#1 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

Recently it's come to my attention that I'm not a very pleasant person IRL. Apparently people think I'm arrogant and annoying. These "people" would be my "friends".

How do I tell if I'm being a jerk, or if they're being weird/sensitive? Am I an arrogant jerk? I tend to act differently online than in real life to a certain extent, being able to think before posting which makes me think I'm also a jerk online for possibly not being who I really am.

I'm overthinking stuff. What do you do if people you thought were your RL friends badmouth you behind your back, and all you're left with are online friends?

#2 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

Also it occurs to me this was supposed to be in the Off-topic forum. Can a mod please move this?

#3 Posted by Mercy_ (91871 posts) - - Show Bio

I got you :)

And I'll actually have an on-topic response to this tomorrow after work.

Moderator
#4 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

<3 lol thanks.

#5 Posted by Magethor (1054 posts) - - Show Bio

Real-Life-Friends of course. And don't be fooled by drama because that's everywhere. Real-Life-Friends or real-life in general is also more healthy in body and spirit. Sitting in front of a screen all day chatting, web-caming isn't ideal for good living and I wouldn't suggest it to anybody or even handicapped people that are wheel-chair bound or what not. Go out sometime. Screw the drama and enjoy life.

#6 Posted by Chronus (1115 posts) - - Show Bio

Real-life friends.

#7 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@Magethor said:

Real-Life-Friends of course. And don't be fooled by drama because that's everywhere. Real-Life-Friends or real-life in general is also more healthy in body and spirit. Sitting in front of a screen all day chatting, web-caming isn't ideal for good living and I wouldn't suggest it to anybody or even handicapped people that are wheel-chair bound or what not. Go out sometime. Screw the drama and enjoy life.

Sounds legit...

#8 Posted by Magethor (1054 posts) - - Show Bio

Because being online, you're not your real-self. You're using a persona. At least IRL, you can't really hide behind a screen and when people talk to you, you actually talk to them at that moment and not gather thoughts before posting and then waiting a few minutes or hours even to get a reply back which that person has thought of too before posting.

#9 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (2899 posts) - - Show Bio

I don't think I actually have any online friends :(

haha but in all seriousness I think RL friends are better. It's more... real.

#10 Posted by TERMINATORXX (3899 posts) - - Show Bio

Real Life friends you know them. Online friends you cant trust them.

#11 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@TERMINATORXX said:

Real Life friends you know them. Online friends you cant trust them.

But I can totally trust the people that IRL insult me behind my back... >.>

#12 Posted by TERMINATORXX (3899 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123 said:

@TERMINATORXX said:

Real Life friends you know them. Online friends you cant trust them.

But I can totally trust the people that IRL insult me behind my back... >.>

My dads best friend told me something and I believe him 100% on this.

Don't trust ANYBODY!!!

#13 Posted by minigunman123 (3116 posts) - - Show Bio

@TERMINATORXX said:

@minigunman123 said:

@TERMINATORXX said:

Real Life friends you know them. Online friends you cant trust them.

But I can totally trust the people that IRL insult me behind my back... >.>

My dads best friend told me something and I believe him 100% on this.

Don't trust ANYBODY!!!

I usually try not to. It's why I don't think I'll ever want to get married.

#14 Posted by TERMINATORXX (3899 posts) - - Show Bio

@minigunman123 said:

@TERMINATORXX said:

@minigunman123 said:

@TERMINATORXX said:

Real Life friends you know them. Online friends you cant trust them.

But I can totally trust the people that IRL insult me behind my back... >.>

My dads best friend told me something and I believe him 100% on this.

Don't trust ANYBODY!!!

I usually try not to. It's why I don't think I'll ever want to get married.

Same here. I had a girl that I was only friends with and she got me in trouble for absolutly no reason...

#15 Posted by ssejllenrad (12790 posts) - - Show Bio

Real-life of course. For trolls like me, pissing of my friends face-to-face is just much more fun than just rage quitting online peeps.

#16 Posted by RoyalDivinity (3157 posts) - - Show Bio

For the other people that didn't answer Mini exactly: People are people in general no matter the origin as to where you met them. There are people you can and can't trust everywhere, not just online and not in real life. You can't compare the origins as to where you meet them, even if it be online as it does not define who they are. Some of my best friends, including Icarusflies, are friends from the ''Net. Talking to her on the phone, she's not different than any of my best friends in real life.

@minigunman123 said:

How do I tell if I'm being a jerk, or if they're being weird/sensitive? Am I an arrogant jerk? I tend to act differently online than in real life to a certain extent, being able to think before posting which makes me think I'm also a jerk online for possibly not being who I really am.

You can tell you're being a jerk if other people state you are. In your situation, your emotions seeps into the net far easier and in much less time than real life. Say a random, popular girl goes to your school. Fun, pretty, outgoing ect. One day, you see a video of said person on Youtube and she's just pouring her emotions out into it. Samantha is a friend of mine and I've long seen through her shroud. You aren't a different person through the internet, that only paints part of the picture. It's just different levels of boundaries that permits different actions from an individual. For example, a business setting and a night's out setting.

In another statement, having time to prepare your post helps a lot and can prevent some mistakes, but it's still you is it not? Otherwise, everyone on the Vine would be somewhat similar.

#17 Posted by Sexy Merc (41971 posts) - - Show Bio
It's nice to talk to people online (outside of the people you know) where you share common interests with them, not inclusive or talked about as in-depth with your real friends. But really, this isn't a comparison. There's no emotional attachment from people online, whom you've never met, and obviously no direct interaction either. There are just way too many things real friends can offer, and besides some general advice (which real friends can offer much better perspectives too) or talking about a mutual interest, like reading comics - there isn't anything I've ever sought out or gotten online anywhere near the level real friends can provide.
#18 Posted by SC (13365 posts) - - Show Bio

Depends. I prefer the distinction of good friends versus "not so good" friends, and good friends covers real life and online friends. When I say "not so good" friends, its more in the sense that its friends that are people I know and have sort of been put into a situation together with and I just grew to know them and care about them, but I don't have that many common interests with them or great conversations with them. Many of the friends I have made online are just more interesting, nicer and sincere than people I have known in real life, and not for lack of trying. Just my real life is filled with people who are a bit shallow and like things I don't really care for. Parties, booze, different music, radio music **shudders** going to sports games in the rain. All pretty fun things but eh. Where as the only place I can talk comics, religion, politics, general fiction, mythology, my type of music, education, and essentially anything is online. Thats just me though. I wish I had more quality real life friends but don't really have time or motivation for it. I think a good mix of both is ideal.    
 
As for being a jerk? That can be sort of hard. As a rule of thumb I think one way (although potentially flawed way) is to consider how many jerks are around you in general? The more people you consider jerks the more like a jerk you could be, given that most people don't really try to be jerks. Not really, but there is usually a problem with communicating/miscommunication, and so it can be a test of a persons empathy to look past people who seem like jerks behavior to see an actual nice sincere person. So the more jerks you think are around you, could be a signal of communication/miscommunication in interpreting others but also about how you carry yourself to others and how they perceive or interpret you. Or it could be a sign you are surrounded by actual jerks lol     

Moderator
#19 Posted by Strafe Prower (11892 posts) - - Show Bio

There is a healthy balance between the two, you just have to find it.

#20 Posted by ShootingNova (19024 posts) - - Show Bio

@Strafe Prower said:

There is a healthy balance between the two, you just have to find it.

That's true.

#21 Edited by mfundo (1623 posts) - - Show Bio

If it were a snake it would of bit you, a lot. It's a bit of both like Strafe Prower said.

#22 Posted by Deranged Midget (17968 posts) - - Show Bio

I love my real-life friends, they offer things that those online can't, such as personal company. But that doesn't mean I don't treasure the friends I've met online. There are but a few people here on the Vine that I wish I could meet in person due to the interests and similarities we share.

Moderator
#23 Posted by notoverrated (51 posts) - - Show Bio

both i guess, really depends a lot of people call anyone they talk to a friend, it think you really need to know someone and if you can accomplish that online then goo for you but it does seem easier to know someone when you can actually be in person and talk to them.