I Got A Golden Ticket (RPG)

It was just another typical day in the life of Jason. He awoke to find an empty bottle of whiskey laying across his stomach and a dirty magazine stuck to his fingers. With a disgruntled attitude he knocks them both away and begins his morning rituals. Without the urge to brush his teeth or shave, he quickly jumps in and out of the shower, just long enough to rub his body axe spray all over him and take a few seconds of self gratification. Next he plops alone on his stained couch, the one with the metal cord poking him in the back, and spent the next half hour watching girl on girl action, on his horribly outdated VCR player. After watching the classic scene were the naughty librarian had to discipline the young cheerleader for an over drawn book, the kama sutra, Jason was aroused……again!

Instead of making a mad dash back to the shower, Jason reached deep into his wallet hoping to find enough money to afford a wild time with mistress Beulah. The 400 pound woman with a couple of nasty tricks she’s best known for. But with a shocked expression upon his face he was horrified to see he barely had enough money for a Taco Supreme! Immediately he screamed in agony, thinking about all the things he could have done with her, but eventually accepted his fate. But not one to throw the towel in so quickly, as opposed to all the times he runs away like a little girl in a fight, he began thinking of all the ways he could make some fast cash!

Naturally, his first thought was to hold up the liquor store down the street, an idea he’d played in his mind over and over, but the only problem was that was the place he shopped at the most. Besides, the old man that worked there was almost a father to him, or at least a creepy uncle who didn’t judge an alcoholic. So naturally that was out of the question. He then checked his answering machine, hoping to see if he had any job opportunity, but as always it was full of nothing but impatient bill collectors and irate women cursing him out and wishing he was dead. With no other options, he needed to fall back on the mother of all mothers way of making big money fast and cheap…….The Lottery!

After a quick second of putting on his Backstabber uniform under his street close, he ran out of his apartment and drove off towards the liquor store at top speed, blatantly ignoring the stop lights without fear, for the cops never drive by in his neighborhood. With a quick screeching of his brakes, he parks in a cloud of exhaust fumes and runs through the front door with both a smile and an erection. By instinct he heads straight for the location of cheap whiskey, a row commonly know as rot gut isle, but after a quick double take he remembers what he is here for!

With a thud he slams three dollars down on the counter and says to Joe, the old man that owns and works there, “Give me one of your best highest pay off lottery tickets, give me a ‘Golden Ticket!’” Reluctantly Joe, gets out of his chair to reach for a top shelf item as his joints snaps and crackles. He then rings it up, and hands the random eight numbered lottery ticket firmly in Jason’s hand. “Now remember,” Joe says as he plops back in to his chair, “the winning numbers will be announced tonight at 9:25, on the power-ball station, You could win up to twenty million dollars.” then finishes his sentence under his breath, “but if a perverted booze hound like yourself wins then there is no God, you good for nothing worthless loser.”

With a childhood glee Jason looks over the card, fantasizing over all that money he could possibly win, and even pictures himself making it rain over Beulah’s naked body lying in a tub of chocolate pudding. Immediately he begins to drool ever so slightly out of the left side of his mouth as he lets out a low sounding groan of pleasure. Suddenly he is jolted back to reality when he hears Joe shouting out loud, “Keep it in your pants fellow. I run a respectful place. And if you ain’t gonna buy anything else…GET THE HELL OUT!” Immediately Jason runs his fingers through his greasy slicked back hair and in an attempt not to look foolish he replies back “The only thing I need to keep in my pants is my….,” Unable to think of a quick comeback, sweat begins to generate from all over his body. Again Joe speaks up, wishing he had never met Jason before, and says anything he can to get him out of his store. Desperately trying not to show his contempt, he finally gets Jason to leave with, “and I got a good feeling you just might win this one, son!” at which point he vomits in his mouth. Upon hearing the word “son” in Jason’s delusional world he once again saw Joe as that father figure and threw him a bonding, finger-snap followed with a point, while saying “Thanks Pop, I’m due for a win”, and exited on a happy note. Inside Joe flipped him the bird, then curse his name with every curse word he could think of.

But back on the street it was late. So late, it was still early in the morning with the sky still dark and the street abandoned, except for the homeless bums sleeping off a night of booze in the alleys. Luckily Joe’s place was open twenty-four hours, and as a regular, Jason knew that. The biggest problem outside at a time like this, was the strong wind factor that could knock over a car if it hits it just right. But Jason wasn’t concerned with that. All he wanted was to get home, watch some more girl on girl action and pass the time away until the lottery winning numbers were reviled. Unfortunately at the exact moment he stepped outside, one of the notorious city breezes hit him and hit him hard. The wind, mixed with the sweat and hair jell all over his hands was just enough to dislodge his grip on the golden ticket and send it blowing away down the street. Immediately he chased after it, with the ticket always just out of reach. Eventually the card was getting away from him, gaining both speed and distance with every second, until it was almost out of sight. With his street clothes slowing him down, and his lottery ticket getting away, he quickly disrobed to the point he ripped them off his body. But with the time it took him to change, he lost sight of the ticket and now stood alone on a cold street dressed in red spandex and goggles. All he could do now was scream over and over “NOTAGAIN!”

@backstabber:

4T let out a sigh of depression as he rolled down the sidewalk, wandering around and waiting for something interesting to happen to him. It had gotten to the point where he'd resigned to thinking this wasn't going to be a day worth remembering at all. It'd been some time since Ivana had given him a mission, and he was trying to find something, anything, that would be enough to pass the time while he waited. What was it? Was it his awkwardness? Was it his clumsiness? Was Ivana jealous of his sick beats? For all the time he'd spent analyzing it and analyzing it again, 4T couldn't figure it out.

So there he was, a machine left to his own devices, only to find out he didn't actually have any. He'd wanted to make music, but his programmers had installed certain commands that always made him mess it up, either by playing the wrong note, or having a generally terrible tone, just so they could get a rise out of him whenever he tried. He'd also tried dancing, but for that they decided to upload the worst dances from the 70's instead of dances that could actually be considered cool. Those men could be described with very specific words in the English language, but I digress.

As the Hyper Bot traversed the city, failing to entertain himself, he sighed again, and began to do so over and over with increased volume each and every time, basically shouting his sighs until he saw it. A lottery ticket flying towards him, then right above his head, so shiny, and so inviting. 4T imagined it saying "Come. Fly with me, Gatinha!" He had no idea what that meant, having not yet downloaded the Portuguese language, but he imagined it was a good thing. He followed it back the way he had come from before, easily able to catch up with it, but unable to reach high enough to grab it. He tried to stretch his limbs enough to acquire the shiny treasure, but alas, he was simply too short. Finally the wind stopped blowing, and the lottery ticket fell to the ground. "Oooh, it's a lottery ticket!" 4T said. "I've got a feeling about this one, this one's a keeper! Ain't nobody gonna take this from me, no sirree! I feel bad for the sucker who payed for it just to lose it in the wind, though. Oh well, if they really cared about it, they would've protected it." 4T turned back the direction the ticket came from, and started shouting things like "Wooohooo!!!" or "I got a ticket, guys! Look, it's so shiny!" for everyone to hear. 4T was so loud, even an old man would have no trouble hearing him. Hopefully, that old man would handle this well. Probably not, though.

@ir1t-4t

By now the ticket was gone. Jason had spent so much time getting out of his civies that he had lost track of the golden ticket. Enraged, he began shouting out obscenities, cursing out every aspect of the day since he purchased it. He cursed the liquor store, the ticket, the strong wind and even his stupid civies that were slowing him down. The only thing he didn’t curse was himself, for in his eyes he was as close to perfection as it gets. But for now all he has is a wallet minus three dollars and a red spandex suit that rides up in the back. With little to no options left, he ran as fast as he could down the street in the direction the wind was blowing, praying over and over “Please let me find it, please let me find it” hoping that some higher power would forgive his previous transgressions and lend him a helping hand. But instead his path of redemption lead him to the path of a drunken hobo preaching about the end of the world and mans final fate.

The hobo was an elderly man, dressed in layers of rags with a “The End is Coming” sign and an overwhelming scent of cheap booze surrounding him. His eyes were blood shot and his skin dirtier than the clothes on his back. Except for his religious rants about Armageddon, he was a harmless individual down on his luck. But to Jason he was nothing, just another target for him to kill at his whim. The only things keeping him alive right now, was that no one was paying him to kill the bum and two he might know the location of “The Golden Ticket!” With an evil look in his eyes, Jason grabbed the bum by his collar and slammed him against the nearest wall, hard. Immediately a years worth of dust filled the air as he collided with the wall and after it dispersed, the bum began begging Jason for his very life. But with a slurred speech from the alcohol the only words he could clearly make out were “Hey buddy (belch) what did I ever do to you?”

But Jason was in no mood to hear anything from him other than the location of the ticket. Ignoring everything the bum was saying Jason harshly interrupted him and yelled “Shut up you worthless bag of bones. I’m going to ask this once and only once.” He then leans in closer to assert his dominance and continues “Where is my freaken lottery ticket. The one that just flew by here you dirty, filthy, smelly, worthless bum?” Again the hobo swore he had no knowledge of the ticket as well as pleading for his life, but all he really did was make Jason angrier. With no other choice, Jason punched the hobo hard as he could right in the gut, yelling “I’m only going to ask you one more time, Where is my freaken ticket?!” But instead of answering, the hobo’s stomach began to rumble from the punch and after a few second of gag reflexes, he vomited everything he had ever eaten… all over Jason’s bright red boots!

The smell alone was bad enough to make Jason gag and overwhelmed with the odor, he immediately dropped the bum back to the ground. “Oh man not my boots” Jason whined, “I loved these boots.” Tired of everything going wrong, Jason drew one of his guns, and pointed it down toward the hobo, shouting, “Oh, you are so dead. You have know idea how dead you are, but on a scale of one to ten you’re life is over at ten.” He then looks down at the hobo hoping to see him tremble with fear, but instead he sees a man ready to meet his fate. Because of this Jason continues to rant, “and just so’s ya know the ten side is the dead side, not the one, meaning you’re going to be deader than dead!” Fed up with all the talking, Jason aimed his gun right between the hobo’s eyes planning a head shot, sick and tired of all this foolish nonsense. But just as he was about to squeeze the trigger, he heard the sound of a robotic voice shouting “Wooohooo!!! I got a ticket, guys! Look, it’s so shiny!”

Immediately Jason thought to himself, ‘That lucky bastard’ then finally it clicked in his mind, ‘Wait that’s MY ticket!’ Immediately he kicked the bum with his vomit covered boot as pay back, then darted off towards the sound of the voice. As he ran, adrenaline pumped through his veins, pushing his ego forward. He was now more determined than ever to not only get his ticket back, but to kill the S.O.B. that took it. With one last sprint down the road, he made a mad dash into one of the streets darker alleys. Other than the moonlight from above there was no light, and no sign of vagrants either. It was littered side to side with discarded garbage piled next to an over flowing dumpster, tagged with local gang symbols. Except for the two adjacent roads, in front of and behind, the only other way out of the alley was the fire escape, along the wall of a cheap five story building complex, located in the middle of the town. But as he ran toward the corner, to reach the sound he was chasing, he found himself facing an opponent he had never met before. It wasn’t human. Not even human like, with two arms, two legs and a head. This ‘Thing’ was a robot of some kind, only a meter tall with a wheel base and one oddly looking eye.

When faced with such an oddity, Jason fell back to his fight or flight nature and gasped like a little girl. “Just, just what the hell are you?” he asked in a high pitched squeal. “Are you like something from Star Wars or Star Trek?” It was obvious he was shocked by the robots appearance even though the 4T design is less than intimidating, but still Jason saw something in his mind that he could not comprehend. Already Jason was backing away slowly, hoping to get out of the alley alive, when suddenly he noticed two very important things. The first was, there lying in the robot’s metal hand, illuminated by the full moonlight was the very lottery ticket he’d been pursuing. The other, and more important fact, was that in his hand was his 9mm locked and loaded ready to fire. In Jason’s world the gun was a game changer and with it, his ego was raised again. Now with more confidence he reengaged the robot with a more aggressive tone saying. “I don’t know what you are, you R2D2 looking turd, but that lottery ticket in your hand is MINE!” He then proceeded to spin his 9mm around his trigger finger, with surprisingly good talent, after which aiming it dead center of the robots frame. “Now me being the nice guy I am, I’m going to give you the opportunity to hand that ticket over no fuss, But if you don’t, me and my little friend here (he waves his gun around) are going to fill you with so many holes that you’ll look like……” he pauses, “something with a whole lot of holes in it!”

@backstabber:

Fame played in 4T's head as he danced gleefully, celebrating his new treasure, the Golden Ticket. He started half-humming, half-singing "Fame! I'm mmmm mmm mmmmm forever, mmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm FAME!" Holding that ticket, he'd felt the best he'd felt since... well, ever. In that moment, he felt an extreme sense of pride in his work, like he'd done some incredible thing. In reality, he'd chased down a piece of shiny paper, but reality isn't something 4T had a hold of most of the time. Ecstatic, he shouted "Woo! What a perfect day! I bet nothing bad and slash or undesirable could possibly happen to me in approximately two point four seconds."

But right on cue, in two point four seconds, Backstabber the merc found 4T, and started throwing racist Star Wars stereotypes around, and asserted that the ticket was his. And then after all that, this man had the audacity to fumble his quip! This is the beginning of an epic showdown, and this golden girl is tripping over his own words! 4T thought. Hiding how upset he was at the mishap, 4T offered a couple suggestions. "Swiss Cheese? A bowling ball? The plot of this RP? Nah, that one's prolly too prophetic to be funny now." While 4T was running his mouth, he was also assessing the battle about to come, looking for weaknesses in the old man's body, advantages to take from the battlefield, and possible strategies. Ultimately, he decided what he was going to do. Here's hoping he falls for it, 4T thought. He put a fist about where his mouth would be if he had one, and started to make artificial coughing noises, and let himself drop to the ground, almost falling on his face, but keeping himself up by his arms. His chest compartment opened, and its contents spilled out, (this included a red blanket, a shotgun, and some spherical grenades) and while he pretended to cough more violently than before, 4T grabbed his trusty shotgun off of the ground, pointed it at the oldie, and fired three shots.

@ir1t-4t

With a simple programing from the 4T unit, the alley came alive with the song “Fame”, soon the words “I’m gonna live forever” were resonating off every wall. It was disco! One of Jason’s true loves, and with it blaring around, he was able to get his groove back on. Soon his hips were moving side to side in a spastic motion, like an uncoordinated white man dancing to a sick beat. Still Jason was trying to get his inner freak on and in his world that’s all that mattered. That was until he remembered he had invested three of his hard earned dollars in a lottery ticket. In true Backstabber fashion, not wanting to waste bullets cause they ain’t cheap, he threatened the robot, with what he thought was a severe warning ending in the awkward phrase, “going to fill you with so many holes that you’ll look like……” he pauses, “something with a whole lot of holes in it!” Again Jason was never one for words, not being well educated, but he still felt he got his point across, and then some.

But instead the 4T unit did the one thing Jason hates more than anything and that is, making him look like a fool. In its own whimsical way the 4T replied back “Swiss Cheese? A bowling ball? The plot of this RP?” trying to finish Jason’s off centered sentence. But except for the phrase “The plot of this RP?” that left him scratching the back of his head with a “Huh?” sign hanging over him, everything the robot said was an insult! Enraged Jason pulled out his other 9mm and now with one in each hand reasserted his superiority. Unaware that the 4T was assessing the battle about to come, Jason began his tough talking saying things like, “You done messed up R2, I was gonna go easy on you, but you done signed your death….sur, surta,(having trouble pronouncing the word) certificate! and now I want my ticket back, And you have to Die!” Immediately Jason pulled back the hammer on both 9mm, giving off an intimidating clicking sound and threw out a few more curse words to drive his point home.

Then suddenly from nowhere the 4T began making a coughing sound as it drop to the ground, almost falling on its face. Jason had no idea what to make of it other than thinking, “I guess I must have scared the thing to death!” and was so proud of himself that he started doing his hip shaking dance again. Believing he was victorious, he moved in closer, reaching out for his golden ticket, when suddenly the 4T sprung back to life. In a flash it opened up its chest compartment and spilled out, a red blanket, a shotgun, and some spherical grenades, then while pretending to cough more violently, it grabbed the trusty shotgun off the ground, and fired off three very loud and dangerous shots.

Caught completely off guard, Jason turned and ran for his life, to the point he almost tripped over himself. In a rush he darted behind the only shelter in the alley, the overflowing garbage dumpster, positioned in the middle of the alley, along the right wall. In his rush for sanctuary, he jumped blindly, failing to notice he was now jumping into a pile of discarded diapers, over a week old. It smelt bad, worse than his boots, but at least it protected him from the 4T’s shots. By now the robot had fired off his third round, hitting the dumpster one inch away from Jason’s head, leaving a huge buckshot hole in it and Jason re-evaluating his ideals. But being the alcoholic, womanizing, bad hygiene, assassin he wants to be, his motivation was clear. He must once again own the Golden Ticket no matter what the cost maybe.

After a long deep breath, Jason kissed the tip of his guns and prepared for action. In one quick motion he poked his head out from behind the dumpster along with his two 9mm. In less than a second, with out even using his mutant abilities, aimed and fired off two perfect shots. The first from his left hand, aimed at the 4T’s one and only eye socket, hoping to blind the machine, or maybe even kill it. As for the gun in his right hand, it was aimed for the wrist area of the 4T’s hand holding the lottery ticket. It’s intent was to do anything from making it drop the ticket, to blowing its hand clean off. Either way he did not need to use his powers this time, for in his own right he is an amazing shot. Now with two echoing bangs, Jason began what would be the first step in reclaiming his prize! But not without a few well chosen words that would enhance the awesomeness of the situation “I warned ya R2! Now feel the power of the….tha, wait I got it THE DARKSIDE!” laughing at what he thought was an original joke.

@backstabber: "Wait a minute, how are you dancing?" 4T asked. "I was imagining that music! SYS!!!!" he said aloud to his systems AI ~Yes?~ she replied. "Was I imagining that music, or did I accidentally turn my music speakers on again?" The AI made various beeps and boops, and said ~Searching records. Memory located.

Fame played in 4T's head as he danced gleefully

You were correct. You were imagining the music. Perhaps he is a technopath.~ "No, I bet I know...... Are you a wizard?" 4T asked the old man.

Before he got his answer, the man started shooting at 4T, and being caught off-guard, he was only able to turn about an inch to the left, which caused the bullet aimed for his eye to hit 4T's adamantium armor right next to it, and shatter, with one chunk of the bullet hitting his lens, and making a small crack in it. The bullet aimed for his hand, however, hit dead-on, and caused him to drop the ticket onto the ground, though his adamantium build wouldn't be damaged by it. Quickly, 4T grabbed the red blanket off of the ground, and waved it over the ticket. "Ándale, ándale!" 4T shouted, challenging the Backstabber to come and claim his prize.

@ir1t-4t

With bullets flying everywhere it’s hard to keep track of everything. Jason was living in the moment, running off adrenaline. That’s why he had to take a mental double take, when he thought he heard the words “are you a wizard?” But Jason was sure of one thing and one thing only….he wanted his freaken lottery ticket back! So with a gun in each hand he fired of one shot from each gun. The first headed towards the robot’s only eye, hoping to blind it. The other aimed at the robot’s exposed wrist, specifically the one holding the ticket. But after the two shots were fired, Jason ducked his butt back behind the safety of the dumpster hoping and praying his shots hit the target. Only after the unmistakable sound of steel hitting steel, did he find the confidence to leave his shelter and step back into the street.

To his dismay, the 4T unit showed no signs of damage other than a small crack in it’s optical unit, that Jason was only able to see with the aide of his specialized goggles. Other than that, the robot was unharmed. Knowing that his shots hit, he could only conclude one thing, the robot is made of adamantium. Immediately he shouted, “Why the Hell is it that every freaken thing on the face of this Earth has adamantium. Seriously is it like falling out of the sky or something, I mean come on!” He then proceeded to do his upset dance which involved a whole lot of stomping and flailing of the arms.

After a full minute of his ranting and raving over his hatred of the unbreakable material, the 4T unit managed to gain back the attention of Jason by wildly waving the red blanket it once stored within it’s canister. More specifically the 4T was waving it close by it’s side, in a true matador fashion taunting Jason to charge forth like a bull. Then, just to raise the ante, the 4T unit revealed that it was waving it’s red blanket just above the Golden Ticket lying on the street just a few yards away from him, and just out of reach. Angered, Jason shouted to the robot, “So you expect..ME, ME, to run at you like a bull, again ME, The most awesomenessnessness assassin alive? You got a few screws loose in you’re battery department R2, cause there ain’t NOOOOO way I’m doing that!” But then he started thinking about it. If the 4T is encased in adamantium, it means regular bullets are useless against it. Therefore if his best chance at getting to the ticket is charging at it like a bull, then that’s what he needs to do!

By now the 4T was shouting in its robotic voice, “Ándale, ándale!” adding more flair to the situation, waiting at the far side of the alley for Jason to charge forth. Reluctantly, and with a lot of hesitation, Jason raised his guns to his head, with the shaft pointing up like two horns then leaned forward. He then began kicking up dirt with his legs while making loud bullish sounds, just to play the part. To be honest, he was looking like a complete and utter fool. In his head all he could think was ‘I hope Doberman doesn’t find out about this, cause if he does he’ll hold this over my head longer than when I hit on the transvestite!’ But now it was go time and after one loud “Snort” he started running forward.

As he ran, Jason kept running leaning over, leading with his head first. However, if you could see his face you would see him smiling, for he still had a trick up his sleeve. With each step forward he drew closer to the ticket and with each step forward he was creating a new trajectory. Using his mutant ability to alter such trajectories, he enhanced the projection or send off force, to make every step he took faster and stronger. By the time he was half way to the 4T unit, his speed had increased to the point he was now running over sixty miles an hour. With this burst of speed, he quickly darted under the red blanket, while cursing out the robot with some colorful obscenities. But more importantly he managed to pick up and reclaim his ticket that was lying on the street. For now Jason was victorious, still running down the street with his enhanced speed. As he ran, he proudly waved his ticket in the air yelling, “It’s mine all mine again! I’m gonna go home watch the lottery announcement and later claim my thousand dollars. No tens of thousand of dollars, no wait thousands and thousa…, oh Hell I’m just gonna win a butt load of money!” He was now running through the streets, heading for home, convinced his encounter with the robot was over and that he was the winner. Nothing was going to stop him now, no one or no thing. He was going home to do some heavy drinking and forget his shame of pretending to be of all things….a Bull!

@backstabber:

"Come back here!" 4T shouted at Backstabber "I'm going to destroy you if you don't give me that piece of paper whose value is completely both arbitrary and undetermined!" 4T thought about chasing after the elderly merc, and ultimately decided to do so, but not before swiftly tying the blanket he was previously taunting the old man with into a lasso. Quickly, IR1T-4T chased down Backstabber, twirled his trusty red blanket lasso in the air, saying "I don't know any Wonder Woman quotes, just give me the ticket back!" ~I cannot find one either,~ the systems A.I. said. ~I suppose our manufacturer could not be bothered to search for one long enough to find something useful~ While tossing the blanket lasso, attempting to grab Backstabber's neck, the killbot's main intelligence replied "Sys, quit being meta! We have a ticket to retrieve!"

Hoping to pull Backstabber to the ground with his lasso, 4T followed up the attempted lasso takedown by grabbing the ticket, and readying a grenade, which he'd toss behind him at the Backstabber as he rolled away at a safe distance, and played joyful music from his internal music speakers for all to hear. While dancing, 4T shouted at Backstabber, "By the way, I might not've went through character development for my Adamantium, but at least it makes sense I have it, since it came form a super-secret government stash in... Wait, I didn't say that! Definitely didn't say that!" ~You did, but it doesn't matter, since we don't care about America anymore~ the Systems A.I. said. "Shhhhhh!!!! Sys, we'll lose fans if you let unpatriotic things like that out!" 4T responded to himself.

@ir1t-4t

With great joy Jason ran down the street, still humming along to the tune of the song Fame. There was a distinct pep in his step to the point he even slowed down long enough to do a failed attempt at a bad @ss strut, which to him was spot on. He was happy now, happy without the use of drugs or alcohol, mainly because in his world he had beaten the menacing robot and claimed his prize. The Golden ticket! He was less than three miles from his P.O.S. apartment, running against the wind, with the ticket held high above his head, flapping like a make shift cape. All ready he was thinking about how he would spend the money if he won, with ninety percent of it going specifically to party supplies. But as he ran away he heard the oh too familiar sounds of the 4T unit shouting from behind. But no matter what the droid said, Jason ignored it completely, assuming that it was either some apology or a praise to how awesome the Backstabber was. But the fact was in his world he was done with the thing and ready to tell anyone who would listen how he had beaten the, as he now would describe it, ten foot tall killer-bot with laser eyes and four deadly clamping arms.

But as he ran along, oblivious to everything but himself, he was completely caught off guard to the 4T’s actions. Suddenly a red rope like material wrapped around his neck, snapping him back like a fisherman reeling in a fish from a lake. For a second Jason’s body flung back with his arms and legs flailing around. Finally his whole body was snapped back to the ground, with his head hitting the pavement first and his body falling right behind. He was now unconscious with the wind knocked out of him. He was destined to lie there, dead to the world, until his advanced healing factor kicked back in and woke him up. But while out, the 4T unit took full advantage of the situation and quickly reclaimed the ticket for itself and rolled away listening to a newer and different beat, while apparently arguing with itself.

Immediately Jason woke up, gasping for air as he sat up in the middle of the street with double vision, but quickly returning to normal. As he gathered his composure, he made a quick spot check to see if his head was still bleeding, followed by are both his nuts still there, and finally where is his precious ticket. But just as he finished checking his priorities, a whistling sound came raining down from above. In the 4T’s escape, it tossed behind one deadly and functioning hand grenade that fell right into Jason’s lap! “Holy, holy, holy, holy crap!” he exclaimed, from the sheer shock of being in that situation, and immediately began bouncing it in his hands like a hot potato. But in this rare occasion of not giving in to his panic, he grasped the grenade tightly with both hands. Then, after a very quick, ‘please don’t let me die’ he began using his mutant control over trajectories to save his life. At the moment of detonation, he altered all the points of impact from the grenades fragments to hit as soft and painless as could be. Therefore it was the equivalence of being pelted by hundreds and hundreds of cotton balls all over his body.

Beyond happy with himself for not getting blown apart, and forced to live through the pain of regenerating, he forgot to consider the massive amount of dust and smoke still created from the explosion. Although unharmed, his entire front frame was now saturated in layers of black soot, much like black face paint with the whites of his eyes peering out from beneath. Despite the embarrassment of the situation the smoke did manage to cover the odor of the vomit on his boots, so once again, he was thinking ‘Winner!’ Then, it finally dawned on him, "MY TICKET IS MISSING!" But just before a frantic search on and around him, he heard the irritating sound of the 4T unit declaring, “By the way, I might not’ve went through character development for my Adamantium, but at least it makes sense I have it, since it came from a super-secret government stash in… ” At this point Jason couldn’t care less about the adamantium all he wanted was his freaken ticket back, and he wanted it back NOW!

Quickly he grabbed the largest chunk of shrapnel next to him and with a flick of his wrist launched it outwards towards the robots direction. Using his mutant ability to alter trajectories, he aimed the shrapnel at a very specific point. With full knowledge that the thing was made of adamantium, it would seem prudent to stop the machine rather than keep attacking. Therefore in one toss he aimed the shrapnel directly at the point under the 4T’s chassis, and just above its wheel. If it hit accurately, it would lodge between the two, putting a stop to the 4T’s wheel from spinning and hopefully force it to fall flat on its face. If Jason was lucky enough to pull that off, he then would naturally run up to it, reclaim the ticket for himself and proceed to make his get away at top speed before the robot knew what happened. Of course, this all depended on a thousand to one shot, but with Jason’s special power, his shot was as good as gold. Well not like gold as in the Golden Ticket, but you get the idea.

@backstabber:

"Woohoo!" 4T shouted as he started to roll off with the Golden Ticket. "Sys, are there any Willy Wonka references that aren't way too obvious for this situation?" he asked his systems A.I. ~Evaluating... Negative~ she replied. "Figures." 4T rolled off into the proverbial sunset, when suddenly, a chunk of shrapnel flew towards 4T perfectly to wedge itself between his wheel and his chassis, causing his wheel to lock up under him. Due to the high speeds he was rolling away to exit the scene, the immediate ceasing of the turning of his wheel caused him to flip over and bounce on his head for several meters, nearly making him lose his grasp on the ticket.

Finally, he landed upside down, with his flat head on the ground, and his wheel sticking up in the air. "Curse my Bond Villain Stupidity! Uh... not that I'm a villain or anything..." the killbot remarked. Seeing Backstabber run towards him to try to grab the ticket, he quickly opened his chest compartment, tossed the ticket inside, and closed the compartment to prevent the mercenary from acquiring the ticket. As the old man neared, 4T realized he had left his shotgun in the alley. Having no weapons at hand, and unable to think of any other options, 4T wildly clawed at Backstabber, attempting to initiate a cat fight, which would look exactly as childish as you'd think it would.

@ir1t-4t:

With one well aimed throw, Jason stopped the robot dead in its tracks. From the moment it lodged between the 4T’s wheel and chassis, it fell down flat on its face skidding hard across the pavement for a few good feet, before coming to a stop under a dim lit street light. The trail behind it was now a waist land as the 4T’s adamatium shell tore across the gravel leaving a trail of scratches and skid marks in its wake. But the point was, now it was down, giving Jason the upper hand. With glee, and a failed attempt at swag, he made his way in closer convinced the fight was over. Even as the 4T unit was saying "Curse my Bond Villain Stupidity! Uh... not that I'm a villain or anything…" as it tried getting back up on its one wheel, all Backstabber heard was “Oh please all great and mighty Backstabber who is by far the number one, baddest, most Mo-Foing, awesomeness assassin of all time, please take the ticket and spare my so called life. Even though you are the greatest trained killer alive and I should surely die for upsetting you!” But then, just as Jason was getting closer to it, it quickly opened its chest compartment and tossed the ticket inside, sealing it within it’s own frame. Then in a comedic attempt to protect the ticket and it’s self, it wildly clawed at him, attempting to initiate a cat fight, which would look exactly as childish as you'd think it would.

Immediately Jason came to a screeching halt just out of the 4T’s reach, both angered and confused over what to do next. On one hand, the fight just got harder now that the ticket was inside the darn robot, and on the second hand, that thing was swinging like a girl. With mixed emotions Jason shouted, “Oh Hell No! The backstabber doesn’t fight sissies, well not unless paid to or turned on by it,but as a rule I don’t.” But then, just as it was back in the alley when the 4T taunted him with the red blanket, if he wanted his ticket back, he had to get closer to the droid. But this time he smiled as he raised his fists up ready to pound on the robot, for this time he felt he had the upper hand. As the 4T continued to swing wildly, clawing through the air, Jason watched and learned using his mutant abilities. With each dainty stroke Jason was able to not only predict the next attack, but have full knowledge on how to block it! For him it would be all to easy to defeat his enemy.

With a cocky attitude he moved into striking distance, but not until after another failed attempt at a catch phrase. Instead of something intimidating or even whimsical, the best he could come up with was. “Okay R2, you’re as dead as...um....doo-doo!” Immediately he engaged in hand to hand combat, matching the 4T’s delicate style of fighting with his own raw in your face stile. There was no finesse to his action just a move and hit hard technique that with every move got him closer to his goal. Should the 4T try to swipe downwards, Jason retaliated with an upward thrust. Should the 4T try to scratch the eyes, Jason would block with a raised palm extending outwards. It was much like a freckle faced girl fighting a trained bully twice her age. But in the end, Jason reached his goal. After a few brief minutes of unorthodox fighting, he finally made his way through the 4T’s defenses and found himself looking the robot eyes to eye. It was then at this close range, he pulled out his 9mm with his right hand and held it to the 4T’s weak spot, it’s eye! It was a game changing moment and Jason knew it well. He was now pumped up riding high on the adrenaline, and even chose to try his hand in another whimsical phrase. As he cocked back the hammer he boasted, “We who are about to die salut…..wait a minute that’s not right, Oh well never mind, You’re DEAD!” Then pulled the trigger. But instead of a Bang or Pow or even a Boom, all he heard was a Click, his gun had jammed, and at the worst possible moment. In anger he yelled, “No damn it, Not again. I got to stop buying my guns on E-Bay!” as he immediately threw a fit of biblical proportions. But a midst the embarrassment of his temper tantrum, he suddenly remembered where he was, and who he was with. Now caught dead to rights at the whim of the 4T all he could say was, “You know I was just kidding about the whole You’re Dead thing, ffffffffffff, friend?????!”

@backstabber:

It may have been a lapse of judgement, but when 4T began clawing at Backstabber like a sissy, he was expecting the merc to do the same, so when Backstabber fought back with actual skill, it caught him totally off guard, leaving him entirely defenseless on the ground, still upside-down with his flat head being on the ground instead of his wheel. The failure on 4T's part to use good strategy gave Backstabber exactly the opening he needed to stick his gun right in the Hyper Bot's eye. "I-I-I-I'm not s-s-scared. D-d-do your worst, villain." Said the Killbot, and try as he might, he couldn't hide his terror from the mercenary that tripped over his words. ~I'd just like to point out that we're actually the ones who stole the ticket, and thus we're actually the villains in this story~ Said Sys. ~Your trope quip was much more appropriate than you realized~ "That's great, Sys." 4T replied, "I'd love to hear the rest of the nuances of this story when I'm not ABOUT TO DIE!"

Just then, the mercenary made the decision to end it. But it seemed that was never his choice to begin with. As fate would have it, Backstabber's gun jammed, saving the Killbot's mechanical life from the scrapyard, or at least from months in a repair ward. "Woohoo, I'm a fan favorite! I knew the producers wouldn't kill me off!" said the Hyper Bot. "Wait... Did you say you'd be my... friend? Really?! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BEST DAY EVER!!!!!" 4T pushed himself up off of the ground, and tried to roll around in circles to dance, but fell over again with the shrapnel still stuck in his chassis. Tumbling his frame over on the ground, 4T retrieved the ticket from his chest compartment. "Here, I don't need this anymore. I was hoping to buy a friend with the money, but now I already have one!" Blissfully and ignorantly, 4T handed the Golden Ticket to Backstabber, as if this wasn't the person who almost killed him, whose only prior interest was in the potential money 4T was now relinquishing.

@ir1t-4t

With his target dead in sight, Jason pulled the trigger, and nothing happened. His gun had jammed, and at the worst possible moment. He was enraged, he was outraged, and now all he could do was yell. “No damn it, Not again. I’ve got to stop buying my guns on E-Bay!” Immediately he began flailing his arms in anger, cursing out loud like he always does, while stomping his feet upon the pavement. He was completely oblivious to all other facts, including where he was and who he was with, that was until he heard the 4T exclaim behind him, “Woohoo, I’m a fan favorite! I knew the producers wouldn’t kill me off!”. Those simple words, but confusing to Backstabber, were enough to jolt him back to reality and the unpleasant situation he was in. He was now a sitting duck, lying helpless in front of the 4T unit, subject to it’s very whim. Jason knew he was in deep trouble, as his body began shaking out of fear. He was out of luck and options, and the only chance left was to lie through his teeth. Gathering up every bit of fake sincerity he could muster, he looks the 4T in its eye and mumbles the words, “You know I was just kidding about the whole You’re Dead thing, ffffffffffff, friend?????!”

Jason had no idea what was coming next. Perhaps the 4T would kill him with a laser blast, or slice him in half with an adamantium blade. But more likely it would initiate some stupid act, that would look foolish as well as trying to suck him into it, like a hula dance competition. Either way, Jason knew he was in deep, deep trouble. Eventually, the strain of waiting became too much for him to handle, so like a coward, he closed his eyes and quietly whimpered. But never in his wildest dreams did he expect to hear the 4T say, “Wait… Did you say you’d be my… friend? Really?! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BEST DAY EVER!!!!!” Immediately Jason opened his eyes wide, surprise to see a more friendly robot than the one he had previously been fighting, lying before him. In fact instead of attacking, the 4T retrieved the ticket from his chest compartment and handed it over.. “Here, I don’t need this anymore.” It declared, “I was hoping to buy a friend with the money, but now I already have one!”

Once again Jason was in awe, not really sure what to do or say next. He quickly, of course, reclaimed the ticket for himself, but as he looked down upon the so called, puppy dog eyed robot he was just fighting, so happy, he was speechless. Internally he was screaming “kick the darn thing to the curb and get back to watching some girl on girl action,” but for some unknown reason he saw a kindred spirit in the thing. After all, all of Jason’s friendships began with them shooting at him for some reason or another. So against better judgment, he removed the shrapnel from under the 4T’s chassis, allowing it to stand on its own. He then in an awkward attempt to be friendly, he said, “Ya ya, your my (he then vomits in his mouth) friend. In fact you can come back to my place and together we can watch the lottery announcements together and see if we win. And just ta shows you I’m a nice fella, we can split the winnings sixty-fou……eight….ninety to one.” He then grits his teeth, at the thought, of the word “pal!” But as the two walked off into the sunrise, Jason’s mind was already contemplating the usefulness of his new friend, in criminal activities “So tell me pal, can you hack into like ATM machines or scan credit cards?” In Jason’s limited world, there was only one thing worth more than money and with that in mind, he moved in closer to the 4T unit, almost to the point he had his arm around it, Then in a smooth like tone he asked, “and out of curiosity, are you by any chance a………………pleasure bot???????”

Hours Later at Jason’s Apartment:

Among a room littered with empty whiskey bottles and skin magazines, Jason plopped down upon his sofa with his new friend. In front of them, an old black and white TV with two bent antennas poking out from behind. As a generous host, he offered the 4T his choice of cold pizza or cheese doodles, he picked up from between the sofa cushions, then wiped off on his legs. Finally after what seemed hours of waiting, the local lottery numbers were being announced. “Here it is,” Jason exclaimed “The moment we’ve been waiting for.” Already he was sweating, while holding the ticket up with shaky hands while saying a silent prayer. Meanwhile, the young vivacious lady on the screen announced “Now as for the big winning number the first four, of the eight numbers are 4…3…6…8” Immediately Jason jumped from his seat shouting “We got the same. We’re just four numbers away from being millionaires!” By now, the vein on his neck was throbbing as he tried using the Jedi mind trick to make the news lady say his next four numbers, “Come on lady just say 3,5,2,2, and I’ll buy you whatever you want.” The next few seconds were the longest in Jason’s history, but after a few and unrelenting butt clinching moments, the news lady said “and the last four are, 3…5…2….and (she pauses for what seems an eternity) the last number is a 2!”

Immediately Jason dropped to his knees kissing the ticket screaming “WE WON! WE’RE MILLIONAIRES! WE NEVER HAVE TO WORK ANOTHER DAY IN OUR LIVES! WE ARE MOTHER FREAKEN RICH! WOOHOO!” Over come with the thrill of finally having a substantial amount of money, he begins thrashing his apartment. First he smashes his naked woman lamp yelling, “Don’t need that any more because now I can by twenty of them.” He then shoots holes through his refrigerator yelling “and I don’t need you any more either, Now I can pay butlers to keep my food cold. I tell ya 4T I have never been happier than I am now. You and me buddy are in for the good life.” But, just before he was about to smash his P.O.S. TV into a million pieces, a quick breaking news report flashed on the screen. A professional news man dressed in a fancy suit and a bad toupee, began his speech with a quick cough followed by, “This just in. The financiers of the Golden Lottery ticket franchise have just filed for bankruptcy. That is right, the once phenomenal and world changing lottery corporation has now officially gone broke. My heart goes out to all those men and women whom have invested in their ticket and more specifically, the holder of ticket number 43683522. All I can say is, our hearts and prayers are with them.” What happened next, was one of the largest fits of tears and anger, as Jason released his emotions, ending with him crying in a puddle of milk leaking from his fridge, followed by, his all to over used phrase “Freaken Jerks!” But just as all hope was lost he noticed an old bag of marijuana that he had stuffed in the naked woman lamp, now broken on the floor, and thought to himself “WINNING!” He then proceeded to roll himself a fatty as he turned to his friend and asked “Got a light?” It was if he had already forgotten the days events and fell back into his own interests, His own self gratification!

@backstabber:

"Any split's fine with me," 4T replied "I kinda just thought you were just gonna take the money and run." In response, the Systems A.I. stated ~Playing Take the Money and Run by the Steve Miller Band~ and began to play the song from 4T's music speakers."Sys, wait!" the personality A.I. replied. "Fine, I'll just go with it." The assassin Backstabber began to ask questions about the killbot, and it responded "Hacking? No, I was made for combat. Not much else. Pleasure bot? What do you mean?" ~He means sexual pleasure~ "Aaaaaah!" 4T shrunk back from Backstabber for a bit "Why does everyone wanna violate me? My beauty is a curse!"

At Backstabber's apartment, 4T would've likely been utterly repulsed if he were in tune with human culture. Luckily, he wasn't, so he simply assumed Jason's lifestyle was a typical one. 4T took a few cheese doodles, and threw them into his chest compartment, where they ground up between some gears in the ammo generator. "Mmm, cheeeese." 4T said. The ammo generation wouldn't be affected by this, being made very resilient, but it still wasn't a good idea for the killbot, nor did it make much sense on the surface. 4T simply did this to act as if he was eating, in an attempt to fit in with humans. The reading of the numbers began, and 4T became increasingly ecstatic, hoping, likely in vain, that he'd soon be rich. The tension of the waiting was almost as bad when he waited to get a voice during his development. Now that he had one, he was using it to say things like "Big money" and "Gimme cash, or gimme a rash!" as if he was just like a ten year old who hadn't been taught all of the works of Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and many other great authors throughout history. And he had definitely been taught those things. With each number read, his excitement grew, and his nervousness spiked to match it until finally the last 2 was read, and he began to rejoice. Sys began playing music to celebrate the momentous occasion, and 4T danced as terribly and as sporadically as he possibly could. He danced non-stop, not even noticing Jason trashing the place, until the news broke that the Golden Ticket was now worthless. Devastated, Sys played more saddening music, and 4T began to make crying noises, and hugged Backstabber's legs as he mourned his fallen comrade, money. "This is almost as bad as that one time they got my order wrong at Wendy's! Waaaaaa!" 4T wailed.

Backstabber soon regained his composure, and 4T, now lying face-first one the floor, picked himself up, and, when the Assassin asked for a light, he said in a depressed tone "Sure." He struck his own hand to create sparks, which were directed just well enough to light the joint, but nothing else. 4T decided to take a bit of the weed himself, and lit it in a similar fashion, before throwing it into his chest compartment. This was not his brightest idea. Immediately he caught fire, and began to drive ablaze in circles around the room, bumping into several things, screaming "Aaaaaaaaah!!!! Why am I stupider than Bru... Caitlin, it's Caitlin. Sorry, I was about to be insensitive there." Finally, the flames died out, and he flopped on the ground, and shut himself off for the day, rather than endure any more of the terrible day he'd just had.