I JUST GOT ATTACKED BY A SEAGULL

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deactivated-5e8a1f5fafc4e

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SQWUAAAAAAAAKKKK
SQWUAAAAAAAAKKKK

Craziest sh*t ever. I was walking under a lamppost with a seagull on top of it. It started going

meepmeepmeep

meepmeepmeep

So I replied.

meepmeepmeep

It replies

meepmeepmeep

I reply

meepmeepmeep

THEN IT SWOOOOOOPS

Right off the lamppost. It comes at me. I had my lunchbox in a plastic bag so I swung for the beaky bastard. It flies over then swoops back around. I just keep swinging at it. Goes on for like 30 seconds. Then eventually it flies back up to it's lamppost. A couple watched the whole thing. As I walked past them I say

I just got attacked by a seagull

The girl replies

Really?

Then I just laugh. For the rest of the trip home. I was paranoid as hell though. Checked every single lamppost along the way.

When I get home to my laptop I do some research on seagull attacks and I find this article.

It's no joke, being attacked by a seagull. Pensioners have been hospitalised, blood gushing from cut heads. Others have been knocked to the ground, breaking bones. Small dogs have bled to death, children's lips been sliced open, and an elderly man died of a heart attack following a particularly vicious assault in his back garden (3). News that the Royal Mail has temporarily halted deliveries to an otherwise peaceful Cornish cul-de-sac because of the danger should come as no big surprise; it's happened before.

A diving herring gull is a missile: special attack talon on the heel, razor-sharp two-inch beak, 1.4-metre wingspan, more than a kilo of angry bird travelling at 65kph. No wonder there's blood. And there are more and more of them, at least in built-up areas:

Needless to say I felt pretty lucky and badass at the same time.

Then I realized why it had actually happened.

Swooping gulls can be annoying at the best of times, but at this time of year they can be positively dangerous. From mid-May to late July, when fledglings have hatched but are not yet able to fly, adult gulls become highly territorial and protective of their young. If you get too close, they will use a variety of tactics to try to drive you away.

First comes the "gag call" – a low, repeated warning call that essentially means: Go away. Next is the low pass, within a metre or two of the intruder's head. Then aerial operations commence. Phase one is bombardment: gulls target the perceived threat with droppings and vomit. Phase two is all-out attack – usually a low, raking strike to the back of the head with talons extended.

*checks the date* Yep, prime time for a seagull to be pissed off.

The "gag call". Aka

meepmeepmeep

Yes, that's right. I unwittingly challenged a seagull to a territorial dispute. What the hell.

It skipped the sh*tting and vomiting and came straight at me. I'm not even kidding. It was crazy.

I am done with nature. I'm never recycling again. Gonna go shoot some of these feathery asses with my BB gun. Take care guys.

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JediXMan

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#2 JediXMan  Moderator

Nice. Everyone needs to get attacked by a wild bird at least once in their life.

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warlock360

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you came to the wrong neighbourhood

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GreatCaesarsGhost

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Well, it's no surprise, these things are bound to happen some times. at least it wasn't a flock.

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laflux

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#5  Edited By laflux

When I saw this the first thing I though of was Stealth Warrior

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Ostyo

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Buhahahahaha

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Bruxae

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WELL BOOO F'ING HOOO! Them seagulls are SO dangerous man, please call the Seagull police next time this happens. Or perhaps a waaaaah-bulance.

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@bruxae: You are so right Brux. I definitely should. Thanks for the ad-

Wait a minute.

>>

Is that sarcasm I'm detecting?

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Twix_Right_Side

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I am crying on my floor laughing right now XD

lol at the "bombardment' part

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deactivated-097092725

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Reminds me to throw french fries near people sunbathing at the beach next time I'm out. Now that sh_t's funny. Especially when inebriated.

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HumanRocket

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#11  Edited By HumanRocket
No Caption Provided

Jk. Seagulls can be dangerous.

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Mortein

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#12  Edited By Mortein

I was attacked by a seagull once.

No Caption Provided

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pikachumonster

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Aren't they adorable?

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HumanRocket

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Also this.

Maybe you ran into a hybrid version of a seagull? 0.0?

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Twix_Right_Side

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Still though. I don't think I've ever really seen one. Or at least,not up close.

That thing probably would've gotten to me.

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Bruxae

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@bruxae: You are so right Brux. I definitely should. Thanks for the ad-

Wait a minute.

>>

Is that sarcasm I'm detecting?

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deactivated-5a162dd41dd64

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deactivated-097092725

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Still though. I don't think I've ever really seen one. Or at least,not up close.

That thing probably would've gotten to me.

What? Where do you live that you don't get any seagulls?

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nefarious

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#19  Edited By nefarious

No Caption Provided

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@squares: You never really seem to enjoy any of my threads. Dare I ask: why bother clicking on them in the first place, much less commenting on them inanely?

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dernman

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That's what you get for trying to see his gull.

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nefarious

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Its too bad you didn't have a sword to defend yourself. Heh.

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wildvine

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Maybe it mistook you for a french fry

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@jedixman said:

Nice. Everyone needs to get attacked by a wild bird at least once in their life.

@dernman said:

That's what you get for trying to see his gull.

Its too bad you didn't have a sword to defend yourself. Heh.

@wildvine said:

Maybe it mistook you for a french fry

What the f*ck people. This is a serious issue.

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nefarious

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Oh, sorry, man.

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wildvine

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@wildvine said:

Maybe it mistook you for a french fry

What the f*ck people. This is a serious issue.

Yeah, the seagull might follow you here and troll your posts.

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nefarious

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#28  Edited By nefarious
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@wildvine said:

@i_like_swords said:
@wildvine said:

Maybe it mistook you for a french fry

What the f*ck people. This is a serious issue.

Yeah, the seagull might follow you here and troll your posts.

It's definitely a possibility.

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@nefarious: I have been, twice I believe.

Birds suck.

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nefarious

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@i_like_swords: Yuck. *Shakes head* Highly embarassing. If only you could get payback against the diarrhea winged vermins.

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Pharoh_Atem

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...n!gga what?

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@nefarious: To be fair, it was only on the leg. Could have been worse.

I am going to get my revenge. One BB pellet at a time.

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dernman

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@i_like_swords: Fine don't heed my warning and see what happens next time you try and see his gull.

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nefarious

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@i_like_swords: Oh, true. So good it didn't escalate.

Thats what I'm talkin about.

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Stormdriven

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I'm crying XD

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longbowhunter

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#39  Edited By longbowhunter

Birds are scary and territorial. My girlfriend occasionally gets attacked by geese at her job.

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The_Deathstroker

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I use to chase geese and seagulls around in parking lots and stuff, but then I was attacked by a flock of geese and seagulls..... Probably the scariest moment of my life.

I haven't gotten within thirty feet of one since.

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Jezer

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I am crying on my floor laughing right now XD

lol at the "bombardment' part

This.^

This might be the best Original Post I've read all summer.

OP, I don't know how closely it flew towards you, but you made it sound like it only got to the low pass phase....Think of how exponentially more hilarious your story would be if you had to dodge shit and vomit. lol

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@jaken7 said:

@i_like_swords: Leave the seagulls alone you limey f%ck!

I hate limes.

I use to chase geese and seagulls around in parking lots and stuff, but then I was attacked by a flock of geese and seagulls..... Probably the scariest moment of my life.

I haven't gotten within thirty feet of one since.

LOL hahahahah you sound like a friend of mine. He has "kick bird" in his bucket list.

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Twentyfive

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Did you happen to have a bagel on your possession at the time?

Because that's a no-no around the gulls.

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Jezer

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#45  Edited By Jezer

Lmao

I can't remember ever being attacked by an animal. But at my college, the squirrels would get bold. (I've heard of them throwing nuts) They'd stand in people's ways or just chill right next to people at times, even though most animals get afraid when people come near them.

I always took it as a challenge....so I'd glare at them and tower over them(they'd run from me....mwahahahaaa), for their defiance. Gotta assert that dominance, can't let animals get too cheeky lol *nods head enthusiastically*

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consolemaster001

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#46  Edited By consolemaster001

@i_like_swords: It appears that my assassin has failed.

Next time i shall send 2 SEAGULLS !!!!

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JakeN7

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#47  Edited By JakeN7
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KittyParker13

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#48  Edited By KittyParker13

Man, I hate birds, especially pigeons and seagulls. They're rats with wings. As a kid, I was chased by a crane. Those things are huge!

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The_Deathstroker

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@i_like_swords: "I hate limes." As do I!

"LOL hahahahah you sound like a friend of mine. " I am a friend of yours!

"He has "kick bird" in his bucket list." Ha! That's hilarious.... And wimpy. I have "Skin live bird limbs and burn it while it's still alive" on my bucket list.

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Jezer

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#50  Edited By Jezer

@i_like_swords: "I hate limes." As do I!

"LOL hahahahah you sound like a friend of mine. " I am a friend of yours!

"He has "kick bird" in his bucket list." Ha! That's hilarious.... And wimpy. I have "Skin live bird limbs and burn it while it's still alive" on my bucket list.

I hear sociopaths are really into that kind of thing....