Hey there guys and girls, I’m TheCannon bringing you a review of the March 27, 2015 edition of TNA Impact Wrestling. UK Tour is over and we’re back in Orlando for the first time since June of last year. How would TNA do when returning to this familiar city and follow up with everything from the great UK tour? Let’s start the review and find out.
The show opens up with a video package hyping up what James Storm did to Jeff Hardy a couple months ago back at Lockdown, and hyping up Hardy’s Revenge tonight, as the main event is Storm vs. Hardy in a steel cage match. Now, wouldn’t it make more sense to have this next week? Jeff could have made a surprise return tonight and set up the match for next week, or maybe spend a few weeks building to it by having Jeff go through the members of the Revolution. But maybe I’m just weird.
Before I begin talking about the show, I gotta say I like the set-up they have for the arena tonight. I saw some pics before and din’t care for it, but it looks good on the show. It’s hard to explain, but it’s basically a rock-looking like set up they have at the entrance ramp. Sounds terrible, but it looked unique without being distracting. Also two screens for some reason. Well internet, you said you wanted the screen back. Hope you’re happy.
James Storm & Koya come out (no Manik, Sanada, or Abyss for some reason) with a cage set up already for some reason, and Storm says that tonight is Hardy’s revenge, which results in a “Hardy” chant, and Storm joins in and says that they can chant all they want, but Jeff isn’t here tonight as he put him out weeks ago, just like he put out Matt Hardy last week. Storm then says something about Hardy being down for dangerous dives off cages and everything, and he gave them that. Storm then talks more about what if you’re against the Revolution and something about showing Jeff Hardy, and throws a piece of fruit (I think it was a small watermelon) out onto the floor. He then says something about taking out Jeff Hardy again, until Jeff’s atrocious music interrupts and he comes out.
Hardy says some stuff about how he’s still hurting (then why are you there?) but he can still kick Storm’s @ss. He then says some sh*t about he’s still standing with the support of his family. Well, at least he didn’t mention the creatu- I spoke too soon, he then talked about the support of the creatures. Some more sh*t is said, and it’s Jeff Hardy speaking. Do you care? He’s just terrible. Some more nonsense is said and Hardy eventually goes to walk towards the cage, but Storm tells him to wait a second. Manik then comes up behind Jeff and attacks him, which I liked seeing. Storm tells Manik to break Jeff’s arm, but Hardy fights him off and hits the Twist of Fate on him. Afterwards Abyss comes out and begins attacking Jeff, and Storm says that Jeff is just as stupid as he looks. With how stupid that facepaint & those arm things he wears to the ring are, I don’t think that’s possible. Hardy ends up fighting Abyss off, and Hardy yells to Storm that Manik, Abyss, & “big man” (Koya) isn’t gonna be able to help Storm. Hardy then asks for the roof to be lowered, and Storm says something (forget what). Hardy then starts a “Hardy’s Revenge” chant, which is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard. Hardy is just f*cking awful. And why did Jeff ask for the roof to be lowered if the match wasn’t gonna happen then?
Replay of Spud’s awesome X-Division title win last week is shown.
Backstage we have MVP, Kenny King, & Low Ki talking about how they lost Joe and the X-Division title, and tonight Ki says that he’s winning it back. So, that’s it? They didn’t even try to write Joe off TV? After almost 10 years with the company and putting on some of their greatest matches & moments and currently being involved in their biggest story, and they don’t even explain why Joe’s gone, he just is? They couldn’t even re-air that thing from a few years ago where he was kidnapped by ninjas? This just doesn’t make much sense to me. I know they got unlucky with the timing of Joe’s leaving after they threw in in the BDC, but they probably should have made sure they had him longer before putting him there.
Backstage, Storm is yelling to Koya that he’s sick of Jeff Hardy (as am I), and says that Manik & Abyss have failed him. After that, Storm yells at Koya that he wants Koya to dispose of Jeff Hardy, and if he doesn’t, Storm will dispose of him. Koya then does a weird yell and runs off. That was... odd.
Match #1 - TNA X-Division Championship: Rockstar Spud (c) vs. Low Ki
Wow, Spud’s hair grew back a lot in a week. Almost like there was a two month break between TV tapings or something like that, but there’s no way that happened...
There was a really weird moment where Spud was knocked down and had to get up before a 10-count, otherwise he’ll lose the match via knockout, for some reason. Yeah, I’ve seen that in Last Man standing matches, but why here? It’s just a normal match. Doesn’t make any sense.
MVP & Kenny King come out to distract the ref so some shenanigans can happen. But Drew Galloway comes out to get them off, and while Ki is yelling at him, Spud’s able to get a roll-up win and retain the belt. He gets out of the ring and is handed the belt, while the BDC looks angry at Galloway. Also, Galloway was wearing a t-shirt saying “The Rising”. But why? It makes no sense right now and just stands out as odd.
Overall not a great match, but it did seem like it was for story telling purposes and not trying to put on a true match. Still, after Spud’s great match with EC3 a few weeks ago, I really want to see Spud have some real matches soon. Him against DJ Z could be a lot of fun.
Winner via pinfall and STILL X-Division Champion: Rockstar Spud
After commercial, the BDC is in the ring. MVP talks about Galloway and his bad campaign thing (thank god someone else is talking about its awfulness). MVP says that Galloway hasn’t been fair when he interfered in the MVP/Lashley match a few weeks ago or when he attacked Low Ki with a pipe, and threatens to put him in the hospital. More threatening when Storm does it. He then threatens to slap everyone in the crowd unless Galloway comes out.
Galloway comes out and says his typical sh*t about the fans and standing up for wrestling. He talks about the BDC pushing themselves down people’s throats every week and the fans being sick of it, but he’s ignoring the fact that he’s doing the same thing, only Galloway’s awfulness is worse than anything the BDC has done or is capable of (I’m personally not a fan of the BDC, but at least the group is full of talent. Galloway... is hot and nothing else). More of this nonsense goes on with Galloway stealing Scott Hall’s old survey thing, and eventually Kenny King says that aside from the losers in the crowd, there’s no one who’s willing to stand with Galloway. You’d think that guys who have been feuding with the BDC (Roode, Aries, Angle, Lashley, & Gunner come to mind immediately) would stand with Galloway, but we’re not supposed to think about that I guess. After this goes on for another minute, two guys jump the guardrails and attack MVP & Ki while Galloway runs in and attacks King. They run off the BDC and Galloway says that these guys are The Rising. Because apparently the BDC, The Revolution, & the Bro-Mans weren’t enough stables for TNA. At least it explains the shirts.
Now, I would give my thoughts on this new stable, but I can’t. You know why? Because I don’t have a damn clue who these people are. Aside from not recognizing them, TNA didn’t even tell us their names. I know I could easily go online right now and find out who these guys are, but no. I refuse to just out of principal. TNA could have just told us these guys’ names, and I could have checked them online to see what they’ve done in the past. But no, TNA expects up to automatically know this. These aren’t major names you’re debuting, they’re nobodies! Just mentioning their names would have been nice. They might be better in-ring than Kurt Angle or Chris Benoit and better on the mic than 80s Ric Flair or Ethan Carter III, but they make a terrible first impression when you don’t care enough about them to tell us who they are. Seriously, was this that big of a problem?
They then show some odd video package for Awesome Kong and... I can’t explain it. It’s so bad it’s hilarious.
Match #2 - Brooke vs. Awesome Kong
Brooke doesn’t even look like a wrestler. I hate that phrase, but just look at her. She literally just comes out wearing as little clothes as possible and looks more like a stripper than anything. Seriously, when you come out of the entrance tunnel and the first thing is turn around, bend over, and shake your @ss for the camera, what am I supposed to think? That you have the in-ring skill of Cheerleader Melissa? *Sigh* Why couldn’t I be watching one of her matches right now?
Match was... bleh. Brooke got in a little bit of offense, but it was mostly Kong dominating. She wins after some move. No one cares.
Winner via pinfall: Awesome Kong
After the match Kong spends a long time setting up a table to put Brooke through, but Taryn Terrell runs out and starts fighting with Kong. They fight and Kong ends up putting her through the table. So basically, no progress has really been made with this story so far and they’ve just been wasting our time.
Austin Aries is backstage saying that last week’s match with Angle & Lashley was great. He says that a world title win can make a man’s career, he should know as he’s done it. He then says that Angle deserves a celebration tonight for his world title win, but than asks what if we had two celebrations tonight as he holds up the briefcase. The cameraman asks if that means he’s gonna cash in tonight, and Aries asks if that’s a rhetorical question. So, is Aries just gonna keep teasing every single week that he’s gonna cash in and never do anything else?
Backstage we have Jeff Hardy going on about some nonsense until Koya tries to attack him from behind. Koya beats on him for a minute until Hardy turns it around. Jeff grabs a beer bottle out of the nearby trash can and hits Koya in the head with it and tells him to stand down. He does this another two times, but the third time tells him to get up.... after he just told him to stay down. Jeff, what the hell? Eventually after another shot, Koya just can’t get up and Jeff walks away. I would complain about this scene, but it’s Koya that looked bad here. I really can’t complain about that.
Kurt Angle comes out with the TNA World title belt. Angle says some nice but generic stuff about this being another title reign, and how long it’s been since his last world title run. He also says that winning the world title again last week was one of the proudest moments of his career. Um...
Yeah, I know they have to hype this stuff up, but come on!
While Angle’s talking, Ethan Carter III’s music interrupts and he & Tyrus come out. EC3 talks about how Kurt’s an inspiration and how he did the impossible in beating Lashley. EC3 then talks about how something else that sounds impossible is going 18 months without being pinned or submitting and beating every single TNA Hall of Famer. He then says that two weeks ago he put the entire industry on notice and that he’s putting Kurt on notice. EC3 says that he’s gonna take the belt off Angle, but Bobby Roode’s music interrupts. Roode says that any talk about the future of the world title should involve him because he was cheated out of the belt and never got a rematch. Roode says that he respects Angle and that he deserves this moment... so why the hell are you interrupting and ruining this moment Roode? EC3 interrupting made sense, but you... it’s just weird.
Honestly, this segment got hard to follow. Eric Young comes out and says some stuff about Roode never being the world champ as long as he’s around. Why is Roode/Young continuing? Shouldn’t it have ended two weeks ago when Roode won the Last Man Standing match? Young says more stuff about how he’ll never let Roode get the title again, and that he controls the entire future of the world title. But based off of what he just said, he should only have control if Roode was in a title match. Austin Aries ends up coming out and says that he holds the future of the world title in his hands and holds up his briefcase. He says that this is supposed to be Angle’s celebration (then why are you ruining it?), and that everyone in the ring has been a world champ... except EC3 (and Tyrus, and no one acknowledges that). Hopefully that’s foreshadowing an EC3 title run in the future. Aries grabs a bottle of champagne out of his briefcase (alright, that was pretty cool) and says they’re here to celebrate tonight, but asks if they’re going to celebrate Angle’s title win or Aries’s, yet again teasing cashing in. Angle ends up saying that he’ll defend the title against any one of them at any time, and begins to walk out. But Lashley’s music hits and he comes out. Lashley gets in his face and while I couldn’t hear him (he didn’t have a mic), he basically demanded a rematch. Angle agrees to face Lashley again right then and there, but for some reason refs come down to separate them. Both guys agree to the match so... why? Match is actually gonna happen next week. Guess they just wanted to build it up a little first, which makes sense. I would complain about them rushing the rematch, but I just want it over with so we can get Lashley out of the title scene (and hopefully EC3 in there). EC3 & Tyrus begins to beat on Roode & Aries, and Mr. Anderson runs out to make the save for them, resulting in a brawl between the six guys.
A real clusterf*ck of a scene, but it did set up various potential title challengers & feuds, so it serves its purpose. Also, I know it’s too early for Bound for Glory, but please TNA: Have Austin Aries vs. Ethan Carter III for the world title in the main event. PLEASE!
Match #2 - Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, & Mr. Anderson vs. Ethan Carter III, Eric Young, & Tyrus
So, how did this match happen? Everyone was brawling, then this match was happening when we came back from commercial. They then don’t explain the match; it’s just happening. It took me a minute to piece together what the actual match was.
Anyway, match itself wasn’t anything special. Not bad, but not much really stands out about it. Finish comes when Young has Aries in the figure-four, and Aries taps. Not the finish I expected, but it makes EY look good, so I won’t complain. But again, not much here stands out.
Winners via submission: Eric Young, Ethan Carter III, & Tyrus
Bram comes out to the ring and grabs the mic, and begins to call Magnus a coward. He says a bunch of stuff about how much of a coward Magnus is and that even Mickie James has more balls and is more of a man than him. Bram makes some comment about Magnus’s son, until Magnus & Mickie comes out and Magnus tells him to never mention his son again. Magnus says some stuff I didn’t care about, and eventually says that he wants to fight Bram all around the arena in the parking lot & everywhere, basically setting up a falls count anywhere match for next week. Bram says that she’s sorry about the empty house Mickie’s gonna have to go to after he kicks Magnus’s head in (what about the son? Maybe he’ll die of shock?), but says his door is always open for her. Magnus gets p*ssed about this and runs to the ring, but gets low-blowed by Bram almost immediately and is taken down. He grabs one of the turnbuckle pieces from underneath the ring and gets back in the ring to beat Magnus with it, but instead goes to grab Mickie James and throws her in the ring. At first he wants her to kiss his boot, but then decides to try and kiss her on the mouth instead. Magnus is able to break it up and his a German Suplex on him though, and Bram just leaves the ring. Alright scene, but I just think getting Mickie involved really hurt this feud a lot.
Match #3 - Lethal Lockdown esque: James Storm vs. Jeff Hardy
Lethal Lockdown esque? You really didn’t have any better names? I remember back in 2009 when Samoa Joe & Kevin Nash had a match like this, they just said “Lethal Lockdown rules”, so they couldn’t do that here? If you don’t know, this is basically a steel cage match, but there’s a roof on top of the cage with weapons hanging from it. Usually it’s a 4 vs 4 or 5 vs 5 match, but here, it’s just 1 on 1.
As for the match... eh. I’ve seen far worse, but this really didn’t stand out in my mind as good. Just passable I guess. No real spots stick out to me that I haven’t seen 100 times before. They even made a huge deal out of the finish which I’ve seen before. Storm is laying on the ground while Hardy climbs the turnbuckle. He then jumps up and grabs to the ceiling of the cage (the set-up features a big black bar that he’s able to climb along). He climbs along it until he’s positioned above Storm. He then begins swinging a bit to build up momentum, and does a splash on Storm. This might have been cool had I not seen AJ Styles do the same basic thing at Lockdown 2006. The difference was that AJ was on top of the cage roof when he did this, and was climbing from the structure on the arena ceiling, and did the splash through a table. Hardy’s thing here was just underwhelming compared to it, and it felt like they were trying too hard to impress me. Maybe they should have tried passing something in that style if they wanted to impress me, rather than a watered down version. Hardy gets the win after that move. I’d complain, but did anyone expect otherwise?
Winner via plagiarism: Jeff Hardy
Overall Impressions:
This was an alright show. Not great and certainly a step down from some of the UK shows, but it wasn’t bad, had some entertaining moments, and set up stories going forward. Only 3 matches tonight, none of them being that great, but it looks like next week’s show is going to be match-heavy since they’re heavily advertising Angle/Lashley, Bram/Magnus, & Roode/Young. So next week’s show should be interesting. But as for this show, like I said, just alright. That does it for the review and I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to tell me what you thought of the show or the review in the comments. I’m TheCannon, and I will see you guys and girls later.
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