What's with bullies? - Off-Topic

#1 Posted by MrBossAwesomeDude (232 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

I'm a 21 year old with aspergers and a few other mental disabilities. I've had a rough childhood and went through school with very few friends and no life basically. I don't like blaming my failures and flaws in life on other people, but I feel the reason that I was like that was because of bullies and constantly being put down by people. I have never been able to figure out why another person would won't to put down another person. It really makes no sense to me. I don't like to bad talk people even when getting bad talked, I won't ever let myself hurt another person, but I don't get why people want to hurt me or other people. It's not right. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. Sorry if much of this doesn't make sense or whatev, somewhat intoxicated lol. But What's with bullies? Why are they the way they are?

#2 Posted by joshmightbe (19470 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Well bullying has existed actually longer than humanity and is the primary source of control in almost every pack animal on the planet, Basically human bullies are simply responding to those primordial urges to establish dominance mostly due to the fact that they probably don't feel any sense of control over their lives without this behavior. Basically Bullies are the people who'd be runing everything if we hadn't invented civilization and in some people who may not have had good parents or some other factor lack the self control that most of us have that allow us to reign in that part of ourselves. But never forget that violent prick primate is still in all of us some people are just better at keeping it in check.

#3 Posted by ImmortalOne (2427 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Basically, it's because they either think it's funny, or they feel in control when they pick on someone weaker to them.

And while I'm here, I may as well get this out.

Bullies will NOT go away if you stand up to them, or just ignore them. Teachers are LIARS.

#4 Posted by The Stegman (12965 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Speaking from personally experience only, bullies usually only act like jerks when around their peers or friends to look cooler. Throughout all of my academic life, I've never encountered a bully who bullies by themselves, they just say mean things when their buddies or other people are around just to get a laugh, it's pretty sad really. Of course, this is just my experience with the subject.

#5 Posted by Batnandez (509 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@MrBossAwesomeDude: As someone who has lamented about how unfair life is and how it doesn't make sense that people suck, or that there are bullies the best advice I can give you, is to in a sense man up. Bullies will follow you around throughout your life. I didn't have a ton of friends at certain points in my life, but I refused to let people try and bully me. Assert yourself, don't take shit from people and you'll be a ok. Start doing things that build confidence in yourself. Work on your social skills, dress nicer, go to the gym, get a hair cut, try and make friends. Do this and you'll soon become someone who won't be seen as a target by other people.

#6 Edited by YoungJustice (5673 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

As someone who has been a bully, for me it was just because it got me in with the "cooler" kids at school, and yes I stopped, when I noticed that I was being a d*ck.

#7 Posted by tg1982 (2304 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@MrBossAwesomeDude said:

I'm a 21 year old with aspergers and a few other mental disabilities. I've had a rough childhood and went through school with very few friends and no life basically. I don't like blaming my failures and flaws in life on other people, but I feel the reason that I was like that was because of bullies and constantly being put down by people. I have never been able to figure out why another person would won't to put down another person. It really makes no sense to me. I don't like to bad talk people even when getting bad talked, I won't ever let myself hurt another person, but I don't get why people want to hurt me or other people. It's not right. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. Sorry if much of this doesn't make sense or whatev, somewhat intoxicated lol. But What's with bullies? Why are they the way they are?

Bullies act the way they do because they are insecure, and feel they have nothing else to offer others but a few laugh at other people expense, plain and simple. They are weak and incredibly insecure, which is why as others have said, they only bully in packs.

#8 Posted by SC (9851 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Ah bullies. Complicated you know in the sense we are talking about people and peoples actions and motivations can be complicated. For a simple general idea as far as why bullies are bullies I think its good to consider perceptions and how peoples perceptions can vary greatly, and aren't always accurate either. I remember looking into a study that findings demonstrated that people who exhibited aggressive and defensive behavior often believed that the people around them were more aggressive and defensive than they actually were - so the person in question was overestimating the aggression of those around them and so and automatically reacting in response to this. Similar studies echo such finding with a few other personality traits too. I could imagine how this could be applied to bullies as well. If a bully perceives that another person is secretly judging them (despite no actual hard objective proof that they are) it probably would lead to the bully feeling justified in taking aggressive action towards that person. Sad cycle really. At least as far as bullies who may not be as conscious of how deplorable their actions are. Another weird factor is to determine what actually is bullying. A few weeks okay You Tube suggested to me a video where Teens React to the Amanda Todd bullying case and were extremely sympathetic to that case. The follow video in the auto play had the some of the same teens making fun of people for their voice, make up, mannerisms so on. Not in a brutally malicious way, more so in a very understated this is just my opinion way sort of way but the thing is such random jokes/observations can be a bit cruel. Where is the line so to speak? A young girl or boy has everyone in class making "harmless" jokes about their nose or voice? What if they not okay with it? What if they are? How many reality shows and competitions rely on entertaining people by showing the weird person with the weird voice so everyone can have a laugh? Who laughs and why? What are they laughing about? When is it okay when isn't it okay?

In some obvious cases of bullying, the bully may actually be blind or feel justified with their behavior. Other contexts there may be a break down in empathy or communication - there have been many times someone has thought that I was trying to insult them when my intent most definitely wasn't. Not only was my intent not to have insulted them, but really rather actually I was trying to be civil with them, but communication issues had arisen and so someone had been insulted. I would offer an apology but also at the same time not place any blame on myself. Well blame for not expressing myself more clearly but yeah. So where is the line? s another poster mentioned, sometimes its just a person lacking the ability to consider there words or actions and just behaving like what we are, animals. Sometimes its learned behavior. Oh and I keep on asking where the line is? As far as definitions and actions and what is what, but of course that line moves around person to person constantly changing depending on the scenario. Otherwise such problems would be a hell of a lot easier to solve. Great topic, lots of room for discussion.

#9 Posted by JediXMan (22921 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@ImmortalOne said:

Bullies will NOT go away if you stand up to them, or just ignore them. Teachers are LIARS.

Very true. If one decides to "stand up" to a bully, they better be prepared for a fight. This ain't a TV show.

#10 Edited by Illuminatus (9303 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@JediXMan said:

@ImmortalOne said:
Bullies will NOT go away if you stand up to them, or just ignore them. Teachers are LIARS.
Very true. If one decides to "stand up" to a bully, they better be prepared for a fight. This ain't a TV show.

In my experience, it's not terribly hard. Keep a good head about yourself and fight pragmatically. Give them a taste of their own medicine, if you have to.

Edit: Shared a personal story, and realized it wasn't really appropriate for open forums.

#11 Posted by ComicMan24 (146835 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

People always like to pick on people that are different from them. Others do that, in order to make themselves feel better, as they can be even more insecure that the people they are bullying (which, for the record, by no means justifies them).

@ImmortalOne said:

Bullies will NOT go away if you stand up to them, or just ignore them. Teachers are LIARS.

So true, especially the latter.

#12 Posted by Lvenger (8228 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@MrBossAwesomeDude: I know things can get hard in life in all with aspergers syndrome. I have it as well and going through school and life not knowing how to conduct yourself in certain social situations does tend to backfire. But as for bullying I'm fortunate enough to have it occur to me very little. From the bullies I've encountered, they seem to either use bullying as a means of control to assert their authority or to make themselves feel better by picking on those who are different to others. It's not a pleasant thing to do and I can't see why someone would want to be a bully.

#13 Posted by TheAcidSkull (6782 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@ImmortalOne: not by ignoring them but a good punch to the face always helps, or the ribs, that works too.

#14 Posted by TheAcidSkull (6782 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

bullies exist because some kids have a rough childhood and they like taking their anger on someone else, or they just simply enjoy making other miserable. And ignoring them won't help , you have to show that you are not playing around, if a bully comes to you just make him angry with your words or if you're no slacker give him a good hook to the face , and show him that if you tries something funny again you will wipe your ass with his face, and then he will shut the hell up. excuse me for my harsh language but this is how a feel towards this matter. If your good with words and your not exactly the strong type your gonna have to still do something about it, no one will help you, the teachers have the " ignore them" excuse, which really never works out. You have to take matters in to your own hands, sure you might get punched in the face a couple of time but you'll prove a point, and if hands don't work out there is always that crowbar in the garage.....ok that was a little to far.

#15 Edited by lykopis (6059 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@MrBossAwesomeDude said:

I'm a 21 year old with aspergers and a few other mental disabilities. I've had a rough childhood and went through school with very few friends and no life basically. I don't like blaming my failures and flaws in life on other people, but I feel the reason that I was like that was because of bullies and constantly being put down by people. I have never been able to figure out why another person would won't to put down another person. It really makes no sense to me. I don't like to bad talk people even when getting bad talked, I won't ever let myself hurt another person, but I don't get why people want to hurt me or other people. It's not right. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. Sorry if much of this doesn't make sense or whatev, somewhat intoxicated lol. But What's with bullies? Why are they the way they are?

I am sorry this happened to you -- its painful and unfair. It helps to try and put yourself in the bully's shoes, not to excuse their behaviour but to understand it because understanding will help you not only accept the behaviour isn't a direct aggression on you, but rather a failing on the fault of the bully.

Moving on is difficult and I know you have scars. You are good person clearly. That's all that matters and people in your life who care about you know it.

Happy Holidays

Online

#16 Posted by Mortein (2501 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Life is no joke, and it's no fairytale, if you are being bullied then fight, fight to death if necessary. If you are ready to die or to kill rather than being bullied, than you will never be bullied. This doesn't mean you should overreact every time someone is teasing you.

#17 Posted by guttridgeb (4336 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Bullies are twats. They do it to show off in front of their friends, that's the only reason. I've been targeted my entire school career because I make a point of not conforming to the "cool crowd" and what they think is cool - as in bullying people on lower social tiers.

#18 Posted by joshmightbe (19470 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@JediXMan: When I was in high school I kept the bullies away in a very effective way, I became good friends with the pot dealers and had the ability to get them cut off. I went to a really crappy school.

#19 Posted by Nefarious (16249 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Bullies are just arrogant cowards who have no LIFE.

#20 Posted by Necrotic_Lycanthrope (2372 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

Aspie with depression over here too. I've found you yourself are your worst bully than the sh*t people tell you every day at school. Nowadays it's gotten to the point where if I get complimented, I get upset because of a lifetime of being self-force fed notions of being worthless.

#21 Posted by YoungJustice (5673 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@JediXMan said:

@ImmortalOne said:
Bullies will NOT go away if you stand up to them, or just ignore them. Teachers are LIARS.
Very true. If one decides to "stand up" to a bully, they better be prepared for a fight. This ain't a TV show.

F*ck....

Ice..

Cube....

#22 Posted by ChaosBlazer (3930 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

bullies are just people, in my experience any people who were assholes in middle school or highschool eventually grew up and stopped being bullies. I've never really been bullied badly, but sometimes when people bully you, you gotta deal with it. Just know that life gets better. For me, taking higher academic classes generally let me escape from bullies or just rude people in general, but I know that isn't always an option.

I guess people can't get along because, well there isn't really a good explanation but some people hate others for no reason, some people don't like each other, some people have conflicting beliefs, interests, etc etc.

#23 Edited by Guardiandevil83 (1914 posts) - 4 months, 27 days ago - Show Bio

@MrBossAwesomeDude said:

I'm a 21 year old with aspergers and a few other mental disabilities. I've had a rough childhood and went through school with very few friends and no life basically. I don't like blaming my failures and flaws in life on other people, but I feel the reason that I was like that was because of bullies and constantly being put down by people. I have never been able to figure out why another person would won't to put down another person. It really makes no sense to me. I don't like to bad talk people even when getting bad talked, I won't ever let myself hurt another person, but I don't get why people want to hurt me or other people. It's not right. I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. Sorry if much of this doesn't make sense or whatev, somewhat intoxicated lol. But What's with bullies? Why are they the way they are?

Dude this was perfect. When I was younger I was incredibly clumsy, due to my eyesight being very bad, I was also skinny due to an eating disorder. So while I had my family and some friends, I was constantly teased by others. I would laugh at it but was completly destroyed on the inside. I've grown into myself and am happy. Many people who teased me have apoligized since then, but if I had to guess, they had hard up bringings or insecurities in themselves.

#24 Posted by BiteMe-Fanboy (6524 posts) - 4 months, 26 days ago - Show Bio

I was an asshole back in high school.. It's just you're young and immature.

But.. I look back and laugh at all the things I've done. Good times.

Poor little hacky sack kids must have lost over 40 hacky sacks because of us grabbing them and throwing them onto the roof. Bwaha.

#25 Posted by MrBossAwesomeDude (232 posts) - 4 months, 26 days ago - Show Bio

I've recently had a run in with bullies at work, they bullied me for months saying things about my family, girlfriend, and telling me to go die and kill myself. I never did a thing to these people, I keep to myself and rarely talk to anyone. I ended up turning all their names in and basically had the decision on if these people were going to be fired or not. I took a few days to think about it, my friends that I do work with told me to go through with it and have them all fired, but I was left alone for those days and nobody picked on me. I decided to not do anything about it, just had them all apologize. Well it's been about a month and it seems to be starting back up, which is stupid because they almost lost their jobs over it. I've had to deal with this all the way through school and had an abusive dad for the first 12 years of my life. I thought it would change as I got older but some of the stuff these people are saying is worse than the stuff I had to deal with in school although I stood up for myself in school and was more aggressive over it. The people that are saying these things are also older than me, in their 30s. I just don't get it.

#26 Posted by Edamame (26173 posts) - 4 months, 26 days ago - Show Bio

Well, they often have their own insecurities. They feel the need to oppress someone else. It often makes them feel better about themselves. Perhaps they were bullied in the past, and now they feel angry or vengeful.

#27 Posted by redbird3rdboywonder (3303 posts) - 4 months, 25 days ago - Show Bio

I really hate bullies

#28 Posted by MonsterStomp (2701 posts) - 4 months, 25 days ago - Show Bio

If you get bullied jab them in the throat when the opportunity presents itself. Take no chances is what I've learnt through my dark days.

#29 Posted by GhostRider2 (1601 posts) - 4 months, 25 days ago - Show Bio

Beat one but better have some backup if you are not a good fighter(street).They won't leave you if you don't do something to them.I never had problems with those f*ks even so i beat some because they dared make jokes of my cousin.So i recommend beat one or make jokes about them but remember backup because they will come after you.Or if you like the way it is leave it as it is.