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

In that case.....

There is nothing to fear.  Just remember that the....thing....on your TV in STAYING on your TV.  Now, even when you see it in HIGH DEF you have to remember that it's not real, OK?  Now repeat after me.....

"I am not afraid of the man-hating monsters on my television screen... but if I see one in real life, I will RUN LIKE HELL."

#29 Posted by Obi Wan Kenobi! (27638 posts) - - Show Bio

"I am not afraid of the man-hating monsters on my television screen... but if I see one in real life, I will RUN LIKE HELL"

the door swings open and in walks the horrible monster

heerrre's ROSIE!




























NO NO! i'm not ready NO! runs away to WAL
#30 Posted by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

Dr. Phil, I have a question for the Only Wan guy...

#31 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
watches the monster pass

Next, we have some PATERNITY TESTS to get to!

Hawk, who's my next guest?
#32 Posted by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

::tear rolls down cheek::

HE WAS ONLY A CHILD!

#33 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

My next guest is a mother who is trying to find out who the father of her children truly is....

#34 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
He was a once known as ML, then was a scarecrow, now he is the dark one DRIFTER.
#35 Posted by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

::applause::

#36 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

Welcome to the show, Drifter....

Now, I hear that you don't know whether or not your child is your own...

#37 Posted by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

::gasp::

#38 Edited by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

Well, the good news is..... WE HAVE THE RESULTS!!!!

The bad news... is that there are TWO OTHER CANDIDATES!!!

Please welcome one of the possible candidates.... HAWK!!!

#39 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"Welcome to the show, Drifter....

Now, I hear that you don't know whether or not your child is your own..."
Not a clue
#40 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio

ME!!!!!! Well I'll be a mother F...........

#41 Edited by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

::gasp::

#42 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

First off.... Drifter, can you tell us about your relationship with the mother?

#43 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"First off.... Drifter, can you tell us about your relationship with the mother?"
Yeah....

It's quite good
#44 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
TheDrifter said:
"Dr. Phil said:
"First off.... Drifter, can you tell us about your relationship with the mother?"
Yeah....

It's quite good"
So from your perspective, it's good?

Now, this doubt of who the child's father really is.... is that coming from YOU or from HER?
#45 Posted by AngryAudienceMember (56 posts) - - Show Bio

OOOOHHHHH!

#46 Posted by TheDrifter (26555 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"TheDrifter said:
"Dr. Phil said:
"First off.... Drifter, can you tell us about your relationship with the mother?"
Yeah....

It's quite good"
So from your perspective, it's good?

Now, this doubt of who the child's father really is.... is that coming from YOU or from HER?"
........................Me
#47 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio

I see....

Now HAWK, what's your take on this whole situation?

#48 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
Dr. Phil said:
"I see....

Now HAWK, what's your take on this whole situation?"
Man I don't know that girl....I ain't never seen that girl. That baby don't even look like me. I'm olive toned!! That baby is cream
#49 Posted by Dr. Phil (104 posts) - - Show Bio
Hawk said:
"Dr. Phil said:
"I see....

Now HAWK, what's your take on this whole situation?"
Man I don't know that girl....I ain't never seen that girl. That baby don't even look like me. I'm olive toned!! That baby is cream"
Then WHY would this woman have you as a possible candidate for the father of her child?
#50 Posted by Hawk (15833 posts) - - Show Bio
Man I don't know ......I got money! that;s why! She want's my money. Bring out the B!@tch I ain't got nothing to hide!