Exactly what the title says. What things has your father said to you growing up that just seems ridiculous? I'll start with a few gems from my dad. "You have champagne dreams with beer money", "You want something to cry about?! I'll give you something to cry about!", "Does it look like I'm made of money?", "Just because you got hit in the head with a bat doesn't mean you have to go to the hospital, now go sleep it off", "Son, I brought you into this world and I'll take you out of it", "Forget about her she was out of your league anyway".
After Getting a Girlfriend. "Good Job Son."
After being in a fight and losing. "I should kick you're ass."
After being in a fight and winning. "I am so proud of you."
After Crying. " you want to cry oh I'll give you something to cry about."
When we're just hanging around. Let the Wrestling match commence (between me and my Dad.)
When my Parents Separated. "I want us to be a family again whether it's me you you're brother and you're mother or someone other than you're mother I just want us to be a family again."
Inspirational Quote. "never throw the first punch but alway's throw the last."
Inspirational Quote #2. " If you walk with you're heart out on you're sleeve don't be suprised if it get's broken."
Hardcore Guy Quote. "Women can be real Bitches sometimes."
Famous Last Words. "I love you son."
My Dad and I Joke around way too much though lol.
"I can destroy you in PC shooters but not in console shooters"~ My dad on gaming
"It was stupid how his suit fell off when the truck hit him. Iron man was stronger than that on the first movie! They are ruining the franchise".~ My dad on Iron man 3 (he thought the plot was crap, but the effects and RDJ's acting were still good)
"Eh, I didn't like it. Breaking Bad is still better".~ My dad on the walking dead tv show
"How do I put the guns and car cheat code again? I need to run away from the cops".~ My dad on GTA IV.
"He's one of the best characters in the show". My dad on Tyrion.
(These are legit quotes from my dad, no bull)
After platfighting Your to soft, I thought you were Batman, You wouldn't last a second with Captain Canada " America dad" Whack
After wrestling Told you boy Im Hulk, Stop yelling before your mom comes in here, " I finally get him haha what now Superman is stronger than Hulk" flips me over no matter how prepared I am
He sees a girl a my school you know her hey you know her, me "no dad" I don't know where you got that from I never not talk to a pretty girl when I was your age
At my sisters school watching a game. My sisters teacher " the cheerleaders are pretty good huh" my dad I don't like looking at little girls girls dancing around like they fass, my sisters teacher looks super embarrassed about himself.
"In college I knew a guy who was high on weed, just weed, and he tried to bite off a nurses finger. Flash forward about 3 years after college and I have the C.I.A. on my doorstep asking about the guy's past since he is being evaluated as a potential recruit." (I say did you tell them the truth) "of course, it's not like they cared if he had or not. Just wanted to know things that could be used against him in the future."
A true story my dad told me. Here's another,
"The drinking age changed while we were in college. A friend was turning twenty-one so we thought it would be a great idea to instead of twenty-one candles we use twenty-one shot glasses with Bacardi 450 rum with the tops on fire. When he went to blow them out the rum spread out everywhere catching the curtains on fire. We got the fire out luckily but it was pretty scary at the time."
Now a quote, "You need condoms to deal with health insurance companies since they will always try to screw you over."
The man has an IQ around 170. Freaking love my dad lol.
"You want I should smack you?" - Spoken in regards to a work day where I was flustered and not thinking clearly.
"Did YOU just tell me to 'calm down'?!" - Since then I haven't.
Then there was that wonderful time when after my first girlfriend left my house he responded to the dopey, love-struck grin on my face with a little melody that went something like "Blue balls...Blue balls!"
During a supposed bedbug infestation not long after putting something from the wall onto the floor: "Great, you left that on the floor and now it's infected".
Dad- "Are you a virgin ?" Me- "nope" Dad-" you use condoms ?" Me- Yeah I do" Dad-" where you get me from ?" Me-" Walgreens up the street !" Dad-" Well atleast you got sense enough to wrap yah pipe.. These girls rusty !" Me= DEAD ! Lmao