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#1 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

I recently separated from my girlfriend about two months ago. She was and still is the only girl I ever loved. Even though we come from a place where intolerance to love is not uncommon, we persevered. Pressure from parents and teachers couldn't stop us and day-by-day we came closer together. We sometimes argued, and even though we had our differences, we loved each other and were happy together.

After about a year-and-a-half of our relationship, she was sent to boarding school. That didn't stop us. We still talked almost everyday, e-mailed and skyped each other everyday. But she went through a lot in that school. She didn't grow up in such restriction and as a result her academic performance went down. And on top of that, we started fighting almost everyday. And then one night, I said some things that I really shouldn't have. She was extremely dedicated to me and I doubted her dedication. I made a terrible mistake. The next day, she told me that she is at a point in her life where she doesn't know what to do. She said that she doesn't want to lose me but she needs time and space to think.

That's when things started going downhill. I should have given her space but I got scared and started calling her everyday to apologize and ask her to give me another chance. That only served to aggravate and irritate her and she said that she couldn't do this anymore. I was devastated and left her alone. But after about 2-3 weeks, a mutual friend of ours tried to bring us back together and initially she agreed and said that she loves me still. But now, she gets irritated just by hearing my name. She started to resent me and I asked him to lay off.

Is it too late for me to get back with her? I really love her and promised her a long time back that I would never give up on her. I always did put her happiness above mine. Do I still have hope?

#2 Edited by charlieboy (7158 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999: Dude, it is not at all healthy to put all your happiness into another person. If you two get back together then great. If not You need to learn to be able to be happy on your own. You don't need another person to make you complete. Really the only thing you can do is leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

#3 Posted by TheNooseIsLoose (1900 posts) - - Show Bio

Sounds like she already moved on. Time for you to do the same.

#4 Posted by BumpyBoo (8101 posts) - - Show Bio

@charlieboy said:

@darkazrael999: Dude, it is not at all healthy to put all your happiness into another person. If you two get back together then great. If not You need to learn to be able to be happy on your own. You don't need another person to make you complete. Really the only thing you can do is leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

I really strongly agree with this.

Moderator
#5 Posted by deadpoolrules (4683 posts) - - Show Bio

@BumpyBoo said:

@charlieboy said:

@darkazrael999: Dude, it is not at all healthy to put all your happiness into another person. If you two get back together then great. If not You need to learn to be able to be happy on your own. You don't need another person to make you complete. Really the only thing you can do is leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

I really strongly agree with this.

Both of this.

#6 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheNooseIsLoose: All those memories, they gotta count for something, right? I stopped being desperate or too emotional but all I am asking is for a chance to reconcile. Do you think it is possible?

#7 Posted by TheNooseIsLoose (1900 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999: Trust me. I've been there, and the second you start clinging to a chick she's done with you. But don't worry. Your about to realize there is a whole world around you that you've been ignoring because of your focus on this girl.

#8 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@TheNooseIsLoose said:

Sounds like she already moved on. Time for you to do the same.

We had a lot of memories together. We fought for each other and shed loads of tears for each other. Yes, I made a mistake but believe me, I repent that mistake every single day. I am just asking whether there is a chance that she will forgive me and reconcile?

#9 Posted by lykopis (10753 posts) - - Show Bio

I am so sorry.

For your sake, pull away - really and truly pull away. She needs to want to be with you as well, she needs to feel like what you've been through together has to count for something. If she is working to move on and isn't open to a reconciliation, then there is nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do to change her mind and although you might feel being true to her and ensuring she is aware you still love her and will always be there for her, what you are ultimately doing is slashing at yourself.

The truth is, if she truly loves you - she couldn't bear a day with being without you. That she can be and has been is proof she is moving on. Blaming yourself for being the reason for it is just your mind trying to make sense of the impossible, which is the two of you not being together. Hoping and waiting for her to come back is forcing you to stay where you are now, which is an extremely painful place.

If there was something I could do for you, it would be to fast forward time. Time is what you need, not forgiveness from her.

#10 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

I am so sorry.

For your sake, pull away - really and truly pull away. She needs to want to be with you as well, she needs to feel like what you've been through together has to count for something. If she is working to move on and isn't open to a reconciliation, then there is nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do to change her mind and although you might feel being true to her and ensuring she is aware you still love her and will always be there for her, what you are ultimately doing is slashing at yourself.

The truth is, if she truly loves you - she couldn't bear a day with being without you. That she can be and has been is proof she is moving on. Blaming yourself for being the reason for it is just your mind trying to make sense of the impossible, which is the two of you not being together. Hoping and waiting for her to come back is forcing you to stay where you are now, which is an extremely painful place.

If there was something I could do for you, it would be to fast forward time. Time is what you need, not forgiveness from her.

Thank you. Thank you for the advice.

@TheNooseIsLoose: @BumpyBoo: @deadpoolrules: Thanks for the advice, everybody. Thank you.

#11 Posted by TheNooseIsLoose (1900 posts) - - Show Bio

Kind of related

#12 Posted by Glitch_Spawn (17132 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

I am so sorry.

For your sake, pull away - really and truly pull away. She needs to want to be with you as well, she needs to feel like what you've been through together has to count for something. If she is working to move on and isn't open to a reconciliation, then there is nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do to change her mind and although you might feel being true to her and ensuring she is aware you still love her and will always be there for her, what you are ultimately doing is slashing at yourself.

The truth is, if she truly loves you - she couldn't bear a day with being without you. That she can be and has been is proof she is moving on. Blaming yourself for being the reason for it is just your mind trying to make sense of the impossible, which is the two of you not being together. Hoping and waiting for her to come back is forcing you to stay where you are now, which is an extremely painful place.

If there was something I could do for you, it would be to fast forward time. Time is what you need, not forgiveness from her.

Yee, learned this the hard way.

#13 Posted by lykopis (10753 posts) - - Show Bio

@Glitch_Spawn:

**hugs**

#14 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

"Love" is too downgraded nowadays. If it hasn't been tested by time, it's not love. If it's not an adjustment on both sides, it's not love. If it's not a commitment to one another, it's only superficial, and it's not love. It may be something good. It may be inspirational. It may be the foundations of what would later be love. But it ain't love.

#15 Posted by Dark_Vengeance_ (14594 posts) - - Show Bio

Move on and learn from you mistakes. also little tip: long distance relationships never work.

#16 Posted by Glitch_Spawn (17132 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

@Glitch_Spawn:

**hugs**

You and Rai are like the public moral support committee :)

#17 Posted by sesquipedalophobe (4698 posts) - - Show Bio

No, there is no hope for all that. However, there are plenty of women in the sea. They're all drowning and you're going to save at least three.

#18 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@ssejllenrad said:

"Love" is too downgraded nowadays. If it hasn't been tested by time, it's not love. If it's not an adjustment on both sides, it's not love. If it's not a commitment to one another, it's only superficial, and it's not love. It may be something good. It may be inspirational. It may be the foundations of what would later be love. But it ain't love.

We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I need her forgiveness, that's it. I am willing to wait.

#19 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

@DarkKnightDetective said:

Move on and learn from you mistakes. also little tip: long distance relationships never work.

Yes it does. I tried it with my gf. Different countries, even. We lasted 2 years apart. And now (going through our 8th year) we are about to get married. It's all about trust, really.

#20 Posted by IZZR (4289 posts) - - Show Bio

Forget her, there are lots of amazing mami's out there you just gotta find your special one.

#21 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

@sesquipedalophobe said:

No, there is no hope for all that. However, there are plenty of women in the sea. They're all drowning and you're going to save at least three.

Aquaman would agree!

#22 Posted by YourNeighborhoodComicGeek (20117 posts) - - Show Bio

@lykopis said:

I am so sorry.

For your sake, pull away - really and truly pull away. She needs to want to be with you as well, she needs to feel like what you've been through together has to count for something. If she is working to move on and isn't open to a reconciliation, then there is nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do to change her mind and although you might feel being true to her and ensuring she is aware you still love her and will always be there for her, what you are ultimately doing is slashing at yourself.

The truth is, if she truly loves you - she couldn't bear a day with being without you. That she can be and has been is proof she is moving on. Blaming yourself for being the reason for it is just your mind trying to make sense of the impossible, which is the two of you not being together. Hoping and waiting for her to come back is forcing you to stay where you are now, which is an extremely painful place.

If there was something I could do for you, it would be to fast forward time. Time is what you need, not forgiveness from her.

This.

#23 Posted by icysloth (1305 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999: dude if she was sent to boarding school im guessing your like 15, no offense. Play the field

#24 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

I recently separated from my girlfriend about two months ago. She was and still is the only girl I ever loved. Even though we come from a place where intolerance to love is not uncommon, we persevered. Pressure from parents and teachers couldn't stop us and day-by-day we came closer together. We sometimes argued, and even though we had our differences, we loved each other and were happy together.

After about a year-and-a-half of our relationship, she was sent to boarding school. That didn't stop us. We still talked almost everyday, e-mailed and skyped each other everyday. But she went through a lot in that school. She didn't grow up in such restriction and as a result her academic performance went down. And on top of that, we started fighting almost everyday. And then one night, I said some things that I really shouldn't have. She was extremely dedicated to me and I doubted her dedication. I made a terrible mistake. The next day, she told me that she is at a point in her life where she doesn't know what to do. She said that she doesn't want to lose me but she needs time and space to think.

That's when things started going downhill. I should have given her space but I got scared and started calling her everyday to apologize and ask her to give me another chance. That only served to aggravate and irritate her and she said that she couldn't do this anymore. I was devastated and left her alone. But after about 2-3 weeks, a mutual friend of ours tried to bring us back together and initially she agreed and said that she loves me still. But now, she gets irritated just by hearing my name. She started to resent me and I asked him to lay off.

Is it too late for me to get back with her? I really love her and promised her a long time back that I would never give up on her. I always did put her happiness above mine. Do I still have hope?

This depends greatly on one thing.

How old are you both?

I'm serious. That's a big deal in this kind of situation (which sounds like a highschool, maybe even junior high thing).

#25 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

#26 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

Age usually, but not necessarily, is where maturity is based. It's not absolute but it is quite general.

#27 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

OK, and how old is she? A boarding school is usually like, middle-school and junior high. Did you misspeak in your OP?

#28 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

OK, and how old is she? A boarding school is usually like, middle-school and junior high. Did you misspeak in your OP?

She is 17.

#29 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

OK, and how old is she? A boarding school is usually like, middle-school and junior high. Did you misspeak in your OP?

She is 17.

OK, not a big age difference at all; but at this age, she's likely just getting the tail-end of puberty, so that's something to take into consideration with her apparently changing attitude towards you. You might need to accept the fact that she might not ever feel the same about you, and it might not completely be your fault. It depends on what you said. If you said "you're a bitch, you whiny little jerk", that's probably a major factor lol. But her age is a factor as well.

My advice is, don't get too into people until you're early 20's and the other person is as well, possibly even a little bit later; it's generally a much more secure way to be in the relationship you seem to have had, which is one where you put all your faith and happiness in the other person, hoping they reciprocate it. That's a very mature and loving thing to do (usually; calling her every day might be a bit overboard though, might wanna curb that habit, save that kind of commitment for marriage usually (if one is not committed enough for marriage, but keeps calling every day, that probably makes people think you're creepy, y'know? Not saying you are, but she probably was bothered by it)), but that means that most people won't understand it until they're past puberty and actually starting their own life and starting to be their own person, making complex decisions for themselves. If you do it too early, as you've found out, in most cases, for one reason or another, those relationships don't last, and one or both people in the relationship are left as husks of their former selves for a time.

Also, there's never only one person for each other person in the world. Nobody is "perfect", which means that there are different people with different combinations of attributes you will find both annoying and amazing, in different amounts as well (for example, the difference between a stand-up comic and someone who can make jokes occasionally). Don't be discouraged if you think that someone is wonderful and it doesn't work out; there are thousands, probably millions of people that would make excellent spouses later on in life, for every other person out there. In other words, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Mathematically speaking, at least, what are the odds that, assuming you meet 10 new, unique people every day, in a mildly deep manner (this number is greatly exaggerated from what is actually true), and there are always around 7 billion people on average in the world throughout your life, and you live to be 100 years old... You meet a total of 365,000 people, and that means you have a roughly 1 in 19,000 chance of meeting the one person who's meant for you. That's baloney. If that were true, there'd only be ~18,500 married or engaged/super serious couples in America that don't get divorced and stay relatively happy. I doubt that.

I don't know if there's much you can do though, for your current relationship. Give her some space and time to herself, then show up at her doorstep (if you can, or skype her) and try and calmly, non-overly-emotionally (since being clingy is not a great attribute in most people), tell her you want to talk about it and try and fix the relationship. If she says it's over at that point, let it be done. She's probably not the one for you. Don't forget my first point, that she's probably just hit the tail-end of puberty and her tastes and moods and attitudes and personality are all changing still. Even for girls, it's safe to assume that until the age of 21, nobody is at a very stable point in their personal life compared to where they might be when they turn 21 in a few years, and everything about them is still up in the air. For some people, they don't even fully mature until mid twenties or later; mature being used in the sense of finding ones' self, not in the sense of when someone stops thinking girls have cooties. In other words, let her be who she wants to be, since she's still maturing, and if she really doesn't want to be with you anymore, it might suck a LOT at first, but that's the way it's gotta be. It'll get better.

TLDR: Read it anyway :D I out-did myself in this post.

#30 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

OK, and how old is she? A boarding school is usually like, middle-school and junior high. Did you misspeak in your OP?

She is 17.

OK, not a big age difference at all; but at this age, she's likely just getting the tail-end of puberty, so that's something to take into consideration with her apparently changing attitude towards you. You might need to accept the fact that she might not ever feel the same about you, and it might not completely be your fault. It depends on what you said. If you said "you're a bitch, you whiny little jerk", that's probably a major factor lol. But her age is a factor as well.

My advice is, don't get too into people until you're early 20's and the other person is as well, possibly even a little bit later; it's generally a much more secure way to be in the relationship you seem to have had, which is one where you put all your faith and happiness in the other person, hoping they reciprocate it. That's a very mature and loving thing to do (usually; calling her every day might be a bit overboard though, might wanna curb that habit, save that kind of commitment for marriage usually (if one is not committed enough for marriage, but keeps calling every day, that probably makes people think you're creepy, y'know? Not saying you are, but she probably was bothered by it)), but that means that most people won't understand it until they're past puberty and actually starting their own life and starting to be their own person, making complex decisions for themselves. If you do it too early, as you've found out, in most cases, for one reason or another, those relationships don't last, and one or both people in the relationship are left as husks of their former selves for a time.

Also, there's never only one person for each other person in the world. Nobody is "perfect", which means that there are different people with different combinations of attributes you will find both annoying and amazing, in different amounts as well (for example, the difference between a stand-up comic and someone who can make jokes occasionally). Don't be discouraged if you think that someone is wonderful and it doesn't work out; there are thousands, probably millions of people that would make excellent spouses later on in life, for every other person out there. In other words, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Mathematically speaking, at least, what are the odds that, assuming you meet 10 new, unique people every day, in a mildly deep manner (this number is greatly exaggerated from what is actually true), and there are always around 7 billion people on average in the world throughout your life, and you live to be 100 years old... You meet a total of 365,000 people, and that means you have a roughly 1 in 19,000 chance of meeting the one person who's meant for you. That's baloney. If that were true, there'd only be ~18,500 married or engaged/super serious couples in America that don't get divorced and stay relatively happy. I doubt that.

I don't know if there's much you can do though, for your current relationship. Give her some space and time to herself, then show up at her doorstep (if you can, or skype her) and try and calmly, non-overly-emotionally (since being clingy is not a great attribute in most people), tell her you want to talk about it and try and fix the relationship. If she says it's over at that point, let it be done. She's probably not the one for you. Don't forget my first point, that she's probably just hit the tail-end of puberty and her tastes and moods and attitudes and personality are all changing still. Even for girls, it's safe to assume that until the age of 21, nobody is at a very stable point in their personal life compared to where they might be when they turn 21 in a few years, and everything about them is still up in the air. For some people, they don't even fully mature until mid twenties or later; mature being used in the sense of finding ones' self, not in the sense of when someone stops thinking girls have cooties. In other words, let her be who she wants to be, since she's still maturing, and if she really doesn't want to be with you anymore, it might suck a LOT at first, but that's the way it's gotta be. It'll get better.

TLDR: Read it anyway :D I out-did myself in this post.

You certainly did. Thank you, for understanding and for the advice. Thank you so much. I am eternally grateful.

You are getting a follow. :D

#31 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

#32 Posted by slacker the hacker (7835 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

May I give you some advice?

#33 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@slacker the hacker said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

May I give you some advice?

Yes. Please do.

#34 Posted by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

You sound like a genuinely kind hearted person and I'm sure another girl will realize this. It will be hard, but be strong and move forward with your life, and find the person who will love you for eternity. This isn't the end. This was just a stepping stone in life and an experience that will only benefit you in the long run.

#35 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@Blood1991 said:

You sound like a genuinely kind hearted person and I'm sure another girl will realize this. It will be hard, but be strong and move forward with your life, and find the person who will love you for eternity. This isn't the end. This was just a stepping stone in life and an experience that will only benefit you in the long run.

I found that person. That person loved me to the ends of the Earth and I ruined everything.

#36 Edited by Blood1991 (8098 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@Blood1991 said:

You sound like a genuinely kind hearted person and I'm sure another girl will realize this. It will be hard, but be strong and move forward with your life, and find the person who will love you for eternity. This isn't the end. This was just a stepping stone in life and an experience that will only benefit you in the long run.

I found that person. That person loved me to the ends of the Earth and I ruined everything.

You may think you did, but you are young and there will be others, do not waste your life away on regrets. The next girl you date probably won't be the one, but someday you will hopefully look back on this relationship and will have learned from it. You need time to heal, think, reflect and hurt. Nothing anyone says will change that.

#37 Posted by slacker the hacker (7835 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

May I give you some advice?

Yes. Please do.

Well as I have a strong belief in love and romance, I would say go get her back if you truly love her. People in relationships will always fight., some more then others. But if you two are truly in love then this dispute you are having should do nothing more then leave a chinck in your realtionship as whole. But if either of you are going to end it because of a few fights then there is no future in this. So in short. Show her you love her and if she loves you then she will also reply with love. You can't have a loving relationship without either party being able to shrug off fights and what not.

And if that doesn't work out then you and I can hang out, and become best buds.

#38 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999: You know when someone annoys you and everything they do, even if it's sweet or genuine just irritates you? That's how she feels about you, except she still loves you. I was you at one point in my life, except I tried to get her back after it was already too late. Just let it be man. She really needs her space and if you contact her at all, all you will do is irritate her more. If there is any hope for you both that's your safest bet. If this is the end PLEASE leave with your dignity. If you do something stupid like cry to her or beg her to take you back you will regret it soooo much. I poured my heart out to my ex with a really long heart felt poem and I regret that soo much because all that was to her was just a piece of paper that she could show her friends.

If it is over for good, she will contact you at some point later on down the line. Usually as a friendly "whats up" or a "Goodmorning/Goodnight". This is her way of seeing if you are still sprung on her by what you respond with. Most girls won't admit it, but they enjoy it when dudes are stuck on them (Especially if she is with someone else). Do yourself a favor and ignore it or reply with something really mean.

Sorry if this is really detailed, but I have been through this particular situation more than once and I hate it when I hear about it because it just reminds me of my past errors and how naive I was when it came to exes and girls in general.

#39 Posted by slacker the hacker (7835 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Holy crap you have The Driver as your icon.

#40 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Holy crap you have The Driver as your icon.

Right?! How f*cking awesome was that movie????

#41 Posted by slacker the hacker (7835 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Holy crap you have The Driver as your icon.

Right?! How f*cking awesome was that movie????

One of the most awesome movies I've ever seen. Not to mention a hell of a performance when Ryan Gosling put that psycho expression I was in awe.

#42 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Holy crap you have The Driver as your icon.

Right?! How f*cking awesome was that movie????

One of the most awesome movies I've ever seen. Not to mention a hell of a performance when Ryan Gosling put that psycho expression I was in awe.

Everything about that movie was amazing. The kill scenes, Gosling's dialogue (all 5 words :P), the directing, the musical scores, the characters. It was like Pulp Fiction, but better because no one really said anything; It was more about feeling than dialogue. Seriously the best movie I have ever seen.

#43 Posted by slacker the hacker (7835 posts) - - Show Bio

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@NlGHTCRAWLER: Holy crap you have The Driver as your icon.

Right?! How f*cking awesome was that movie????

One of the most awesome movies I've ever seen. Not to mention a hell of a performance when Ryan Gosling put that psycho expression I was in awe.

Everything about that movie was amazing. The kill scenes, Gosling's dialogue (all 5 words :P), the directing, the musical scores, the characters. It was like Pulp Fiction, but better because no one really said anything; It was more about feeling than dialogue. Seriously the best movie I have ever seen.

It's in my top 10 for sho.

#44 Posted by ssejllenrad (12847 posts) - - Show Bio

Awright! From relationship problem to Driver. I like where this thread is going!

#45 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123 said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@icysloth: I turned 20 day before yesterday. What's age gotta do with anything?

OK, and how old is she? A boarding school is usually like, middle-school and junior high. Did you misspeak in your OP?

She is 17.

OK, not a big age difference at all; but at this age, she's likely just getting the tail-end of puberty, so that's something to take into consideration with her apparently changing attitude towards you. You might need to accept the fact that she might not ever feel the same about you, and it might not completely be your fault. It depends on what you said. If you said "you're a bitch, you whiny little jerk", that's probably a major factor lol. But her age is a factor as well.

My advice is, don't get too into people until you're early 20's and the other person is as well, possibly even a little bit later; it's generally a much more secure way to be in the relationship you seem to have had, which is one where you put all your faith and happiness in the other person, hoping they reciprocate it. That's a very mature and loving thing to do (usually; calling her every day might be a bit overboard though, might wanna curb that habit, save that kind of commitment for marriage usually (if one is not committed enough for marriage, but keeps calling every day, that probably makes people think you're creepy, y'know? Not saying you are, but she probably was bothered by it)), but that means that most people won't understand it until they're past puberty and actually starting their own life and starting to be their own person, making complex decisions for themselves. If you do it too early, as you've found out, in most cases, for one reason or another, those relationships don't last, and one or both people in the relationship are left as husks of their former selves for a time.

Also, there's never only one person for each other person in the world. Nobody is "perfect", which means that there are different people with different combinations of attributes you will find both annoying and amazing, in different amounts as well (for example, the difference between a stand-up comic and someone who can make jokes occasionally). Don't be discouraged if you think that someone is wonderful and it doesn't work out; there are thousands, probably millions of people that would make excellent spouses later on in life, for every other person out there. In other words, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Mathematically speaking, at least, what are the odds that, assuming you meet 10 new, unique people every day, in a mildly deep manner (this number is greatly exaggerated from what is actually true), and there are always around 7 billion people on average in the world throughout your life, and you live to be 100 years old... You meet a total of 365,000 people, and that means you have a roughly 1 in 19,000 chance of meeting the one person who's meant for you. That's baloney. If that were true, there'd only be ~18,500 married or engaged/super serious couples in America that don't get divorced and stay relatively happy. I doubt that.

I don't know if there's much you can do though, for your current relationship. Give her some space and time to herself, then show up at her doorstep (if you can, or skype her) and try and calmly, non-overly-emotionally (since being clingy is not a great attribute in most people), tell her you want to talk about it and try and fix the relationship. If she says it's over at that point, let it be done. She's probably not the one for you. Don't forget my first point, that she's probably just hit the tail-end of puberty and her tastes and moods and attitudes and personality are all changing still. Even for girls, it's safe to assume that until the age of 21, nobody is at a very stable point in their personal life compared to where they might be when they turn 21 in a few years, and everything about them is still up in the air. For some people, they don't even fully mature until mid twenties or later; mature being used in the sense of finding ones' self, not in the sense of when someone stops thinking girls have cooties. In other words, let her be who she wants to be, since she's still maturing, and if she really doesn't want to be with you anymore, it might suck a LOT at first, but that's the way it's gotta be. It'll get better.

TLDR: Read it anyway :D I out-did myself in this post.

You certainly did. Thank you, for understanding and for the advice. Thank you so much. I am eternally grateful.

You are getting a follow. :D

Lol, sweet! Thanks! Glad to have helped.

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

Yup, I hope you guys can work it out. But like I said, life can be rough during the years you two are at, for a little while longer; who knows, if it doesn't work out, maybe you could even approach her in a few years and see if you can try it again, after you've both had time to figure out who you want to be on your own.

In my opinion, one should first define ones self on their own, without anyone else; input and advice from others is fantastic even if you don't follow it, but try and define yourself first. Then, after that's achieved, re-define yourself and fit yourself into a mold you're comfortable with that fits with the person you fall in love with. This way, if a relationship doesn't work out, you're not totally lost; it's just sad and it hurts for a little while. Conversely, if the relationship works out, then you're both awesome, unique people, that work together and also lead well-defined and thought out lives that you work towards together, one step at a time.

Or you die alone and unloved because everyone hates you, which is the path I've opted for.

:D

#46 Posted by nickthedevil (11841 posts) - - Show Bio

I know that feel bro.

#47 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@slacker the hacker said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@slacker the hacker said:

@darkazrael999 said:

@minigunman123: The fact is, I used to fight with her over the smallest of things, completely insignificant things. Even then, she used to tolerate me and love me. She stood by me through everything. She is just about the sweetest girl ever. We sacrificed a lot for each other. She sacrificed a lot for me. We were committed. But I, being the paranoid idiot that I am, doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, my friend. Possibly the biggest mistake of my life. I just hope that she will forgive me.

May I give you some advice?

Yes. Please do.

Well as I have a strong belief in love and romance, I would say go get her back if you truly love her. People in relationships will always fight., some more then others. But if you two are truly in love then this dispute you are having should do nothing more then leave a chinck in your realtionship as whole. But if either of you are going to end it because of a few fights then there is no future in this. So in short. Show her you love her and if she loves you then she will also reply with love. You can't have a loving relationship without either party being able to shrug off fights and what not.

And if that doesn't work out then you and I can hang out, and become best buds.

Thank you. So who's gonna be Cable and who's gonna be Deadpool?

#48 Posted by Samimista (20647 posts) - - Show Bio

@deadpoolrules said:

@BumpyBoo said:

@charlieboy said:

@darkazrael999: Dude, it is not at all healthy to put all your happiness into another person. If you two get back together then great. If not You need to learn to be able to be happy on your own. You don't need another person to make you complete. Really the only thing you can do is leave her alone. The ball is in her court.

I really strongly agree with this.

Both of this.

#49 Posted by aztek_the_lost (28224 posts) - - Show Bio

Unfortunately love is too often a one-sided affair, your situation is one many people can relate to and unfortunately you are just going to have to try and move on as best you can. It's never easy but hopefully you'll become a better person for it.

Moderator
#50 Posted by WarBlade539 (4564 posts) - - Show Bio

@aztek_the_lost said:

Unfortunately love is too often a one-sided affair, your situation is one many people can relate to and unfortunately you are just going to have to try and move on as best you can. It's never easy but hopefully you'll become a better person for it.

She loved me a lot. She sacrificed a lot for me and shed loads of tears for me. We loved each other completely. But, I doubted her when she needed me the most. She begged me for hope and I couldn't give it to her. I made a big mistake, sir. I just want her to forgive me.