Women can be abusers too

I know I'm gonna get a lot of negative comments in making this thread, but with the issue of domestic abuse everywhere in the media lately, more often than not painting men exclusively as the abusers. I have to say it's not true. Just browsing the deviantart forum I found this disturbing thread:

http://forum.deviantart.com/community/life/2006680/

My friend had a really bad fight with his girlfriend, she and him were on a date when she tried to put a duct tape on his mouth and shoving his face into her...well you probably can guess. He flipped the hell. out. and yelled about how he wasn't her slave and how this is what's happening to dudes everywhere and he was trying to study for his college midterm but now he's having problems because he keeps imagining himself in that situation. I've tried to console him on the matter but to no avail.

^The rest of the comments in that thread are worth reading too.

Women can be abusers too. Need I even mention that there are just a handful of domestic abuse shelters for men?

I know that male on female violence is arguably more common, but female on male violence does happen as well. Men who aren't violent shouldn't have to feel as if they are guilty of something or that they're eventually going to use violence against their spouse due to what the media says and false studies.

Lol I think most people are aware of this

very true , except pride and society's expectations will ridicule the victim.

crazy is as crazy does

Abuse, as well as staying in a relationship is all up to you. Being violent is an option.

It goes both ways.

Either you choose to leave, choose to be miserable, or do something about it that doesn't involve violence.

No, duh. That's why I don't like when people say a man shouldn't ever hit a woman; It's hog dung! No one should hit anyone, but if a woman hits a man, I don't view her as a woman any more. she's now an open combatant in a fight.

If you're woman enough to throw a punch, slap or your drink at someone, you're woman enough to take a punch, slap and drink from someone.

Also, male on female violence is not more common. male on female violence is just more likely to be reported because men, on average, are more powerful than women and their assault is more likely to leave noticeable marks. women on men is not reported because the men feel ashamed and most aren't taken seriously.

@superguy1591: more often than not, men abuse more women than vice versa. However, women do abuse men at times. I am not aware of any studies that suggest women abuse men "just as much" as men abuse women.

Yes many instances do go unreported "on both sides" due to shame or fear of retaliation. For the man side, it is due to society's expectation, guilt, shame, etc... And a lot of females don't report abuse due to fear. If someone can physically dominate you, it is kinda hard to gather up courage to report them.

Also I terms of "self defense". If a women poses a threat to your safety, then protect yourself "within means". Don't necessarily punch her face in and break her jaw, restrain, back away, etc... If she has a knife, it then becomes assault with a deadly weapon where reacting won't warrent any type of penalty on your behalf. Men shouldn't hit women, and if a women hits you, have them arrested and sue them. I'd do the same for a guy hitting me.

. . .and in other news; scientist has finally discovered, that the Moon is actually round.

Okay. The point is?

@cable_extreme: I believe a study said 40% of domestic violence is done to men.

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence

The moon is actually a sphere with some extra flatness. I don't know what it's called, sorry :P. But it isn't round.

That happens when they leave the kitchen.

Pics or it didn't happen.

@superguy1591: you said male on female violence is not more common, it is 60% of instances verses the 40% done in this study you linked (which I have yet to verify) that still would be an incorrect statement on your part.

@scorpion2501:

. . .

Neither is the Earth, but that isn't the point I was conveying.

@cable_extreme said:

40% of reported abuse comes from women.

Reportedabuse.

I'm guessing the actual number is nearer 50% because most men don't report those things. For reasons you said.

2 cent.

This.

Link or it didn't happen.

No kidding.

But you are right that people in general do disregard or ignore female on male domestic abuse to a greater degree than when the roles are reversed.

@dccomicsrule2011: I know, I just like to prove people wrong :P

I remember few years ago my friend was making fun of one woman and she slapped him super hard (she was a handball player). Our response was immediate burst of laughter which lasted for 20-30 minutes even tho he really was hurt.

In my view he deserved it, he was really being rude to her, and she slapped him and that seems to be accepted norm in our society. But what if the roles were reversed, what if a girl was making fun of a guy and he slapped her really hard? No one would be laughing.

One might say this is because men are stronger than women, but that's not always the case. Even when a woman which is as strong or even stronger than a man slaps him people will find this funny he he will be perceived as a weakling pu§§y. Our society is clearly desensitized towards violence against men. Just take a look at all our comedies and TV comercials, a violence against men is precived as something funny far far more often than violence against men.

When we take a look at all violent crimes, men are more likely to be victims of a violent crimes and are far less likely to report it.

http://www.victimsweek.gc.ca/res/r512.html

It seems like the worst thing you can be is a weak man.

I DON'T BELIEVE YA!

I'm conflicted on the issue. I myself have a girlfriend with a very dominant personality, and though she never has abused me (physically or mentally) I just feel sort of obligated to give in to what she wants to do, and do the things she tells me to do. It's just this pervasive feeling in the air, that a lot of men in relationships have to come to terms with. Oh, I suppose, but she's never actually abused me.

It feels like that's how life is going be eventually. Like every relationship is going to be like that...do you know the male anglerfish is a lot smaller than the female? That it physically attaches itself to her and just becomes an extension of her body? Like just another fin?
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/angler

That's how I see male and female relationships becoming someday. It's just like some sort of natural calling that you give in it, a fate as inescapable as death (unless you stay single of course!)

@pyrogram: but women don't report due to reasons I said as well. If they have a scary boyfriend who abuses them, many women will actually stand up for the guy due to fear.

@scorpion2501:

If that's what you think, then sure. :3

Of course they are

I think men are more often portrayed as lazy, bumbling morons; and women are the intelligent ones who always know what to do.

That being said, I'm not sexually biased. I believe that men and women should be treated as equals.

This is a subject thats has been important to me my whole life, from various different studies and reports, some of those actually suggest that abuse towards male partners is more common, however its less severe in different ways. Generally males and females process anger differently for example, in a chemical sense, often females are in relationships with males that are relatively larger/stronger than they are, another variable among many. A lot of this depends on how you classify as abuse, how you categorize severity, different types of abuse, physical, mental, emotional. A lot of abuse on males is underreported, as is all types of abuse in general, and other various variables and factors, add into factors like child abuse, and cycles of abuse and well topic is very complicated. Basically a lot of people are in unhealthy relationships and a lot of people aren't inherently that good at understanding complicated issues, that can take some time, understanding, experience and education. Things are generally getting better though in those aspects.

@sc: I always enjoy reading your long posts.

: P

Lies.

I guess the point of this thread is that there is still a big double standard and ignorance in regards to this issue. It might have got better but it still has a way to go yet.

That's no moon...

...Pies?

Males being abused by females is mostly ignored because most men would beat females in a fight, and it is much rarer. Emotional, mental abuse is rough though.

Males need to man up to the women abusers and show em who's boss.

DUH.

Stating this ignores all history and current events, and systemic treatment of women in our society. Not the best place to start an argument from, ignoring everything but your point.

Good Luck!

Listen to me.

Listen to ME now.

I did NOT make this thread as a reason to argue who is superior, man or woman.

As I stated before, I have a very dominant girlfriend who pretty much makes a lot of decisions for me. I made this thread because I don't want to get physically or emotionally abused in the process because men and women are capable of violence. I don't want my skin to hurt because of the potential poor judgment of my girlfriend. I don't mind that she takes charge, I just don't want her to hit me. I'm thankful that she hasn't abused me physically or emotionally. I just want to call attention that this is not a one-sided issue.

All the better reason to take charge. Don't let women do stuff for you. Take responsibility like a man and shove it down your throat to grow some chest hair.

Women can be abusers too. Need I even mention that there are just a handful of domestic abuse shelters for men?

They have domestic abuse shelters for men? They must be pretty darn rare because I've never heard of such a thing and would have trouble believing it even if you shoved proof in front of my face.

What you just wrote, in response to me, is sexist. I'm sorry, I'm fine with my girlfriend being the dominant one in the relationship, it's just that, as a human being, I DEMAND some basic rights afford to me (i.e. not being physically abused). I have enough self-respect to know that I don't deserve to be hit or mentally punished.

What I'm just telling the truth. If your girlfriend is dominant in the relationship, then you better hurry before she takes too much power. We don't want women ruling the world also.

lol.. Men letting women beat them..

It happens.

Heck, a woman can be just as sick and depraved as a man. A close friend of mine was abused by his mother growing up. She did horrible things to him that left a permanent scar on his psyche.

Well I can understand the problems surrounding your own mother beating you while you grow up. But if any man comes up to me with a black eye and tells me his girlfriend beats him and he just takes it, I'm going to come to the conclusion he is a sissy.