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Posted by Inverno (13061 posts) - - Show Bio

I am so sick of hearing people choosing the easy way out and blame video games as an excuse for teen violence, so lets go insane with it. Lets list some video game examples that set up a bad standard for our children. Because f*** it, why not?

Skyrim: you are psychotic mass murderer who doesn't live any ruin, cave or fort alive until every single living thing inside is dead.

Pac-Man: you are schyzophrenic junkie who has to take drugs in order to fight back the ghosts in your head, but they will always come back once the effect wears out.

Mass Effect: you are a dirtybag who thinks the salvation of the galaxy is inside each of crew member's pants.

Assassin's Creed: you are indoctrinated psychopath who uses a abstract concept as an excuse to kill whoever you deem as enemy and is constantly murdering city guards who are trying to maintain law and order.

Pokemon: you are a sadist who enslaves local wildlife and forces them to fight for each other people's amusement and cash.

Persona 4: you are careless teenager risking the lives of everyone around him while trying to do the police's job by solving a murder and sure enough, one of his loved ones ends up price for it.

Knights of the Old Republic: you are a war criminal who should have been killed long time ago but is only alive due to the short-sightness of hypocritical mystical cadre, who ends up f***g the galaxy even worse than your ascended disciple. As for the sequel you are the death of the Force itself. Nuff said.

Uncharted: you are a racist murderer who will kill entire countries full of innocent people so that you can get to a lost ancient city and then you proceed to destroy it.

The Legend of Zelda: you are a delusional adventurer who thinks the best way to save the world is to break people's pots, hack up their chickens and then go fishing.

So what do you guys think? Are these reasons enough for our children to shout people apart with their voice or rip their heads with their bare f****g hands?

#1 Posted by Nelomaxwell (10365 posts) - - Show Bio

Mass Effect: you are a dirtbag who thinks the salvation of the galaxy is inside each of crew member's pants. 


I like this one.
#2 Posted by Decoy Elite (30041 posts) - - Show Bio
The Legend of Zelda: you are a delusional adventurer who thinks the best way to save the world is to break people's pots, hack up their chickens and then go fishing.

And yet...it works.

#3 Posted by Samimista (20597 posts) - - Show Bio

Lol! This is real funny. xD

#4 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

Look at how they Ruined Player Uno's life

#5 Posted by BumpyBoo (7675 posts) - - Show Bio

After reading this I went out and beat two people to death.

BAN READING NOW!

(Nice job, man, seriously ;D)

#6 Posted by SC (12696 posts) - - Show Bio

Tekken: You love to punch Panda Bears and Bears and Kangaroos in the face, you want the Devils Jeans to give you more power, you think strength can only be found by intense hand to hand combat.

God of War: Shave your head, grow a beard, burn your pet dog Zeus and wear its ashes on your face. Wrap hot chains around your arms and run into the local supermarket and attack anyone who looks like Hades.

Moderator
#7 Posted by Dark_Vengeance_ (14587 posts) - - Show Bio

Saints row 3: You hit people with dildos.

#8 Posted by akbogert (3194 posts) - - Show Bio

Still laughing.

#9 Posted by Decoy Elite (30041 posts) - - Show Bio

Waiting for someone who just reads the title and complains.

#10 Posted by Inverno (13061 posts) - - Show Bio

@Nelomaxwell said:

Mass Effect: you are a dirtbag who thinks the salvation of the galaxy is inside each of crew member's pants.

I like this one.

Yeah that is not even counting the Renegade decisions.

@Samimista: :D

@Fuchsia_Nightingale: LOLWUT?!

@BumpyBoo: We should ban books and tv shows while we are at it (thanks, friend ;)

@SC: "Devil Jeans" are you sure that is correct? lol

@DarkKnightDetective: Grazie

This was the main trailer too.

@akbogert: Thanks, bro :)

@Decoy Elite: What is odd, I am was expecting that. Not that I wanted to happen, but I was fully expecting it.

#11 Edited by The_Lunact_And_Manic (3286 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat: Well, if you put it like that... :P

#12 Posted by Walzo (4355 posts) - - Show Bio

At first, I looked at the title and then the creator, became confused, and then actually read it.

#13 Posted by Jonny_Anonymous (32675 posts) - - Show Bio

Ahhh such delicious satire

#14 Posted by joewell (6248 posts) - - Show Bio

@Walzo said:

At first, I looked at the title and then the creator, became confused, and then actually read it.

this

#15 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (17572 posts) - - Show Bio

AVP 2010

Predator

You're are a intergalactic hunter who is part of a species dedicated to hunting other species as sport.You have a large array of weaponry all dedicated to killing your prey.You are equipped with a cloaking field and recording device to psychologically scare your prey.Oh and you take human skulls spines and bones as your trophies.

Alien

You are a creature that originally burst from someones rib cage.And you can scale walls air vents and other hard to reach places to kill humans by either shoving your tail or inner jaw through them.You also go along the way and harvest people by putting a face huger onto them which will eventually form into an alien and burst through their chest much like you did.

#16 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat: Look what they did, now this man is at the mercy of a button !

#17 Edited by JonSmith (3988 posts) - - Show Bio

Warning: Bad language.

'Nuff said.

#18 Posted by Highlander_615 (212 posts) - - Show Bio

Deus Ex: You are super soldier who betrays his employers, sides with terrorists, leaves his brother for dead, destroys machines that can cure a plague and either brings down global communication, joins the Illuminati for power or merges with an omnipotent AI and becomes a god.

#19 Posted by jeanlucpicard (1845 posts) - - Show Bio

And thats why M rated games are rated M.

#20 Posted by BlueHope (360 posts) - - Show Bio

"Pac-Man: you are schyzophrenic junkie who has to take drugs in order to fight back the ghosts in your head, but they will always come back once the effect wears out."

...it all makes sense now!

#21 Posted by ImmortalOne (3293 posts) - - Show Bio

For once, I'd like to see someone say they murdered someone because they saw it on the news.

#22 Posted by The Stegman (23033 posts) - - Show Bio

Ms.Pac Man- You are a drag Queen. 
 
Donkey Kong: You go Ape sh*t crazy and start throwing barrels at people. 

#23 Edited by Xanni15 (6758 posts) - - Show Bio

@ImmortalOne said:

For once, I'd like to see someone say they murdered someone because they saw it on the news.

Even if this is a joke, it's not funny.

As for the OP, I'm not going to waste my time. :]

#24 Posted by tg1982 (2715 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat said:

Mass Effect: you are a dirtybag who thinks the salvation of the galaxy is inside each of crew member's pants.

You mean it isn't?

#25 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

Final Fight, you and your ninja friend and the Mayor, kill Transsexuals (in japan), Wrestlers etc, with swords you find in the street and eat cooked chicken out of boxes, to get your girlfriend from a guy in a wheelchair.

#26 Posted by SmashBrawler (5494 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat said:

Mass Effect: you are a dirtybag who thinks the salvation of the galaxy is inside each of crew member's pants.

I've made my calculations and it seems that you can have a total of 5 different sexual encounters through the entire series if you're MaleShep, 4 if you're FemShep.

#27 Posted by Edamame (27952 posts) - - Show Bio

@The Stegman said:

Donkey Kong: You go Ape sh*t crazy and start throwing barrels at people.

LOL I'd love to see this in real life.

#28 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (19908 posts) - - Show Bio

Halo : After your augmentations thanks to the SPARTAN program, you become alienated (hehe get it?) from human nature and go killing everything in site, accidentally saving the galaxy as you're on your rampage. This explains your senseless murder of your "comrades" and the creation of the T-Bag. Multiplayer is really just a collection of the most sadistic SPARTANS in a tournament to compete with each other to see who is the most demented.

#29 Posted by michaelthemighty17 (237 posts) - - Show Bio

Lol

#30 Posted by lykopis (10756 posts) - - Show Bio

Tomb Raider:

Some uppity bitch who doesn't know her place searching for ancient artifacts while dressed in weather influenced clothing with sensible boots. Going off on her own like a guy and being fearless while taking on monsters...like, WTF? Young girls might think wearing a single long braid down their back is a free pass from getting them sandwiches made for da boyz. All that traveling around the world and introducing young, impressionable gamers to cultures and crap --- we don't need that kind of curiosity generated, kids might start to think there is more to life than just what's around them, let alone other countries existing equal to theirs. They should be spending those tourist dollars at home like good patriots, dagnabit -- besides, they can get nosebleeds. And stuff.

So damn unrealistic -- like women know their way around with weapons AND intelligence? This whole generation is f*cked now. Next thing you know females might start buying comics...

#31 Posted by SC (12696 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat: ^_^

Yes Devil Jeans, a new line from Levi's 0_0

Moderator
#32 Posted by SC (12696 posts) - - Show Bio

Tetris - You are an angry construction worker who likes to throw oddly shaped bricks down off buildings trying to arrange them in straight lines, with reckless regard to the lives of people that must suffer through the supernatural effects that occur when you line up your oddly shaped bricks at the bottom.

King Kong - You steal a gorilla from the zoo and let it go loose in a park full of children, bananas and barrels.

Sonic the Hedgehog - You are an overweight lumberjack with a red mustache, you grab a poor innocent hedgehog from the forest, paint it blue for your own sick amusement, drug it up full of narcotics like speed, pump it full of red bull then force it to traverse a giant system of speed tubes you set up.

Moderator
#33 Posted by Fuchsia_Nightingale (10180 posts) - - Show Bio

Mario, mass killing of turtles.

#34 Posted by FalconPuuunch (942 posts) - - Show Bio

LMAO

The Pokemon one. That one was beautiful.

#35 Posted by ARMIV2 (8280 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

Tomb Raider:

Some uppity bitch who doesn't know her place searching for ancient artifacts while dressed in weather influenced clothing with sensible boots. Going off on her own like a guy and being fearless while taking on monsters...like, WTF? Young girls might think wearing a single long braid down their back is a free pass from getting them sandwiches made for da boyz. All that traveling around the world and introducing young, impressionable gamers to cultures and crap --- we don't need that kind of curiosity generated, kids might start to think there is more to life than just what's around them, let alone other countries existing equal to theirs. They should be spending those tourist dollars at home like good patriots, dagnabit -- besides, they can get nosebleeds. And stuff.

So damn unrealistic -- like women know their way around with weapons AND intelligence? This whole generation is f*cked now. Next thing you know females might start buying comics...

Bloody brilliant. Absolutely so.

#36 Posted by ARMIV2 (8280 posts) - - Show Bio

Soul Reaver: Sometimes you need to be humbled or even destroyed before you can find out who you truly are and what you ultimately can do...and that's terrible.

#37 Posted by JediXMan (29545 posts) - - Show Bio

Minecraft:

You are a prisoner who has been exiled to an uncharted island full of animals, natives, and plants. You now have to build a shelter, slaughter any natives that get in your path, and find a way off the island in order to get your vengeance.

#38 Posted by JediXMan (29545 posts) - - Show Bio

@BumpyBoo said:

After reading this I went out and beat two people to death.

BAN READING NOW!

(Nice job, man, seriously ;D)

This. Free thought causes nothing but trouble.

#39 Posted by SoA (4685 posts) - - Show Bio
#40 Posted by higher_evolutionary (2015 posts) - - Show Bio

Loooool made my day. Thanks

#41 Edited by Death Certificate (5438 posts) - - Show Bio

Sleeping Dogs: Police brutality the game

Kirby: Your a pink cannibal

#42 Edited by salamatsabi (216 posts) - - Show Bio

GTA .....enough said

#43 Posted by deadpoolrules (4683 posts) - - Show Bio

LMFAO.

#44 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (17572 posts) - - Show Bio

Arkham Asylum/Arkham City

You are a highly trained highly intelligent guy with various technology who is dressed up as a bat.Who goes around beating criminals to a pulp,not only that but you have an x ray scanner so you can see their bones break,you can grab them from above and hang them upside down,and can electrocute and freeze them as well.You can also frighten them.

#45 Posted by pooty (10797 posts) - - Show Bio

@CaioTrubat: @jeanlucpicard: @Highlander_615: @SC:@DarkKnightDetective:

I have played most of these games and loved them. Let me ask a question: Videos games have massive violence, drug use, dildos, swearing etc. If they are not a bad influence. Are they a good influence? Can you really look at something for hours and hours and it has no effect at all?

#46 Posted by mrdecepticonleader (17572 posts) - - Show Bio

@pooty said:

@CaioTrubat: @jeanlucpicard: @Highlander_615: @SC:@DarkKnightDetective:

I have played most of these games and loved them. Let me ask a question: Videos games have massive violence, drug use, dildos, swearing etc. If they are not a bad influence. Are they a good influence? Can you really look at something for hours and hours and it has no effect at all?

This came in my inbox but my name is not there are you asking me this as well?

#47 Posted by pooty (10797 posts) - - Show Bio

@mrdecepticonleader said:

@pooty said:

@CaioTrubat: @jeanlucpicard: @Highlander_615: @SC:@DarkKnightDetective:

I have played most of these games and loved them. Let me ask a question: Videos games have massive violence, drug use, dildos, swearing etc. If they are not a bad influence. Are they a good influence? Can you really look at something for hours and hours and it has no effect at all?

This came in my inbox but my name is not there are you asking me this as well?

yes. please answer. i thought i responded to everyone on the first page.

#48 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

This is glorious!

Nintendogs- You force animals to live in a room and only feed them and play with them once every month.

Fire Emblem- You justify war as means of protecting monarchy.

Sims- You play God and force people to mate, starve themselves and take away the stairs to the pool when they enter "sick f__ks!"

#49 Posted by jeanlucpicard (1845 posts) - - Show Bio

@pooty: Well They are certanly not a good influence, but i've played many M rated games over the years when i was 13 and stuff. THe thing is I Never did anything to replicate games. Sure i used to curse all the time but I don't anymore. I played M games a lot, it never made me aggressive or anything, I could always tell the difference between real life and fake.

But What I see as a problem is 8-10 year olds playing GTA thinking that is cool and stuff. It only promotes violence to those who cannot tell the difference between real life and fake. I've never had the problem. I'm not violent.

I believe that if the parent wants their kid to play M games thats their decision.

#50 Posted by Inverno (13061 posts) - - Show Bio

@joewell said:

@Walzo said:

At first, I looked at the title and then the creator, became confused, and then actually read it.

this

I bet you guys thought "Oh no, Caio just went crazy." xD