@impy: Zombie Apocalypses are for wusses. The Magical Bear apocalypse will be much worse.
Fact: The Illuminati are real. They are secretly evil lesbian alien unicorns in disguise. The magical bears are real too. They disguise themselves as Mexicans, gays, Russians, and radicals from both sides of the political spectrum. They are preparing to launch an all-out attack on us from space with the satellites that they bought from Google. But first they have to weaken the good people of Americaland by converting us all into pedophiles. Anyone who doesn't take this seriously is a homosexual Obama supporter.