Rape and Relationships (Read OP)

Damn, really? I'd be alright with sort of mentoring a kid who's Dad isn't around or something.. but with the rape thing attached I wouldn't do it.

I hate children. I've seriously considering getting a vasectomy and I'm only 22.

The only reason I haven't is because I acknowledge I'm still young and I probably shouldn't, but unless I meet some chick who totally rocks my world I have zero interest in children (even then its a maybe at best), be them mine or someone elses.

I usually tell chicks up front within the first couple dates too, doesn't really get good reactions lol. Lots of "oh really? *awkward silence*". But the family conversation usually comes up and I'm not going to lie about something like that lol.

As a victim of rape and a daughter of a woman who was raped I can honestly say I'm pretty dateable :3

Oh, really?

...

Lol. In all seriousness though I think it's just a lifestyle choice. My Dad's current girlfriend is very similar to you - never wanted kids, hates them. She cracks up if she hears a baby crying in a restaurant. Which I can sympathise with seeing as at my work I am surrounded by screaming kids 24/7. It doesn't sound like you'll change your mind, but it's good that you're not rushing into something like a vasectomy. Maybe you'll realize that having a family is for you some day, or maybe ya won't.

I do want a family but I'd prefer if it were just completely normal and healthy. And I'd think would agree - I mean, you don't want kids. Never mind throwing a kid into the mix who's existence came about because his Mom decided to wear a short skirt and get wasted when she was like 19. I would rather that I just had a planned kid, or at least a kid that was mine, or one I knew I was going to be looking after.

Although, I think your date strategy is pretty good. I have a feeling one day you'll make a girl spit her food out like "OMG! Me too! I hate the little rodents!"

Your avatar scares me though.

@i_like_swords: I don't laugh if a baby is crying, but I immediately get a headache and wish someone would shut it up.

And yeah. My mom got pregnant with me when she was 16 and my little brother came when she was 19. I love my mom, she is fucking awesome but her life was a billion times harder cos she and my dad were dumbasses. (My dad still is btw).

Who needs kids when you have cats? They're quieter and fuzzier and their ears are more fun to nom on.

@fallschirmjager: I just shut my eyes and count to five. LOL.

My mum didn't really have it easy either.. nobody in my family has. Lot's of divorcing and what not. But yeno, we've ended up alright. Now that I think about it though.. not having kids seems awesome. So much extra money and spare time. Freedom to do what you want...

Cats and dogs are better alternatives. I'm more of a dog guy though.

@thecheesestabber: @bruxae: O_o

Jeez, gals, I'm sorry for what you had to go through. I can't believe how many people here have actually been a victim of rape, it's sad.

@i_like_swords: I like both but cats are less maintenance.

@fallschirmjager: Dogs do tricks doe.

Cats can do tricks. you clearly have not spent enough time on youtube watching cat videos

All your marriages on here would say otherwise >:)

I've never been a huge fan of cat videos.

*jumps into bomb shelter*

JEALOUS!

A lot of Rape victims stay silent

Yea..... Jealous of Bruxae marrying Joygirl, hence why I married you >:)

Yea..... Jealous of Bruxae marrying Joygirl, hence why I married you >:)

@bruxae: that might be the case, but I can't in joy sex with rape being in the back of my mind. Especially if I knew it happened my partner.

Because people on this site are sooo able to discuss things in a mature manner.

I agree, they are. So.. what's the issue? In comparison to the users on some other sites, Comic Vine users can actually be pretty mature when it comes to stuff like rape.

@i_like_swords: Yeah, I've found exactly the opposite.

@squares: Even in this thread?

"Never mind throwing a kid into the mix who's existence came about because his Mom decided to wear a short skirt and get wasted when she was like 19." Yeah, totally mature.

@i_like_swords: Yeah, because the posts in this thread so far have been, without exception, stunning examples of the maturity of CV.

What was immature about that? I proposed a common example of when a rape could take place. What was immature about the rest of my post?

Well I don't know, I haven't analysed every post, but the vast majority of people seem like they want to pay the topic it's dues.

@i_like_swords: Uh huh, sure.

Getting raped is a horrible experience, never playing CoD again.

@JetiiMitra: The second one, sorry if I was unclear on that.

I've dated a victim before. Of course, I didn't know she was a victim until some time into our relationship, but I didn't look at her or lover her any less as a person or my significant other.

I still love her and always will.

@lukehero said:

@laflux:

@JetiiMitra said:

The one thing about the OP that is neglected is how long ago the rape occurred and how the victim was dealing with it. Were they young or older? Did it not affect them? Are they bitter and resentful? Afraid of accidentally getting into the same situation as the incident? ...etc. I think these would affect quite a few people's answers, but to generalize (which upon re-reading seems to be the point of the OP anyway):

Yes.

Victim, depending on how she'd been dealing with it.

Victim, for the kid's sake as much as the mother's. Also depends on the kid's age, state, etc.

As for the poll, third option. May actually be partial to the victim.

Yeah, in this scenario did they get raped years ago? Or did they get raped this year? Or did it happen last week?

Anyway, let me put it this way for those people who think they might find it tough dating a rape victim: You already did. If you have dated 6 or more women in your life time, you have already most likely dated a victim of rape.

So, yeah.

And, if you have dated a lot of College Girls...

Now if she never tells you, then it's only going to be an issue for her in her head..If she does choose to share this info then yes it can have a large impact on your sex life.

I'll explain:

• Certain Role playing games are off the table.
• Certain sex acts like BJ's may be off the table.
• Certain sex positions may be off the table. Example: Her rapist(s) grabbed her from behind, so now she is no longer a fan of doggy style.
• Certain Language used during sex may be off the table. Example: She was raped by her father, so the common phrase of "Who's your daddy?" not the best of ideas during sex.
• Rough sex is most likely off the table.
• Etc, Etc, Etc....I think you get my point now.

You're going to have to respect their boundaries & have an understanding of how they feel.

Perhaps some group therapy & couple therapy maybe required.

Point is, it's not gonna be easy, but if you really like or love that person, it's totally worth it.

Make it rain has a new meaning

I would.

Read the statistics....it's inevitable.

@lunacyde: I did before I saw she was one. But you know how people are, they don't think the stats will ever apply to them. :/

@The_Deathstroker:

Unfortunately true. I have known a few.

I've been with someone who was a victim of rape and it was a family member. I'm not a psychiatrist so please don't put too much weight or value into my words...I felt that it left a huge impact and directly affected how she behaved in our relationship. She had ridiculously low self esteem and self image. And she was attractive (in my eyes at least) and intelligent but just could not see it for herself. Sh-t was sad really.

Option 2

I'd say 2/3rds of the girls I've dated have been rape victims.

It's not malice or anything, it just happens. It really does not affect my outlook on them as a person.

They had certain issues in the bedroom, but it's all completely understandable.

Honestly, people need to judge less and listen more.

@oscuro: You've dated a family member?

@The_Deathstroker: HELL NO!!!!!. The person I dated was raped by a family member. Probably should have worded it better, but come on man (or woman) wtf.

@oscuro: My mistake. My kids were involved with incest so I didn't think it was that far out there.

@The_Deathstroker: It's cool. I just was taken aback like wtf. I'm not remotely near that type of activity at all. But yes my ex was raped by a family member as a small child. I really feel it set her entire life back. I think she had/has a ton of unrealized potential because of what happened to her

@oscuro: Alright. Just checking.

Which family member?

@The_Deathstroker: Older brother smh

@oscuro: Ah. I know that type all too well.

I wouldn't even care.

Mainly because I know how it feels to be raped. Its pretty terrible even if I don't remember the finer details from it anymore. I remember enough about it to be haunted by it still. I was really young when it happend, like 5 to 6.

Also as a side note.. In retrospect my life is almost unbelievably terrible at times.

Wisdom.

I would rather date someone who wasn't raped because it will become a problem communicating with someone who was raped and it will be hard to talk to her whenever she's sad or whenever she remembers the rape incident. and she'll be very uncomfortable towards people and would try to distance themselves away from everyone because she doesn't want history repeating itself. i could try comforting her but it probably won't work. But I would still date them though, but it would be difficult. Plus if the victim had a kid I probably won't date them at all, since i don't want to be a father.

Damn, this is a dark subject to talk about, I'm sorry to everyone in this thread who has been raped.

@dagmar_merrill: Late post, but condolences man.