What would you do

If several people, let's say a group of friends, made you feel like dirt, made fun of you, and made you wish you were alone and that your life would be better off alone, and one of these people came and apologized somewhat sincerely after he/she saw that you were upset, an hour later?

Would you forgive them, or not? What would your reaction to the situation be? Would you think they're right, even though you originally thought that you were doing well in life? Or would you just ignore them and assume they're all wrong, and you're not this horrible person they've decided to make fun of you for (apparently) being?

An apology is all well and good, but it doesn't actually erase what was done. I think the most important question here is are they genuinely sorry for what they did and how they made you feel or are they apologizing to make themselves feel better for essentially bullying you?

@minigunman123: qeustion do they make fun of each other the same way ?

@Mercy_ said:

An apology is all well and good, but it doesn't actually erase what was done. I think the most important question here is are they genuinely sorry for what they did and how they made you feel or are they apologizing to make themselves feel better for essentially bullying you?

^

Couldn't have put it better than this.

@Mercy_ said:

An apology is all well and good, but it doesn't actually erase what was done. I think the most important question here is are they genuinely sorry for what they did and how they made you feel or are they apologizing to make themselves feel better for essentially bullying you?

this is true but still a little context i think is needed, you might be to close to this now to emotionally involved. Step back & go over all the times they plus you made fun of some one else together

@dadaism said:

@Mercy_ said:

An apology is all well and good, but it doesn't actually erase what was done. I think the most important question here is are they genuinely sorry for what they did and how they made you feel or are they apologizing to make themselves feel better for essentially bullying you?

this is true but still a little context i think is needed, you might be to close to this now to emotionally involved. Step back & go over all the times they plus you made fun of some one else together

It's not just like they were making fun of someone for kicks and grins, it's more like if one of them really flipped out and got mad over nothing and you had no idea wtf was going on, then the others piled on and made fun of you and called you a horrible person. What then?

@minigunman123: Look i know exactly what your talking bout, some one had an absolute rager at me scared the others into supporting them nearly tore my head off over nothing.

Now you might of even felt threatened I don't know i wasn't there, but i can tell you this in my case I stopped hanging around with them. Got some different friends who were of less likely to stab or punch some one because they them selves had a bad day.

My advice is this, if at any time you did not felt save around them. kick them to the cirb don't return calls or texts. Be nice if you see them in public make excuse's but don't call them.

Get some new friends who treat you with respect & who you respect.

I accept the apology but I wouldn't chill with them anymore.

I would accept their apology, but tell them that as long as they hang out with those people I do not want to hang out with them.

I would forgive them if they asked for it. Then again my approach to life is different. To me there is no question of if I am better off alone or am I better of with friends that I occasionally have conflict with. What there actually is, is a always changing, ever contextual, value to cost, cost to value ratio associated with any of the options I can partake in. So there is both a value and cost to going it alone and there is a value and cost to having friends whom you have conflict with and even value and cost to having friends you have no conflict with. You can preemptively and retroactively gauge these values. I don't really have friends that make fun of me, but I have friends I don't get on well with extremely well, I choose not to hang out with them a lot. There is still value in being there friends and its a value that outweighs the cost. So in a situation such as yours I would practice getting good at gauging cost/value and then make my decision based on value/cost. Is it worth it to be there friends? Or is it worth more to not be their friends (or friend or particular friends etc)    

@mikethekiller said:

I accept the apology but I wouldn't chill with them anymore.

I'm sorry but in all honesty I wouldn't accept it. I've been bullied one too many times in my past. I don't take upon them lightly now. I wouldn't accept the apology, give them a piece of mind after what they had just done? They deserve the torture (if any). The apology wouldn't change what happened either. "Actions speak louder than words" - I intend to stand by that quote too. I'd much rather someone do something to show me that they're sorry rather than say it and not knowing if they mean it or not. He/She bullied you, why should you trust them?

If they made you feel that awful -- to the point that you described, then I would reconsider the amount of time you spend with these people. Is this is what the group of you do to each other (as in you behave the same way sometimes to others) then maybe you can be the one to put a stop to it, along with the one who apologised to you.

What are friends anyway? There are people we know -- people who we might see everyday due to school or work or whatever. Put as much importance in their words and actions towards you as you do their friendship. You'll see for yourself if they are worth spending anymore time with if you view them with that lens.

As for the one who apologised, you should accept the apology. I would suggest you have a deeper conversation about the group of people you both are a part of with this person and maybe move forward with a clear conscience and mind.

I believe you can forgive AND forget, as in don't let them take up any part of your mind - just remember the action to prevent it from happening again and purge yourself of people who attempt to hurt you.

Also, I don't know how old you are --- but as you get older, your circle of friends will dwindle to the real gems. Usually, anyway.

Good luck.

@Mercy_ said:

An apology is all well and good, but it doesn't actually erase what was done. I think the most important question here is are they genuinely sorry for what they did and how they made you feel or are they apologizing to make themselves feel better for essentially bullying you?

QFT.