#1 Posted by mavfan626 (4560 posts) - - Show Bio

A bear was chasing a rabbit threw the forest one day and they both come across a magic frog. The frog told them that they get three wishes each the bear said "I'll go first" and wished that all the bears in the forest were female apart from him and the frog said "wish granted" the rabbit went next and wish for a motorcycle and the wish was granted. The bear was thinking "What a wastefull wish". The bear then asked for all the bears in the next forest to be female and it was granted, the rabbit then wished for a motorcycle helmet and the granted it. The bear was think "Another wish wasted" the bear then wished his final wish and wished that all the bears in the world were female but him and the frog granted it. The bear was so happy that he was the only male bear in the world and look at the rabbit as it jump on it motorcycle. As the rabbit was riding off it last wish was " I wish the Bear was Gay" and the bear never seen that rabbit ever again.   
Just make it taste full  
nothing to dirty  
nothing bad about race  
No Swearing 

#2 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio

I wonder where you go this from? Shouldn't it be in off-topic though?
Anyways, this isn't aimed at women, but feminists...it's different.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

#3 Posted by mavfan626 (4560 posts) - - Show Bio

And lol Yes I got the Idea for Sexy Merc he told a joke in a thread so I made a joke thread and yeah I should of made this off-topic my bad!

#4 Posted by Sheep-Kill (738 posts) - - Show Bio

What is a pirate's favorite letter? 

#5 Posted by Black Lantern Mar-vell (2119 posts) - - Show Bio
#6 Posted by JCJQLB (2933 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc: OMG! That's not funny!
#7 Posted by Tesseract (870 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc said:
" I wonder where you go this from? Shouldn't it be in off-topic though?
Anyways, this isn't aimed at women, but feminists...it's different.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
hahaha nice one.
#8 Posted by lord_oraculous016 (9443 posts) - - Show Bio

Where can you find Divorce first before Marriage? 
answer: On a Dictionary.. not really that funny though.. lol

#9 Posted by FadeToBlackBolt (23390 posts) - - Show Bio

I'll tell you a joke;
Joe Quesada. 
Ohhhhhh, burn!

#10 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio
@JCJQLB: You're right, it's hilarious.
#11 Edited by JCJQLB (2933 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc: No it isn't! A Feminist woman can change many things and by herself!
#12 Edited by Dracade102 (8452 posts) - - Show Bio
@FadeToBlackBolt said:

"I'll tell you a joke;  Joe Quesada.   Ohhhhhh, burn! "

Dude... Too Soon.
#13 Posted by Mutant God (3481 posts) - - Show Bio

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
#14 Posted by spiderpigbart (2716 posts) - - Show Bio

 A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.  The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.  He opened his newspaper and began reading.  After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked,  
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"   
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." 
 "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. 

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."     

#15 Posted by the referee (2620 posts) - - Show Bio

Superman flies home to his mom after a fight with Chemo
He says "Mom I have mud on my boots, tar on my cape and toxic waste on my chest plate"
His mom says " The boots I can clean, the cape will be tough, but the toxic waste will be a pain in the S

#16 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio
@JCJQLB:  No, they're idiots. A bunch of women with common sense can get more done in a day (with a more positive brand of change and being non-vindictive) than they've done throughout history.
#17 Posted by JCJQLB (2933 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc: Come on! That's so NOT true!
#18 Posted by inferiorego (23357 posts) - - Show Bio

#19 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio
@JCJQLB: I'm not saying they haven't gotten anything done (it was just a joke, similar to blond jokes not applying to all blonds and how 7 didn't eat 9) but the ways they've gotten things done are a reason to why they're referred to as feminazis.
#20 Posted by JCJQLB (2933 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc: Okay then!
#21 Posted by Jake Fury (21458 posts) - - Show Bio

What did the ocean say to the shore? 
-Nothing it just waved. 
Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my butt sore."    

#22 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego: That dude is funny as heck.
#23 Posted by inferiorego (23357 posts) - - Show Bio
@Sexy Merc said:
" @inferiorego: That dude is funny as heck. "
thanks sir!
#24 Posted by Sexy Merc (42458 posts) - - Show Bio
@inferiorego said:
" @Sexy Merc said:
" @inferiorego: That dude is funny as heck. "
thanks sir! "
No problem.
#25 Posted by iloverobots (466 posts) - - Show Bio

How many ears does Captain Spock have? 
Three. Two on each side of his head and a final front-ear.

#26 Edited by Edamame (29867 posts) - - Show Bio
#27 Posted by mavfan626 (4560 posts) - - Show Bio

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks."The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks."They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!    

#28 Posted by 123422 (1014 posts) - - Show Bio

Two women were coming home from a bar, totally drunk when they both wanted to take a leak, but there were no bathrooms nearby. They went to a nearby graveyard, did what they had to do and found there was no toilet paper. The next day, their husbands were talking about what happened the night before 
Husband #1: I think my wife's cheating on me, i checked on her last night and her underwear's gone!
Husband #2: You think that's bad? I found flowers and a piece of paper saying "The Army thanks you for your services" ....
A grandson asks his grandfather
Grandson: Grandpa, is it true in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Power Plant?
Grandpa: Yes there was *pats the grandson on the head*
Grandson: And the accident has no consequence whatsoever?
Grandpa: Of course, absolutely! *pats grandson on his other head*

#29 Posted by CaptinAwesome (323 posts) - - Show Bio

Who is the biggest whore in history? Mrs.Pacman for a quarter she eats balls until she dies!

#30 Edited by RoosterCogburn (212 posts) - - Show Bio

Kind of long, and a little dirty, so beware! Its a good one tho! My grandpa tells it to me all the time. Always funny.
Two old men in their 80's were sitting on a front porch. One was named Bob and the other was Ted. Bob looked at Ted and asked 'Do you know what's something I haven't done in a long time?"
"Whats that, Bob?" Ted responded.
"Get some p*ssy" Bob answered.
Ted chuckled and told Bob that there was a whore house down the road and that they should both go down there and get laid once again since a long time.Bob agreed and they both piled into Bobs truck and headed to the whore house. Once they arrived they both walked in and approached the owner and asked her for o0ne girl each to sleep with. The owner of the whore house began to think to herself 'why would i waste on of my beautiful girls on these old dirty men and make them sleep with them? i will give these two senile old men a blowup doll to sleep with and they wont even know the difference.' So the owner of the whore house gave Bob and Ted a blowup doll each and they both went upstairs to separate rooms and did their business.
The next morning as they were driving home Ted looked at Bob and asked "Hey Bob, did you notice anything strange about those girls we slept with last night?"
Bob asked "What do you mean, Ted?"
Ted answered ,"Well I was kissing and feeling all over her all night and she wouldn't make one sound. It was like she was dead'
Bob said 'I know exactly what you mean! I think mine was a witch!"
Ted said "A witch!? why would u think that"
Bob responded "Well, I bit her on the tit and she farted and flew out the window'

#31 Posted by Vitality (1834 posts) - - Show Bio

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''

''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.

''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'''

''Keep going!''

I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, ''You now have three wishes.''

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''

''What next?'' begged the bartender.

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''

I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''    
#32 Posted by CaptinAwesome (323 posts) - - Show Bio

Do you know who has been through a lot of sh!t and is still together? Your butt cheeks...

#33 Posted by Dracade102 (8452 posts) - - Show Bio

How do Muslims prefer their pie?

Allah mode.

#34 Posted by protectyournose (912 posts) - - Show Bio

Superman burped in the Pacific Ocean and caused a NOAH'S ARK.

#35 Posted by Samimista (21923 posts) - - Show Bio

Guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

#36 Posted by umbrafeline (5919 posts) - - Show Bio

so an irishman walks OUT of a bar... nah im just kidding. that never happens :-P

#37 Posted by ImmortalOne (3710 posts) - - Show Bio

A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are stuck on an island after their boat crashed. The mainland is a mile away.

The brunette tried to swim there, but she drowned half way. The redhead also drowned, after swimming three-fourths of the way.

The blond swam half way, got tired, and swam back to the island.

(No offense to any blondes out there)