The Force Unleashed II.
….. uggghghhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
This is…. This game is mind-numbingly STUPID. It’s disgusting in how crappy this game is. It… my God.
Does this matter? Not as if this game – or its predecessor – should be considered canon by anyone.
BULLCRAP SPOILERS INCOMING!!!
…. FINE. So because Starkiller was SUCH a BRILLIANT SUCCESS and SO LOYAL TO DARTH VADER, they decided that they needed to make a NEW ONE. So the original Starkiller has NOT returned from the grave, but he has been CLONED. BRILLIANT. So time after time, they fail, and so the Empire just keeps paying for this useless project (… alright, maybe this is realistic), and eventually they find what appears to be a successful clone, who suffers from flashbacks from the original Starkiller (….. why? It’s… he shouldn’t… never mind). For some odd reason, he just decides to lash out at Vader and make his escape (which Vader doesn’t try to stop….), going in search of Kota (again), then looks for Juno like a love sick puppy who can’t keep his hormones in check for five minutes (because “genuine love” here translates, as it did in the first game, to “she’s the first girl I ever met – SHE IS MY TRUE LOVE!”). All comes to a head when he INVADES KAMINO with the REBEL FLEET, CAPTURES DARTH VADER, AND THE REBELLION INTENDS FOR HIM TO STAND TRIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My anger from the FU review has officially been replaced by PURE RAGE here! This is a terrible, terrible video game! My God what is wrong with them?! I could (and did) do better! This is….. MY GOD!
ALL RIGHT. First off, the obvious:
CAPTURE DARTH VADER?!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?! DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! DID YOUR BRATTY LITTLE FOUR YEAR OLD CRY AT DARTH VADER’S “scawy mask,” AND NOW YOU WANT TO PROVE THAT GOOD TRIUMPHS AND EVIL IS ALWAYS PUNISHED?! NO! NO! THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS HORRIBLY WRONG! NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS! I SWEAR THAT IS WHY LUCASARTS DOES WHAT THEY DO! THEY HAVE LITTLE KIDS THEY WANT TO APPEASE! OR BETTER YET, THEY HAVE THE LITTLE BRATLINGS BANG AWAY AT THE KETBOARD THEMSELVES! THEY WANT TO MAKE THE “sweet wittle kiddies” HAPPY! THAT’S WHY THAT THING STARKILLER AND ITS SISTER-ABOMINATION AHSOKA WERE SPAWN FROM THE PIT OF HELL! AND BY HELL, I MEAN THE BLOODIED FINGERS OF LUCAS WHICH ARE STARTING TO MATCH MY BLOODIED FINGERTIPS AS I TYPE THIS! I AM USING EVER OUNCE OF WILL NOT TO HURL THIS BLASTED THING ACROSS THE ROOM!
SCREW YOU, LUCASARTS, AND SCREW YOU IF YOU LIKED THIS GAME!!!!
MOVING ON!!!
Next up on the chopping block: the cameos.
Boba Fett and Yoda were both hyped up tremendously. They have a combined two minutes of screen time, and I’m being generous. Yoda appears briefly when Starkiller goes to Dagobah for some unknown reason (and Yoda oddly acts normal here… okay. I guess hiding his Jedi status from Luke was more important than hiding from a COMPLETE STRANGER). Boba Fett is hired by Vader to hunt down Juno as some sort of bait. We see Boba there when he’s hired, when he grabs Juno, and when he jumps to hyperspace as the end credits roll. So yeah, they were really only there for publicity. They served no purpose.
Now, Kota. Why in the world was he in a gladiator arena? Better yet, why was he in a gladiator arena ON AN IMPERIAL CONTROLLED PLANET?!?! The Empire KILLS JEDI. They don’t put them in gladiator pits; they call up the Inquisitorius and say “kill his ass.” THIS IS BULL!
Now our damsel in distress puppy-love interest here has somehow risen in the ranks and become a high-ranking official right up there with the best of ‘em (and yet nobody has heard of her, since this game takes place TWO YEARS BEFORE THE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). So Boba gets on Juno’s ship, captures her, and launches an army of soldiers at Starkiller. This isn’t a boarding party! THIS IS A TAKEOVER! How in the world did he “sneak” a literal army and a GIANT ROBOT on a corvette?! What does it SHRINK?! Did Boba smuggle it in and hydrate it with water when he was ready?!
And because Starkiller and Kota are such BRILLIANT MASTERS OF THE FORCE they fail to notice something is wrong when they board the ship until a ROBOT SPIDER ATTACHES ITSELF TO STARKILLER’S FACE. Then the moron realizes “oh hey, something’s wrong!” So spider-boy and Uncle Ben here make their way through the ship where they find a damaged PROXY (who, if you didn’t know, survived the events of the first game. Of course, you wouldn’t know this unless you read the original graphic novel – those of you who didn’t think the comic and novel were canon can just chew on that for awhile; although NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE CANON) and then find Juno, who is in the clutches of Boba Fett. So what does our hero do? STANDS THERE IN AWE. WAY TO GO, LOVER BOY! You let a BOUNTY HUNTER leave with your girl without anything more than a sad face of concern! You think you might want to whip out those twin lightsabers you’re flaunting in the promos?
You know how at this point, because I was oh-so clever and mentioned lightsabers in the previous comment, I usually go into the gameplay? Well not today! I’m not finished ranting! So you just sit there and read this completely irrelevant paragraph. Done? Good. Back to the rage.
I have trouble believing that the Rebellion pre-Yavin is capable of taking control of a planet. Not just any planet; taking over a world that has an Imperial occupation, fine, maybe. But a planet that is in full Imperial control and is one of their MOST IMPORTANT BASES. It’s their prime cloning facility (… well kind of. Sort of… kind of. Not getting into that right now), and protected by multiple Star Destroyers and a pretty decent fleet. The Rebellion has a bunch of Corvettes and Nebulon-B frigates. Well that’s all well and good, but it would take quite a few of those to bring down ONE Star Destroyer.
And now Starkiller is even more overpowered, if that’s even possible. He can somehow use his powers to amp up a giant cannon to take out a Star Destroyer and FLY. Yes, he FLIES. Well maybe it’s more like “falling with style,” but he still does it twice in the game. He flies straight through a giant monster and flies through Kamino’s upper atmosphere.
Gameplay time:
It’s basically an enhanced version of the first game. And that would be good for most sequels, but it doesn’t do much to improve my opinion. Fine, I can carve up Stormtroopers pretty easily, but I still don’t feel like a real Lightsaber duelist (never have outside of Jedi Outcast/Academy). Force powers are generic – they’re just fun to look at, nothing more. It’s absurdly easy and the harder modes are only hard because they take your health away. It’s not a good system if the difficulty setting only takes away your ability. The only time that’s acceptable is to add a touch of realism, but in a game like TFU II that kind of goes out the window. I say that the proper way to do difficulty settings is to enhance AI or make them more aggressive, not add damage or take away damage. Many RTS games succeed at this and I think it’s a good formula.
Graphics are okay, but seem odd. The cinematics are nothing special and, quite frankly, boring. Environments are very few and it’s easy to get bored with the ones you actually do get.
Also: IT’S STILL TOO SHORT. How IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?! THAT’S A CRIME! Six hours at best and that’s if you’re taking your sweet time! And this is just as expensive as… REAL games?!
Before my closing paragraph, let me say that the dark side ending of this game is MUCH better. It has one of Starkiller’s OTHER clones kill you, all the Rebels on Kamino die (like Kota and Juno… yay), and this clone becomes just another Dark Jedi working for the Empire. It sweeps everything under the rug rather nicely, for me. If it ended this way, then all of this is kind of… forgettable in-universe. But LucasArts never has the guts to make the DS ending canon.
This is an even worse game than the first Force Unleashed, and that’s saying a lot. Horrible game; don’t play it and use the money to buy something else instead. TFU is another FU from LucasArts with two middle fingers tossed in for good measure.
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