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Prologue: Mods, I know its presumptuous...but I ask that you sticky this because crushes are never gonna stop and people will always make "So I got this crush, what should I do?" threads. So, I think it'd be better if this thread is easy to access for if someone wants to ask or answer a question. Easily available.
If I still haven't convinced you, how about you read what I say... and then judge whether you think its important enough to warrant the honor of a sticky.
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Purpose: Now, before I start, the purpose of this thread is to have a centralized "crush" "what should I do" thread that stockpiles advice and discussion on what to do. Save people the time of making their own thread, saves thread room, etc. I'm also gonna give advice.
"Why should I take your advice? You're just some random guy on the internet. Eff you man!"
Is what you may be thinking. Thanks for asking! That brings me to my next section....
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Qualifications: What qualifies me to give me advice? Well I have a doctorate in relationships studies.....
Nothing actually qualifies me to give you advice lol. That's the truth. However, there are a couple reasons that I may have a bit of a clue what I'm talking about..
1. I have a good amount of female friends. Way more so than I have guy friends. So, I'm not completely socially awkward. And I know a bit from I've heard from them and experienced.
2. I lurk the MISC...Nuff said. This is a forum that has "So I like this girl" "So I approached this Heavenly Blessed Beauty" every day. So, I've read a good amount of people on that forum relating personal experiences going up to girls they like and such. Seriously, that forum is renown for its FAs(forever aloners). It also has alot of people spouting theories, which I have read a bit for my entertainment.
3. I am not the blind leading the blind. I'm not the stereotypical nerd, though I am a closet nerd. I don't read comics(don't ask me how I first arrived at this forum), though I do read a lot of books(fantasy/scifi) and focus on my education. And I'm pretty beast at Smash Bros. Though I rarely do so, I've approached girls before. I've had crushes. I know of a decent amount of girls that like me. I get random girls making eye contact and smiling at me. Girls have made moves on me. Some of my female friends flirt with me. This is not me being cocky, this is reality. Samples: ( I will delete these images later in like a day out of paranoia and respect. Please don't quote this post or these images)
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(Just last year, this girl, who I hadn't met before, came up to me and introduced herself saying she sees me around the campus all the time so she wanted to say hi. She may have been hitting on me, she may have just wanted to befriend me. Regardless, most people perceive that as "making a move" but nothing came of it because of laziness.)
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(This girl - who I didn't know - was always pointedly making eye contact with me, smiling, and then shyly looking away. Always saw her at the same place, and she always did that when we passed each other.)
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(This girl used to be interested in me, haven't seen her in ages.)
Those are just a couple of the girls that seemed to show interest in me. Take my word for it. No Hum-bo.
I have of course been rejected before, though.
4. I have also browsed a PUA(pick up artist) forum for entertainment in the past. They're too analytical/technical especially with their terminology, but they have some decent theories. It's all pretty interesting, really.
5. As a Psych Major, I have cursory related Psych information that I have run across. Should have some influence on the validity my opinions.
6. I am legendary at Super Smash Bros....I don't really know how this relates. But I'll be damned if I don't put this on my resume. Lol.
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Disclaimer:I have not been on many real, legitimate dates. I guess I've been on alot of pseudo-dates. I don't actively pursue women. Partly out of laziness, partly because I figure I'll find a woman eventually, whenever. In the mean time, I'll focus on my future. Building myself into someone who will be able to take care of my future girl, maturely, wisely, and financially. I've technically only legit asked out like 4 girls. 3 of them because they were so high quality/on another level that they woke me, the sleeping bear of relationships, up from my laziness and actually spurred me into making a move. The 4th simply grew on me. These are reasons you may not want to trust what I say.
Oh, and this advice that I'm giving in this post will be mostly aimed at guys, though it can apply to both genders at times.
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Let's Start
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First of all, If you don't know the girl, you don't actually like the girl.
What do you like? You like the perceived image you have of her. You like her representation in your imagination. Or, maybe you just like her for her looks. Lol.
How can you know you genuinely like someone if you don't know them or have never talked to them? Maybe they're intelligent and pretty in class, but maybe they have the personality of Thanos - over inflated ego, horrible personality, trying to take over the world.
This is true whenever you think that a girl you barely know is perfect or amazing and you luuuurrrrve(yeah, lurve) her. Go have a conversation with her, so you can see if you're attracted to more than her looks and if you have interests that line up with her. Or just natural chemistry.
Otherwise, you're putting her on a pedestal. You're not treating her with respect, as a person, but the idol goddess you've made her out to be in your mind.
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Secondly, what is the point of dating or going out with them? Unless you're just trying to get laid, the point should be to get to know them better - in order to see if you really want to get in a monogamous, exclusive relationship with them. And to see if they want to as well. Right?
That is why you should talk to them, before asking them out. You talk to them in order to discover whether you want to put more effort into getting to know them better by actually taking them out(which, you know, generally costs money and time).
Don't ever go up to a random girl you haven't really talked to or just met or never met, and let the first thing out of your mouth be: "Hey. Do you want to go out to a movie sometime?" Please, do not ever do that.
If she's attractive, than this probably happens to her a lot. So, you're just annoying her. On the other hand, she might be flattered - but still reject you. This may only work if you're really attractive, or a movie star, or she already knows of you and likes you!
Instead...make a comment related to the circumstance you both are in. Or, if you're ballsy, just straight introduce yourself and tell her you think she's cute and you just had to talk to her. Then talk about something with her.
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Thirdly, you should have a conversation with her because courtship is like a dance.
People and tv nowadays try to put too much emphasis on "game" or convincing someone who didn't originally like you that you're the best person for them for no real reason and are completely awesome. That's not how it should be. I think it should be like a dance that is you guys mirroring each other's interest. You make a move, she makes a move, you match it, she matches it. Until the moves get more complex and the dance escalates and you guys are intertwining and spinning like its Salsa.
When you talk to a girl, you should get some type of indication of whether she's interested in you. Either through body language, or laughing at your jokes, or how engrossed she is in whatever you have to say. How much attention she gives you. That is why you should talk to a girl before you ask her out. You should try to figure out whether she's interested or attracted to you. At the very least, you should try to figure out whether she's receptive to you. Even if she's neutral towards you, that's good to know. Make sure she's doesn't hate you or dislike you or isn't uncomfortable with you. The end result? You are less likely to get rejected, because you know that she is interested before asking her out OR you're not gonna get rejected because you cut your losses/don't leave yourself open to rejection by realizing she is not interested in you without her having to outright say it. Be smart about it, yeah?
Even if you're not talking to them, girls can show you interest subtly through eye contact. According to an online book I once read on body language, if you make eye contact with a girl and she immediately looks down(possibly after smiling)...she is more likely than not interested in you. Though she may just be shy. If you make eye contact, and she holds eye contact and smiles, she's probably interested in you. Or she may just be a polite, friendly person who smiles at everyone who she makes eye contact with. Oh, and they may just openly stare at you if they find you really attractive.
Eye contact is part of the dance. Society tells guys they need to make the move, so most girls try to show interest and then wait for you to make a move.
Let me illustrate an example of the dance of courtship: Girl makes eye contact with you, smiles, and then looks away first. Then steals glances at you. You match this by maintaining eye contact and smiling at her. You raise this by going up and talking to her. She matches you by giving you her attention. Maybe she laughs at your jokes, regardless of how funny they are. She asks you of your plans for the next day or the weekend. You tell her, and you ask her about hers. She indicates that she is free. Or maybe she just straights hints at this without you having to ask her, because she wants you to ask her. You raise interest - you ask her if she would like to do something with you? She matches your move by saying yes.
^This is an example of the kind of dance of reciprocity and matching and mirroring that should be done when courting someone.
According to what I've read Psychology/body language, people mirror the body language of people they are attracted to. Oh, and you should make strong, confident eye contact with girls when you're talking to them. Also, emotions are infectious. Smile.
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Fourth, why do you specifically want a relationship or to go out with them?
You should not try to get a girlfriend just because you haven't had one. Just to cross that off your bucket list. Or just to have one.
It should not be phrased as, "I want a girlfriend". It should be, "I want *this specific girl*".
Don't be desperate, girls can smell it like dogs and it is generally an unattractive odor. Personally, I haven't actually had a girlfriend. But I follow the philosophy that: When it happens, it will happen. Why stress or hurry up the process? Life will bring you to meet an undefinable amount of people; one of them is likely to click with you. Just be patient for one of those people to be the right one, don't try to force this by wanting to date every single girl you get a crush on. Or every single girl you find attractive.
"For the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong...blablabla....but time and chance happen to them all"-Bible
Some people want to hurry that up because they feel lonely? Maybe you should focus on your friends and the support they give you, throughout your life.
Some people are sexually frustrated? I mean, this advice is mainly for people who want a real relationship and not just sex. If you're really too damn horny, lower your standards...at some point, you will find a girl as desperate as you. Of course, this is assuming you have to lower your standards. Either way, you should find a girl who wants it No Strings Attached and be upfront with her after building sexual tension.
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Fifth, why should this girl like you? Why should she go out with you? What exactly do you have to offer her?
Because of all these disney movies, people feel like they deserve to be loved no matter how or who they are. That's not really true. You should have some sort of value to offer in the relationship - maybe she feels more comfortable around you, maybe you make her laugh, maybe you're going somewhere in life, maybe you're better than all he previous boyfriends. You get the picture.
Please don't be one of those people who are broke, lazy, and spend more time reading comics than doing anything of value...and expect the girl to just accept these shortcomings and like you because you are you. As a recent Cracked.com article just also expressed, you should be asking.
"How can I have the positive qualities that girls like in a guy. How can I become the man that deserves this girl".
Which brings me to my last point....
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Last, do you have the right priorities? Maybe you don't need a girl, maybe you should focus on developing yourself.
I'm not only talking about health wise. Not just muscles. There are so many areas you should be trying to improve about yourself. Constantly. The way you talk. The way you dress. Your future. Your health. Losing weight. Gaining muscle. Intellectually. Getting more life experiences. Achieving financial stability. Getting closer to your friends. Networking. Traveling. Becoming wiser. Becoming more social. Building your resume. Volunteering. Giving back to the community. Becoming more mature.
Those are just examples, there's so many important things you should be developing about yourself, throughout this life we all live. Maybe you should prioritize one of these, and don't then pursue a relationship until after you have developed it a bit more?
Personally, I think single life is a lot less stressful than being in a relationship. And like I keep repeating; I'd rather spend my time worrying about my own improvement and direction in life. Consider it. And consider the fact that your friends, of the opposite gender, may be potential wives later on in life.
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That's all I got for you tonight. Ask any questions. I open the forum for discussion.
Also, I will draft a comicvine female to cohost this thread with me. And give you a more, directly female opinion on everything. Including answering questions. I will reserve the first post after this one for her. To be honest, when school starts back up Tuesday, I'll most likely be too busy to check this frequently. Though, of course, anyone can give their opinion.
Mods: I implore you to sticky this thread, if you like what I've said and like what you've read. Pretty please ;)
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