Rate the writing skills of RP'ers on the Vine!

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_Hawk_

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#3501  Edited By _Hawk_

@Diealog: Well do you like it? LMAO

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Fuchsia_Nightingale

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@Clara Mass: :O Cess Cess Cess !

FN's version of Yes ! chant :P

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shanana

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#3503  Edited By shanana

@_Hawk_ said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador: You are retarded good.....

-_-

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_Hawk_

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#3504  Edited By _Hawk_

@Ziccarra_Liafador: o.O? you are so confusing.

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Diealog

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#3505  Edited By Diealog

@Ziccarra_Liafador said:

@_Hawk_ said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador: You are retarded good.....

-_-

Down syndrome face?

@_Hawk_: Most def. only two things

1. did you mean to say pour or pure?

2. and you fell into a classic writers habit (One I'm also attempting to break), where you reiterate the same word within a paragraph, large being the somewhat over used word

Screw it! I want official, real talk reviews on my blog before the one I'm typing, I don't want any pussy footing, shoot me straight folks.

Jon Ballard event record, age: 14

The water splashes on the curb as a yellow school bus screeches at Jons' stop sign. the day was out, and he was ecstatic for the first time in his short life. The Sadie Hawkins dance was tonight, and three beautiful young girls had asked him out. But his crush was the third, and he couldn't believe she was attracted to his pale weakly form. He rarely even socialized, sitting alone during lunch and just drifting through his classes. The only thing that could sit on this trouble stricken boy's mind on this single day, was happiness that only a child could, and should enjoy completely.

Creeeek, smack!

The screen door snaps shut behind him as his mother snaps with it from her deep alcohol induced slumber, giving little Jon a look of disgust and hate reserved for the worst of enemies. "what did I tell you,hm?" She pulls out the coal shovel from the lit fireplace, Jon inches back slowly with his head bowed, "You-you said" He manages to squeek out in his fear, before she says "I told you" She lets the shovel roast over the burning wood while she speaks, the bit of metal beginning to glow reddish orange, "Not to slam the god damned door. I also told you, if you did it again, that I'd make sure you never would a third time." The bitter and over-aged woman wrinkles her already sagging face and pulls her pointer finger back towards herself, signaling for the boy to approach.

Jon was always scared, but he rarely, out of his own basic nature, ran from a fight or situation. His instinct was always fight over flight. He approaches and she jerks him around by his skinny wrist, bending him over her foot stool. She reels back her arm like she was holding a golf club and slams the hot shovel against his backside. "AHHHHH!!" The first scream is one of shock, the second, of unimaginable anger, the third.... paralyzing fear and pain. "Please stop pleasestop I'llneverdoitagain, I'llneverdoitagaaaainnn!!" His pleas and promises go unheard as they are drowned out each time by another smack to his backside.

One dimension to the left, just outside of sight

A blackened figure in a veil of shadows watches with earnest delight at the sight of a boy receiving a flogging by an evil old woman. A demon twists out of his shadow, beneath a cloak of darkness. "Master... the boy has not claimed himself yet...he can not take such punishment for much longer. She will break his spirit... M'ylord" The devilish man-god looked at the show for a while longer with a smirk creeping over his face, as though to savor the image. Finally he chokes the demon with one hand, "Never tell me my business, thing" He squeezes until it dissapears in a puff of smoke back to the underworld. He sits on the vacant dusty chair aside from the woman, where in her youth a strikingly handsome man once sat, with eyes like a snake. He leans over to her ear as she mercilessly beats the boy over and over again, "...Stephanie...this wasn't what we discussed..Pace yourself woman...or I'll take you as my new Persephone "

The woman stops with fear matching that of her torn and bleeding sons, snapping herself out of the shock, "G-go get your pajamas on and go to bed...hopefully you won't wake up" Jon runs to his room sobbing and bleeding. Hades strokes the womans' cheek, leaving an icy patch where his finger was, "Don't worry darling, your loyalty will be remembered in time"

Next: One Bad Day- A twisted Tale of dark beginnings

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_Hawk_

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#3506  Edited By _Hawk_

@Diealog said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador said:

@_Hawk_ said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador: You are retarded good.....

-_-

Down syndrome face?

@_Hawk_: Most def. only two things

1. did you mean to say pour or pure? F@#k

2. and you fell into a classic writers habit (One I'm also attempting to break), where you reiterate the same word within a paragraph, large being the somewhat over used word Dang I hate that.

Ccomments above. I told you I don't edit.

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_Radar_

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#3507  Edited By _Radar_

I Would love some constructive critizism on this Blog Post I Wrote. It details Radar's induction into the Vigilantes.

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter.

The repetitive moist noise of the freezing rain impacting along the long city scape, Of the dark grim Boston night.

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter.

Water. The Beginner of Lives, Sustenance incarnate. The gods would reward farmers with the bitter liquid.

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter.

Water is unique. It can bring lives, or destroy them. It can create the Muddiest and Dirties materials, Or it Can wash the filth away, Leaving a diamond.

Pitter Patter, Pitter Patter.

A Man dressed in a leather costume sits, Crouched onto a rooftop. That man is the brooding Vigilante known as Radar, Armed with a set of gadgetry. Many people hated him, They thought the local police were doing a fine job, Keeping the crime rates down, But Radar knew something in this city was aching. There was corruption a slap across the wrist couldn't do. Killing was never the answer, But working outside the law could be.

He sat and watched, Blending into the dark city scape, A pair of binoculars in his hand as he viewed three men standing by the trunk of a car. He watched

"Yo, Danny Did'ja get the stuff?" Said a fair haired man, He replied "Yeeah..."

From the car emerged a huge, Six foot tall man, Teaming with muscle. "Well spit'it out ya' d*ck." The man shook nervously. He was a drug runner for the east end Irish Mob, And his delivery was somewhat short of the quota. "Uhhh Bois, The The columbians may have shorted me.."

The boss erupted into anger, Grabbing the collar of the drug runner. "WHAT!?!? YOU YOU STUPID LITTLE SH*T STAIN!?!? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME!?!" He quickly dropped the frightened drug runner on the ground, Pacing back and forth, Back and forth, He said, Rubbing his greasy hair to his bodyguard."Get rid of this tool, While I Think of somethin' to do about dis' problem...." Quickly the thug got up and pulled out a huge bowie knife, Brandishing the weapon with a smirk

"Alright, I've seen enough!" Said the Aerodynamic Acrobat. He began running throughout the rooftops, Manipulating the environment to his advantage, Ducking and Jumping over the vast areas. His smooth movements were as if he was one with the pavement and steel that comprised the urban jungle.

He found spot from the building near the parking lot and with the flick of a button, Unspringed a pair of adamantium enforced tongfa. He held them in each hand as he leaped through the air, Finally he began looking around until he saw the mob boss. He cut through air like butter as his feet crashed into the Bosses's chest, He went sailing through the air and violently crashing and thrashing against the brick wall.

The Goon turned to him, He saw a challenge as his blade was raised, He rushed towards the masked soldier of the light, With a slash of the serrated blade, Whipping through the air, Radar ducked, And Back flipped upwards, Stunning the goon as his chin caved inwards. The Blood fell through like a river as the not-so-gentle giant collapsed to the ground temporarily. Just as the boss drew his M1911.45 Pistol, Firing a round at Radar, But his senses were so heightened, he saw it coming as he rolled out of the way. The Boss got to his feet and the bullets followed his trail with his Bullets as Radar leaped and ran across the parking lot, Ducking under and over cars, Eventually he jumped across a wall, Causing a bullet to ricochet into the leg of the boss, Finishing with radar landing on his arm, Smashing the bone in. He laughed, Climbing back to his domain, Waiting for someone to arrive to clean the mess up. He dusted the blood off of his shoulders, And watched for threats until he heard the sudden question of "Good night for a hero right?" He turned around and saw a crimson hooded figure, Standing next to him "Did you watch me that entire time?" He asked the mysterious crime fighter.

The stalker of the night replied "Who am I? I'm a man simply on a mission, I guess you could call me The Red Raider, the papers do. As for your second question, eh I watched enough of the end nice show." He began walking closer to Radar, Trying to examine the Hero who looked at him and said "Well then, Mr.Red Raider..What do you need?" Red Raider, Or Charles as he was known by those close to him said, Waving his hand in a joking manner "Please, Mr.Red Raider is my father." The joke somewhat cut the tension as Radar let out a laugh, Charles said "Well you and I are alike uhm...." His speech broke so that Red Raider could figure his name "I Call myself Radar, The people around here call me insane..." Red Raider Turned and looked at the city "Exactly, you see, the people don't understand what we do, so we're labeled numerous things insane, ridiculous, psychopaths. One I've come a cross of late, is the word Vigilante.." He turned back with a strong powerful demeanor "You do know what that words mean right Vigilante?" Radar said, In response "Why Yes I Do. Sometimes I Think of myself as such....Are you one?" He began to sit down, Watching as the police showed up to the scene. When he heard the light rain stop falling on the night, The sounds of Police sirens echoing. They were no doubt on they're way to clean up the mess.

Red Raider circled Daniel and answered "I am what the people need me to be, though my choices are not always the most popular everyone can bet their bottom dollar, it's the right one." His strong words captured the archetype of the modern vigilante... There was that word again, A Vigilante is one who operates above the law to the aid of society. "So I Ask Again Red Raider, What do you need me for?"Charles said to him, As if he was inviting Radar to something "It's quite simple, you see we both know there are some problems too big and too chaotic that we just can't solve it on our own. I mean think about, have you ever ended the night wishing that you had some one watching your back." Radar felt like he had this in his young ward, Kid Sonar, A Sidekick who just recently was shipped off to Nova Invicta, In hopes of learning more about protecting people. Still, He would Accompany Radar when he could. "I Do, He's my sidekick, His name's Dyl-I Mean Kid Sonar." He interrupted himself, He almost revealed the identity of his sidekick, That would've been a problem.

"I' talking about people experienced just as you are some even more. To be straight forward, I'm starting a group, a group of heroes that would watch out for one another, sometimes going above the law to do what's right. Vigilantes." Radar paused for a second. He needed someone to watch out for him, Hundreds of criminals were gunning him, He was a bullseye for those looking for "Street Cred." He was strong, But he couldn't handle them all. He thought it would work."I'm In..What else do you need me to do boss?" Raider smiled as a dropship could be seen in the distance. A Small device, A Communicator of sorts flew through the air, As Red Raider tossed it into the hands of Radar. "Nothing for now, except don't get killed. I'll contact you." Radar Smiled, A Jet flew down to a helipad as he put the contraption into his utility belt "Got it. Call me when you need me." He said. Finally Raider Climbed into the ship, "It's nice to have ya, you'll be a great asset." Radar replied in a low tone "Thanks." And Just as the Jet was about to leave he said, Before shutting the door"Oh and don't bring the kid." And within moments, The Crimson Crusader ripped through the sky and into the night

Radar smiled, Realizing he'd made a new ally, Possibly many. Something he was in short supply of.

Then he heard the police sirens, Realizing once again that the cops were coming to inspect the scene, He fled, Running across the rooftops again, His smile being brandished once again.

Pitter Patter.

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_Hawk_

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#3508  Edited By _Hawk_

@_Radar_: Radar.....why didn't I think of that freaking name......great name.

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Diealog

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#3509  Edited By Diealog

@_Hawk_ said:

@Diealog said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador said:

@_Hawk_ said:

@Ziccarra_Liafador: You are retarded good.....

-_-

Down syndrome face?

@_Hawk_: Most def. only two things

1. did you mean to say pour or pure? F@#k

2. and you fell into a classic writers habit (One I'm also attempting to break), where you reiterate the same word within a paragraph, large being the somewhat over used word Dang I hate that.

Ccomments above. I told you I don't edit.

lmao, you did it 3 times xD it's whatever though, I don't really get uptight about something so long as the point gets across, sh!t make up a word I don't care, long as the context makes it look good lol

Yeah, it's a b!tch

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_Hawk_

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#3510  Edited By _Hawk_

@Diealog: What's funny.....I really have no clue as to what the post says. Me and Mercy/Whisper talk about it. I usually post and based on the comments I'll decide to read it or not.

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Mercy_

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#3511  Edited By Mercy_

Hawk's a weirdo is what he's trying to say.

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Diealog

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#3512  Edited By Diealog

@_Hawk_: @Mercy_: weirdo Scared of himself lol

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@Ziccarra_Liafador: 6.5 Great post hun.

@_Hawk_: 5.5 I liked it a lot. I am not a Mr Mc grummpy butt.

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_Radar_

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#3514  Edited By _Radar_

@_Hawk_: Thanks Man lol, What did you think of the post?

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Diealog

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#3515  Edited By Diealog

@_Radar_ said:

@_Hawk_: Thanks Man lol, What did you think of the post?

He thought it was two late to read it XD

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_Radar_

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#3516  Edited By _Radar_

@Diealog: XD Yeah, Hope he gets back to me since I Need a little gauging.

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Diealog

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#3517  Edited By Diealog

@_Radar_: I would...but the previous post applies to me as well :P I'll read it again froma critics pov tomorrow for you

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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Border Control.

The Contessa of Tenerbraque In, stands at the base of a very large mountain range deep inside the heart of Russia. In her hands is a book of old world knowledge, long forgotten lore. The large ebony book is cracked open, as golden pages with glowing symbols of a dead language are read, by a talented sorceress. When she speaks her voice represents the very definition of control.

“En’gglfb… Rolash’pt Ghuu’n flagin’ht.” Her voice echoes off the rocky canvas of the mountain sides, like much a thunderous clamor. As the very Earth begins to quake from the awakening ritual, this woman has just performed. At the base of the mountains large cracks begin to form, from some… Thing, un-rooting itself from the underbelly of which has formed from eons of sleep. Its large this creature rivals the very mountain it has slumbered under for countless ages.

Naamah now stands at the edge of a precipice where a mountain once stood tall and proud. She gazes down into the lightless dank abyss. At first her golden orbs see nothing only the black vastness of voided space, that there appears to be no end. Then they came, crawling and slithering they came. All manner of soul soulless abominations of unspeakable horror sprouts upward towards the world of man. Naamah laughs wickedly, as she beckons The Voided Ones children join her cause.

Their eyes burning with a hatred of all things that, stand against the one that ushered them into this world. They come in waves of not tens, or hundreds, or even thousands, they swarm in the tens of thousands. Pouring out of this gaping wound in the earth, much like maggots pouring out of the gaping wound of a dead animal carcass as it reaches full rot well into the stages of decomposition.

Naamah takes a moment to notice them and they notice her as well, she pets the foul beasts with well-kept hands. Their shrieks are like sweet coos to a mothers ears as she watches them with vast adore. She signals them onward to meet the intruders at the gate, to give them a proper welcome into forbidden territory. They scurry, crawl, and ooze past their dark mistress showing no sign of relenting will or fear of death as they bring the fight to the enemies of Naamah, the enemies of Tenebrasque In.

Naamah is unsure how much time has passed by, while the seemingly endless flow of creatures pours from this dark place of foreboding dread. She watches as the last of the young ones make their escape from whence they came. They move with great haste, eagerly fleeing from their endless prison of earthy gloom.

The Contessa finally takes flight as she floats her body over the circumference of this hulk of a hole nested in this latent soil. Naamah’s aware of another creature at rest here, the one that bore the others. Gun’ Thorg’ Uni, the blameless they call this being of vast devastation.

Her beautiful slender frame lowers into the dark abyss, out of sight from the heavens above. Ever onward she ventures inward through immense tunnels of pure dread. Walls of stone-earth covered in the black filth of unworldly creation.

Even Naamah’s eyes which can see in pitch blackness have trouble breeching the dank void, as she keeps searching for he who shall not be chained. It is said that even the Elder Gods could not leash Gun’ Thorg’ Uni, so they sung him a lullaby to end his rending of their creation’s. They fallowed him from one end of the universe and finally stalked the beast to Earth and lay a trap for him. Naamah hopes the tales are exaggerated, she is also hoping that her Angelic voice will be enough to lull him back to sleep if she is wrong.

Finally her perseverance pays off as she comes to the sleeping Titan resting on a bed of stone far beneath the Earth’s crust. It is a sight unlike anything Naamah has ever bared witness to before, and possibly will again. She is standing before a creature so immense, that her entire body is only equal to the size of his skins pores.

She wonders if maybe coming to this place was a huge mistake for a moment considering her options. Naamah sits down and opens the book reading it again in its entirety. As the Titanic eyes of Gun’ Thorg’ Uni begun to stir. They open in blinks as he shakes out the rest of an eon long nap, then they start to focus on the glowing pages of the book named after him and the woman who holds it.

“Naamah the child of Elohim, the child of Uni’Makk, the child of Au, the grand child of Gun’ Thorg’ Uni… Myself. Knowing what you know of me… Whether it be fact or fiction, why seek me out, why wake me?”

Naamah is frozen like a deer in head lights, while she gazes back at his great unblinking eye seeing all of her for what she is, all she was, and all she ever will be. She starts to panic for a moment thinking “Oh Jesus… Maybe this wasn’t a good idea at all?” The eye of Gun’ Thorg’ Uni dilates, before she hears his voice again… And this time she realizes it is coming from within her very being as if he is speaking from her own soul.

“Naamah… Hush child… Do not wake me fully… I must sleep longer… The voice you hear in your mind now is only but a whisper of my full consciousness … My full consciousness will give rise to my dark lust and aggression, effectively causing me to hunger for a more… Shall we say destructive sense of purpose? I will devour your world, for it is as a tasty morsel of algae unto one as me. My beak longs for nourishment of a vast binging of this tasty marble you call Earth.”

Naamah slowly gets to her feet and starts to back away from the half sleeping Titan of destruction. She tries to keep her mind empty so not to stir him any further. “Don’t leave me yet child… I have something for you… Over there on the bookshelf.” Naamah watches as this mostly sleeping bodies, index finger on its giant sized hand points the way.

Naamah does as her great, great; great, great grandfather beckoned, and followed the long path to an enormous bookshelf. “The box that has your name scribed on its lid is yours… It is a golden box… One of many boxes, but only one of gold… Only one made for Naamah.”

Her eyes search for the golden box… There must be trillions of boxes and books of all different sizes, and creeds. Some look ancient and some look like they were pulled straight out of a Science Fiction novel. It is as if all time past present and future is stored in this place. Finally Naamah’s eyes pick up the glare of the glow from the golden box… She picks it up and reads the top. The box has Naamah engraved unto it in bold print, by an artistic hand. Naamah tries to open the box… She tries, and tries, and then tries some more, but the dang thing will not open. “That box…Will not open without a key.” Naamah looks around. “What key?” she thinks to herself. “That is for you to discover for yourself young one… Inside of that box contains everything you are, everything you once were, and everything you will ever become. Take it and go… Leave this place, and do not return.”

Naamah does as Gun’ Thorg’ Uni says for she knows it would be stupid not to, and arrogance has never been her downfall. “What have I done?” she thinks to herself, as she slowly and carefully takes her leave of this Titans tomb. “Don’t worry child… A being that sleeps for eons, rises very slowly perhaps you have broken the chain to wake a sleeping Destroyer of Worlds… Maybe we will see in an eon or so?” His words comfort her soul, and also send chills down her spine.

She turns her back to him, and starts to make the long trip back towards the surface. Setting off to exit where she came in, and as Naamah starts walking out of this huge chamber something strange happens. The golden box begins to glow brightly, drawing energy from the vast darkness within this place. Cleansing the location of the unworldly energies that flow so very heavy threw out this realm…This underground kingdom, of Gun’ Thorg’ Uni.

The Contessa arrives back on the flat-earth of the surface, and takes in a deep breath of fresh air. She decides it would be best to store this gift…The golden box in a safe place, so she returns to HQ. The trip back to HQ was uneventful as no one has of yet reached that far inland.

Once inside Naamah heads to her room, as she drops off this newly acquired artifact. What powers does it contain, her mind wonders at its knowledge. This box holds every detail of Naamah within its confines, which is messing with her head a little as she sets the thing into a safe place. “What does that mean exactly?” Naamah ask's herself as she sits on the edge of her bed staring at the nearby wall.

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EdwardWindsor

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#3519  Edited By EdwardWindsor

@Naamah_Obyzouth: Loved it 6-6.5 its pretty solid alround.

Last post for COP's

His body blurred fading in and out of view as he fought the masses around him. Ever moving in a state of perpetual vampire destruction. These vampires where not smart rushing in and using the same tactics as the ones before them. Their movements slow and predictable their force not much of a threat but the Prince of power was constantly aware that one lucky bite could end it all. They had the numbers , he would eventually tire. It was just a matter of how soon and if he's back up arrived first. Smashing his hammer like fist into one of the youngblood vampire he sent a shower of blood and teeth through the air. As the teeth flew through the air a flurry of strikes fell upon the toothless ones brethren. Edward swatted a pouncing vamp from the air with a devastating left hook ,pivoting from the hip a spinning elbow powered trough another of the young bitters. His spin giveing him momentum and using that momentum he whips an almost supersonic kick around the closest few vampires. As the champion lands a chorus of cracks are heard as the sound of the blows finally catches it source. A cold and slightly humoured voice speaks“We’ll just make ourselves comfortable here..but we really need you all to look over there.” Edward looked as the vampire mistress slammed at a button and the heavens erupted champions tower was ablaze.

In an instant Edward was re-galvanised his fists no longer throbbed he's body no longer tired adrenaline and anger filled his veins and he exploded from his the spot he stood swatting anything in his path.Grabbing at the vampire mistress throat with one hand he began to squeeze with the ferocity of angered python unrestrained he showered a barrage of hits on the the vampire with his free hand. Each blow a wrecking ball of pain propelled by jet like speed and furious anger. Edward screamed at the woman as he's assault barraged her " I will break and burn each of you for this you here me. Every single one." Drawing his sword with his free hand he swiped at the Mistress abdomen a subtle taste of the blue flamed blade to introduce her to new kinds of pain." You like draining the life from others , guess what i'am gonna do? the same to you except i will make it last longer than one of your frenzied feeding's i will draw the life from you so slowly you will beg for me to end it ,you f*cking hear me"

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@lazystudent: Thanks hun. I would rate yours but I don't think anyone cares around here what I think anyways.

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EdwardWindsor

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#3521  Edited By EdwardWindsor

@Naamah_Obyzouth: ppft anyone's opinion is helpful to me. And people who say otherwise are insane. Others can view my stuff more objectively than i can and thus they can help me improve.

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@lazystudent:

4.5 Because I have seen you do better, yes I do stalk people posts from time to time. ^__^

I also noticed a typo, which is not a big deal...

His body blurred fading in and out of view as he fought the masses around him. Ever moving in a state of perpetual vampire destruction. These vampires where not smart rushing in and using the same tactics as the ones before them. Their movements slow and predictable their force not much of a threat but the Prince of power was constantly aware that one lucky bite could end it all. They had the numbers , he would eventually tire. It was just a matter of how soon and if he's back up arrived first. Smashing his hammer like first into one of the youngblood vampire he sent a shower of blood and teeth through the air. As the teeth flew through the air a flurry of strikes fell upon the toothless ones brethren. Edward swatted a pouncing vamp from the air with a devastating left hook ,pivoting from the hip a spinning elbow powered trough another of the young bitters. His spin giveing him momentum and using that momentum he whips an almost supersonic kick around the closest few vampires. As the champion lands a chorus of cracks are heard as the sound of the blows finally catches it source. A cold and slightly humoured voice speaks“We’ll just make ourselves comfortable here..but we really need you all to look over there.” Edward looked as the vampire mistress slammed at a button and the heavens erupted champions tower was ablaze.

I'm not sure if the like or the first should not be there, but I am pretty sure something does not look right about that.

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#3523  Edited By EdwardWindsor

@Naamah_Obyzouth: its supposed to say fist lol . Good spot. and cheers any pointers?.

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_Radar_

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#3524  Edited By _Radar_

@Naamah_Obyzouth: Could I Get a bit of rating on my post? (See Previous page.

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@_Radar_: @lazystudent:

I will be back on later today, but for now I need some sleep. Good night peeps!

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EdwardWindsor

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#3526  Edited By EdwardWindsor

@Naamah_Obyzouth: night , cherers again for rating

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@_Radar_:

I would give you're post a 5 right off the bat, but its for personal reason's. It makes me think of the Rolling Stones which is awsome. All in all I would say it is a good solid read, and I enjoyed it. At the end of th day thats all that really matters to me. There were a few things that could be edited, but thats not really a big deal. And now I am going to post a video of what I am talking about.

Just replace the Chitter Chatter for Pitter Patter and it will make sense. LOL. I have ADHD afterall however so take it for what it is. At least I enjoyed the post. ^__^

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@Naamah_Obyzouth: 5.4

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Madam_Jade

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#3529  Edited By Madam_Jade

Serpent Rising (Blog Post)

White. All the eye could see was swallowed in a torrent of biting, frozen white. The winds howled, wiping away any chance one could have of seeing their hand in front of them. A figure arose from the icy winds, body rapped in a parka, nowhere near enough to protect them from the cold. She carried in her arms a wooden box, and trudged through the waist-deep snow, pausing every five steps to breathe. There was a lapse in the wind. Not much, just enough to make the traveler's surroundings clear. She looked to the mountain pass up ahead, a small stone building billowing smoke from its chimney. She kicked out the snow directly in front of her, but before she could take another step, she heard something over the wind, "Tsk, tsk, tsk..."

The traveler spun around to see her master standing before her in the trench she had dug for herself, winding all the way down the mountainside. He wore black robes which clashed with his long white hair. "You choose destruction to achieve your goals, even peaceful ones." said the master. He didn't seem to mind the cold, despite being even more poorly clad than her.

"The criticism is getting tiresome, old man." she hissed, continuing to force herself through the snow. The man simply laughed. "Stubbornness is not a trait of the strong, child." he said calmly, watching her labor through the banks of powder, "And why do you walk through the snow?"

The girl sighed angrily, "And what other options would I have?" She got her answer as her sempai casually strolled over the surface of the snow beside her, not sinking even an inch into the tall powder as he passed her by, walking with his arms folded behind his back towards the house. She simply watched in astonishment as he did. After a moment of rest, she continued.

By nightfall, the girl arrived at the steps of the house. Her teacher was waiting for her. Apparently, he had been standing there all this time, given how much snow was heaped on his shoulders. She groaned weakly and collapsed on the steps before her master. "You strive to make things harder than they should be, don't you?" he asked.

"Please..." the student sighed, "I haven't eaten in days... just let me go to bed without the lecture."

"Come now, don't you care what is in that box you walked all the way down to the village to retrieve, and carried all the way back?"

"Not particularly." she grumbled.

The master bent down and snatched the wooden box from her, helping her up to her feet. She pulled down her hood, revealing the young, slender face of a vengeful soul, draped in long, raven hair the same dismal shade as her heart. Her expression was listless and cold. The man held out the box. "You should." he said, opening the lid, "After all, how are we to eat... without the appropriate untensils?" Her eyes lit up as she looked down and saw the contents of the box, two pairs of chop sticks.

Inside, the two sat across from each other on the floor. She had done away with her damp, cold clothes. She wore only her black undershirt and pants. The undershirt had no sleeves, and one could easily see the furious red serpent etched into her young skin by old ink. The master and the student sat in silence and ate. He patiently lifted the noodles to his mouth and ate slowly while she ferociously devoured her food. He watched with a quaint smile on his face.

"Why do you laugh, sempai?" she asked bitterly.

"I enjoy laughing." he replied, continuing to eat.

"I don't."

The master wiped his lip and set his bowl on the ground. She looked down at the empty bowl, baffled as to how he had finished before her. He folded his hands and looked at her. "Why are you here, child?" the teacher asked. She drank the rest of her noodles and set down her bowl. She averted her eyes and answered plainly, "I wish to kill a man."

The master furrowed his brow. "Kill a man? For what reason?"

"Revenge." she answered in the same cold monotone.

The teacher recoiled as if the word had left a bitter taste in his mouth. "Revenge. That is an ugly word, child, and it represents something far uglier. Revenge has no place in the world. It destroys, not only the victim, but the vindicator."

"Perhaps I wish to destroy. Perhaps I don't care if I am destroyed as well."

"Your anger is poisoning you, child. What could one man do to infect your mind with such unwavering hunger for vengeance?"

"He could take everything from me." she snarled.

"And who is this man? Who have I been training you to kill all this time?"

The girl reached into her pocket and drew a tattered piece of yellowed paper. She unfolded it and looked with heavy heart at the image inscribed on it, then passed it to her teacher. He looked over the image, a drawing of chaotic dark inks laid to paper by painful memories. Together, the dashing lines formed the character of a man, clad in a jacket and mask. Across his chest were four straps, joining in a round crest with the symbol of an arrow on it, and over his back was slung a full quiver. His mask was featureless aside from the two eyes, and one of them was large, round and red. The red ink had been pressed to the paper with the grooves of the artist's own fingerprint. It was blood. "Ah..." the teacher said at last, "He has been here."

"What?!" the girl snapped, almost jumping to her feet.

"Yes. He arrived on my doorstep one year ago. He was far more disciplined than you, but he carried a heart just as heavy."

"What do you mean?"

"He confessed to me his story. Each word was painful to him. He said that he had become overwhelmed with remorse for his crimes. He wished for me to set him on the path to redemption. I taught him everything I could and sent him off to my colleague, Akube of Bandari for further guidance in his rebirth. After all, I am more a fighter than I am a spiritualist."

The calm was broken as the girl's bowl crashed against the stone wall, shattering. "Fool!" she cried, "You knew who he was, and you let him slip through your fingers!"

"He has changed. I told you--"

"He lied! He is a serpent, that's his way! A creature like him can't be redeemed. I know what he really is, and I will hunt him down whether you help me or not!"

The master was silent. He listened to her frantic, angry breathing. "What if you are wrong?" he whispered.

"What did you say?!" she bellowed.

"Perhaps he is not the monster you have cast him as in your mind, the soulless demon who stole from you everything you loved. Maybe it is time to let go of your hatred and allow yourself a happy life." he looked up at her solemnly as he said, "Maybe it is time to forgive."

The young girl stepped back from her teacher. She looked away and thought carefully, eyes closing determinedly as she reached her decision.

Standing on the snow just as he had shown her, the girl looked back at the old house and lifted the hood of her parka as it erupted into flames. She walked down the dark path, the house burning like a torch to light her way. She never looked back.

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CainPanell

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#3530  Edited By CainPanell

@Naamah_Obyzouth said:

@_Radar_:

I would give you're post a 5 right off the bat, but its for personal reason's. It makes me think of the Rolling Stones which is awsome. All in all I would say it is a good solid read, and I enjoyed it. At the end of th day thats all that really matters to me. There were a few things that could be edited, but thats not really a big deal. And now I am going to post a video of what I am talking about.

Just replace the Chitter Chatter for Pitter Patter and it will make sense. LOL. I have ADHD afterall however so take it for what it is. At least I enjoyed the post. ^__^

XD Thanks!

<------ Radar.

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@Fuchsia_Nightingale: Thanks again hun. I didn't post on yours because Hawk kind of said what I was thinking. It left me wanting more.

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#3532  Edited By FALLENprophet

@FALLENprophet said:

I wouldn't mind a rating on my first post in AOA as DS

A true hero is one that when faced with adversity or unfavorable odds still fights, because they know when the heroes fall is when humanity falls. A true hero goes beyond his limit because he believes the cause is greater than the pain. The Red Raider is to be believed to be a true hero.

Charles sat in his ‘indestructible’ customized automobile, it was one that was built for speed, yet built like a tank. It was immense in size, but inside it seemed to only have room enough for two. Charles was making his route through the city as he patrolled Martial City for any mischievous behavior, what Mr. St Cloud did not know was the problem he was about to face was no ordinary crime lord or villain, no far from that.

Just then a voice is heard inside the car, the voice was that of a robot that Charles built to help with his mission of cleaning the world of the scum that walked it. “Sir, there seems to meta human behavior causing havoc in the city.” Charles began to speak as though he wasn’t even going to let the voice finish it’s sentence, “LOCATION NOW!!!” the tone in his voice showed not only his determination in his mission, but it also showed how serious he was on the matter. “1st and Jameson,” The high-speed tank accelerated as The Red Raider slammed his foot on the gas pedal. “Be ill advised sir these are not common or amateur meta humans, there is at least three and each seem to be of Sha/Ninjan level or even of blood.” The bot continued to explain. “If I don’t stand up, no one else will.” Somehow even the bot understood this.

As the machine almost soared through the streets at unbelievable speeds, Charles spoke once again, “Begin downloading any valuable information on Sha or any other Ninjan’s on record.” “Understood Sir,” the bot replied quickly “Make sure the information is downloaded to my wristband so usable in combat.” “Yes sir, but don’t you think your machine is the best odds.” “No, it is not trust me.” Charles had already planned on how to use the mobile efficiently and effectively, also without he would also be able to use his other abilities such as sneaking, marksmanship, and improve fighting. He made countless sharp turns to arrive to the location all the while, the information was being downloaded. As he came to his final turn the info met 100% and his eyes caught sight of the chaotic beings destroying the city and its people. The mobile was reaching such a high speed that Charles almost lost control of the wheel. The Ninjans caught sight of the tank. Two of them were in air and confused a bit at the site, the other though was on ground destroying cars and sending buildings crumbling down from the center of the street. As Charlie was just a few feet away, the robot announced, “Sir now would be a good time to evade,” by this time the alien had focused on the car.

In a matter of seconds the car was going to hit the being, when slam the car was stopped the Ninjan using it’s power had stopped the car, though struggling she picked it up. The cars wheels still turning at high speeds. “Foolish human,” said the Ninjan. Charles pressed a button and ejected from the seat as he soared through the air, he began to whisper, “1…….2……..” The woman had heard it, just enough to know quickly what was going on. She threw the vehicle into the sky, but it went off several feet above her. The explosion was destructive, but worth it. It slammed the woman into the ground, she laid flat on the ground as her comrades caught sight of her wobbling to get up and fall back down, and their eyes seemed to go a bright red. The Red Raider then began the chase as he ran away from the scene into an alley. The Ninjans struggled behind. He rushed up the fire escape onto the buildings. “I’ve got to keep moving, keep them on their toes. The power they show is surely not one to be tested. I have the element of knowledge, I am the one really in control.” The Red Raider spoke to himself.

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@Madam_Jade: 5. I loved it.

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#3534  Edited By FALLENprophet

@Naamah_Obyzouth: rate mine?

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Naamah_Obyzouth

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@FALLENprophet: 4.5. I think it could be made better, But I really like it. I am just not sure yet, what is keeping it from being a 5 yet. I am tired at the moment that could be it.

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#3536  Edited By Akube

The strong African sun showered down on the blessed land of Bandari, amber fields swaying in the gentle breeze, the warm winds carrying into the jungles of the small nation. Ushundi, the capitol city of Bandari, was bustling, busy with work to do, sites to see and lives to be lived. Populated by people who had just recently been freed of endless suffering and impending death, the city was thriving, joyful and alive in the early morning.

People strolled the steps of the capitol building, venturing into the white stone edifice. Over the passageway were engraved in Latin the words, "Acquiritur Discordia", "Acquired by Strife".

On the top floor was the office of Akube Mahatu, President and founder of this nation. Despite his democratic position, many of his people still fondly referred to him as 'King Akube', regardless of how it vexed him. Still, they were simply showing their gratitude. He was beloved, but his popularity came with a price. In the last ten years, countless attempts had been made on his life. Fortunately, the dignified leader of Bandari doubled as its protector. The people of Bandari knew that he was the man behind the mask, but the rest of the world had been lead to believe that the man in black was merely Akube's bodyguard.

Akube worked diligently at his desk until Amala, his adviser, entered, draped in a kaftan, her hair rapped in fine cloth. Akube wore less traditional clothing, a tan short-sleeve dress shirt, a white undershirt, khakis and his bifocal sunglasses. His hat was rested on his desk. He glanced up from his work as he heard her come in. "What is it, Amala?" he asked.

"The Chief of Security is here to speak with you." she replied. Needing no further introduction, in strode a man with arms like trees, chest encased in a thick bulletproof vest. His green cargo pants were tucked into his combat boots and the hair was shaved completely from his head. He eyed Akube with eyes black as coal, yet filled with respect. This was Koba, leader of the nation's security force, an elite group that served in place of a formal military. They were assembled by Akube to compensate for the fact that he couldn't be in two places at once. They protected all of Bandari, and Akube trusted them with his life.

"Greetings, sir." Koba said politely, "I'm afraid some bad news has arisen, and as a matter of security, it seemed fitting that I be the one to tell you."

"Very well, then, Koba, what is the problem?" asked Akube.

"Last night, between midnight and one A.M. by our estimate, the three on-duty border attendants were murdered in their station. The attacker came from outside. I've ordered my people to patrol the borders in case this was the beginning of some form of attack, but no evidence has pointed to that."

"And what do you believe it is, Koba?"

"An attempt on your life, sir. So many assassins have failed, I now believe that they are playing at you psychologically. Of course, outsiders have no idea what you are capable of, and they have not yet learned to fear me." he clenched his gloved hand into a fist as he spoke.

"Stay on high alert, Koba, but don't rouse any panic among the people. I don't want another Burchek Street fiasco."

"Yes, sir." answered Koba, turning to leave just after Amala.

"Koba..." called Akube just as the soldier was about to leave.

"Yes?" he answered, looking over his shoulder before turning to face his leader once again.

"You know how I hate that weapon." said Akube, gesturing with his eyes down at the kukri sheathed at his waist.

"My apologies, sir." Koba replied with a nod, "But my orders are to protect you, to protect Bandari. If I fail in my duties, you may destroy our enemies however you wish."

"Not destroy, Koba." Akube stated firmly, "Never destroy."

"Very well." said Koba, turning once again and walking away, "Stay safe, Mr. Mahatu."

As Koba shut the door behind him, Akube sighed, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. He opened the bottom right drawer of his desk and peered down at the armored shirt he so often called his skin, reached into his pocket and took out the mask he so often called his face. He closed his eyes and thought of his childhood, of the parents he had left behind, the brother who never got a chance to grow up. He remembered everything that brought him to this moment, every memory that cried out for him to keep fighting, that told him there was a purpose to all this madness. The people needed a champion, he needed a persona that could fight back against everything from his past. In the end, everyone needed the man in black more than they needed Akube, even him.

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CainPanell

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#3537  Edited By CainPanell

@Akube: Solid Six! Great Sh*t!

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#3538  Edited By Surkit

@Akube: me and you need to have a team up at some point soon

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#3539  Edited By VictorGrey

I've never needed my things rated, but i'll get a second opinion, I chose a short one for obvious reasons.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His heart was beating out of his chest, he'd be lying if he said it didn't. Everyone here was either nervous, scared or both. Helena feared losing comrades, friends and family. The Son of War seemed nervous back at Trinity, and Victor is too. He was the weak link in the group, the mortal.

"Alright guys, it's now or never.Now then, let's go" Alceus spoke as he conjured a gateway portal to Athens. Victor wore his protective armour, and had been used to travelling through portals, but resistance was inevitable. His armour shook violently as he stepped through. He retracted his face mask and looked upon beautiful Athens, with its flaws from the Typhon War still left, but it stood like a tower never crumbling. The group approached Helena and the Son of Ares.

"Helena" Victor nodded to his niece, the hug he'd received from her made all the difference, it made him feel like he has family, family willing to listen, provide, love and help."Son of Ares" Victor nodded to the warrior to acknowledge him, the Son of War dressed in Spartan armour.

"Evening. I'm guessing your with the family" Bishop spoke, gaining Victor's attention. He'd been told by Alceus that a 'teammate' Bishop was going to be joining. "Hm... gonna guess that your Victor, Alceus told me about you, says your brothers. Honor to work with any blood of Alceus" the man raised his gauntlet, giving off a green glow, Victor firmly shook his hand and allowed the man to regain his composure. It seemed the Trinity members viewed Victor in Alceus' shadow. He can't blame them, they've known him, but he can't spend his whole life being a no-name. He was one of the heroes of the Crisis in Olympus, he was one of the big three. He'd sacrificed his immortality and powers both together to ensure victory for olympus. Now, he was about to do the next big dangerous thing, save the world.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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#3540  Edited By _Psy_

Maybe a rating on my first post in the Maze of Daedalus RPG, as Son of War.

North Korea, undisclosed location, three hours prior-

 
>"Where is he?! Where is the monster that did this?!"< an solider yelled. Several soldiers were backed to a wall. Their base had been raided, and nearly destroyed. Most of their men were killed. They were outside the main base, against the main wall. Only about six of the men were left. All had their rifles placed in front of them, aiming their weapons hoping to find the intruder in their sights. They were idiots....."Idiots..." the mercenary said to himself, watching them from atop the wall they thought would protect them. He drew his pistol from it's holster. BAM! BAM BAM BAM! BAM BAM! Six shots echoed. The soldiers all crumbled over each other, dead. "Easiest money I've ever made." Hector said to himself with a smile on his face. He leaped down from the wall, landing perfectly on his feet. He'd been hired by some Chinese politician to do this. Why? He didn't really give two cents as long as he got his money's worth. He searched the dead bodies, none of them had anything he wanted to take as a memento. "Hmph. It wasn't a memorable battle
No Caption Provided
anyways." He said. He looked up at the burning base, still smiling. Job well done. He took out his phone, dialing the number of his client... well, he started to dial it at least.
  
 
 

As he pressed the first few numbers, BOOM. Wind erupted from behind him. Dust blew through the air and the flames of the fires tumbled and extinguished themselves. Though Hector continued standing, his phone was blown out of his hand. "Great...him again..." Hector sighed, turning around. As the dust dissipated, Ares stood clad in standard Olympian armor. "Hello son." The god said, half smiling. Hector shook his head. "What do you want, father?" He crossed his arms. His father's abrupt entrances were annoying. "Want? I want nothing from you boy. I NEED something." Ares said, an irritated look forming on his face in reaction to his son's attitude. "-and you will give me what I need." "I suppose that's an order, not a request then?" Hector said, raising an eyebrow. "Don't get smart with me child." Ares snapped, though calming himself a little afterward. "Son... I need you to prove yourself." The God of War said, stepping closer to his son. Hector scoffed. "Prove myself? This isn't another attempt at getting me to do your job for you, is it? I'm not in the moo-" "Shut your mouth, this is different." Ares said, interrupting his son. 
   
 

Hector, though always disrespectful (Much like his father was to Zeus...) kept himself from speaking. "I need you to prove yourself. Not to me, to Olympus. I've had arrangements made." Hector uncrossed his arms. "What kind of arrangements? What have you done, father?" "Gods have been dying, Hector. Hades, Hera, Poseidon, Atlas... the list goes on. I'm not easily made nervous, but this is beyond me. Hector, in any rate it's a very strong possibility that I may die soon." Hector's eyes widened. He hadn't payed any notice to Olympus in centuries, but God's dying? "Father...?" "I've had it arranged that you become my replacement if I give will to becoming nothing as well." Hector shook his head and grabbed his father by the shoulders. "No...No father... please tell me this isn't-" "It is, Hector. I die, you fill the void I leave." Ares sighed to himself, such news not being among his usual duties to give. "Father... I'm not a God. I'm not meant for such a task." Hector said. He'd been living on Earth; he didn't want changes like this. This was just....He couldn't comprehend it. "Your a demigod, Hector, and soon in your life you will learn that makes you my better." Ares said, placing a hand on his son's shoulder. Hector broke contact with his father, falling into the wall behind him. This was.... this was too much. He wasn't meant for this. "Son... you must learn that you have my blood in you. I've already made my decision." Hector, shaking his head, looked up at his father.  
 
 
"You said something about a proving?" Ares smiled. "Yes. Come here, son. I will reveal it to you." Hector didn't like his father, but he trusted him. He walked closer to his father. Ares placed his large hand over Hector's skull, and everything went blank. Soon, Hector felt something... cold air. He opened his eyes and found himself standing next to his father is what felt like a cave. "This...this is the Labyrinth." "Yes, it is. You remember the myth?" "Yes.... Home of the Minotaur..." as Hector pronounced this, a roar was heard deeper in the cavern. Steps...thunderous steps were heard, stepping towards them. Hector was about to reach for his weapon, but Ares grabbed him. "Continue the story son." Hector looked at him, slowly releasing his hand. "One day, the Athenian hero... Theseus....a demigod." "Yes, do go on." The steps in the cavern sounded like they were getting closer. A figure formed in the shadows. "Theseus volunteered, coming to the Labyrinth to slay the beast.." As the figure loomed closer, another roar erupted from it and it fell forward. Revealed by the dim light was a grotesque creature....the minotaur....And it's attacker was a young, Greek man. It must of been Theseus. After moments of battle, Theseus emerged with the minotaur dead. Ares turned to Hector, and the world remade itself. After a minute or so, they were back at the Korean base, still burning. "The point I was trying to make; Someone with an awful amount of resources has taken refuge in the labyrinth, and is building an army. We collected champions to defeat this individual. This is the chance you'll need to prove yourself to the gods." Hector thought to himself about the situation......"Alright, father.... I hope you aren't sending me in there without something other than my little Earthly weapons, right?" Ares laughed out loud. "We will get you suited up, son. Do not worry." 
 

Athens, current time-

 

A golden portal opened, and two figures stepped out. Ares had indeed suited his son for battle. He wore Olympian armor, made from standard materials to keep them indestructible. At Hector's request, A large shield had been given to him. Fitting the Greek, albeit Spartan specific styling, it was huge and would be a wall between any and all creatures wishing to kill him. Two short swords were strapped to his waist, a belt of knives was around his armored chest, and he held a large, double sided spear in his hand. He hadn't abandoned his Earthly weapons completely, however. He had two pistols strapped to each of his lower legs, and a rifle on his back. All his firearms were readied, filled with hollow-point rounds tipped with adamantium for full effect. He wasn't used to wearing armor, but it did bring back his glory days in the Bronze Age. Father had informed
No Caption Provided
him of the other champions beforehand, so he wasn't surprised. Ares, stopping silently behind his son, let him go forward. Hector turned, and they shared a short stare before turning away from each other. Ares stepped back into the portal, leaving his son to prove himself.    Hector stepped towards the palace. He didn't know exactly what to expect from this venture...though he was sure he was going to end it the stronger for it. He had been told by his father of this "Helena" and that he was to meet her. Ares claimed he had already informed her beforehand that he would be tagging, but Hector didn't know about that......His father was always finding new ways to test him, and he shouldn't trust his words too often. Regardless, it was far too late to turn back. He was here and he was going, one way or another.
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Akube

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#3541  Edited By Akube

@shadowknight666 said:

@Akube: Solid Six! Great Sh*t!

Thanks, man!

@Surkit said:

@Akube: me and you need to have a team up at some point soon

Sounds good to me.

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shanana

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#3542  Edited By shanana

We need to change the "rating process" here

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deactivated-578ee3f81c5e1

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it could use a face lift.

@Akube: we'll set something up when it gets slower, and the plot won't be some cliched bs either. I got a couple of ideas

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Madam_Jade

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#3544  Edited By Madam_Jade

@Naamah_Obyzouth said:

@Madam_Jade: 5. I loved it.

^O^

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FALLENprophet

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#3545  Edited By FALLENprophet

@Ziccarra_Liafador: What did you have in mind?

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CharlotteJenks

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#3546  Edited By CharlotteJenks

Honest opinions, please.

The bare skin of the black-haired beauty was pale and flawless. Her lover lay draped across her abdomen, both of the women content in the midst of sleep, their hair having intertwined and their skin sliding against each other. They were the picture of contentment, at least until a brusque knocking sounded on the door. Startling Charlie out of sleep, she gently settled her lover on her side of the bed. Calling out towards the heavy wooden door of the bedroom she sounded equal parts sleepy and annoyed. "Who is it and what's so important?"

"Lady Charlotte, we've got an occurrence in the courtyard." She hated the title, but as head of security for the Lycans and all the formalities that went with her culture, it was one that the men and women under her command seemed intent on calling her.

Leaving her warm bed she slid her legs over the side and pulled on her specially fabricated suit, one afforded to the security officers of the Court that were created from unstable molecules and would disappear during a shift, only to appear as soon as they reverted back to human form. Leaving her mid-length blue-black hair free, she pulled on her boots and stepped to the door, opening it quickly. "What's the situation, Brett?"

The huge man stood 6'3 and was over 200 pounds of pure muscle. He was one of the best warriors that Charlotte had ever seen and one of the world's finest swordsmen. He was her best friend, closest confidante and her right hand man. "There's an apparent protest in the center of the main courtyard."

This notion was not unfounded. In the preceding years, a bit of a divide had taken place in the courts. Richard and William at the center of it. They were both of royal blood and both very different kinds of leader. Political games had ensued as individuals lobbied for who they wanted. It was a politics game for the nobles at court, but for those lower down on the totem pole, it was brutal and bloody. Barroom brawls and fights with each other in the middle of battle defending their grounds. It was detrimental to everybody.

"Who are they in support of?" She asked the question as she grabbed a gun with silver-alloy bullets. Not pure, but enough to put a lesser Lycan on their ass for possibly days.

"Greystroke. They've even come up with a name for themselves. The Greystroke Guard."

An incredulous look crossed her face as they began walking quickly, a sense of urgency imminent. "You've gotta be kidding me. The Greystroke..really?" Double-checking the ammo in her gun as they walked she was briefed on the situation, their numbers and capabilities and all other information. What wasn't mentioned was her affiliation with Richard. There had been one point, eons ago, where they'd been betrothed. He was of royal blood and the Jenks house was the purest bloodline there was in the Lycan world aside from royalty. It had made sense as a business transaction, but not as anything else.

In childhood and into adulthood, they had been best friends, but there had never been that spark. Partially because Charlotte was not into boys, but mostly just because they were friends first and foremost. This had been made clear to their parents, but bloodline came before all else in their world. It was not until Richard took his leave that Charlotte was allowed release from the betrothal. The battle that followed three weeks after he had left had been the one that'd damaged her. Unused to not having him by her side in battle, she'd left her flank open and been struck by silver. The diagonal scar across her left eye, which was surprisingly undamaged, would be her lifetime reminder of how good he'd been to her.

Standing on the edge of the courtyard, Brett used the shadows to his advantage and circled around the group of five men, Charlotte's gun in hand. Standing underneath the light afforded by one of the gas-lit street lamps, Charlotte addressed the men. "Stand down and disperse now or face the consequences."

A ruckus arose over them as they gathered their weapons. "Stop suppressing us! The House of Greystroke will not heed your orders, you stupid b!tch."

A feral growl escaped her lips as she narrowed her gaze on the men. "I am Lady Charlotte Jenks of House Jenks." Her uppercrust English accent made her sound every inch the lady she had been raised to be, her warrior's attitude...not so much. "You shame the house of Greystroke. You are now given one final warning. Go home. Bed your wives, drink your beer. Leave this place be. Let lying dogs rest."

She waited three minutes before one of them came at her with a sword. In the flash of a second she was jumping through the air towards him, her body completing a flawless transformation into a regal full-black wolf, the scar still there in her fur. Before any of them knew what was happening, her teeth were clenched around them, disabling and in two cases killing, when they fought back and struggled. It was a menagerie of skill and ferocious animal instinct all brought together into a beautifully macabre ballet.

A mere five minutes later, she transformed back into her human state, the only sign that anything had occurred the bodies on the ground and the blood that smeared her face. Wiping her hand across her mouth another small growl escaped her as she quelled her instinct to maim and savage. Looking across the courtyard to Brett her silver-blue eyes met his green ones, the corner of her mouth turning up in the semblance of a smirk. He somehow always forgot what she was capable of when it came down to it.

Jovially throwing an arm around his waist in the friendliest of manners they walked together beneath the moonlight. "I'm going home to my nice, warm bed. I suggest you do the same. Tomorrow will be a day for the history books." He gave her a friendly pat on the bum before sending her on her way home, back to her lady in wait.

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Mercy_

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#3547  Edited By Mercy_

Nobody T__T

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Tigerun et Lily

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@Mercy_ said:

Nobody T__T

mer

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.Longshot.

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#3549  Edited By .Longshot.
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_Zombie_

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#3550  Edited By _Zombie_

@.Longshot.: You pretty much already know my opinions. They're all greatly written, and some of the best stuff I've read.