"There's some things in life you just can't forget y'know? I mean it might be something nice, like meeting your future sweetheart or ridin' a bike without stabilisers. I'm not so lucky. This thing. This little niggling thing that I can't forget no matter what I do is stuck in there. Y'know if you think about it... It is kinda like ridin' a bike because you fall off and blood. Replace the falling off the bike with your family dying in front of you as a man with a face like frankenstein's monster, in the book that is, laughs as he grabs onto you and forces you to watch. You do keep the blood though.
The life of an ideal son wasn't a path I was taking, I was happy to lend my mum & dad a hand here & there but quite frankly their line of work was a piece of piss in my view. You walk into a cave, dig into crap with a shovel, find a old fashioned necklace. Easy as. Now that I think about it I probably would've walked down that path in life. Never really was interested in anything else. I was kicked out of school for bunking. No warning just called my mum in told her that there's a job centre in town that's your lot.
No matter how much I pissed them off though they showed me nothing but kindness. Always lending me a score if I wanted to go out or telling me about how they could give me a job. I took them up on that offer once in a while. The last time that happened shit went downhill fast. I already told you about my family dying di'n't I? Tidy. Yeah so I watched them die in front of me. That wasn't the worst thing that happened that day.
Y'see my parents clearly had no clue what they were doing, they probably thought they'd do the standard routine with the tiny hammers & shovels, get a few fancy jugs, pawn it for dosh. Standard. But then again you can't do the same thing over & over, it gets stale. So it's quite simple when I tell ya what happened. See this big bloke, fucking massive when I think about it small two stories house big. Used charcoal skin, white hair, war a dress like a pons. He took me. Told me that my parents had stumbled onto some magical crap. I couldn't care less but I wasn't in a place to be arguing. Wasn't just where he was big. Y'see he had me in literal hell. I mean the literal hell. Well not literal because it was Hades. So this big fucker all glowy eyed & shirtless staring me down bursts into this great big speech about 'pantheons' & 'fledgling godhood'. I'm still scared shitless bare in mind. So now I figured out he must be saying the magic stuff was summin' to do with becoming a god. So now that I'm thinking I've become a god I have this 'great idea'. Thinking myself bloody Dante's Inferno I run at the bloke expecting to be able to shoot lasers outta my eyes. Didn't turn out this way though. Split second. He pulls a massive fucking axe outta nowhere and impales me. Didn't die though. Can't die in Hell you just end up in Hell.
But! Here's the twist I didn't die when this arsehole took me to Hell, he just took me there. See he was used to either killing people on Earth with the axe or torturing dead people. Turns out Hades isn't used to having guests. So rather than dying and goin' to Hell again, I die for real. Turns out that I must have saved a nun or something down the line as they sent me to Heaven. But this axe was still in me & because of this magic crap they think I'm a god who's had some sort of an accident. That gives you a real sense of security don't it? Like being in a guillotine trick with a magician who says 'Third times the charm, I'll get it right this time'. I get sent to bloody Olympus, which may I tell you is pretty sweet.
I've had enough at this point though I have literally been through Hell trying to get home so I stride into this big park looking bit & I find this bloke who's just sitting down on a massive chair looking down on me. Turns out he was looking at this big arse axe stuck in me. So as the gentleman I am I yank it out & ask him if he wants it. He isn't having none of it though. He gets a bunch of literal angels to attack me with giant spears & scythes trying to lop off my head. Finally I snapped. I'd watched my family die in front of me, been stabbed with a glowing red axe by the devil himself & now I have these arseholes soming at me. I do the rational decision & fight back. Wasn't hard the axe did most of the work. I finally got to shoot those lasers I was talking about earlier they just cut through 'em. Then this big fucker appears. Literally was the definition of a knight in shining armor. Big scythe, big armour, big wings, probably had tiny nuts though. Now this axe is going crazy it's hacking away by itself as this bloke just knocks away. Then I let go of the axe. It keeps on chopping so I step forward & drop kick this twat. He falls & the axe cuts him up a treat.
Now after all this I decide I don't care any more, I don't want to try & kill the prick who set the dogs on me & I don't want to become a god. So I pick up my axe & while I was at it I decided to pick up the big bloke's scythe as a little reward. This axe suddenly decides to cut into the air & just as it does this magical portal appears with my house on the other side, of course I'm still bloody annoyed with what's going on so I decided that it couldn't be much worse if I stepped on through.
Bob's your uncle I was home. My life as I knew it was over so I decided that I should press on. I went to my dad's study where he had a beauty of a sword which he called a claymore so I thought to myself he won't be needing this. I on the other hand did. Y'see now I've got a new job, I'm an investigator. But my line of work is very specific, this big ol' axe & big slightly less ol' scythe are very good at killing monsters, I hunt demons. Well more specifically I'm a paranormal investigator, I hunt monsters & demons & cryptids & vampires & werewolves & all the other things you've always thought was made up.
Oh right, one last person to mention, my brother. I had a little brother. Six years me younger. Little shite he was. Always talking never stopped, the only way to stop him was to plant him in front of a tele. Even then when the programme was over he'd go on an hour afterwards about what he watched & the highs & lows. Fucking annoying. He died.
Before I forget me name's Dante. Dante Brody."
(Yes this is essentially in first person but I didn't see anything in the rules about this so nyeh! Also this is an intro to another character that I'm premiering on this account.)